Enslaved
by kurosora1984
Summary: I am a Pet. A toy for my Blondie master's filthy games. His blue eyes never falter, watching me, commanding me...and I want to be free, but sometimes I wonder...if I had the chance, could I really leave him? AkuRoku, Ai no Kusabi universe
1. Day 138

**Long But Very Important Author's Note Please Read!**

I _really _hadn't planned on posting this, but…I got won over. XD This is sorta a crossover – it's AkuRoku, but it takes place in the Ai no Kusabi universe. For those of you unfamiliar with Ai no Kusabi, it's a yaoi OAV from the 90s. This will really make a lot more sense if you have seen Ai no Kusabi (it's two episodes and the whole thing is up on veoh) but for those who haven't/won't, I've included an annotated blurb I mostly stole form ANN.

"On planet Amoi, a great society has developed, creating a computerized city called Tanagura, ruled by supercomputer Jupiter. The populace is almost entirely male (virtually no females, so male/male relations are normal) and social rank is based on hair color: silver and/or blonds are the rulers ("Blondies"), ending with dark/black-haired as the bottom of society ("mongrels"). Blondies own "Pets" – young boys kept for a few years, especially made for performing sexual actions for the Blondies' voyeuristic entertainment. Blondies aren't supposed to keep Pets for long or interact sexually with Pets." (Ai no Kusabi follows a Blondie called Iason Mink and his mongrel Pet Riki, and it's very complex and fucking brilliant. I adore it, and cannot _wait_ for the new anime remake coming out this fall!)

This is a departure from my usual style, as you'll see right away. Um…I have a lot more of this written, but I'm just…gauging the reaction for right now. XD For this reason: **Warning! This contains a lot of very hardcore sex, including bondage and non-con. **And I cannot emphasize this enough – I wrote this for _me_ originally (just…releasing tension?) and I happily wrote in all kinds of kinks that you might not like. So please, _if you think you are likely to be bothered, stop right here and don't read any further._

So, um, obviously the characters belong to Squeenix and the universe belongs to Reiko Yoshihara, author of the original Ai no Kusabi novels.

For those who read that, thanks! For those who are gonna keep reading…I hope you enjoy this! ^^

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Day 138

His fingers are running through my hair, touching gently as I suck him, taking him deep into my mouth and stroking with my tongue the way he likes me to, the way I've done a hundred times now. I don't need to look up to see his cold blue eyes watching me, I know they are there with their condescending approval, and I hear him murmur, "Good boy, good Pet…yes, Axel…good, good boy…" And I hate him and I hate this and I hate myself, I have hated myself ever since I gave in, but I can't stop now. And I hate what a coward I've become, but the punishment…oh gods, I can't help it, I'm afraid.

So I service him the way he's wanted me to probably since the day he bought me, and I know he's got that smug, superior look on his face like he always has, right through my training, just like when he broke me…or thought he did, because I gave in. I know he's smirking and I hate his smirk. I know I shouldn't look at him – I should just keep going, eyes closed, just like I always do – but somehow…I can't help it this time. I don't know why.

When I open my eyes and look up, sucking hard with him deep in my throat, I almost choke with shock. Tonight, it's not what I expected. I've never seen him look like this before.

His eyes aren't smug and cold, they are hazy and warm and watching me, yes, always watching, but it's different. Really, really different. And his face is flushed and his lips are parted, not smirking, parted and slightly curved upward…and he sees me look at him, and as I meet his eyes I hear him draw breath sharply and inside my mouth he twitches and I taste the first drops of his fluid.

This isn't right. This…this isn't the way he's supposed to be. This isn't the way a Blondie is supposed to look at a Pet,_ affected_ like this. But it's real, it's happening, and oh gods all of a sudden I want to do something terrible, I want to do what I could get killed for, and I don't fucking care if I die. I don't know where this feeling came from…maybe it has been there all along, underneath my hatred of that smug face watching me, that cold voice commanding me. Maybe I was always hungry for who he was underneath…

It doesn't matter when or why. In this moment, as I release him and spring forward fast, shoving him onto his back on the bed, I'm not thinking about the past, about my enslavement to him or his ownership of me. I'm thinking about _him. Now._ And how I'm probably about to be killed for this, but I don't care.

Always he's dressed in these fine, rich, Blondie clothes, but not anymore. I'm tearing them off him, ripping the thin fabrics as I undress him violently, and I watch him, because it's the last I'll see of him, I'm sure. With a flick of his fingers, the door will open and guards will race in and grab me and castrate me right here in front of him, and then I'll be dragged away and executed for touching a Blondie like this.

But I don't stop stripping him, not for a moment.

And then I see his face, and I pause, only for the space of a breath. He's watching me, and he's still smiling, and all of a sudden I know that he's waiting to see what I'm doing. Because…because maybe he's…going to allow it? I don't know… I could kill him right now. I could wrap my hands around his throat and strangle this bastard who used me so revoltingly…or I could take him, rape him, ravish his body like no Pet would ever, ever dare. Because that's not what Pets do…that's not what they – _we_ – are _for_.

He's waiting to see which one it will be…and I know he's ready to call the guards for one of those choices, but maybe…maybe not for both. Something in his smile makes me think…the smug bastard _wants_ one of those two things.

But that doesn't really stop me. Because, death or not, there's no debate within me right now. There's only one thing in my mind – and it's not what I expected – as I press forward, throwing the last of his clothing away as I force my mouth onto his. I don't wait – I _can't_ – I just kiss him hard and deep and full, way too rough for a first kiss, but then, that's not what this is about. Not this kiss.

Pets don't do this. Blondies can, if they want (they never _do_, but they _can_)…but a Pet would never.

But I am, and I don't care. He's on his back and I'm pressing him down into the bed and taking his mouth, that taunting, commanding mouth, it's mine for this moment, and my last breath will be sucked from his lungs.

And then…he relaxes. His hand, which was ready to summon my death…it falls to the sheets. He tilts his head and accepts my kiss and…and _moans_. Just a little bit, a soft sound…but it's unmistakable. He's submitting.

I guess now I know which choice he wanted me to make. Damned Blondie…am I _still_ his pawn?

We'll see about that.

Like the first time he took the chains off, my hands feel free. I keep kissing him, keep tasting him, and I'm starting to touch him too. He's naked and I've never _seen_ him naked before and his skin is warm under my hands, trembling and sometimes soft, sometimes tense and firm. Perfect Blondie body…no, I don't care. I've had enough of those thoughts, and I'm banishing them from my mind from _this very moment_ as I rake my hands through that golden hair that I'm _not thinking about anymore_.

He whimpers. He _whimpers._ Oh _gods_ that sound! I'm between his legs still, and I feel him, he was already hard but now he's harder somehow, bigger, and so am I. I think I'm harder than I've ever been, maybe in my whole life, and I press myself against him like I've _never_ been allowed to do. And he…he opens his mouth further, crying out into mine.

Oh, I want to torture him. I want to make him mad and wild, playing with his body the way he's always played with mine until he's melted, begging, utterly submitted to me…but I can't. I don't…I can't wait that long. And anyway…he's not really resisting as it is. Good enough for me, I guess.

I grab his hips hard and slide him forward, up further onto the bed, and I follow him. I crawl between those legs again, and I can't believe my eyes…he's opening them for me. He's watching me through narrow eyes, burning with lust – I know that look, that raw _lust_ he always watches me with when I'm coming for him to see – and his fingers are playing over his own skin as he _opens his legs for me_.

I'm going to have to figure this shit out…later. After. Because this is insane.

Not now though. Now, I feel my throat rumble with a growl as I grip his legs, lifting them one at a time. I stroke him roughly a few times – just to see him writhe, which he does – and then my hands are on his smooth ass, probing that tight circle.

He's sensitive…he jerks and his voice cries out again. And I know one thing for sure as my wet fingers slip inside him – he's a virgin. I knew that…Blondies, they virtually all are…but somehow it matters a lot more right now. Because no one and nothing has ever entered him here before, and now I am. I _will_.

Just a minute…he's really tight. I won't be able to enter…for once I'm grateful that he always has all kinds of toys and shit within arm's reach. Always for _me_, of course, but today that nearby bottle of lubricant is for _him_. I keep thrusting into him with my fingers as I open the bottle with the other hand, squeezing plenty out and slicking it over my length.

And he still doesn't resist, doesn't say anything, just watches me, waiting. Even when I pull my fingers out long before he's ready, even when I press my throbbing erection against his still-tight entrance…he just watches. Just waits, his eyes burning, a slight moan slipping from his lips again, and his legs open just a little further, encouraging me to go ahead. Do it.

I do.

I meant to do it fast. I meant to thrust all the way in, hard and fast, hoping to hurt him like he's hurt me again and again, but I can't. As soon as I feel him closing around me, I slow down. I can't help it…he's so hot and tight around me, like nobody else, and I forget about hurting him, I forget about moving fast. I want to savor him, I want this incredible feeling to take a long, long time. I'm still pushing into him, but it's slower, gradual…he's closing around me bit by bit and I can't keep silent, it feels so _good_. I groan loudly and it's OK, because he's the same, he's groaning and arching and his arousal is twitching like he's about to come from this…just like me.

I don't stop until all of me is inside him. I can't breathe. He's crying. At least…tears are running from the corners of his blue, blue eyes – those eyes I always hated – and his fingers are digging into my biceps painfully, and I know he's hurting too. I meant to hurt him…but now I'm sorry. For the first time since he bought me, I don't want him to hurt. I hold still and lift a hand from the mattress…I'm trembling, shaking hard with the strain, the effort to maintain control somehow, but I raise that hand to his face. His tears are hot on my fingertips as I brush them away. His eyes open and they look at me, and I've never seen a look like this before, never even dreamed it. He's begging me with his eyes…helpless and in pain but also drowning in pleasure. And I know what he wants, he doesn't have to say it…and I wish he wouldn't speak, because I don't know if I can handle it, but he does. He speaks, and he shatters our world.

"Axel…" I can barely hear him, he's so quiet, but everything in me is listening. "…more…"

_Oh, why did he have to say that? _ I draw back slowly, almost all the way, and then drive forward again, faster this time. _Why did he have to change this?_ His voice, his cry penetrate me even deeper than I am penetrating his body as I do it again…and again. _What is going to become of us now?_ It's slick inside him now, wet and yielding but still so, so hot, and tight because he's clenching around me, and I'm moving faster, faster, because we won't last much longer.

I feel it break…we're breaking together. Just as it happens, I reach for his lips again, sealing our mouths together as I feel his body tense, and I close my hand over him as he pulses violently, releasing his fluid between our bodies, onto his stomach and mine. And I can't really tell what I'm doing through the extreme pleasure but I know I'm pumping him through it, my hips still jerking as I feel him milking my own release out of me, taking it into himself. I feel more than hear his scream in my mouth. I might be screaming too. I don't know.

We're done, and I collapse onto him. I don't pull out yet, and I don't notice the sweat and the semen all over us both. I don't care. I've never felt so good in my life.

_We're doomed_.

"Axel…Axel…Axel…" I hear him whispering in my ear, a breath exhaled with no voice, so soft, so almost-silent, but I hear. I hear him. I know him. I know what he's saying, the way he says my name, nothing at all like the way he's always said it. I breathe in the thick, rich scent of him, and I add one more unforgivable crime to the long list I've created tonight. I whisper his name back to him.

"Roxas…"

He said my name, and I said his, I said his _name_…but really, we said the same thing.

_We're really doomed, aren't we, Roxas?_

We are. I know. But as I fall asleep in his arms – oh gods, a Pet and a Blondie, _impossible_ – I don't care.

I don't care.

~o~


	2. Day 1

**Short But Very Important Author's Note Please Read!**

_Epic_ support y'all. _Thank you_. But I have to warn you one more time, and then I'm done – **the first chapter was tame. Serious hardcore starts now**. Please don't read if you can't handle it.

From here on, it is what it is. I'll post until you're caught up, and then…no promises. I'll write more when I need to let off steam, because this fic is _for_ that, and I wanna keep it that way. ^__^

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Day 1

The market is crowded, filled with a low hum of sound, a conversational murmur of activity. It's not loud – this place is too classy, too fancy to be loud. Too clean and polished, with slightly low lighting for a sensual atmosphere. Just like everything in Tanagura. Full of itself, its beauty, so clean and elite and full of shit.

I blink into the spotlight. We're each illuminated fully by them – each of the Pets for sale.

In a slow stream, the Blondies parade past me, casting their pale eyes over me with disinterested flickers. Some of them raise an eyebrow in brief interest, but think better of it by the time they've passed me. It's fucking insulting – I'm being sold, and I'm apparently second-rate goods.

The quick and dirty version of the story of how I got here is this: I was jailed for killing the guy that killed my partner. The warden hates me, figures I'm too proud, need to be taught a lesson. The jail is full soon – it fills up on a regular basis – and they do what they always do to empty some space. Those who can't pay their way out and who might sell are chosen to be sold as Pets to the Blondies.

I'm not a good choice – I'm over 20 and I won't sell for much. But they'll still have the space I was occupying, and be free of the cost of feeding me, plus they'll line their pockets a little. And the warden will dream happily of me being broken by some sick Blondie, violated until I'm nothing more than a groveling sex slave.

That's what Pets are, after all. I know that…I just never figured I'd end up _here_. Standing under the lights, completely naked, while the rulers of Tanagura _shop_ for their toys.

More are walking by now, and one pauses a moment, looking at me a little closer, eyes gliding up and down my body. I'm not flinching for _him_. Besides…gods, he's barely more than a _child_. They start corrupting the Blondies young, I suppose. This boy looks way too young to be shopping for a Pet. He's about tall enough to reach my shoulders, I'd guess, which means he's gotta be some years younger than me – Blondies get much taller than the average human when they become adults.

I glare straight ahead, and he passes on. The stream of light-haired men goes by, and my jaw is sore from clenching and grinding. I don't want to think about what will happen after this.

I'll take it as it comes. Like I always do. That's life. That's the way I've always lived in the slums.

The auction is computerized, held elsewhere. No shouting or waving or anything so coarse. I'm sold without even seeing who buys me.

They herd us into a back room and hand out loincloths. _Loincloths._ That's all a Pet deserves to wear in public – a square of fabric over the genitals in front, nothing else. Or, if the Blondie likes to dress their toy up, I hear Pets can be given _thongs_ to wear to the Salon.

The Salon. What I'm told will be "public" for me from now on, since few Pets are allowed to go anywhere else except their owners' rooms or their own cages.

My hands are chained behind my back, tight. It strains my shoulders and hurts, but I'm not showing them that. Some burly guard leads me out, away from the others. We're headed to the tables, so that means – from what I've heard others say – that I'll get to meet my new master before he puts me to any kind of…use.

I see where we're going before I reach the broad, sprawling couches around the central table, and I can see who is there. I'm scowling as I realize it's the boy, the little Blondie _brat_ that was looking at me. He's reclining there like he owns the world on account of his golden hair – he does, after all – and another kid, a silver-haired Blondie, a real elite, is beside him. They have drinks, they're talking, and a little brunet boy in a thong is standing off to the side.

A hard blow to the back of my head shocks me, splitting white pain shooting behind my eyes. I'm ready to swing back at that asshole guard in a second, but a yank reminds me that I can't use my arms. I snarl at him instead. He glares.

"Wipe that glower off your face, Pet. You're meeting your master."

I'm ready to shoot back a retort – _Fuck him and every Blondie in fucking Tanagura and fuck your mother too_ sounds nice in my head – when he slightly raises the electric whip. I shut up. That thing _hurts_. And they can use it all they want – it doesn't leave marks until you're almost dead.

The Blondies turn to use as we arrive, bland, pleased expressions on their faces. The guard bows and announces.

"My Lords Riku Mink and Roxas Solen. Your purchase – the Pet called Axel."

The one with golden hair smiles and nods, dismissing the guard. His bright blue eyes drift right over me as his high-and-mighty voice speaks.

"Axel, you may go stand by Sora."

That's it. They go back to talking.

I'm owned by a child who isn't even interested in a new toy. Fucking Blondies.

The silver one snorts delicately, giving me a brief glance before returning to his friend. "I still say he's not a worthy Pet, Roxas. Can't you take my advice in purchases like this?" So the one who owns me, the golden one, that's Roxas. The other must be Riku. I move to stand by the slight boy, though believe me, if running would do any good, I'd be gone.

"You know better." The Blondie – _Roxas, _though I'll never be allowed to call him that – is smiling calmly. Coldly. "I will make up my own mind about my purchases, starting right now. And I think he's perfectly fine for my first Pet."

First Pet. That's…good news, actually. Or so I'm told. It means he might not have developed the truly sick tastes of the older Blondies yet. I'd heard whispers…old Blondies and their tastes. Pets that get fucked by genetically-engineered Nagai and other half-human monsters. Weird shit.

The silver one, Riku, shakes his head. "How _can_ you say so? Look at him! He's so…_old_."

_Well excuse me for not being a fucking preteen._

He continues. "He must be into his twenties, Roxas. He'll never last; he'll wear out or die in a year or two."

Roxas argues calmly. "Perhaps not. He may be older, but he looks strong. And I can use him lightly to make him last longer." I bristle. I can't help it, and I can't fully hide it, hearing them talk like that. Fortunately, they are barely noticing me, or I might have been punished for the look on my face.

Riku smirks. "So…thrifty," he coolly murmurs.

Roxas' smile grows tighter, colder, his voice lowers so I can barely hear. "I thought we did not bring up matters of wealth and rank between us, _cousin_." Riku nods, smiling, withdrawing from pursuing that comment.

_So they're related. _I couldn't tell…but then, most Blondies are, somehow…at least distantly. And naturally, Riku, being a Silver, would outrank his Gold cousin. He's probably staggeringly wealthy too, way beyond what even a Gold can approach.

I get it. I see how it is. First Pet. Cheap. The little Blondie gets to go to the Pet Market with his cousin – going by height, I'd guess Riku is a little older – to buy his first Pet. He just doesn't get much allowance yet.

It's disgusting. And I'm beginning to hate him already.

Riku sighs. "I still think you could have found something better. Like _my_ new Pet…Sora, come." He tosses the command casually, and the brunet boy beside me steps meekly forward. "Look at this one, Roxas. He's so thin and young and lovely…isn't he soft?" The Blondie is stroking the little Pet's body without shame. He's one of the types to dress his Pet up, judging by the thong. I wonder if Roxas will prove the same.

Roxas looks slightly smug as he glances at the boy. "Riku…look at that dark hair. He may be lovely, but the breeding…ugh, he's practically a mongrel."

The other's eyes turn to slits, and his voice is flat. "My Pet is _not_ a _mongrel_."

A flicker of self-satisfaction shows in Roxas' face. I think he's proud of himself for getting back at his cousin.

"No…of course." He murmurs, then, to my surprise, waves to me. "But look at _mine_." I clench my fists behind my back and step forward. The Blondie gestures at me. "Look at his hair, such a bright red. It's not only a good breed, it's quite rare."

_It. He's calling me an __**it,**__ and they're comparing their toys like kids who fight over who has the better plastic aerocar. _ I want to hit him…but my arms are still bound, and there are guards within hearing distance…and those whips…

Riku is grinning slyly. "True," he concedes, "it is a good breed. But…" his hand slides onto Sora's basically-bare ass. "How is its _condition_?" Roxas only glares coldly. "Mine, you know, is a perfect virgin, guaranteed never tried in any way. Absolutely pure." He runs a hand over the kid again, half-admiring, half-violating, and I'm sorry for the boy, I really am.

Roxas is cold as ice. I'm guessing he's pissed. "Well. _Some_ features are really quite expensive, as you know. I am delighted for you that you can afford such a high-quality Pet."

Yeah. Everything goes in those reports that come with the sale of a Pet – my whole fucking medical history, personal history, everything. Tanagura knows it all. Roxas knows it all. I want to open my mouth and tell that little bastard that having been with _one_ partner does not make me some kind of _filthy hand-me-down_. But then, those whips…

Except it isn't the whips that shut me up this time. I don't wanna talk about _him_…he's dead.

They're still talking. I missed some of what they said, and they seem to be less cold now, back to a conversational cadence.

"Haven't you broken him in at all yet? Didn't you buy him two days ago?"

Riku shakes his head. "I was away on business and had to pack him up and bring him back with me. I just got in today, you know, and we've been traveling. I haven't had a chance to try him yet." He smirks. "He's still totally pure…"

By the look in those ice-blue eyes, the little brunet won't be for much longer. I can see him shudder just barely, his head down with fear. Poor little kid. I pity him, and I kinda hope the Blondie does to. Maybe he'll find someone gentle to be this boy's first.

Because it won't be the Blondie. Not now, not ever. Blondies don't do that. Not with Pets. Pets are for watching. Blondies collect them, make them put on shows, fuck like animals in the open for their sick, voyeuristic pleasure, but they never, _never_ sleep with the Pets. Most of them never have sex properly at all.

I have no idea why. All I know is how they tell me it is.

Roxas – I should really be referring to him as my _master_, since I'll have to call him that aloud, after all, but I refuse to – he smiles in that detached way of his that I'm already finding sickening, and replies, "Well. I have a brand-new Pet, and you have yours and haven't tried him yet. Perhaps we should both retire from the Salon early tonight."

Riku nods, smirking at his tense, fearful Pet. "I think that's an excellent idea."

I'm not looking at them. Them and their cold, emotionless smiles, their monstrous politeness concealing hate, putting a nice pretty package over their sick, twisted minds. I don't want to see that kid, and I don't want to think about what he's got planned for me tonight.

~o~

"No."

Deep blue ice is fixed on me, cruel and dark. "What did you just say?" The voice is soft, just above a whisper.

"I said," I glare up at him from the floor, the Blondie brat, and let my voice grow louder, more defiant. "_no_. I _will not_."

I knew it was coming, but the sudden lash of the electric whip still has me crushing my teeth together to hold down the scream of agony as my whole body shatters and fries with the pain. I'm naked, I'm chained, and I don't care if he tortures me to death, I am _not_ going to masturbate in front of him.

He commands me again. "Take hold of your sex, and arouse yourself."

"No." I'm gasping with the pain in spite of all my efforts to be strong.

The whip shreds me again.

He beats me. And beats me. And gets tired of beating me and bored with my screaming, so he calls an attendant and orders him to beat me and not stop, and then he…he _orders his dinner brought up_. And he eats it, cool as can be, dining and sipping wine to the music of my screams.

He wipes his little pink mouth with a cloth napkin. I pass out on the floor. The attendant wakes me up to keep beating me.

I black out seven times before Roxas has finished dessert.

Now I know. I understand. Just because he's a kid, a little brat of a Blondie, doesn't mean he isn't sick to the core like the rest of them.

The whip has an automatic sensor that detects the victim's stress levels, and it alerts the attendant that mine are getting critical. I can't really see or hear anything through the pain as he reports this to Roxas. I'm hovering on the edge of unconsciousness and I don't know what happens. (I don't find out until later that they cut me just to see if I'll react. I don't.) Then there's a taste in my mouth, strong enough to push past the wall of agony that bocks out all other sensations. A little while later, the pain is fading, I'm getting feeling back, I can see and hear again…and I discover something else.

While I was hovering on the edge of insensibility, they fed me more than just the medicine that brought me back. They fed me a drug. And Roxas sent for another Pet – someone else's loaner – to help with my training.

The man is pretty, and a little older than the ideal age, and his hair is light and pink. I realize all this slowly as I come around…and eventually I put things together enough to understand that this man, naked as I am, is sucking me.

Roxas is seated on his large, luxurious bed, watching. Looking smug and cold as all hell.

It's disgusting. I hate it. I hate being watched like this, I hate being touched by a stranger because we're both no better than property and we _have_ no personal privacy or morality. I hate this, and I won't let go of my humanity like this one has, sucking and licking me and jerking himself off like a mindless whore.

But at the same time, I'm hard and I can't help it. It must be…the drug. Whatever they fed me. It's overriding all my disgust with heat, so much burning _heat_ and _need_, it's engulfing me like this man's mouth and I can't stay sane under the attack, not weakened and hurt like I am.

Not when…it feels good…

The pressure…the motion over my length…the sucking wetness, the touches all over my body, and the things that man is _doing_ to me…too much. I can't help that I'm hard…I can't help the powerful, desperate urge to come…

Until Roxas softly speaks an order, and the other man lets go of my erection and stands back, his hands moving over his own length fast, stroking himself to completion. And I'm dizzy and weak from the drug and can't move to dodge when he comes. He sprays his seed all over my face and chest.

I hate it…but I'm close…I can't think about anything else…

Then Roxas is the one in front of me, and he raises a band of gold before my glazed eyes.

"This…marks you as mine, Pet."

He takes hold of my erection now, and I shudder as I feel cold metal slip down the length to close snugly around the base.

I know what it is. _A Pet Ring_.

Now, with his own hands, he strokes me, violating my body and forcing me closer and closer…until I snap. I come hard in his hand, trembling and falling apart, but still able to feel him as he lazily paints my body with my own fluid.

I open my eyes a crack. There he is, cold and clean and well-dressed, with that far-away, smug look in his blue, blue eyes, and that mildly vile smirk curling his lips.

I hate him.

~o~


	3. Day 66

Day 66

I have been Roxas' Pet for two months or so. In that time, he has almost never let a night go by without seeing to my training in some way.

I have been drugged again and again, although he made sure to show me that the drugs weren't really needed – I think that that was the lesson with Saïx. Since then, I have been beaten and tortured in many ways, truly imaginative tortures, I grant the Blondies that. Long ago, it now seems, Roxas moved from toys handled by other Pets to the Pets themselves for tools to wear me down, skipping the games and going straight to the main show.

I've lost count of the number of men that have raped me in front of those cold blue eyes.

It's an endless cycle. When the sky darkens, it brings the pain and tortures. And it doesn't matter how hard I struggle or how powerfully I hold out. It doesn't matter if I never once cave and give him what he demands – not even if I last all night until dawn – because the rapes and the beatings are worse, so much worse than any demand he makes.

In the daylight hours, as I'm suffering and trying to rest and heal and cherish the moments of less piercing pain, I know this. I think about it, and I realize that it's intentional. He knows what he's doing, for this being his first time training a Pet. He commands me to jerk myself off for him, and the punishment makes the humiliation and inhumanity of the demand seem like nothing at all. A joke. A pleasant little chore. He commands me to do some little self-debasing thing – he has a million in mind, from calling him "master" to licking his feet to spreading my own ass and sticking my fingers inside – and no matter what it is, the torture and humiliation for refusing seems a million times worse than obedience.

I know this, and I know it's all designed to make me give in by degrees. But I also know that once I submit to anything he asks, _anything_, I'll have accepted a place beneath him, in his power. And I won't. _I won't._

He enters the room tonight alone, for once. He touches me – he always does, just a little – and smiles in that dead, cold way. I, of course, am naked. I have not worn clothes for two months, and I know it's a tactic to make me forget any feeling of shame at being naked, and I try to resist it, but I can tell that it works, because I almost don't even remember anymore that I'm supposed to be conscious of people's eyes on my body. I don't really remember that feeling of vulnerability when naked…it's been my natural condition for so long, and I have so much more to defend against. I can't fight it all.

My hands are chained in front of me – I have also not been free of chains for these two months. They alter the bindings so that my muscles don't lose their functions, but the point is the same – I can't remember what my full range of motion feels like.

Roxas steps back, takes his usual seat on the bed, and calmly tells me what I will do for him tonight.

"Tonight, Axel, we have company." His wrist flicks a certain way and the door opens. Blondies are hard-wired into the computer mainframes, apparently. He can always do such things with a direction from his hand.

Through the open door walks Riku and his Pet, Sora. Roxas' calm voice continues.

"Tonight, you will have sex with Sora." He pauses as Riku joins him, lounging in a nearby chair. Sora stands before me, trembling little thing in another fancy thong of Riku's choosing. He isn't chained – has never been, as far as I've seen.

I turn to glare at them both, but particularly at Roxas. _What is his game? Why would he even command that, he knows I will refuse._

"I will not." I don't flinch from his dispassionate eyes. He just…smirks.

"You will." His voice is so calm it's almost…sweet. And full of certainty. And I have no idea what's different this time, but a sick, cold feeling is growing in my gut. When he says it like that…I really almost believe him.

Riku speaks up, his face and voice so much like his cousin's right now. "Axel. For these past two months I have been training Sora, as your master has been training you. However, thus far I have only used toys on him, as he has been fairly cooperative and obeyed me quite well…particularly in comparison with you, from what I've heard." His smirk widens. I hate him silently.

Roxas picks up for his cousin. "Now Riku has decided that it is time for Sora to experience his first man. Because he has been a _good_ Pet, Riku wished to offer him a reward and let him be given to a gentle partner for his first time. However, because _you_ have been a _bad_ Pet, Sora's reward is at risk. All his obedience may come to nothing, thanks to you."

It's seamless, almost rehearsed how Riku picks up the speech again. "Roxas asked me to loan him a Pet for you to dominate, for a change. I am loaning Sora. Whether or not he suffers for your disobedience is up to you."

Roxas completes the explanation, that cruel smirk growing just slightly broader. "You see, Axel, if you refuse to take Sora, Riku will give him to someone else. I believe you know of Xaldin…" My eyes shoot wide with my shock. I…I _know_. Oh I do know. Xaldin is famous…not really a Pet, not at his age, and with his appearance. More like a thing kept around by Tanagura, a monster for rent to Blondies who want to watch a Pet _bleed_. Xaldin never fails in that regard. Oh yes, I know.

"Riku will give Sora to Xaldin if you will not take him. He will certainly suffer greatly, if that is the case. He may even die for your disobedience…but I am prepared to compensate Riku if that happens. If, however, you obey and take him, you may see to it yourself that he is not injured."

I feel sick, like I could vomit, and I'm shaking. This is the sickest thing Roxas has ever pulled. He leans forward now, absolute confidence smoothing his features, and murmurs the command.

"Now, Axel. _Take_ Sora."

I want to refuse just to spite him. No way that little bastard can manipulate me. And why the hell should I care about Sora, the little skinny kissass? Whimpering and shivering in his nasty little thong…I don't have to be responsible for this kid's bad luck. Besides, it sounds like Riku has been quite doting, for a master, these past two months. Maybe it's the kid's turn to feel some of what _I've_ been through while he was trained with mere _toys_.

But…_Xaldin_. _No way._ Nobody should ever have to face that, not for anything, and certainly not for their first time. No.

And then Sora looks up at me, shaking, and he creeps forward, poor little guy, and his skinny, cold arms wind around my waist like a child clinging to his mother, and his eyes before he buries his face against my chest are huge and blue and _begging_, filled with tears and _pleading_ for me to save him.

My eyes slip shut in anguish and fury, and I see the whole thing – the genius, the plan, the perfect design of my downfall from which I'll never be able to recover – and I know I'm stepping right into my own personal hell with eyes wide open, and there's nothing else I can do. And I hate Blondies in this moment like I didn't know I could hate.

I raise my chained hands to Sora's head, touching brown hair that is surprisingly soft as I cradle the boy against me, and I can feel his tears hit my bare skin and run downward, and my hands slip downward to encircle his skinny shoulders. And I hold him, and feel him sobbing silently against me, and somehow – I don't know how – I swallow it all. All the rage and hate that makes me want to break and burn everything within reach, especially those Blondies, all the pain for myself and pity for Sora, and all these little pesky memories that come flooding out of my long distant past because something about Sora crying against me just triggers things I didn't want to ever think about again.

But I swallow it, and I open my eyes, and I look at Roxas. Not even Riku, because I know this wasn't his idea, though if I was free to kill them he'd die too. But no…Roxas is the one who thought of this. Roxas is the one I show my loathing to in one dark, poisonous glare.

And that was a mistake, because now he'll only enjoy remembering how thoroughly he broke me when this is all over. I see it in that cold smirk of his.

_Stop thinking about them._ I won't acknowledge them now. They'll be there, watching, but _they. Won't. Matter._

I kneel down slowly, still holding Sora close as best I can, until I can look up slightly into his tearstained face. I pull him close to whisper in his ear. I don't want the Blondies to hear.

"Sora…hey, listen. It's OK. It's going to be fine. I won't hurt you. I promise. Will you…trust me?" I pull back to look him in his blue, blue eyes.

He sniffles. Nods. Poor, helpless kid. He can't even speak right now. I keep holding his eyes, speaking so softly only he can hear.

"Listen, Sora. If you trust me, you have to do what I say, OK? Now…forget the Blondies. They're not there. This isn't the bad thing they're trying to make it. It'll be OK, because I'm going to love you." His eyes are clearing and I search them for understanding. "It's just for a little while, but I'm going to give you my love, and it will be very special, just for us, and nobody else will see. OK?"

He's not sure, but he nods, and I wonder at how a kid can still be so trusting in the middle of a hell like this.

But that's enough of that. I have to save this boy.

I lean in slowly, and I kiss him. I haven't kissed in ages – Blondies don't care about that stuff with Pets – but this isn't something you forget how to do. And I make it the softest, most tender kiss I know how to give, chaste at first, just lips. Eyes closed. Like we could be lovers under the moonlight if we weren't naked, abused Pets in the heart of vile Tanagura.

I let him get comfortable with it before I deepen it at all, and when I finally do, I ask first with a touch of my tongue. He's relaxing, and he lets me in. I keep it very slow and soft, gradually getting more sensual as I sense he's ready.

I move my hands a little, carefully, trying to keep him from noticing the chains, trying to keep the touches gentle and warm on his shivering little body.

He finally starts to really respond, and I let him, then move from his mouth to his soft little face and delicate jaw and slender neck, and every touch I make as tender as I can, giving and giving and giving to him. He starts to make little, helpless sounds of pleasure, barely audible, and I bring my hands over his head and around to his front, touching his chest and stomach and spreading my caresses over every part of him, distracting him as my fingers slip under his thong and slide it down and off.

And slowly, my lips move lower, attentively pleasuring every spot where he'll feel the most, and he's responding, I can feel it. His little sex is getting hard – gods, he must be barely out of puberty – and with a final trail of kisses down his stomach I reach his groin. I kiss the tip of his growing erection gently, and slowly ease him into my mouth, all the way in, until my lips touch his Pet Ring.

His whimpers and moans are louder as I start to slowly pleasure him, and he's doing a good job forgetting the Blondies, and I'm glad. I can't quite forget, even though I'd planned to. And I can't quite keep from looking at them, only for a second.

They look a little…weird. Not quite as cold and cruel as I expected. The silver one, Riku, has an odd sort of intense look on his face as he watches his Pet. He isn't even focused on what I'm doing to Sora, he's more watching…Sora's face? _That's_ odd. And Roxas…

Roxas has the slightest frown wrinkling his brow as he watches me. A look of curiosity, incomprehension. Figures, I guess. He's only ever watched me getting fucked, in the past. And Blondies don't know shit about lovemaking. Well, these young Blondies may learn something tonight.

There's always toys and other sex supplies scattered around the area where Roxas uses me. I manage to reach some lubricant without Sora noticing, and get the bottle open. I keep Sora distracted with my tongue as my hands reach through his legs, and I gently slip one finger inside him. He's…loose, actually. I suppose Riku used him with toys a lot before this whole "first man" thing. I probe into him, searching for his prostate. I can tell when I hit it – he cries out. I slip another finger in and stroke the spot lightly.

He's moaning a lot now, his hands in my hair and I keep going, a little harder and faster, since he can handle it, while I slip in more fingers, just making sure he's really ready, because I know I'm a little on the big side, and I _refuse_ to hurt him.

Finally, I remove my fingers and release his arousal and look up. He's barely standing as it is, so it's easy to tug him down, guiding him carefully to the floor and laying him on his back. (Fuck the Blondies and their _view_. He'll feel better like this, more distracted…I can keep his attention.) I lean down to kiss him again, and he's grown quite hungry by now, which makes sense, given the condition his body is in. But I just kiss him some more for a while – I need a minute to stroke myself hard and fast and get from half-up to erect enough to enter him.

He's ready now, and I'm hard and slicked up and ready, so I whisper his name, "Sora…" calling his eyes to mine as I lift his legs, and as I press against him, I hear him murmur mine back, a pleading, nervous sound. "Axel…"

"It's OK, Sora…" I reassure him, pressing my tip in slowly. "I love you."

He gasps, eyes closed, as I slowly enter him, filling him but carefully feeling him in case it gets too tight and I might be hurting him. But he's OK, he's well-prepared, and he's very relaxed. He's a good kid, really brave. I kinda like him right now.

I go all the way in to the hilt, to my Pet Ring, just to make sure I won't overdo it later, and I let him adjust even more. I kiss him again, and his mouth is hot and open and accepting, his thin arms around my neck. His whole body is flushed and warm now, and I understand something. It's not that I'm just that good or anything…it's that he just wants to be loved. So, so much. That breaks my heart a little.

When he's ready, I start really making love to him; when he begs in a soft moan, I make it faster. I have to use my hands to support myself, and I can't reach far with them chained together, so I try to press my stomach down when I can to give him some friction on his own arousal. And I angle for his prostate as much as I can, and I never stop kissing him, his neck, his clavicles, his shoulders, chest, face, temples, ears, nose, lips, everywhere.

I feel him tense as it gets to be too much, I feel the tremors and shuddering run through his body, and he comes. I use the clenching around my erection to help me climax too, because I know we might not be done here if I don't, damn Blondies, and I let go and fill him, murmuring in his ear again and again, "I love you, Sora…Sora…Sora."

It's a lie, but it's given as a kindness, and he'll understand later. He's not dumb. He knows what being a Pet means, just as much as I do.

When he's finished, I gently pull out, still splurting a little, but I figure that's fine, Blondies love to see that. I lay down next to him and hold him close to me. They will probably take him away now, which is cruel to us both, but especially to him – people should be allowed to stay _beside_ one another after making love, but oh, of course…we're not _people_ – so I just hold him for however long I can. And I look up at the Blondies.

Riku…looks like he's in shock. He's still fixated on Sora, and there's no way he should be showing that kind of reaction as a Blondie, an elite, but he is. Just goes to show what a kid he is, after all, I guess.

Roxas…I can't read Roxas. Usually I understand his malicious expressions quite well, but this intense look…I don't get it at all. Shouldn't he be smirking in icy triumph over me? Shouldn't he have that filthy voyeuristic look Blondies always wear for shows like this? But he doesn't, and it's shaking me up, the way he's looking at us. I glare back out of reflex, but somehow my hate is a little weak just now…kinda dissipated and confused.

Well. I bet that wasn't the nice virgin-bang they were expecting. Sorry to disappoint you, Blondies. I'm guessing Roxas knew my temperament, and they were both expecting quite a rough fuck, because of course the Pet will always rebel the same way, with anger, because it's a _Pet_, it doesn't _think._ Surprise, surprise, Roxas.

Heh. He _does_ look surprised.

~o~


	4. Days

Day 69

"Spread your legs _wider_, Axel, I can't see enough."

I don't say anything, just struggle to force some of the heat out of my face as I obey. I still blush a lot, and I wish I didn't. I don't want him to see that he's shaming me.

"Press into your slit more."

I dig my thumb down hard – obedience doesn't count if it's half-hearted – and my whole body jerks and my voice almost breaks my control.

I knew it would be like this once I gave in. Once I let him command me…everything just fell apart after that.

"Good…now finger yourself."

I do it, and I hate him. I hate him and his cold commands that he just keeps delivering, breaking me apart without even touching me, until he's commanding _faster, harder_ and I'm stroking myself like some mindless bitch in heat. And he's smirking again, oh gods I want to kill him.

It's sick, but when I think that, _that's_ when I come. He's close and watching carefully, and his cold blue eyes watch the fluid shoot out.

That's useful. I'll remember that, so I can come on command and avoid a lot of punishment – all while thinking about wringing his little neck.

"Lick your fingers clean. Don't miss any, now." Patronizing bastard. Talking like he's addressing a little child, a brainless, snot-nosed brat, telling it to pick up all its toys. Another wave of hate hits me, and I fight this one down, try to keep it out of my eyes, try not to grind my teeth – I'm doing this all the time now. Trying to keep him from seeing the molten-hot _rage_ inside me. After all, he thinks he's won, thinks I'm broken just because I'm obeying. I'm letting him think that, as much as possible. I just…I don't want to get beaten anymore. Gods, I'm disgusting.

My tongue snakes around my fingers at his command, and I make it look good so he won't hit me, and I don't even notice the bitter taste anymore, not really. I think I used to find it disgusting…that was a long time ago now.

"Oh? What's this?" His voice is smooth and false with surprise, and becomes slightly taunting. "You messy Pet, look what you did." Again, that tone, like I'm an infant or a dog or…_Calm, stay calm._ He's pointing to his boot, to a nonexistent spot of fluid. "Come here and lick it clean."

I crawl forward, chains clinking and scraping the floor, and lick his boot submissively. And now I'm close enough to see why his hand has been so firmly in his lap today – he's masturbating. He's stroking himself pretty hard, and he looks close to bursting, and my eyes widen just a little in shock as I keep licking that boot.

Blondies do this…I know that. I know that this is basically what Pets are for, live pornographic shows for the occasional relief of Tanagura's elites, because even nearly-sexless men have to get off once in a while. So Pets provide the stimulus…that's how it works. I know that.

I just…have never seen him do this before.

It must be the training. I've been in training all this time, not really a toy yet, more of a…task. And now…now I guess I'm a toy. I'm his show. He thinks I'm broken so he's using me for his pleasure, the fucker. Well. I should have seen it coming.

The boot-licking must be the key for him – suddenly he stands up, almost kicking me but I pull back.

"Open your mouth and hold still." I'm kneeling and I figured as much – the command is no surprise. Still, I brace myself, eyes closed, shutting out the sight of him stroking himself harder, and I try not to flinch when the warm wetness hits me.

He shoots all over me. In my mouth, on my face, across my chest. It's a lot…I wonder briefly if he hasn't gotten off this whole time. Fucking funny how I can be so detached these days. My cheeks are still burning with shame though. I guess I haven't quite forgotten that this is sickening.

"Good Axel…good Pet…" His low voice approves, and I hear it, but I don't notice too much. His taste in my mouth…is surprising. I don't know if it's the taste of Blondie or just _him_, but he's…unexpectedly sweet. I don't know if I hate it or…no, no way. I hate it. I'm concealing a gag because I hate it, hate him, _hate_.

I open my eyes to that cold smirk, dreaming of killing him, the thought of seeing him dead almost like bliss to me…and there's something else in those blue, blue eyes, something just a little…not smug. Something a little like…anger? Is he angry? I did what he wanted though…didn't I?

But his voice and his smirk don't betray anything as he leans forward and touches my face, tracing light caresses through his own semen. "Aren't you happy?" He murmurs silkily. "You finally get to taste your master. Say 'thank you,' Axel."

_I'm going to strangle you someday_. "Thank you, Master."

~o~

Day 86

It hasn't taken long for Roxas to set up a new pattern. After Sora's first time, and a few nights of increasingly humiliating commands that I can no longer refuse, Roxas starts his new fetish. He borrows other Pets – from relatives, friends, everywhere I think – and starts making me take them. He used to torture me by letting others rape me, and I understand the point of that better, because it _hurt_. This I don't really get. I don't see the point of bringing all these frail little boys in – because they are almost always the youngest and slenderest Roxas can find, now – and making me fuck them.

It's still sick and humiliating to copulate in front of a watcher, but at least it isn't agony. And there, I've gone and compromised again. And I can't help it anymore. The punishment is too much.

The one I'm fucking tonight is a little older, taller, but he's no bigger than Roxas. None of them are. And he's a real slut. He'd be all over me, I think, riding me or something, if Roxas didn't keep ordering him back into a submissive position. He always seems to prefer seeing me dominate, now.

Finally, I guess Roxas has had enough of telling this Pet what to do. He sets down his wine glass and comes forward, completely ignoring the fact that he's walking up to two people who are _having sex_, and he pulls out the keys to my chains.

Not even _seeing_ the writhing boy, he speaks to me. "Axel, I'm going to unchain you, and you're going to earn it by raping this boy into submission once I do." With that, he unlocks the chains and removes them, dropping them to the side.

I _flex. My. Arms._ It feels _so good_. I haven't moved freely in _months_, and I forget where my cock is and what I was in the middle of doing and just _stretch_.

And Roxas leans down and tells the little slut, "Feel free to fight for top now."

After that, I have my hands full. As Roxas reminds me when the Pet attacks me, I'll be punished if I let him dominate me. And I'll be punished if I don't fuck him into the floor.

And…I might be rewarded if I _do_. And I've just now discovered what a real _reward_ can be like, and I'm high on how wonderful it feels, the relief of my freed hands and arms…it's so incredible that I just don't care about anything else all of a sudden.

So I take that Pet and throw him down, using every advantage of size and strength, and I _fuck him into the floor. Hard. _And gladly. And he's screaming but I can tell he loves it, not that I'd care if he was in pain, the little slut, because I don't care about anything in the world right now except how fucking good my arms feel. It's enough to make me come.

In fact, I think that my arms are the biggest reason I _do_. And I let it all out in this little bitch's ass, like a fucking dog in heat, and for once I don't even mind. I'll be ashamed later, I know it, but right now…I feel too good.

I did a good job. I know I did…Roxas says I did too…but there's that expression again, that ghosting look that has been showing up again and again, more and more recently, every time he makes me screw another Pet. The perverted pleasure fades away, and the cold detachment fades away, and that intense look sneaks into blue, blue eyes that are watching with too much interest, and always, when it's over, this hint of what I thought at first was anger, but can now see is frustration, dissatisfaction.

It's confusing. I don't know what he's so interested in, or what he wants that he's not getting _every. Fucking. Time_. It makes me curious, and, I'll admit, wondering about it sometimes makes it hard to sleep. But then he comes back with that cold, smug look, and I can't wait to fuck someone again just to see him get all disconcerted at the end, because I hate him, _I hate him_, and I've no other way to strike back.

~o~

Day 100

He hasn't taken me down to the Salon yet, which I think is strange. He's given me a thong to wear – figures – and, as far as he knows, I'm broken in, so I keep thinking he'll take me down and throw me into one of those big, public orgies with everyone else's Pets, while the Blondies sit around and discuss politics and business over dinner and a grand central fuckshow.

That would be the normal Blondie thing to do with a trained Pet. He doesn't do that. Instead, he gives me a really unusual command tonight.

"Axel. Come here and suck me."

And I freeze with shock, because this is more than a little strange. Blondies don't generally come into intimate contact with their Pets. They own the Pet's body and use it, watch it, but they themselves are virtually asexual from what I can see. Apart from masturbating while watching their Pets, they don't do much. They'll touch the Pet's body any way they please, but hell forbid the Pet touch back like that.

He _has_ had me lick his feet before, things like that…but touching him intimately should be pretty much forbidden. I mean, it's oral sex, and Blondies don't have intercourse. He's pushing the line hard…and I'm nervous. Not because I'm afraid to do it…but because I'm not sure what his game is this time, and when I can't read him it unsettles me.

Besides that, he's smirking in that frigid way, and I hate him so much right now that the thought of him in my mouth makes me sick.

_Ah, so that's it…_

It's probably another tactic of his, trying to break me further, make me more slavish. Once I have that figured out, I'm less concerned.

I do it. It takes a long time for him to come, which pisses me off that he can hold out so long, I think he's doing it just to spite me. And then when he does, he makes me drink it, that slightly-sweet fluid. And I want to bite his fucking cock off, but then I see that look again, that unsatisfied look, and that's good enough for me.

And then I see a flicker of something else. Something…something completely unlike any expression I've ever seen in that fair little face and those blue, blue eyes. And I have no idea what that was, but fucking gods of Amoi, I want to see it again, even if it takes forever.

I don't know why. All I know is…I _need_ to know what that was.

~o~


	5. Day 139

Day 139

As I open my eyes, I already know he's gone. I can feel the emptiness of the bed around me, but I can't help the insane hope anyway. I don't know why I want that Blondie to be here, to wake up together…but it doesn't matter. As expected, he's not here. I'm alone in the enormous, empty bed, half-covered with a sheet and cold, and I have to get rid of this lonely feeling so I can figure out what the hell happened last night.

_If_ it happened…if my memories aren't some crazy, drug-fucked dream. But no…even though he's not here, I'm in his bed, and I've never slept here, ever. And even if I'm sort of used to waking up with the revolting feeling of dried orgasm on my skin, this time I _remember_ the stuff hitting me; it's exactly where it should be, splattered over my stomach, and it isn't mine.

Shower first…shower. I need to wake up, clear my head, and get clean. Besides, even if I did…do what I think I did last night, that doesn't mean my picky Blondie owner is going to change his mind about wanting me to keep myself clean and groomed and _nice_ for him. I'm grateful again for being unchained – washing was so much harder with those shackles on.

The hot water is beating down relentlessly, the remains of last night are disappearing down the drain…gods, I wonder if that's the way it's gonna be, all just washed away and forgotten in the morning. I don't know. I really have no idea. The fact that it even happened completely destroys everything I've come to _know_ here in Tanagura. It shouldn't have, I should be dead, _maybe it was a mistake_…but I'm alive. I woke up alone, true, but I didn't wake up to guards and an executioner's blade in my chest.

He let it happen. He…Roxas…_he let me fuck him_.

No…that's not right. I mean, he _did_, but _I_ didn't. I didn't fuck him. I don't…I'm not sure what to call what I did, but it wasn't fucking, it wasn't like what he made me do to the other Pets. But it wasn't any sort of lovemaking either, like with Sora that one time. It wasn't quite rape…it started out that way, but it's true what they say – you can't rape the willing.

I'm trying to figure out if I can use words like "sleeping together" or even just "having sex," but they both sound a little too mutual, and besides letting me, he really didn't do much. Well…he kissed back. Gods. He _kissed…_

But he was a virgin, so I guess he couldn't have done much else. Maybe that's it! I…took his virginity.

Yeah. I took his virginity.

OK…that didn't help. Why the hell was I so worried about figuring that out? That doesn't solve any of my problems, like why did I do that to him and what are we going to do now and why the hell am I not dead?

I'm clean and I get out before I burn myself with the scalding water, my skin is already so red. And I know it's pointless – what can I say, I'm a really stubborn guy – but I still put that damned little thong on. It's just…the _ritual _of clothing oneself. I can't help clinging to it, like some frail thread of humanity.

The bedroom is still empty when I open the bathroom door. I should go to my little cell nearby and rest, wait for nightfall again, like always…but I don't. I can't…if things are going to go back to the way they were, like none of it ever happened, like I didn't thrust inside him or kiss him or whisper his name as we fell asleep…well, if _he_ wants to pretend it didn't happen, he'll let me know.

In the meantime, I'm going back to bed. _Here. _

Gods, the fucking gall of it is almost laughable. Where I get the balls I don't know. But to hell with it – I grab a blanket that hit the floor at some point last night and settle myself back on the bed, finding a spot that's a good bit cleaner than…than where it happened. Good thing it's a really big bed.

The memories keep trying to come back, so vivid and real, and I keep pushing them aside, because my body is entirely too interested in them. And I _don't_ need a raging hard-on in the morning. Doing anything sexual while the master is away is a big no-no – meaning no jerking off. And he might come back any time, or not until night. And…yeah. Even with the stamina I've developed these past few months, nobody wants to wait that long.

So I'm not thinking about it. Or about him. It wouldn't help anyway. I'm out of my depth and there's no telling what happens now, not until I see what he's gonna do about it. And I can't guess at his game this time…not when he whispered my name like that, _kissed _me like that, opened his body to me…

Ugh, gods, I have to stop.

~o~

The door swishes open suddenly – I think it's mid-afternoon – and my Blondie owner enters…alone.

His blue, blue eyes glance at me, still lying here on his bed where I've been dozing much of the day. He doesn't comment or show any reaction – it's not quite that cold look, but it still pisses me off – and he's already moving to his dressing room, stripping his gloves off as he goes.

This is it. I'm gonna find out what the hell is happening…and my nerves feel raw with electric fear.

He comes back out, having gotten rid of his Blondie cloak, just wearing one of those filmy shirts and slacks. And he walks straight toward me.

I watch him like a caged animal, scared shitless.

Gods of Amoi. He reaches the bed and doesn't hesitate – he crawls right onto it, straight to me, and straddles me and immediately leans down, hands on my chest, and latches his mouth onto mine.

I'm so shocked my jaw drops open as I just stare at him, and his eyes are closed and he thrusts his tongue into my mouth and just about kisses the life out of me. And, if that wasn't enough, before I've gathered my wits in the slightest, he starts making these little pleasured sounds, really eager ones, and then he's grabbing me and _pulling me over on top of him_.

Oh fuck no. I am _not_ doing this again without a word of explanation, without knowing if I'm digging my own grave or _what_.

It's easier to break away now that I'm on top, and I wrench myself from his clinging arms and sit back, looking down at him in shock, not sure if I want to hit him or if I just…_want_ him. And he opens his eyes and glares up at me like I just did a _bad Pet_ thing…well, here comes more. Stupid fucking Blondie.

"What. The hell. Is going. _On._" I've never really talked to him like this, not since the beginning. I stopped opening my mouth around him a long time ago. Bare minimum responses or silence – that's the way to survive. This is different. This is…_talking._ He just blinks.

"Do it again. What you did last night." His childish voice seems to imply that this should have been obvious. It's…a normal sort of inflection, actually. Like mine. Very different from the usual silky smug commands I get from him.

I consider pointing out to him that I should be getting executed for what I did last night, not doing it again, but he knows that. Even if he's a child, there's no way he doesn't know. And I need to know his game.

"Why?" I keep my voice pretty neutral.

He narrows his eyes at me, calculating as he looks up from the sheets. Then his hands move a little, tracing strange patterns over my bare stomach as far as he can reach. "Because you want to…" I want to ask, _Says who and when the hell have my wishes ever mattered anyway? _"…Because _I_ want you to…" _Why? Why why __**why?**_ Then he lifts himself up, supporting himself with one arm, and his voice drops, becomes husky, like an adolescent voice shouldn't be able to achieve…the tone he uses only sometimes, only when he's about to climax in my mouth.

"…Because I'm not satisfied yet." And, as if that's that, grabs me by the back of my neck and drags me down and crushes his mouth against mine again.

I should probably ask him what he wants…what he's really getting at, what will satisfy him. If I was a _good_ Pet it would be, _Tell me what I can do to please you, Master,_ all whimpering and slavish, begging.

But then, a _good_ Pet wouldn't have sex with a Blondie. And a good Blondie wouldn't want him to.

And, regardless of what's good or right or what he wants or what I am trying to understand, something inside of me is screaming. Screaming for more…for _him_. He's acting strangely today, true, but there hasn't been a hint of whatever it was that I saw last night, and I feel this angry frustration rising up because _that_ is what I want to see, that look in his blue, blue eyes, that tremor in his soft voice, that hint of something incredibly magnetic. That whatever-it-was that brought this ravenous desire tearing out of me, overpowering the fortress of hate I'd formed against him.

Well…if it's not there yet, maybe I can bring it out again. _Force _him to show it to me…let me get a good, long look.

And with that, I take this kiss away from him. His turn to dominate is over. Suddenly, I'm fighting back, and he can't resist for long – soon it's _my_ tongue in _his _mouth, stirring him up, overpowering him while my hands get busy.

I don't rip his clothes this time – I can get him out of them fast enough. I see he's already hard as I remove the last of his clothing, but I don't touch him. I keep my hands and mouth busy elsewhere, all over his body, but not there. I bite his nipples and nip at his navel and dig my fingers into his soft thighs as he groans and cries out and writhes. I leave a nice row of marks along his inner thigh, from his knee to barely an inch from his groin, so close he almost loses his mind, twitching wildly, falling apart as I tease him. His hands reach to touch himself, because I know he's going crazy with the need for friction against his erection, but I won't let him – I pin those hands above his head with one of mine and drag blunt nails down his sides with the other.

My mouth comes back to his neck, abusing the hell out of his sensitive spots, and my body presses him down into the bed. I feel his heat against my stomach and he bucks and arches hard, thrusting against me as much as he can, seeking that arousing sensation. _Oh, no you don't, Blondie._

I grab his arms and flip him over.

I force his knees under him, lifting his hips and pressing his shoulders down, and it's…quite a view, from back here. My thong is…really uncomfortable, so I push it off. His entrance is a little red from last night still, but he's not swollen or anything. I shove two fingers in my mouth quick, wetting them as fast as I can.

His head is turned to the side as he watches me, panting and gasping, blue eyes all unfocused and wild with lust. I watch his face as I force two fingers into him at once, and the sounds he makes and the way he bites his reddened lips and fists his hands in the sheets…everything he does is so erotic. So, so tempting.

He's not nearly as tight as last night – he actually spreads almost easily for my fingers, and I'm feeling so impatient and sort of pissed at him for being so irresistible and making me this way, _changing _me, so I don't wait. I don't go searching the mess over on the other side of the bed for lotion or anything either. I just bend down and give him a few nice licks, wetting him with a lot of saliva as he whimpers and moans and his hole twitches hungrily. Then I position myself over him, bending down to press my chest against his back, and slide forward, entering him.

I wrap an arm around him to hold him still, so he doesn't hurt us further with his writhing and spasming. He's screaming, and it's rough, but I don't relent. I'm inside him…and I don't know how I'd forgotten so quickly how it feels. I mean, not _really_. I remember this feeling, being inside someone, but I'd somehow forgotten about this strange, unique sensation I've only ever gotten from _him_. I guess because the feeling is so frail and indefinable, and I've penetrated so many people, it was too easy to remember this as just another ass.

But right now I know it isn't. _He_ isn't. I pull back and thrust in again, relaxing in all the pleasure, yet also straining, reaching, seeking out that unfamiliar feeling that only he gives me, trying to get closer to it, trying to grab hold of it and figure out what it _is_. I don't even realize how fast and hard I'm slamming into him, I'm concentrating on chasing after that blissful sensation.

And then, before I'm ready, he locks down on me, and his raised voice breaks through my fog of pleasure as he gasps and screams through his climax. I hadn't even realized I was this close…but as I see him falling limp, spent by his orgasm, I break too. And I keep thrusting as I come, filling him with my seed.

I never even touched him.

I pull out of him and lie down, feeling good, feeling _amazing_, kind of like last night, only not as emotional…though I do want to kiss him, since I don't really hate him right now. His face is red, exhausted, he's soaked with sweat, and I just watch him struggle for breath for a minute first. Then, when I think he can breathe through his nose and not suffocate, _then_ I lean over and take his mouth again, tongue against tongue, softly…almost tenderly, even though I just fucked him so hard.

Slowly, he starts to respond, and we share this really sensual kiss for a while…I don't know how long. Gods, it feels good. Why does he always feel so _good?_

But then, when I pull back at last, he opens his eyes and _you have got to be fucking kidding me_, it's that same old frustrated look, that discontented, dissatisfied impatience that I once looked forward to…but right now, I'm not gonna lie, it's a little insulting.

And he frowns at me, and I'm probably already looking shocked, and he _complains_, "Not enough…not good enough…why did you do it so _hard?_"

_Are you honest-to-Jupiter fucking __**serious**__?_ I stare at him. "What do you _mean_ 'so hard'? Aren't you the one who started it?" Referring, of course, to the way he practically tongue-fucked my mouth the minute he walked in the door. I thought that was obvious.

He looks at me like I just said, _Jupiter has tea with mongrels on Thursdays._ "_I_ started it? What are you _talking_ about?"

OK. OK, I have to remind myself that this is only the second time this kid has personally experienced sex. Maybe he has no idea. I shut my eyes and gather my patience, a back corner of my mind thinking kind of stupidly that isn't it silly to be talking to him so _normally_ like this?

"When you kissed me…OK, look. These sort of things…they kind of go with the flow. If you start rough, you'll get rough. If you wanted something else, you shouldn't start by kissing me like that. And I still don't even fucking have a clue why this whole thing is _happening_."

He frowns, and I guess decides to ignore my last complaint. "So if I want it nicer, how does that start?" Gods, you'd think he wasn't the least bit sore in his ass at the moment or anything, the way he's discussing sex like some abstract concept. Fucking Blondies.

I roll my eyes, take a shot in the dark. "I dunno, something more like this?" And I reach for him to demonstrate, brushing my fingers over his perfect cheek and into his golden-blond _oh-my-gods_ hair.

And then I kiss him. Softer, like just a minute ago, but no tongue. Not yet.

He's greedy, and he tries to deepen it right away, but I break off. "No, no," I tell him, trying not to be too harsh, "if you really want it _nice_, you have to go _slow_." He frowns, processing this, but nods, and I go back to kissing him.

I don't know why, but I kind of start to forget what I'm doing as I kiss him, and he relaxes, and his soft lips touch back. It's making me a little dizzy, and I don't really notice how my hand lazily slides, stroking down his abused neck, my fingers tracing over his clavicles, then his narrow chest. My eyes are closed and finally my lips part and he feels it and parts his too, and our tongues meet gently as my hand slides over his shoulder and slowly down his arm. I find his hand, and our fingers lace together as we deepen the kiss a little more.

Then, before we can start to get nasty about it, I break away and move to his cheeks…his nose…another quick peck at his lips and then his chin. Then I'm mouthing gently along his jaw line and brushing lips over his ear, whispering, "This is how you start nice."

His breathing is heavy again and his eyes still closed as he whispers back, "What else?"

"Well," I murmur as I shift, bridging myself over him so I can use my other hand, "I should touch you more…kind of like this." And my other hand trails down his stomach, and my fingers stroke gently over his groin, and he's half-hard again already, so I gently wrap my hand around him, holding him loosely.

His blue, blue eyes open a crack and watch me, a little pleasured sound escaping him before he asks again, "And then what?"

I swallow hard. "OK…" I pause, then slide down his body, beginning to move my hand slowly, stroking him sensually. "Then…uh…" It's hard to think…I…don't know why. Why my heart is racing as my body comes alive again when I should have been done, why all of a sudden everything feels _new…all over again._

He's really hard now, and instead of teasing and seeing how close I can get without getting _there_, I just do it. I slip him into my mouth, deep in, stroking with my tongue. After all, I know he loves this. His raised voice confirms it, his legs tensing in pleasure as I close my mouth over all of him, swallowing around his head in the back of my throat. My hands play over his heated skin as I move my head up and down, my fingers caressing every spot I so roughly abused moments ago.

It's only the faintest touch, the slightest kneading pressure that I apply to his entrance, but he arches and gasps and starts begging. "Yes! That…more, more there, please Axel…" And I can feel how soft he is now, how yielding and wet, and how welcoming to my fingers as they slip just a little inside.

"Uuungh, yes! Axel…please…again. I…I need it. Axel…" I didn't know a Blondie knew words like that. I sure as hell never thought I'd hear them from _him._

And I hadn't meant to do this again. Some part of my mind is chastising me that this is a _kid_, and that 24 hours ago he was a _virgin_. He's new at this, he doesn't know his own limits yet, but I should be able to tell, and there's a good chance he can't take it again, I might break him. I should just suck him dry and send him to bed and then take care of my own problem.

But…maybe it's that thing I said about going with the flow. It's hard to stop at this point…in fact, it's impossible. And this time I'm not thinking about the strange uniqueness of being inside him – my mind keeps replaying those moments after we finished last night, when he whispered my name and I said his, and I was sure we were saying more than that. I still don't know what that was, but it's pulling me forward, making me ache with need…

I release him, and he whines, but I move back and lift his hips. "Does this hurt?" I ask him softly.

He winces a little as I bend him, and I guess he _is_ a little sore from last night. "No…" He tries to deny it, but I can tell his back hurts.

OK, no missionary. No doggy either…not after just now. Instead, my hands slide over his ribs, rolling him gently onto his side, letting him curl a little, comfortably. I lift his leg gently, stretching him out, testing his flexibility. "Does _this_ hurt?"

He moans softly and shakes his head, then stretches his leg farther, showing me how far he can easily stretch. It's more than enough.

I keep hold of his leg at an angle, placing kisses along the calf and against his ankle, moving myself against his entrance again, touching the soft, puckered flesh with the tip of my erection. He's completely relaxed, submitted…and I slide forward, smoothly and easily, entering him again.

He sighs, face melted with bliss, and watches me through hazy eyes as I start to move inside him. He's so soft inside, and it's wet…my slow thrusts are stirring him up and my own fluid is hot around me and leaking out of him with every penetration.

It feels. So. _Good._

As I start to move faster, I take hold of him again, matching my thrusts with strokes along his length. I also shift so that I brush over his prostate almost every time I move into him. And now he's moaning again, and I enjoyed his screams before too, but there's nothing like these soft little sounds he makes now, and the whimpering like last night…oh gods. It's too _sexy_.

My hips keep thrusting and my hand keeps stroking as my mind starts to go hazy again, and I kiss his leg again and again – not that legs are all that sensitive, but I just want to _kiss_ him, so I do.

"Ax…el…._ahh_…Axel…" He's gasping my name now, one hand reaching for me, but he can't reach except my hand on his arousal, so he closes his fingers over mine there and strokes with me, but I think he's really just trying to hold my hand, to touch me more, as we go into this climax together.

And this time, like last night, we _do_ go together. We come at the same time, riding out the waves of ecstasy while holding on tightly to each other, and his name falls from my lips in a long moan.

"Roxas…"

I hadn't said it again since last night…but it feels so perfect on my lips like this.

I can feel him pulsing in my hand, too, and I missed out last time, letting him come without touching him. This…this is more like last night, feeling his orgasm both around me and in my hand, hearing it in his voice as he cries out my name softly but intensely. Like this…there's just so much of _him_ to feel, it's overwhelming and it's amazing and I come so much harder because he's flooding me, his pleasure feeds mine, and…and it's been so long since I experienced such _mutual_ pleasure. I'd almost forgotten about it.

When the last of our spasms have subsided, I let his leg down again. For a few minutes, I just brace myself on trembling arms over him, his chest heaving, and I watch to make sure he hasn't passed out, because I'm still worried I might have broken him. But he's OK, he opens his eyes at last. I slowly pull out of his body, easing us apart this time.

And now I can't hold myself up anymore. I fall, utterly exhausted and spent, but sated like I can't ever remember feeling. And he curls around toward me at once, snuggling into my chest. And I grin a little through my weariness, because nobody taught him that…so maybe Blondies _do_ have a few human instincts somewhere in there after all.

"Was that…better?" I gasp, my lids drooping heavily. He looks up at me, just as spent.

"Much." He smiles just a little, and it…it really does take my breath away, because I've never seen such a sweet smile on this face. He's…beautiful.

"One more thing," I tell him, finishing my instructions, "when you do it like this, you're not allowed to leave before the other person wakes up."

"Oh? Why?" He dreamily asks.

I'm almost asleep by now. "It's just…a rule. No exceptions."

"OK." He sighs, and with that, we fall asleep in each other's arms.

~o~


	6. Day 144

**Author's Note:**

As "Akiyan" pointed out, last chapter was very nearly my first shot at doggy style – Akiyan, actually there was one RiSo drabble in the past (I had to go digging, lol, you made me really curious and I couldn't remember). XD To anticipate questions, this chapter's position is also my second time writing it, and yes, I have evidently shown a depressing lack of creativity in choosing sex positions in my writing so far. Maybe this fic will change that. ;3

Also, y'all are pretty much now caught up – this is about as much as I had previously written, bar one more chapter that I may post next or may save until after I write something to go between this one and that. And this chapter is long because it was split before, but I stuck it together since it's all one day. (Rambling…urk, sorry. I shut up.) ^__^

As noted before, from now on you'll hear from me when I want to write sex. Reminder – this was never a planned fic with a point aside from my own stress-relief, and I mean to keep it that way. Though, y'all are amazing – I did _not_ expect so much support for and interest in this, not even close. _Much_ love!

* * *

Day 144

I've been having sex with Roxas – with my Blondie master – for about a week.

He still won't explain any of it. We…kinda almost talk now. I mean, I talk to him, ask him what the fuck is going on, and he evades my questions. In a normal tone of voice. Ever since that first time, I've heard very little of that cruel, commanding tone. I used to think it was the only voice he had. Now…

It was a lot simpler when I could just hate him. Everything…it was horrible but it made _sense_. He was an asshole but he was a Blondie so it was normal. Expected. He…hurt me…but I could defend against it. There was…my hate. Nothing he did could really…touch me beyond that hate. It was all so much easier, hating him.

I think about this sometimes during the day while he's gone, because I don't sleep all day as much anymore – he doesn't keep me up until dawn with sexual tortures now, after all. Or I wonder about it late at night, in the dark, in _his_ bed, after we're done. When he's asleep beside me, looking like some kind of goddamn angel, and I want to touch him, trace his delicate, beautiful Blondie features with my fingertips…but then sometimes I also want to hit him, and I still get flashes of wishing I could strangle him, and sometimes I just want to get up and walk away from this mess, from Eos, from Tanagura…just leave. Life has never once been good to me in this city.

But I can't leave. Obviously. I'm still a Pet, still enslaved here…so the question of whether or not I'd really be able to go if I was freed _doesn't matter_. Irrelevant.

It's evening now, and he'll be returning from work soon – running Tanagura, like all the Blondies, and starting young too. Not that I think they give him that much responsibility yet, but they keep him busy it seems. He usually returns in the early evenings. I never found out why he came back in the middle of the afternoon a week ago.

I know when he gets here he'll probably want to have sex. He wants it every night now. There haven't been any more rough fucks – he's always trying to entice gentle sex out of me, for some odd reason, but he never manages to make it to the end without getting a little too into it, and it always ends pretty intensely. Fast…and hot…and a little wild, but not enough to hurt him. And I think he likes what I give him – at least, he hasn't complained afterward again, and the sounds he makes during it are incredible – but he still seems vaguely, ever-so-slightly discontent. Just little flickers, a dark cast to his eyes when he looks at me sometimes, like I'm still not quite what he wants.

Not that I _care_ if he's discontent or unhappy, but it does make me curious. I still don't know what he _does_ want, and he won't tell me. And seeing him unsettled just isn't as enjoyable as it once was – when things were simple. When I only hated him. Now it does something…it gets under my skin the very slightest bit, seeing him dissatisfied. Wondering…what it is about me that's not good enough.

I should try to stop thinking about it.

The door swishes open and he strides in, and I'm expecting him to head for his dressing room and remove his more cumbersome garments, as usual. I'm standing over by the wall of windows, looking down on this sparkling, evil city, and my eyes turn back to the view after I glance at him, thinking he'll be right back. But he surprises me. He crosses the room fast, not bothering with his gloves, cloak, any of that. He just grabs me from behind, spins me around to face him, pulls my face down, and starts kissing me. Hard.

It's a few minutes before I can speak again, because he won't let my mouth go, and when I try to talk with his tongue in my mouth – a muffled "Roxas…" – he just pushes forward harder, slamming me into the glass wall and…_grinding his hips_.

Not good…gods. If we start like this, I'm gonna end up fucking him like a wild animal again. I'm already getting hard, swelling some and wishing this damned thong was off. And I wish I didn't respond to him like this _every single time_…

Finally, he lets my mouth go, and right away I'm reminding him, even though it's hard to breathe, "Roxas…I thought you didn't like it rough. This is how you start rough, you know…"

"Shut up." He snarls at me. _Snarls_. "It's never right anyway, so this time…" And before I can ask _what in the fuck "right" would be_, he moves down and _bites my nipple._ And his still-gloved hands are grabbing and kneading me through the thong, and maybe it sounds weird since we've been at this for a week, but he's never…_handled_ me there before. I mean, not since we started all this. Before, when he was training me, he did, but…that doesn't count, somehow. I've partly forgotten that…and now he's touching me, pressing hard and rubbing, but the most mind-numbing thing about it is just that's he's _touching_ me so _intimately_.

He's got me plenty hard now…gods. I want him. Seconds ago I figured this would happen but I didn't much care, and now _I. Want. Him._ And my mind whispers faintly that I'm worse than a bitch in heat when it comes to him, and as soon as my body gets a little attention I'm melting and drooling like an imbecile…but I'm not listening to that. I'll listen _after_ I've had him.

He peels the thong off in one sudden movement – losing patience with my miniscule garment I guess – but then he spins away fast without touching me again, teeth gripping at his gloves and tearing them off while he locates and grabs the nearest bottle of anything remotely lubricating. It's lotion, on the nightstand by his bed. It's…the stuff he puts on every morning, and always faintly smells like.

Oh, this is bad. I'm trying to react, take a hold of the situation…maybe just _grab him_ because I _need him_ already, but he's quick. He's back, the lotion is open and he's grabbing my length again and his hand starts moving fast, stroking and sliding all slippery with lotion and rough movements but not too rough, not so it hurts. And then the scent hits me a second later, and I feel my knees shake and my legs tremble and I have to catch myself so I don't collapse. His smell is all around me and his hand is holding me and stroking me and having him come _on_ to me like this is…_so_ arousing.

I'm almost ready to burst just from this when he lets go, wet hands mercilessly attacking his own pants, pushing them down. Then he's pressed against me, his heat against mine and I groan hard into his mouth as he kisses me roughly again. Then his voice is low, wicked… "Do it. Now." Right in my ear, _gods_.

I grab his hips and spin him around, lifting him right where he is and slamming him against the glass. His legs lift and clamp around me like a trap, and I support him with one hand and use the other to position myself at his entrance and just _slam_ upward, into him.

He's a little tight, but this happens – when you fuck every night, it gets a lot easier to spread this hole open. He screams, but it won't be long before it stops hurting…and I can't wait, it's his fault, he made it like this, and I can't get enough of him now. So I make sure I have him secured against the window and my own feet under me and I just start _thrusting_. Up _hard_ into him, into this heat that's tight and slippery and soft inside, then back down, feeling the pull, the friction, the squeeze around me. Then in again, _in in in_, until my Pet Ring touches him and he's filled and moaning and arching against glass and nearly breaking my neck with how tightly he's holding me. Then out again, fast, and on the next thrust I pound right into the familiar spot that makes him writhe.

And now I'm thrusting harder and faster, and I move one hand to take hold of him and stroke roughly, fast, and he's dripping and I probably am too, inside him, and I can feel excess lotion trickling down my legs and I still. Can't. Get. Enough. No matter how fast I'm fucking him, it's not enough. No matter what cries of ecstasy he's making, I want more. His whole body is in my hands, _mine_ to use as I please, and I _am_, but I want more of this, more of _him_, and even though it looks like I have it all something is driving me crazy because it isn't _enough_.

But we can't last forever. I can feel it happen – he twitches hard around me and in my hand and then comes with an intoxicating cry, his seed splurting out into my hand, onto his shirt. And I don't want to stop but my body doesn't obey, and I feel the snap and my own release spilling out of me, into his body, as the pleasure spikes, emptying my mind and tearing my voice from my throat and we climax, hard hard _hard_, and then relax.

The relief is so overpowering, the wave of relaxation so complete, I nearly drop him. He hangs limp in my arms, and through the buzzing, humming shockwaves in my head I'm afraid I may have really fucked him until he passed out this time. So I brace myself with strength that I don't have within me and I ease out of him and lower him and myself as slowly as possible to the floor.

But I don't want him to sit on the cold floor. So I cross my legs as we slide down, and when he's settled on my lap, legs still loosely propped on either side of me, I fall forward, my arms circling him as my forehead hits his chest, his soft, soft shirt, and I just relax against him and I don't know anything else for a while.

When I feel him stirring, I peel my eyes open again. And I don't remember if I screamed his name at any point among the other sounds I made, and I don't like to forget that. It's a little privilege I've had lately, since he never reprimands me for saying his name when we're together like this, and I feel like…it's something special. It makes us the same…equals. Not that we _are, _it just feels that way.

So I mumble his name tiredly – "Roxas…" – and lift my face, burying it in his neck and mouthing his flesh gently, inhaling deeply the intoxicating scent of _him_ and _sex_.

His voice is drained of energy, but even and steady and soft when he speaks. "Riku's relative, a man named Iason…he died today."

I blink and lift my head, looking into his eyes in silent surprise, both at the news and also at the fact that he's speaking to me so conversationally, and about something that is no concern of mine, as a Pet.

He doesn't stop, either. "There have been rumors about Iason. About him and a mongrel Pet. I saw him at the Salon sometimes…his Pet. There were whispers…he kept him, he wouldn't get rid of him even when Jupiter was displeased, he refused to give him up, a _mongrel_. And…they may have been…intimate. Like…like this."

_That's_ a shocker. Another Blondie in Tanagura sleeping with his Pet…and an adult? An elite?

Roxas' voice drops to almost a whisper. "We heard he died, today…and his Pet seems to have died with him." I've never seen a Blondie cry, but Roxas looks…kind of close. His face is so blank it's almost impossible, and his blue, blue eyes are distant, but they seem watery. Something hits me like a blow in the stomach at the sight. I don't want him to cry.

I lean in and kiss him. He remains vacant for just a moment, before my caresses and touch draw his eyes to my face, and we just…meet each other's eyes for a moment, staring, before he returns the pressure and our eyes close.

My mind is trying to tell me something as I kiss him, feeling so good, so blissful with his lips against mine. _That is what happens to Pets who get out of line in Eos. That is what happens to Blondies who go too far. That is what will happen to you and to him if this doesn't stop. Right now. You can never be together._

And that may be true, but I really don't care, because now, just now, I've realized that I _want_ to be with him. Maybe forever. I don't know. And there's still so many things wrong, he's still the Blondie who _owns_ me, who tried to take away my _humanity_, but…I don't know. Maybe I'm sick in the head, because I don't ever want this to end. And I want more…more of him…more _Roxas_.

~o~

Maybe half an hour, maybe an hour later, when I have my strength back, I move him to the bed so he can sleep. So _we_ can sleep. I get his cloak off, but leave his shirt on – no reason to take it off now, it's already stained, and he'd just be chilled. And…if I wanna see his naked chest again…I can wait. I guess.

I doze for a while myself, but I wake up very suddenly when the door opens.

Roxas and I are both awake and alert and instantly scared shitless. Caught. In bed together. Oh my gods.

It's Riku, and he's rushing, already talking as he enters the room. "Roxas, quick, I need to borrow your Pet, can you…" And then his words stop as he sees us. His light eyes look at Roxas, who is wide-eyed and untidy and thank the gods he's wearing that shirt at least, and there's the blanket covering us from the waist down, but it's still pretty clear what we did, me being in the bed and all. And he looks at me, beside my Blondie owner, _beside_ him, and then he turns to Roxas again.

"Did you…have sex with your Pet?" He's so shocked, his voice is almost innocent-sounding. Roxas doesn't answer…just looks at him. Frozen…I can feel his tension, his fear. Riku's still processing this. "Did you…Roxas…did you _copulate_ with him?"

_Him_. Not _it_. _**Him**_. That…gets my attention. Startles me even more. But, as Riku takes a step closer and I feel Roxas shudder slightly and I think about how I'm probably going to be taken away from him and executed now…I just instinctively move closer, curling nearer to him…a little bit protectively. It's a man's instinct, I guess…wanting to defend him from whatever is about to happen. Wanting to…protect what's mine.

But Riku stops advancing, and then drops, weakly, into a nearby chair. Then his head falls into his hands, and we're both watching him tensely, not understanding what's going on.

"Riku…?" Roxas tries.

"I had sex with Sora."

_Woah. _I just stare. Roxas glances at me in shock, and I meet his wide eyes for a second, and then we look back at Riku, who just starts talking.

"I had sex with him…I copulated with my Pet. I…I entered him and…all of it. But…but something wasn't _right_, it wasn't what I _wanted_. I think I did it wrong somehow, but I don't know what I should have done." He glances up helplessly at us, addressing Roxas. "Ever since you borrowed Sora for Axel's training and we made them copulate…well, you know I was gone on a trip for a few weeks after that, and I left Sora here, I just…didn't know what to do. I didn't take him with me. And when I came back I tried…toys again, tried to go back to normal, but it wasn't enough. I…I didn't know what to do…and Iason died today. He _died_. With a _Pet_. And I don't know _why. _And I just…couldn't take it anymore. So…so I tried to do what Axel did…I tried to do it myself. But…" His voice cracks, and his hands run frantically through his silver hair. "I did it wrong, something was so _wrong_, he didn't…_react _the same way…but I don't know how to _fix_ it! I thought I did everything I remember Axel doing… _What did I do wrong?_"

"Riku…" Roxas tries to calm him. I just stare. Fucking hell, that poor kid. Sora, I mean.

The silver head snaps back up. "So I need to borrow Axel, I thought he could do it again, whatever he did, and maybe I could catch what I missed this time…"

"Fuck _no._" That's as far as I'm letting him go. _No fucking farther._ And I've really got some insane balls lately, because a Pet saying that? Well, Riku's face shows his shock. But I don't stop.

"I am _not_ going to fuck your little Pet again. You wouldn't learn shit from it anyway, damn Blondie, you don't know _anything_ about sex. You probably just _raped _him, didn't you?"

Riku looks lost. "I…didn't…he didn't _resist_…"

"That's because he _can't_. He's a _Pet. _But that doesn't make it any different, just invading his body and taking your pleasure from him like that." I'm really giving a Blondie a dressing-down; fucking _gods_ this is hilarious.

"Well what I am supposed to _do?_" Riku shoots back, actually talking to me like a _person_. "How am I supposed to do it _right_, can you tell me that?"

Roxas is just glancing back and forth between us as I reply impatiently. "There is no right or wrong – except rape and this whole fucking Pet thing, those are wrong – but _right_ depends on what you want."

There's an edge of panic in his high-pitched reply. "I want what happened with _you_. Whatever you did to him that made him…made him like _that_ for a little while…I want to do that too!"

And as I shoot a reply back without thinking, some corner of my mind notices Roxas' blue, blue eyes, wide and fixed on me, listening. "I made _love_ to Sora. It's not the same as a fuck and it's _nothing_ like rape, and I seriously doubt it's something _you_ are capable of, you goddamn Blondie!"

I think any other Blondie in Tanagura would have hauled off and hit me right there. Then beat the fucking life out of me…then just gone ahead and finished me off. Not these kids. Riku just looks hurt, cut down, deflated. And he answers, much softer, "I guess…maybe. I knew it wasn't right…but I still…" He looks up again. "_How_ did you do it? How did you make it different? What does it mean…_make love?_ Because…I want that. I want what you and Sora did, and I want it _with Sora_."

Another voice startles me, chiming in. "Yes! That's it…I want that too!" And I just turn my head and stare. At. Roxas.

And my voice is a little soft and wondering and confused as I meet his eyes. "_That's_ what you want? The reason for all this, doing it nice and all…you want me to make love to you?" And he frowns determinedly and nods, looking very like an obstinate child in that moment.

Months of abuse…beatings…rape…inhuman humiliation…and now he wants to make love. A week of confusion…feelings getting brought up, muddled…forbidden contact and a steady invasion into my heart, worming past the walls of hate…because he wants to make love. Because…because my body isn't enough. He has to have my heart and soul too. Greedy fucking Blondie. But I know the feeling, and I don't really blame him for it now. Because I think I feel it too…wanting more of him the way I do. It didn't make sense until now.

But…I can't. I might want more, and maybe it's incredible and mind-blowing to hear that he does too, that he wants something like this…but I can't just forget everything he did. Even if I want to…I can't just wrench myself open on a whim, becoming vulnerable to the one who almost destroyed me, and just offer him my soul. Whether I would if I could isn't relevant…because it's impossible. I _can't_.

I release a long sigh. Two helpless Blondie children, greedy or maybe just hungry for a taste of love. Maybe I can explain a few things, straighten this mess out.

I look at Roxas first. "I can't do that. You can order me, torture me, kill me if you want…I am not capable of doing that with you. Not now. Not…yet. If you don't understand why, which I suspect you don't, I'll explain more later." Then I look at Riku.

"I don't know if it's possible or not for you and Sora, but it sure as hell isn't going to help having me demonstrate. It has to be something you two figure out together." I run a hand through my hair and look away, at the ceiling. "I can tell you this, though. He wants to be loved. A lot. He's longing for love, and I think if you open your heart to him and let yourself love him, you'll probably find he'll respond a lot quicker than most people would, having been a Pet."

"But…how do I do that?" Dumb Blondie, he sounds so helpless.

"It's not about what the bodies do. It's about communicating your feelings. You have to tell him everything. Everything you think and feel when you look at him, think of him, whenever. If you don't have words, you have to find them. You have to make him understand how important he is. And then, in having sex, you show him all that by treasuring him and putting his pleasure first in everything you do."

Then, I fix him with a hard look. "But listen. You need to be sure you love him. Look at yourself, your life, and everything you have, and then look at him, his life, and everything he has. Sora and everything that matters to him – if that's not more important to you than _anything_ of your own, including yourself, then don't bother. You don't really love him, and you'll only destroy him completely by lying to him and pretending to." I lean back, shutting my eyes. "That's all. I can't tell you anything else."

There's silence for a bit. Finally, I hear Riku move, standing. "OK," he says. "I'll…I'll try that." He heads for the door, then turns back. "Roxas…" He pauses, and I hear Roxas answer from beside me.

"Yes?"

There's a little smile in Riku's voice then. "Nothing…never mind. Um…I'll talk to you later."

Then he's gone.

We're silent for a long time. I just keep my eyes shut, trying to process this. And I go over it again, this idea of Roxas wanting me to make love to him. And I think…I wish I could, but it comes out the same. I just _can't_ yet.

After all, I loved someone, once. Not too long ago, really. And he's still here, somewhere deep inside me…every little part of him that I worshipped is still engraved in my memory. His hands, his aqua-pretty eyes, his musical voice and the way he sang in the shower and the way he whimpered my name, his hair that he was always doing something weird with but was always _always_ soft no matter what, his happy grin when it rained…everything. _Him. _And the way he was my first love, and the way he made me forget my childhood, and the way nothing in the world mattered compared to him…and the way I threw it all away for him, just like I always knew I would. Because, when that guy killed him, nothing else _meant_ anything anymore.

And then I found myself here because of all that, and I haven't thought about him for so long, because I'm ashamed to now, now that I've fallen so low, and because it still hurts, missing him. And even if this Blondie wants my heart now…and even if maybe I half want to give it to him _in spite of everything he did_, it's just…it's not _mine_ to give away again…not yet. I gave it to someone else, and it hasn't…finished coming back to me.

Finally, Roxas speaks. "That stuff you said…is that really love?"

"Yeah," I breathe, still looking at the black insides of my eyelids. "That's pretty much it."

"That's what you gave Sora?"

I frown a little and look at him at last. He looks…a little sad and uncertain. "Well…that's sort of what you need in order to open yourself up that much to somebody like that. With Sora though…I wouldn't say I really loved him, but…I had to save him." _From you_. I don't say that. "So I sort of…stretched outside myself." I don't really know how to explain to him any better than that.

"And you can't do that for me?" His eyes look sadly up into mine.

"I…Roxas…you have to understand. You can't just demand that. I'd have to give you my heart, and…I can't just force that. I still don't know if I can trust you…"

"How can you trust me then?" He seems a little eager, hopeful.

I sigh. "Look…what about you? Do you feel that way about me? Do you care more about me than anything in your life, including yourself?"

He hesitates, frowning. That's all I need.

"If you're not sure, then the answer is 'no.' So…let's say, if someday you did feel that way, _really_ did, without forcing yourself…then maybe I could trust you enough to start to feel that way too. And then maybe we could do…what you want us to do."

He frowns again and looks away, propping his chin on his raised knees, wincing a little. I guess he's sore. He thinks for a few minutes, and I watch him, wondering how it's even possible that I just made him an offer like that, wondering how we can speak together like this…and thinking that maybe, if this much is possible when I would never have suspected it could be…maybe even something as impossible as love could happen someday.

_Love. _In _Tanagura._ With a _Blondie_. Crazy shit.

He speaks again, softly. "Iason had everything. All of Tanagura…it was all his, or could be. But I guess…his Pet was more important than all that." He glances at me. "He must have loved his Pet a lot…you think?"

"If he really died for his Pet…yeah. He loved him."

Roxas chews on his bottom lip. "Dying sounds bad."

I shrug. "Love is worth it."

"You're sure?" Gods, those blue, blue eyes…

I nod. "I'm sure."

He studies me for another minute. Then, he suddenly sits up straight, his tone firm again. "All right, I've decided. I'm going to try my best to get you to trust me, and then someday, you're going to fall in love with me and then we can do what you did with Sora." He nods, affirming this to himself. "Very good. All right. Sleep well, Axel." And with that, he lies down and pulls the blanket up and settles himself to sleep.

My head crashes forward into my hands. I don't think I will ever, _ever_ understand Blondies. What is _wrong_ with them?

But…

After a minute, I look up again. I look at him. And…I slide down too, next to him, and pull the blanket over my upper body.

Maybe…

~o~


	7. Day 161

**Author's Note:**

Consider this chapter an _exception_ to the fic at large. And don't ask me why, plzkthx. I still don't know much about this fic and never will. ;3

P.S. – I love my anon reviewers, I just wish I could replyyyyyy to y'all! Tell me how and I will!

* * *

Day 160

Fucking Jupiter's bracelets I'm bored.

Something like two weeks ago, right after finding out I wasn't the only Pet in Tanagura getting bedded by my master, the Blondies grabbed Roxas and dragged him off to somewhere else for some business deal, and for some reason I was left behind. Roxas didn't get a chance to explain why. And nobody thought to give the Pet anything to _do_ with the master away. It's fun being treated like a dog, really – they leave food out and vanish, and I get to sit around and go off my fucking mind with boredom.

The orderlies who feed the Pets don't talk to them. The computers are accessible, but my retinal scan shows me as a registered Pet, so I only have access to a limited amount of information and entertainment, most of it educational porn. Fucking funny. Research on how to better please the Blondies, just in case they weren't supplying enough ideas themselves. Though how I'm supposed to watch this shit and not masturbate without my Blondie around, I don't know. Thanks Jupiter, you fucker.

I hope Roxas comes back soon. Not that I miss him or anything. I don't. It's nice not having him around, fucking my head up every five minutes. But there's this other problem…it pisses me off too. I guess the body just gets used to sexual activity when you get off every night for months, willingly or not, and apparently going cold turkey is a shock to the system.

It's getting a little better now…sort of. Or maybe it's getting worse. Hard to tell. All I know is, without being allowed to help myself out at all (a rule I'd gladly ignore if I wasn't worried about being caught and beaten) I've actually considered going down to the Salon. Not much…it was just a thought. But no…I'm not desperate enough to go begging for someone to fuck me. I'm not and I won't ever be. Never.

This one thing I won't do – I won't lower myself that far. I'll keep this little shred of pride, and maybe I can forgive myself for the rest. And maybe my partner can forgive me too, if he's somewhere still keeping an eye on me.

I wonder when Roxas is coming back.

~o~

Day 161

I'm sprawled on the bed, the light from the computer terminal making my eyes dry and sore as I try to find something other than porn to look at. I'm wrapped in a thin but warm blanket, because damn if this metal and glass world doesn't get kinda cold once in a while, and a thong isn't too helpful for keeping warm.

There's a sudden _whish_ and the door is open, and my eyes go wide as I see Roxas stroll in, two peons bringing some cases of his belongings. I sit up…I can't believe he's back, and so suddenly! I stare at him, surprised, and for the briefest moment those blue eyes flit over me…then, dispassionate as ever, they're gone again, and Roxas is directing the handling of his luggage.

I feel sick, like my stomach is sinking. All this time, and not even a flicker? Not even a flash of recognition? A dog would get a greeting…but I keep forgetting, Pets aren't dogs. Not even close.

Roxas sees to his luggage and dismisses the peons, and I wonder why I cared that he was gone at all. I wish he'd just…never come back. Stupid fucking Blondie.

The door shuts.

He turns, halfway across the room, and just stares at me. Frozen. Expressionless but trembling, I can see it from here. Oh, noticing me _now,_ I see. But not…not just noticing. As the moment lengthens and he still doesn't move, I feel a chill crawl over my skin. The time begins to feel suffocating, endless…and then his voice reaches me, though I'm not even sure when he spoke, because he barely moved. His voice is soft, a whisper, a tense, strained-to-nearly-snapping breath.

"Axel. Come here."

I leave the blanket. I don't need it, suddenly it's all clinging and hot. The air brushes my skin as I slide from the bed and stand, and I think I must be sweating a bit. I can't…I can't get enough air…no matter how deep I suck it in, I can't…

_Why am I reacting to him like this?_

He's still frozen, doesn't move as I approach, except to tip his head back as I get really close, until I'm right in front of him and his head is thrown way back and I can't look away from those eyes, his blue, blue eyes burning into mine. The edge of my vision tells me his lips are parted, his body shaking so hard he might fall, his chest expanding so fast he might hyperventilate, but all that is secondary to the eyes. The soul-twisting magnetism in them, pulling me in and devouring me, gasping and struggling for air as I lose myself, oh gods, what the hell is going on? When did he cast this fucked-up Blondie spell on me, and why don't I care? And where is my voice? I can't find it… I have only air and moving lips, no voice, as I force out a name I don't get to say often.

"Rox…as…"

He snaps.

A viselike grip on my biceps, almost his whole weight pulling me down, and then his lips on mine, his tongue in my mouth, his breath in my nostrils, his body in my arms because I'm clutching his ribs, only for a moment, only to pull him close. Then I close him fully in my arms, wrapping them around him as far as they can go, holding him like a lifeline, kissing him back like a madman. I _am_ a madman, I'm insane…but he's too much for me right now. I can't be cool and rational and_ sane_ until…later. First I have to have him. Have to feel him, more, _more_ of him, more of his taste deep in my mouth, more of his warm skin against me, more of his voice, his whimpers, like the sounds he's making now, agonizingly wanting sounds that spread fire through my veins and a stabbing need deep, deep down, deep where I used to block him out. When I hated him.

_How long has it…been…oh fuck it._

Too short to grind with his hips, he's pressing his stomach against my thong and throwing his arms around my neck, squeezing so tight I wonder if he'll break me…but fuck that. I feel the contours of his back as my hands slide down, the familiar planes of his body under thin fabric, and then my hands reach the gentle curve of his ass and grip hard, squeezing and kneading and he's moaning loud and deep right into my mouth, I can _feel _his voice vibrating in my teeth, against my lips, and I slide my tongue against his fast and suck and nip and lick and…and his legs wobble. And I just straighten, lifting him right up, his arms tightening just a little more around my neck and my hands anchoring low, under his ass, picking him up and stumbling straight for the bed.

I hate the minute I throw him down because it breaks the contact, separates our mouths for that brief second, until I crawl on top of him and kiss him again, pressing him down into the blankets. His hands rake through my hair and his hips start thrusting against mine and gods he's hard, he's _hard_, and I break away, hissing at the friction, because I'm hard too, so bad it almost hurts.

"Axel…" His voice is tortured, desperate. "Clothes!"

No. _Problem_. I shove his pants down over his hips; he grabs my thong and rips it clean off. I resist the temptation to do the same to his filmy shirt, and manage to struggle it off him without shredding it. I had something in mind…but whatever it was, it's gone straight out of my head now as he grinds his heat against mine and the shock of pleasure that shoots through my whole body makes me gasp and my elbows wobble and I almost collapse on top of him.

For a second I think about going down on him, but now he's thrusting against me and I can't pull away from it, I _can't_. We can't do this dry though, so I manage to lift one hand and prod my fingers against his lips. He opens readily and I push them into his mouth, and he sucks and I stroke his tongue, simulating kissing while my mouth works over his ear, nibbling and sucking the lobe, licking the shell, delving in…and he twitches hard against me.

When my hand is all wet I remove it, I take hold of us both and stroke, and oh gods it's just what we both need, moaning so hard we're almost screaming through our teeth. And he seems to get the idea too, because now it's his hand pushing into my mouth, and I suck it and taste him, every inch of his skin is delicious…and then he removes that hand too and it joins mine, adding pressure, adding wetness, covering more burning flesh and stroking with me, fast, fast and incredible. I want to lose my mind when he touches me. I'd forgotten what it was _like_.

We're kissing again, wildly, and his mouth tastes so good, _good_, and we're thrusting and stroking together so hard, he's not going to last long like this, and neither am I. Even though we're not close enough yet…even though I want _so much _to be inside him, I don't know if I can wait for that. It feels like a fucking eternity all of a sudden since we were together, doing this, and my body is screaming for more and aching to let go, and there's no way I can hold out. Not when we're both dripping. Not when it's _Roxas._

My thumb slides into his slit, pressing down, and his mouth breaks away with a loud cry as he arches up, clear off the bed, his other hand around my shoulders gripping and tearing, clawing long, raking marks into my shoulder blade, I can feel it. Lustfully, he mimics my action, digging down against my tip too, and I jerk against him uncontrollably. Whenever he does something to me, it's like this, I lose control…and that felt incredible. I know it's more than we can take, a lot more, but I can't help it.

I do it again, and so does he, and again as we thrust and stroke fast fast _fast_, the heat pouring out of me, dripping down my flushed skin, coiling tightly, low in my stomach. The throbbing in our hands, the pulsing of my need and his, so alike, so violently strong…yes, yes, _gods yes, more!_

And then my name is a begging cry from his lips, nails digging deeper into my back as he pulses hard and comes, his whole body quivering as he releases. I feel it and I love it, gods it's perfect and _so good_, I watch his beautiful orgasm until he exhausts himself, and somewhere near the end I come too. He let go of me, so I move my hand to pump myself through it, my seed splattering his heaving stomach, his liquid covering my hand and a lot more of my body – thick, much thicker than I remember. Incredible.

It occurs to me after a minute – a minute of falling, collapsing next to Roxas, trying to breathe, lost in shivering ecstasy – that he hasn't gotten off this entire time. Because I'm the same – my fluid is thick from abstinence too, almost indistinguishable from his. It's like…we're equal.

"Roxas…Roxas." I breathe his name to him now, and he curls toward me weakly. His breath is hot against my forehead, brushing my damp hair, and we're both slick with sweat and sticky with fluid, but I don't care, we can clean up in a minute. I slide my arm around him, trying not to smear all over his back, and hold him loosely, just enjoying the feeling of his living body touching mine.

Those blue eyes are closed and he's breathing hard, so I wait, I'll give him a minute. His moist neck is right in front of my eyes, and I can't help sort of lazily reaching forward and kissing…kissing again…opening my mouth in slow, dreamily sensual kisses. Along his jaw, under his ear, all over his neck, mouthing wetly…moving down to kiss and then suck on the curve of his shoulder, the delicate line of his clavicles. I taste his salty sweat and feel him breathing, and as I continue he starts to hum softly in pleasure.

I'm not even sure when my hand moved down, behind him, and started caressing. But now my messy fingers slide deeper, touching his entrance, kneading and probing gently. He opens his eyes at that, with a little gasp, and the look he gives me is warm and approving and excited and slightly surprised. I just keep staring into his eyes, feeling a smile slowly growing on my own face, as my fingers stroke over that spot. Then, still watching him, I lower my lips again, kissing slowly over his smooth, slender chest, and I push one finger into him.

"Axel…" He moans softly, blissfully, as I push in deeper, moving my lips to his nipple to kiss and tease slowly. It's hard between my lips, and he's tight around my finger, tight like his first time, because it's been a while. But even if he feels like a virgin all over again, he's not, and there's differences besides this. His first time, he just let me take him, he was passive. Now, even as I'm probing into him and kissing him, he's reciprocating. I can feel him relaxing for me, and his hands trace over my skin, my back, shoulders, arms, through my hair again and again – I kinda think he likes my hair – and down my neck, feathering light, warm touches like chaste little finger-kisses. And I guess that's nature for you again, because I never told him he needed to do things like this.

Slowly, I add more fingers, sliding in and out of him and feeling him loosen gradually. My mouth plays over his sternum and up again to his neck, because he really melts when I suckle a few places there, and he moans and tips his head back, begging for more. His hands tighten high on my shoulders for a moment before he relaxes again, and I hadn't meant to do more, I was so tired a minute ago, I thought we'd just doze off together and that would be nice, so nice. But now he's so irresistible and beautiful and tempting, and this painfully throbbing heat is spreading through my body all over again, and I'm more than halfway hard already. I wonder if he is too…but I don't have to wonder long. As I spread him open with one more finger, he arches involuntarily, and I feel his heat press against my stomach. He's fully hard, hot and ready for more, and gods, I _need to be inside him._

I don't know why I want more when I already got off. I just do. I want more. I want to feel his heat around me, tight but soft, I want to thrust into him and hear him get louder and more passionate, I want to fill him with my seed, mark him, possess him, even…_own him_. But not the way he owns me, superficially, based on money and hair color…I want to show him what _real_ ownership is. I want to make him mine the natural way – with my own two hands.

Maybe it's barbaric…but then, this is Tanagura.

His sweet, beautiful, breathy voice is suddenly in my ear, begging, urging me on. "Axel…don't stop. More…give it to me."

A chuckle rumbles my throat. I don't know whether to tease him or groan with desire for him. Instead, I kiss his mouth again, and ah…yes, it's the desire after all. It's overriding everything, this need for him. So much for cleaning up and sleeping I guess. I almost laugh aloud at myself, I don't even know exactly why.

Hazy blue looks at me. "What's funny?" He can only murmur.

My free hand is in his hair, combing the gold and massaging his scalp. "Nothing," I grin. "I was just thinking I'll have to push back my plans for getting you cleaned up."

My fingers are still moving slowly, in his hair and inside him, and he grins back weakly. "Yeah…that can wait. We aren't done making a mess." Amusement flickers in those narrowed eyes.

I wink at him, slowly grinding a finger right on that spot inside him and feeling him tense, hearing him gasp, watching him shiver. "But are you sure you'll have the energy to get cleaned up later?" I'm being a horrible tease, and part of me is screaming to _shut up and get on with it, he's ready_, but I can't _quite_ listen. His reactions are too thrilling, too erotic…I want to see them. Lots, lots more of them.

I watch him swallow hard before he manages to answer, struggling to keep his smirk in place. "Mmm…it's doubtful. Should we make it tomorrow morning instead?"

"Mmm," I echo him, grinding against him slowly, feeling his erection with my own, lowering my voice intently, "I have a better idea."

He groans miserably when I pull away, removing my fingers from him, and I can relate – I hate to put distance between our bodies. But I manage to stand quickly, tugging him with me to the edge of the bed. He crawls over, curiosity mixed with arousal. When I'm standing, I waste no time in bending down to him again, wrapping my arms around and under him and lifting with a little grunt. He's not too heavy, but I'm wobbly with the heat still tearing through my body. Still, having him in my arms feels good; feeling him wrap his own arms around me and hold on feels even better. I heave him up a bit and feel stronger, and turn to walk quickly and carefully to the bathing room.

He'll have his own small pond of a bathtub someday, when he's an elite, but for now all he has is the glass-encased shower. I stop in front of the door and glance at him.

"Would you do the honors?" He smiles, and the door is open with a flick of his hand and I carry him in and even as I'm setting him down he's already got the idea, because he's turned the water on, and hot streams of it come pouring down on our heads, making us both duck in unison, laughing a little.

The laughter fades but his eyes still shine when he looks at me, and gods of Amoi his blue, blue eyes on me make it hard to breathe again. He's watching the water stream down my skin – I know, because I can't help noticing the same thing on _him_. The endless rivulets, the beading drops, his pale skin fast turning pink from the heat, steam all around us. It's hypnotizing.

He moves slowly, lifting his arms and closing the distance between us, and I feel his warm, wet body pressed against mine as his hands trace up my chest and slide behind my neck. His hard length presses against my leg and I feel mine against his stomach again as he pulls me down and kisses me again. Deeply.

I take his offered mouth gladly, and for a while we just kiss. It's a little sloppy, and it starts slow, but soon it's faster, firmer, hungrier, and my hands are sliding over his body again, cleansing away our earlier mess.

When he finally releases me – gasping for air as I am, because it's hard to kiss so much and not inhale the water pouring over us – I move downward, guiding him with my hands so that his back is against the glass, moving kisses down his drenched body as I kneel on the tiles in front of him.

This is extra…and I won't lie, it wears on my patience. I want to enter him soon…I'm aching and leaking and getting desperate, but I want to do this for him too. So I take him in my mouth, sliding my tongue around him as I go, making it tight but gentle, and I feel both his hands clutch in my hair, taking hold as his voice echoes off the glass and tile – _gods_ that sounds beautiful, the sweetest music I've ever heard – and the water pours down endlessly as I move.

His moans and whimpers are always fuel to my desires, but now they seem even louder, echoing in this glass-and-water world. I move fast and suck hard, and drink in every little gasp, every magnified sound. My hands move between his legs, fondling and caressing, my fingers finding his entrance again, the flesh soft and yielding now as I slip inside him once more.

"Axel…" His deep, long moan draws my eyes up to his face to find him looking down, and his whole body shudders when our gazes meet. "Axel…I can't…hurry…hurry up and take me…"

Well, fuck. I'm more than happy to obey _that_ order.

I drag my tongue up his body, tasting warm, watery skin all the way to his lips, which are open and reaching for mine hungrily. I kiss him again, let him taste his own sweetness on my tongue, before gently pulling back to turn him around.

"Bend over for me," I murmur to him, right in his ear, hands guiding his yielding body downward, "Yes…like that." He presses his arms against the glass and spreads his legs as my hands smooth over his back, the curve of his ass, and I can never get over this little jump of awe in my gut when he submits to me like this, because even as many times as we've done this it still shocks me a little. Like the aftershocks of that first time, over and over.

I run a finger over his entrance again, and he's gasping, "Yes…Axel, hurry…" but I'm still a little worried he'll be tight. There are a few vials of different soaps and such that he uses, and I grab one that looks likely and squeeze some out, coating myself with a tight fist that feels _gods so good_ but not as good as _he_ will in a minute, and I massage his entrance with slippery fingers too. Just making sure.

And now there's nothing else I can do, and his endless, echoing whimpers match perfectly with the pulses of screaming need pounding through my body…so I stop delaying, take a deep, steam-filled breath, brace my hands on his hips and my tip against his twitching, hungry flesh, and press inward slowly, smoothly. I feel the shape of him inside, I feel _him_, and before my Pet ring touches him I've lost my mind in pleasure, I'm insane. I know, because his pleasured cry is resonating from _my_ chest, and I don't know who I am anymore except that I'm part of Roxas and he's part of me and that's all I want, forever – _Roxas_.

I would've waited, really, but he was pushing back against me the whole way in, not letting up until my drenched hips pressed against his warm, wet ass. And now that I'm in, all the way in and not even sure I can keep my shaking legs under me, let alone _move_ because _fucking Jupiter_ it feels incredible…he's not letting me wait. His voice is begging and his hips are moving and shit, _shit_ it's good, it's so _good_. All I can do is bend down, wrapping his lovely torso in my arms, reaching one hand for his pulsing cock and the other slides up his chest and I grab his shoulder to brace him in my arms and I _move_. Out and in, forceful and no waiting, no, and I kiss his back and I thrust and I nibble the line of his shoulder blade and _thrust, thrust_, and suck the wet, pink planes of his skin, marking him and marking him and thrusting harder, grinding, and he arches and throbs in my hand and screams in ecstasy.

Faster, faster, trying to go deeper than our bodies will allow, biting and marking him right up over his beautiful, smooth nape, right to his hairline and _thrusting, pounding_, losing my mind and just hovering there, dripping golden hair against my lips and his voice so close and the pads of his fingers squeaking over glass, white knuckles the only white on him, all flushed pink and red from the heat, the heat and sex, the sex the…with Roxas, Roxas, with Roxas sex…Roxas deeper, Roxas hotter, Roxas screaming, spasms tearing through him through me, Roxas coming, I'm coming, throbbing and jerking and coming, coming, coming, together, inside him, _Roxas, Roxas…!_

Roxas.

We're still, not moving but heaving for humid, hot air, our bodies locked together, not moving to part yet, not yet, just a little longer. And then a little longer. I wait and savor this head-spinning, body-melting feeling for as long as I can, until the pressure of him around me goes from uncomfortable to almost painful in my over-sensitized state. Then, bracing myself for it and relaxing my grip on his shoulder, sliding that hand down over his body again, a soothing warning, then I draw back, slowly.

But being separated is intolerable right now. Even as he relaxes, melting in my arms and wholly trusting me to keep him from hitting the tile, I'm pulling him around, my own shoulder hitting glass as I barely maintain my feet, and I'm seeking his lips again and not letting go, holding him tighter, pressed against me. His head lolls on his shoulders, limp, his eyes barely cracked open – he's only half-conscious. But I prop him up against me and the glass and hang on tight and move my mouth against his. And slowly, I feel him start to respond, his tongue weakly stroking against mine, his head tipping just a little for the angle. I glance at him, and the awareness is back in his eyes, lazy and distant but there, there and smiling at me, exhausted, and I'm the same. I feel as formless as the streaming water all over us, and as happy as I can imagine being in this moment, smiling back into blue, blue, and then closing my eyes and just…_being his._

Somewhere along the line, I realize how sore my throat is and how messy we both are again, even though the shower is already rinsing trickles of soap and sticky fluid away. I sigh into his mouth, half blissful, half reluctant to part, but I know I need to take care of him, not to mention get a drink, because I must have been screaming as well or something for my throat to feel this raw.

As we part, I place a quick kiss on the rosy tip of his nose before relaxing my hold, propping him against the glass yet again and making sure he's standing all right before I gently, carefully help the water wash us clean, running my hands over him tenderly, sometimes kissing random parts of his body just because I can't help it, I _can't_, he's mine and he's back and I really, really fucking missed him. Insane, I know.

My arms and legs aren't even close to strong enough to carry him this time, so I have to just wrap one arm around him while he does the same to me and we slowly help each other out of the shower, stopping at the sink to fill a glass with cold water. He's thirsty too, no wonder, I heard him screaming, gods it was amazing, and we share the water, leaning on the cold metal counter until we're OK to keep moving. Of course, he's a little weaker than I am, but we're both pretty wobbly and lame. It must be an amusing sight, a naked Blondie and his naked Pet, soaked and trembling and limping out of the bathing room, matching silly grins on our faces.

I grab one of the towels on the way out – if, in fact, such a huge, fluffy thing can be _called_ a towel – and I sit him on the bed and dry him off a bit before helping him under the soft blankets. I follow after giving myself a quick once-over, and we're still damp a bit, but not wet enough anymore to catch a chill in bed. I slide up behind him and press my chest against his back and wrap an arm around his stomach, my other hand idling in his damp hair, and I feel and hear him hum softly, welcoming me. His hands touch mine, holding my arm against him and stroking slowly over my knuckles. It's the tiniest thing, but it feels so nice. So nice.

He smells lovely. I nuzzle my face against the nape of his neck and inhale the soapy-clean smell of him, with just the faintest undercurrent of sex…probably my imagination though, because I can't stop thinking about what we just did, and how we are _right now_. A little nagging voice wants to tell me about how wrong this is, and what the fuck is going on, and I'm an idiot, but…ah fuck it. I'm sane enough to listen now but…I just don't want to. I want to think about _Roxas_, to cling to this feeling, and damn the idiocy of it all to the Netherworld.

His head turns as far as it can, and he's straining to look over his shoulder at me without moving his body much, and even if he's sore, he's smiling.

"So…did you miss me?" I catch the smirk in his voice, the note of cocky superiority, but I can't get mad. Because there's more in his blue eyes than the spark of teasing…there's a real question there too. A wavering, faint curiosity…and hope. I think.

"Hmmm," I smile down at him, then lower my head, brushing his neck with my lips. "Probably about as much as you missed me." I feel his pulse under my lips, jumping slightly, throbbing a little faster, and I feel like I want to trace that heartbeat inside him with my tongue…so I do. I like his taste, the soft smoothness of his young skin…and I guess he likes my mouth, because I feel one hand gently placed against my cheek, caressing a bit and encouraging me to continue, to not pull away. I don't really mind complying.

"I regret that I had to leave so suddenly. I would not have left you alone…had I known."

His voice sounds a little troubled, a little uncertain, and I figure this is more or less his way of apologizing. I guess…it doesn't make everything _perfect_ again, I'm not gonna just forget how caged I've been or how clearly I've realized the low, pathetic place I hold as a Pet in Tanagura. But…it eases the sting. I know he didn't want it, and I know he can't really help it, and if I'm really honest, I know that none of this is his fault. Not even the worst parts of his personality…_maybe_ not even the things he did to me. Because that's what he's been trained to be and do here, and he doesn't know any better.

On the other hand, ignorance doesn't clear him of guilt. And it doesn't help me forget…

And _fuck. It._ I'm pretty sure I wasn't going to start this, not now. Because what _does_ help me forget is _this, _right _now_, holding him and pretending we're equal, speaking his name and touching his body and experiencing pleasure together. This…this is _good_. And I don't have much _good_ left, so I'll just hang on to this while I can.

And really, it's…_so. Good._

"Shut up, Roxas…" I whisper beneath his ear, not knowing what else to say, how to forgive an apology that isn't an apology with forgiveness that's weak and more of a dismissal anyway. And his pulse races even more and I hear him draw in air a little sharply, but I'm enjoying kissing him and playing with his hair and stroking his chest and stomach too much to care. His body really is perfect, beautiful from head to toe – I'm not kidding, he has lovely, cute little toes – and his back is flat and firm against my chest and his legs are tangled with mine and his buttocks are soft against the very lowest point of my stomach…and as I feel him and think of him and slowly, sensually spread wet kisses over his neck, that's when he makes this little sound.

This little whimpering moan, breathy and almost too soft to hear but I wasn't even _close_ to missing it. Shit. I really thought we could go to sleep now.

There's a pause before Roxas mumbles in surprise, "Did I just feel something poke me?"

Yeah. I like the sounds he makes. I mean, I really, _really_ like them.

I try to pull my hips away from his thighs, unnoticed, chuckling a little, evasive. "Uh, heh heh…maybe a little? Don't worry about it though…"

My voice gets a little lost when his hand snakes around behind his back, fumbling slowly, and then…_touches_ me.

"Axel!" He tries to sound exasperated, reproachful, but he's suppressing giggles and his fingers aren't just staying still against me, they're moving to gently curl around my half-hard length. I think I'm turning pretty red, thank the gods he can't see, because what the _fuck_. I'm not fifteen anymore! I'd have cost more if I was.

I'm mumbling into his hair, "Uh, sorry," when he moves his hand again in a slow stroke and I forget whatever we were talking about as he touches me. It's crazy, fucking _nuts_ how intimate it feels, how much it drives me out of my mind.

A few strokes later and he whispers, "Touch me." I've never been seduced so fast in my _life,_ as far as I know.

I slide my hand on his stomach down, and before I expect it I'm feeling his heat under my fingers, and his erection is already…_quite_ hard. I close my hand around him too, glancing at the back of his head and voicing my surprise softly.

"Hey…when did you get so hard?" I can't see his face, but his ears are suddenly bright red.

He mumbles into the pillow. "When you said you missed me."

I feel the heat building in my gut suddenly coil up tight at that. Fucking gods. And I know his slowly moving hand didn't miss the sudden growth of my desire, just like I don't miss a single throb or twitch of his as I touch him. No…we don't say anything about it, but we're both aware…and we both know we're not done with each other yet.

Though how we're going to do this, I have no idea, because neither of us can very well _move_. So, in spite of our mutual arousal, in spite of my sudden need to be inside him again, just once more, just a _little longer_, for now we just keep slowly stroking, tired and barely sure we'll get that far. Because, really, _somebody_ has to be in motion for sex to happen.

The situation strikes me as a little hilarious, all of a sudden, and I'm chuckling and pressing my face between his shoulder blades and complaining through my laughter. "Roxas, shit, now look what you did!"

"What _I_ did?"

"You were first!"

"You wouldn't have noticed! I was just going to try to sleep anyway. You're the one who made us both notice!"

"That was your fault too!"

He groans. "Oh just shut up and do something about it…"

"Me? Why not you?" I'm grinning now. Never enjoyed an argument so much before.

"Because I can't moooove!" He moans pathetically.

I chuckle again, leaning up to nibble his ear and tease him back. "What makes you think _I_ can moooove?"

His neck cranes back. He's trying to glare archly at me. "Oh? _You_ feel like your stomach is falling out of your…your backside?" I wince a little. Yeah, OK. Good point. Before I answer though, I notice I can reach his lips.

I don't think twice before kissing him. His whole body shivers against me as he responds, and there's nothing like his lips. He'll probably figure it out on his own, but I'll be fucked before I'll ever admit to him how much I'm a big, dumb sap who loves kissing. Kissing _him_.

"All right," I murmur against his lovely, reddened lips. "I'm sorry. It's my fault; I'll fix it. Do you think you can reach your lotion, at least?" The nightstand is in front of him, and he nods, first stretching out one hand before quickly realizing he'll need the other to reach that far. That other hand is the one touching me, still holding my length loosely, fingers tracing idly over me, making me throb with pure, crazy _want_.

He frowns and expels a sigh, before squeezing my arousal, stroking a bit hard a couple times before letting go, _Jupiter damn it_. Oh well. He can reach without moving this way, and I can keep touching him, kissing his shoulder and stroking him a little harder too.

When he has the lotion in hand, I release him to hold out my hand in front of his body. "Here, just give me a bit." It won't take much; he can't be tight anymore, I just need to make things wet and smooth.

He fumbles with the bottle close to his body and squeezes some into my waiting hand, and I think how adorable he looks before he tosses the bottle and I bring my hand back. Then his blue, blue eyes smile up at me, and I kiss him again briefly as I touch between his legs, sliding my hand up and spreading lotion over his soft entrance.

He moans – another sound to strain my control almost to breaking, and I think he doesn't know yet what his voice does to me – and I slick the rest over myself as I lie down behind him again. "Hold your leg up," I whisper in his ear, my hand sliding under his upper thigh to bend his leg, opening him up a little more. He grabs hold under his knee, grunting a little in discomfort, and I wish I could think of a better way to do this so he wouldn't hurt at all, but I think that might be impossible at this point.

But I can distract him – my free hand can take hold of him easily now, pumping him until the pleasure overwhelms all else. We finish getting settled – I slip my other arm under his head, both of us lying on our sides, and he takes hold of my free hand with his. I like the way our fingers knit together.

"Ready?" I whisper, kissing his hair just behind his ear as I place myself in position, _aching_ with every moment of delay.

"Yes," he gasps, "Yes…yes, quick…_ahh!_"

Slow, hot, soft…I'm inside him. Doesn't matter that I just was, doesn't matter what we just _did_, and I don't care that he's not that tight right now. Tight or not, it's the same feeling, the feeling of _Roxas, Roxas_ – I think that's what my voice is moaning, _Roxas, Roxas_, whispering _Roxas_, crooning comfortingly _Roxas_ as I stroke him and slide deep, weakly shuddering but still drawn forward, seeking more of _Roxas_. I'm tired and the trembling of desire that pulses through my body nearly shakes me to pieces because I'm not strong enough to hold out against it. I'm exhausted but I'm inside him, connected, wishing we could be connected all the time because it's just so damn relaxing.

I press closer against him and just rock my hips. I can't move very fast like this, I can't grind much, but I don't have the energy anyway. The adrenaline that washes through me when I enter him is just enough to get me moving – fucking anyone's brains out is just flat out impossible. But rolling my hips gently, rocking against his body and sliding in and out, in and out in a slow, sensual rhythm…I can handle that much.

His fingers tighten around mine and I squeeze back, stroking him and moving gently inside him. And there's nice things about this, too, because I can _feel_ more, and I think he can, too. It's not like a hard, fast bang, thrusting in and out so quickly that all I feel is heat and burning friction. Right now, I can feel every little change in pressure, every millimeter of my slow progress inward and out again, and I can feel his shape inside…and more than that. I can feel the tremors in his body as they trace down his spine, I can feel the creases of his knuckles, the shape of his erection, his shoulder blades against my chest and a few vertebrae in his back and every fine little blond hair at the base of his neck against my lips as I breathe him and kiss him and memorize him, drinking in the details of him as they flood me.

Thank the gods of Amoi for how tired we are…because we might never have done it this slowly otherwise, the way we get all into it every time, and I am…_so glad_ to have the chance to feel all this.

For me, it's all of him. For him, I think it's my hand touching him and pleasuring him, because I try to make that part more than enough. I know my weak thrusting isn't really gonna get either of us off…but it's good, so _good_ to be connected, I can't give it up until we're done. And when we come, it's him first, then me, just because I can't stop _feeling_ him, right through his shuddering, gasping orgasm. It's practically a dry orgasm for him, but it still feels good – I can tell, his voice is soaked in pleasure as he moans my name over and over again. And it feels good for me too, and he's beautiful, and when I come it's mostly from that…and just not having the energy to hold on anymore.

And mine's nearly dry too, which is a relief because I didn't even think to pull out of him, and I simply can't get up and help him wash out right now. I can't move anymore. He can't either. He holds on while I pull out – still wishing I didn't have to, hating to separate – then he relaxes, collapsing completely, limp and spent, but our hands still locked together.

I go limp too. I want to kiss him but I can't pull myself together to lift my head, so I just kiss his nape, where my face is pressed. His mumbling, sleepy voice drifts back to me.

"Nnn…pretend I'm kissing you back, kay? Can't move…"

I just grin like a bloody dimwit; can't even laugh I'm so tired. "Yeah OK," I mumble back, a yawn cutting me off for a moment. "Kiss, kiss…goodnight, Roxas."

He yawns too, and sleep is just minutes away, hovering close and warm and fuzzy over both of us. "Night…Axel…"

Surrounded by his scent, his warmth, I just let myself sink.

And I'm already dreaming…dreaming of his lips releasing the softest whisper…

"…love…you…"

~o~


	8. Day 14

Day 14

I can't move. Chains and shackles hold me exactly where I am, and I can barely squirm. I'm on my knees, my arms pulled so far out in front of me by the chains on my wrists that my chest is brushing the cold, hard floor. Straps around my thighs are bound to a harness around my chest, tight and constricting and I think it's going to chafe like a bitch when I start sweating…which I'm pretty sure will happen.

Strung between the chains I'm also held back, unable to inch forward to get my arms under me. The effect of all these restraints is to hold me here, hugging the ground, with my knees under me and my ass in the air. My chest feels tight and painful inside, hurt…somewhere in there is a part of me that just wants to put my head down and die, hide in shame and misery at being so exposed…but I'm not about to show the Blondie that. Instead, I peel my lips back, snarling, and crane my neck up to look at him, making no effort to withhold the vitriol in my eyes, the look of _hate hate hate_. He can see it – I would shred him with my bare hands right now if I was free, and I wouldn't care, and I'd die vindicated. After. Once _he_ was dead.

He just smirks, loving it, the sick little shit. I thought I'd gotten lucky when he was called away suddenly for almost a week, traveling to somewhere else and doing some Blondie work of some kind. I'd had enough of his cold eyes and the hand jobs and blow jobs from other Pets, being violated like that…it was sick.

Right now I'm thinking maybe I'd prefer to go back to those.

Smiling coldly, he hands the object he was holding to tonight's borrowed Pet, a young man with long, blue hair and a large "X" scar on his face – it looks like some Blondie gets a kick out of branding. Enough to even brand the face of such a pedigree toy. I can tell by his hair. He was genetically manipulated for that color, and it looks well-taken-care-of. His Blondie must have a hair fetish, too.

His Blondie also has a well-trained, obedient Pet. The blue-haired man takes the bottle and plastic toy from Roxas almost eagerly. And I have a pretty good idea where that oversized plastic cock is going, and I think I'm gonna puke on the floor already.

Roxas turns and seats himself elegantly to my left, while the other Pet moves behind me, disappearing from sight. Roxas doesn't even give any orders, and the next thing I know there's a hand between my legs, slipping through the gap and cupping my crotch.

I twitch in repulsion and bite back a growl, trying not to react as that hand immediately gets busy, kneading me and stroking, pulling my unresponsive cock. He slips another hand between my legs after a minute, but he can try all night, there's no way such an unwelcome touch will ever arouse me. Not without drugs…and I'm kind of wondering when they're gonna give me those. Every night so far, they _started_ with a good strong dose of something that got me up _bad_, and would have even if I'd been in a coma.

I jump again, startled to feel hot wetness against my balls, and the brush of heavy breathing. He's…he's got his mouth on me, and he's _sucking_ from underneath. He pulls my length to his mouth and licks that too, and then I hear a little angry snarl. I'm guessing he's pissed that getting violated doesn't turn me on. Now I'm _really_ glad they haven't force-fed me an aphrodisiac so far tonight, or I know I wouldn't be able to keep from reacting to this kind of touch, no matter how I hate it.

With a long slide of his open mouth, he traces up and back, and I feel my stomach turn when a hot tongue runs over a spot on my body that I can't imagine anyone licking…it's too filthy, too _inhuman_, can't they _see _that? I can't believe it, I can't…and I feel like puking again at the very _idea_, it's so _wrong_, licking a place like that. No…not even licking, because now he's probing with his tongue and…and _sticking it in_.

It feels _horrible_. I want to scream at him, _What the fuck do you think you're doing, you fucking filthy animal?_ But I can't…maybe I forgot to mention the ball gag strapped in my mouth, preventing all articulate speech. And I don't want to give them the satisfaction of any other sound, so I bite down hard, hurting my teeth…but it doesn't matter, because as soon as the Pet's tongue withdraws, a finger pokes roughly in, much further, and in surprise and disgust I can't bite back a grunt.

"Ungh!" I swallow hard to keep anything else from slipping by, but I don't have time to concentrate on that, because that finger is worming deeper, forcing its way into me no matter how I clench, trying my damnedest to make it impossible.

He's strong though, and he knows what he's doing, how to get in. And all of a sudden, the nastiest feeling in the world suddenly changes to something different when that finger hits something in me, digging in _hard_. My whole body instantly tenses as I gasp. _What the hell was that?_

Even though I'm still not hard, I felt some semen came leaking out just now, and after a minute I put two and two together and figure that he hit my prostate gland. Fucking gods… Now I'm worried, because I didn't know it felt like that – I mean, I knew it felt _good_, my partner always loved it, but I've never had the experience myself. It wasn't like I was uptight with him, I wasn't, I was totally open, unlike with anyone else, ever…but we, uh, just hadn't gotten around to that, I guess. And I still don't think I'll like it under these circumstances…but then again, how did he get _semen_ out of me just now?

That's all the time I get to wonder, all the peace I get between the removal of that finger and the feeling of something hard and slippery pressed against me…and then shoved into me.

_Ow!_ Ow ow ow _ow!_ I throw my head back convulsively as the shock of pain shoots through me, my voice ripping from my throat in a scream that the gag muffles slightly. I can feel absolutely everything – every single centimeter of that toy being pushed relentlessly into me, forcing me open, hurting hurting _hurting_ as I'm stretched too fast and too far, until the hard tip hits a wall, _hurting_, and stops, unable to go further.

I'm gasping and whimpering and choking on an occasional sob and _I hate it_, I wish I could stop but I _can't_, it _hurts_, and I don't even care about those blue, blue eyes on me, all I can think about is _stop stop stop _I want it to _stop!_ I've been cut and punched and kicked in endless fights and I've been messed up a bit in a few bad accidents – life in the slums is rough, that's for damn sure – but that and this are two different things. _That_ pain is something a man can grit his teeth and fucking _deal_ with…_this_ is something _nobody_ can shut down.

I feel a warm trickle down my leg and I think it's blood, probably, but I forget it right away because the hand on my crotch is back, stroking and squeezing again, massaging my soft balls and _not stopping._ And I don't know what the fuck he thinks it's going to accomplish with my ass hurting like _that_, because there's no _way _I can get aroused now…

And that's when he takes hold of the toy again with his other hand and pulls it back, scraping roughly over my prostate. And between the stroking and that, I feel myself twitch down there…and a second later my stomach is an ice block of dread, hoping that it won't work. Please, oh please gods of Amoi _don't let it work_, don't let him get me hard for this little Blondie brat to see! It's one thing when I'm drugged beyond thinking, but I'm _not_ now, I'm completely _lucid_, and _I have to stay in control_.

When he shoves it in again, he angles it straight for my prostate, squeezing me in his hand at the same time, and I feel semen forced out again and against my will my cock is stiffening a bit. I concentrate on the pain, the pain, the _pain, _desperately fighting my automatic arousal with something nasty and miserable – pain.

He moves a few more times, a little more carefully, and the blood keeps running down my leg and it _stings_, but not quite as horribly, damn it. And he plunges the toy into me and strokes faster now that he's got some resistance from my hardening length, damn damn _damn_ it…and then his nimble little fingers go for my slit, playing with it…and _shit. Shit. _I…_shit_. I can't bite back the heavy moan of agony and fury and arousal as heat goes tearing through my body and I swell, really hard now, and as pissed as my slightly-fogged mind can be that it worked, that some little bitch of a Pet just managed to arouse me against my will and in spite of my disgust.

I guess I've just learned something I didn't know – no matter how deep and intimate something is, no matter how thoroughly I thought I owned certain parts of myself, thought I controlled certain reactions…all that can be taken away. Stripped from my hands…and I can't even control my own _body_ anymore.

A soft, dispassionate voice breaks into my haze. "Good boy, Saïx. Well done. You may continue."

_Nice to know the name of the man doing this to me_, I think sarcastically.

And now the Pet – Saïx – starts moving that thing inside me even more, and stroking me even faster, and sweat is running in little trickles all over my body, and it's so _hot_, and I feel sickened but I'm fast losing my ability to focus on that. Maybe if he'd give me a second to think, collect myself…but he doesn't, just keeps driving that toy into me, into that spot of agonizing pleasure, and doing things to me with his hand that make me whimper and jerk and writhe, but only as far as the chains allow.

And then the toy is shoved in deep again, and I scream suddenly as, with a click and a hum, it starts pulsing with erratic vibrations inside me. I almost don't even notice the heat that presses between my legs because I've never been stimulated like this before, and I don't know what to do anymore, how to fight it, how to _think_. I need…I need release…

The heat beneath my own erection presses closer, and I can feel it now – Saïx has squeezed his own erection against mine, and he starts…_thrusting_. Between my thighs, a hard length rubbing along mine, the friction wrenching more strangled noises from my throat as the need to come builds, tightening me, pulsing hotly through my body. Oh gods, gods…I'm weak against this, so weak…

I hear animal-like sounds coming from the other Pet, and suddenly I'm aware of Roxas rising, stepping toward us. I turn my head weakly, straining as far as it will go, just able to see them behind me out of my peripheral vision. Roxas' gloved hand lifts Saïx's face by the chin, the Blondie examining the vacant lust-crazy look the other Pet is wearing.

Smirking, he questions Saïx. "You want him, Pet?"

In a sick little mewl of arousal, Saïx answers, "Yes, Lord Solen. Please let me have him."

Roxas lets go, an eyebrow arching approvingly. "Very well. For your reward, you may take my Pet." He steps back, sitting again. I…I can't believe it. How can this be happening? How can I have _just heard_ a boy give a man permission to fuck me?

Saïx takes hold of the humming vibrator and _rips it out of me_. He doesn't hesitate – I barely feel the tip of his pulsing cock against me before he's thrusting in, entering my stretched and lubricated hole, not slowing at all until his hips hit my ass and his balls touch mine and I can feel the whole thing, hot and quivering inside me. Not at _all_ like a toy…even a vibrating one. Fuck. No. Fucking. Way.

Then he starts thrusting, grunting and pounding into me, plundering my body in front of this smirking Blondie. It occurs to me vaguely that this is rape…I'm getting _raped_, and for a _kid's_ entertainment. The haze clears a little when I think that, just the shock of the realization hitting me, and I try to think, try to figure out what to do to make this end…but I still can't move, not a bit. But maybe I can get rid of this horrible _need _in my body…

No…I don't want to…I don't want to admit to this happening, I don't want to climax from what they've done to me, I don't want to let them _see_ me get off, not when it's because of _rape_. But at the same time I really can't take it anymore, and it looks like there's no fucking way in hell I'm going to outlast this, and that realization brings back this sick ache in my chest. Horrible shame and loathing – loathing myself and my lack of control and these _beasts_ who are doing this to me – and this hellish feeling like I might really cry. And _I. Can't. Do. That._ No. But if this goes on much longer…

So I just let go. And, with a scream and a series of spasms, I come, letting the heat shoot out of me onto the floor and praying, _praying_ to anyone who will listen that now they'll be satisfied, _now_ they'll let it end.

But he doesn't stop – Saïx enjoys it, but gods, he just keeps thrusting. Harder and harder, more violently, more vicious and mindless than ever, sending shocks through my limp, spent body that hurt, hurt…but I don't even have the energy to tense against the pain anymore. And I hear him whimper like a sniveling dog to Roxas, "Lord Solen…may I…?"

I hear the soft smile in that youthful voice, cold and even as ever, the disinterested puppeteer in this sick show. "You may, but not inside him." Am I supposed to feel relieved, hearing that? Maybe…and maybe I actually _am_, a little.

Roxas watches – I can see him out of the corner of my eye, a smug look of satisfaction on his face as the other Pet pulls out and jerks himself a few times before releasing with a snarl, his hot come hitting my ass and lower back.

Since I've had a minute to recover from my own forced orgasm, and now don't have a stranger's cock in my ass, I finally can have the presence of mind to feel disgusted again, and mad as all hell on top of that. Raped. _Raped._ For a _show_. My own _body_ taken away from me, out of my control no matter how hard I struggled. How _dare_ that little brat! And that miserable bitch of a Pet, too! I'd strangle him if my hands were free, I swear to fucking _Jupiter_. And thinking of Jupiter, I want to shred that miserable computer-deity piece of shit – _that thing _is what makes Tanagura run this way. _That thing_ lets evil like this happen.

But _that thing_ can wait. I want to strangle someone _tangible_ right now, I feel like I'll burst from disgust and humiliation if I don't, and the one whose neck I want to crush, feeling the bones deep inside crack and crumble…the one whose blue, blue eyes I want to see bugging in shock and panic and pain…the one I want to _kill_…is Roxas.

As the animal-Pet laps hungrily at the trails of his own come on my body, I swear from the bottom of my cold, furious gut, I am going to make Roxas pay for this someday.

~o~


	9. Day 189

**Author's Note:** I keep waiting for the chapter when I'll cross the line and lose the readers I never expected to have with this fic...maybe this chapter is finally the one. ^^;

* * *

Day 189

When I think about it – which I don't, much – those three years with him were the best three years of my life. Everything was shit before that – not that I'm complaining, it's just a fact – and everything since he died has pretty much gone back to shit. But for a while there, for three short little years, things were almost…perfect. He came into my life with a smile, and he changed everything. And he kept on smiling right up until they killed him.

I never let myself think about him now…but I can't help it today. And the reason is that Roxas has brought me down to the Salon, and I just saw a guy that looks _so much like him_ – a Pet.

I'm standing here in this fucking thong, and Roxas is having drinks with that silver one, Riku, and I think he brought me because he could see how nuts I was going locked up in his room. But he won't send me over to any of the stages. He promised. I'm just here to stand by quietly, people-watching in the Salon, the center of Tanagura's filth. And that's when I see him.

The Pet's hair is brown and _his_ hair was naturally brown, but he didn't leave it like that often. He liked to dye it any number of colors, as much as he liked to mess with the style. But his favorite look was to lighten it to sandy-blond and spike it up, with long, silky-soft parts in the back and close-shaved sides. Weird as hell, and I _told_ him if they arrested him for making himself blond then there'd be nothing I could do, he'd be doomed to be fucked by fat old prison thugs for the rest of his life. But he just smiled and laughed and kept walking that dangerous line in his carefree way. Gods, I loved him.

This Pet has hair like his natural color was. He doesn't have the long parts in the back either, but the sides are short and the top is spiked, and _I know what that feels like_. Under the pads of my fingers, the stiff fuzz of short hairs, the feeling of longer spikes getting disheveled as I run my hands through them, _I know_. And his _face_. It isn't quite right, of course, but the resemblance is enough to feel like a knife in my gut. I _do not_ want to think of him _here_, I don't want to see some Pet in a thong parading around with _his face_ in this hellhole of depravity. And I _can't_ look, I _won't watch_ what that Pet is doing now, onstage…with some other Pet. I_ will not _see _him_ up there, doing that, dirtying _his_ face and _his_ hair and…and _his _navel and his calves, so similar…I can't, I can't…_ I think I'm going to scream_.

"Axel?"

Roxas is looking at me, and his voice is cold, the way it should be – we have to be careful here, in public. But he must have noticed something, because his blue, blue eyes are concerned, he's not hiding it well. The other one is looking at me too, frowning a little. I need to calm down.

I need to stop thinking about _him_.

I give them a look, shake my head, and Roxas seems warily reassured. He goes back to talking to Riku, and they seem to be discussing Riku's Pet, Sora. Riku didn't bring him; I'm standing by their table alone.

"He's…resting. He's a very delicate Pet. I…let him rest often."

Roxas nods, hearing the things Riku isn't saying, because they can't talk about this openly, not here. But that foolish little Blondie can't keep the slight color out of his cheeks, and I'm guessing he's the reason his Pet needs to rest today. But he doesn't seem as troubled by it as the one time he came to talk to us – in fact, he looks a little bit secretly happy whenever he mentions his Pet – so I'm guessing things aren't going too badly with them.

A particularly loud, erotic cry from the stage snatches my attention back for a moment…and then I_ look away, fast_. Damn it. I was just managing to forget that Pet…and now he's getting publicly fucked. _Roughly_.

Over the music and the talking and the other sounds from other stages, I hear _that one voice_, I can't block it out, damn it, _damn it_. At least he doesn't sound the same…but it's enough to hear and know how _like him_ he _looks_. It's like he's here, alive, and enslaved in Tanagura like me. And that…_I can't bear that thought_. He was an _angel_, he was pure and lovely and so far from this perversion and evil that it should never, _never touch him_. Hells, the reason I haven't even dared to _think_ of him since coming is that it would be almost like bringing him here!

Roxas must have noticed me again, because he's saying farewell to Riku and getting up to leave. "Come, Axel." I follow him, and I'm grateful for the concern, I am, but my mind is still stuck on _him_. And I always avoided these thoughts, too, because I know I can't shut him out once I start remembering.

We're silent in the lift, going back up, sky-high, to Roxas' room. He doesn't speak, but I only half-notice. My mind is full of memories stirred up by that Pet – memories of _him_, his smile and his touch, but most of all…the way he was in bed. When we made love.

_What was it like for him?_ I don't think I've ever wondered about that before, not much anyway. He was my first, and he wanted me to enter him, and that suited me fine. I would have switched if he'd asked to, but he just…hadn't yet. So I never found out what it felt like for him.

Then I came here, and I don't even know how many men fucked me into the floor when I was being "trained." Kind of like what that Pet was getting onstage. Now I know what it feels like to be taken, but…it's not the same. It's rough, cruel, and painful, and I was _never_ like that with him. So maybe they've forced me to come that way countless times. Yeah, it's a form of pleasure too, but _different_. Not at all like the pleasure I gave him.

I may not know what it felt like, but I know he enjoyed it. He was always very vocal and passionate in bed – there was no mistaking those reactions. And then, on top of that, there were the things he'd say. When it was over, and we lay there enjoying the afterglow, and touching, and kissing…then he'd start murmuring things that would make any man think he was the best damn lover on the planet. And then sometimes he'd get this cute, wicked little smirk, and his compliments would start to get a little dirty, a little naughty, and that's how I knew he wanted more, because when he talked to me like that I'd be up and hard again in a flash, no matter how tired I was.

I gave him everything I had, and I know he enjoyed it and he was happy, and I'm glad. But even though I _know_…I guess…my _body_ doesn't know. My body knows pain, and that Pet reminded me of it…and…it's really insane, I can't explain this, but…my _body_ wants some reassurance.

He's not here in this filth, his sweet, lovely beauty isn't tarnished like me, and I gave him love and pleasure while I could…_I know_. But there's a Pet here that looks _so much like him_, and that Pet is getting fucked _right now_, and my body is tense with the memory of that pain screaming through me, and I want to know what it felt like for him, I want to _know_ that it didn't feel like _this_.

A door opens, and another, and we're in Roxas' room again – I didn't even notice most of the trip here, I was just following him. And now I stop and stand still, not sure what to do with myself as he goes to his changing room, habitually freeing himself from the heavy cloak and other impractical articles of a Blondie's wardrobe.

Maybe he'll ask me what was wrong…maybe he'll be angry. Doesn't really matter. I don't want to talk about it. I might never be able to tell Roxas about _him_.

"Axel." I look up, and he's back, watching me, studying me carefully as he steps forward. _Please don't question me, please…_

"Are you all right?" He's right in front of me, now.

Glancing away, avoiding those blue – not aqua-light, not sparkling…too dark, too deep, too _blue_ – blue eyes, I mumble, "I'm fine."

He's silent, regarding me a little longer. _Drop it, don't ask…_ And then hands slide up my arms to settle over my shoulders and pull down.

"OK." And he kisses me.

It's a slow but firm press, a tiny bit cautious but mostly just…offering the opportunity of a new focus, new direction. And that's great and all, I appreciate what he's doing, but the thing is…I just don't feel like it. _He_ is filling my mind, and I can't take someone else's body, not now. I can't do the things I did with him. With him in my head like this…it's too painful.

He pushes forward a little, but I'm unresponsive. I'm not really sure how this will go…how do you reject a Blondie? The last time I tried, I was in training and…well, it didn't work. But things have happened since then… Am I in a position to reject him now? And…if I'm not…can I handle what that would mean?

He's frowning, drawing back, seeking my eyes, but I won't meet his. "Come on, Axel…"

Sullenly, I answer, "No. I don't want to." Nervousness is churning in my gut, though, and he's blinking in surprise, and between those two things I just _have_ to say something to…soften the sting, I guess.

Still looking away, I add, "If you want it, _you_ do it."

He goes still, and I can feel him watching me. I check the very edges of my vision, and I can see that he looks a bit taken aback at the suggestion. But his expression is changing, turning more thoughtful, puzzling, and he's looking me over so I dare to look a little more fully at _him_. There's a small, frowning crease between his blond eyebrows, and he's biting his lip just a little.

The poor kid looks kinda troubled, and I'm wondering if I should take it back, help him out or something…but then, that's the problem, I'd have to take the lead with him, and even if he's an amazing fuck and even if he's more to me now than just any Blondie, I _just can't right now_. As I'm hesitating, that's when he moves.

He leans forward a little abruptly, and licks my nipple. Sort of tentative, sort of experimental…sort of wet and warm and stroking, um. Then…he latches on. Sucking and nipping just a little, _really_ carefully, his arms slipping around my torso loosely. I just blink a few times, staring. Half of me wants to laugh, because apparently he's decided to try copying the things I always do to him…and half of me wishes that I didn't _feel _so much right there. I mean, they weren't particularly sensitive spots originally, but…three years of sensual attention kinda changed that, and "training" didn't reverse anything. So, uh…it would be great if he'd…stop…before I…

Letting go, his mouth moves upward, and he starts to work over my neck. It's kind of sloppy, kind of clumsy – especially since he has to stretch a bit to reach this high – but it's really…not bad. Neither are his hands…not bad. Slipping down, holding my hips a moment, fingertips reaching behind a little and touching my ass. Which is weird, because I think it might be the first time he's touched my ass, even after all this time that he's been looking at it every damn day.

His hands aren't there long, however. After one smooth caress, they move back around and…and cup my groin. Cup…and start to slowly knead through the thong with movements that are surprisingly confident and firm. _I guess he's still a Blondie after all. _Somehow, that thought doesn't really kill my body's awakening interest in Roxas' actions.

He fixes me with a sharp look, hands still moving. "Don't complain if you don't like it. I'll try not to hurt you, but…I might anyway."

I'm not really sure what to think of this. I nod at Roxas for now, but suddenly I'm wondering if this is a good idea. I'm not at all sure this will be any easier – allowing Roxas to take charge of my body, _Roxas_, the Blondie who stood by smiling while man after man raped me until I bled…

Maybe I shouldn't think about that. Maybe remembering is only making this worse. If I just…stop thinking, and pretend this isn't scary, and just…_feel_…maybe it won't go too badly. And really…it's not like the feelings at this moment are bad. I'm stiffening in response to his hands, and they change from kneading to stroking my hardening erection.

It's easier to forget everything else now, easier to just feel…and then Roxas stops what he's doing, and I can feel his fingers slip over my hips, under the thong as he carefully removes my only clothing. And he doesn't leave me long to wonder what he's going to do.

Blue eyes catch mine, and he lowers himself…to his knees. In front of me. _Kneeling_. Oh gods. He wouldn't…he would _never_…

A tongue that's almost too hot to believe presses my tip before sliding up the whole length of me, and if I wasn't quite fully hard yet, I sure as hell am now. Roxas is doing this to me. _Roxas_. Roxas is licking, stroking with his soft hands, and…and sliding his lips around me, taking me into his mouth, shit. Oh gods, oh Jupiter, oh shit. He sucks hard and it's so hot and wet in his mouth, tight, and even though I know he has no idea what he's doing he knows what I do to him and he's moving his tongue, and the hectic little spasms of that muscle against my underside are making me tense against the sudden urge to _thrust_. It's hard to keep control, hard to let him just bob his head awkwardly like this, sucking and moaning a little around me. I want to grab him and pound into his face, it's like a craving rising up from I don't know where, wanting, _needing_ to fuck him right into his throat, watch him whimper and submit and cry, and then shoot all over his face, or into his mouth and make him drink it, make him lick up every bit as I look down on him, satisfied…

_No_. Fucking hell no. That's…well. I want to but…I won't. It's like what he did to me, and even if he deserves punishment for that, I won't. I'll be…the bigger man, or whatever. Maybe just because…he noticed I was upset down in the Salon today.

So I want to, but I hold on and hold still and let him just suck me, and it feels _good_, even with his lack of experience. The ring of his lips squeezes up and down my length, _so good_, and they're already wet, shining with his saliva and a little white mess that has already started leaking out of me. I wonder what he thinks of my taste? I'm…strangely addicted to his…

My hand moved, and I didn't notice. Now it's petting the side of his pretty face, unable to resist tracing the slight curve of his cheeks over my shape in his mouth, and it's all I can do to steady my roughened voice to speak. "How is it? You like that, Roxas?" Being the one getting the blow job – from a _Blondie_, no less – might be going to my head a little.

He pulls off with a hard suck that makes my knees shake a bit and licks his lips. That little crease is back between his brows, so cute in its uncertainty and concentration. "It's…weird." He licks once more at a bead of white fluid leaking from my tip, and moves to rise. "It's not bad though. Did you like it?" He hesitates, searching my face. "Do you want more? Want to come this way?"

_Tempting…_ "Uh, that's OK, Roxas. I mean…you don't have to…" This position, with him it's…I don't know. Since I started sleeping with my Blondie master, I've always been mostly in control, but this…this is different. My mind is replaying the countless times he made me suck him off before we went further than that, and I keep remembering the way all those times ended. I don't know if I can resist doing the same to him after all, not if he finishes me off like this.

Nodding, he moves close, holding me and pressing our bodies together tightly. It's kinda strange, but it reminds me that this little Blondie isn't always going to be so young and small. He might have even grown a bit since he bought me. And one day, if he still has me when he's an adult, he'll probably tower over me with the unnatural height and strength of all adult Blondies.

He purrs against my collarbone, "Go to the bed. I have to find the lubricant." He doesn't sound too uncertain anymore.

If we last that long – until he's an adult – I might need to prepare myself for a complete reversal of our roles in this relationship. _Is that scary or…exciting? _I stop a moment. _No…no, it's irrelevant. By the time he's an adult, he'll be tired of me. He is a Blondie after all, and childish obsessions fade. And even if he wanted, he couldn't keep me. _For the first time, I consider the future. Going by the usual fate of Pets…I guess he'll be forced to sell me to a brothel. From there…well. I may never again walk the city streets free, my own man. _Slavery until death…_

Roxas returns to find me sitting on the bed, and he stops in front of me, his expression darkening. Irritated. "What the hells, Axel? If you're really _that_ disinterested in it, you shouldn't have suggested that _I_ do anything!"

Glancing down, I cringe a little, noticing the reason for his displeasure. I've gone almost completely soft, thinking about miserable subjects at the wrong time. I can think of a few lines that would make up for it – shit about the effect of his presence on me, slutty, teasing shit like that – but I'm really in no mood to play the whore for him. On the other hand, I can't piss him off either. Fumbling, I take hold of myself with a mumbled apology and I start trying get my damn cock back up.

A light swat to my arm stops me, and I look up to find Roxas crawling onto my lap, straddling me. "Never mind," he purrs, "I'll just have to _excite_ you again." And pretty lips curl in this little smirk before he kisses me, and nothing is familiar. I was once used to seeing a cold, confident smirk, and since then I've seen that change to a really tempting sort of "come hither" look…but this time he's looking at me with something else. Warm confidence and a sense of intent without the cruelty…like nothing I've seen from him before, gods. And his kiss…it's forceful and he's up on his knees, higher than me and pulling my hair to bend my head far back and make me submit to his tongue in my mouth, far less clumsy than when we started this whole thing, _fucking Jupiter's bracelets_. And I can't do anything but give in, I can barely spare a thought for breathing as he kisses me with this delicious blend of intentional force and melting pleasure… _Well, fuck me, that's doing a damn good job, actually._

He chuckles breathily when he feels my renewed erection poke him, and slowly pulls back. Blue, blue eyes have more than intent and lust in them now – there's a spark that looks like…curiosity? Realization? And I shudder a little. _Jupiter help me if he just realized how weak I am to his kisses…_ And…and I forget what I was just thinking, because he leans forward experimentally and kisses my neck, then kisses again, and whether it's the better angle now or he's just a fast learner, it's not as awkward as before. It's kinda…really good. He's moving up, sucking a bit, reaching my earlobe and playing with little nibbles. Then, slowly – pausing first to make me hold my breath, shivering a little in anticipation – he tongues the inside of my ear with a little twirl…while his fingers do the same thing over the head of my cock, a little twirl, shit.

His voice is a breathy purr, and I can feel his lips brush my ear when he speaks, so close… "I love this, you know. I love your cock…" I hear that and shiver, the heat in my groin intensifying, an agonizing tightness building as he touches me slowly. "Now," he continues, so softly, "let me learn to love your ass, too."

I…it's like I'm hypnotized. I can't think of a damn thing to say to that, and his hands gently prod me, guiding…and I just roll over quietly, laying myself out before him on the bed. I just feel kinda…dazed. I didn't know about this side of him…I didn't know he could do this to me, make me feel this way.

His hands squeeze my ass, opening me up, and I think I'm figuring out what it feels like to be a nervous, vulnerable virgin. Not that I'm even close to virginal, but it _is_ the first time I'm _letting_ someone touch me like this, and hells, it really does take a measure of trust, doesn't it? My stomach flips around a little, uncertain, and I wonder if I'm really able to trust anyone this much anymore…

"Hold yourself open for me." The quiet command makes me freeze for a brief moment, gripped by something a little more than nervousness – something like fear. It's not the same tone, but it reminds me…reminds me of all the times I was helpless, forced into submission, and listening to quiet commands calmly directing my torturers, letting me hear what was coming before it happened, making everything that much harder to endure.

It's hard to obey, but I have to remember – I got myself into this. So I do it. Pull my own ass open for a Blondie…gods, it's hard to believe. _I hope he doesn't hurt me, is it gonna hurt? It probably will…he doesn't really know what he's doing, after all. If he hurts me…_ My whole body is tense with the thought, with the physical memories of pain, so clear right now, so frightening…

But he speaks again, and his voice…it's so breathless and warm, so unfamiliar that I want to look back and make sure he's really the one talking. "So…wow. So beautiful, Axel…you're so alluring…" _Fuck, are you shitting me?_ I wonder… _What does his face look like right now?_ How does he look, when he's looking at me…? I stop thinking about that. He moved close, all of a sudden, and I feel his hands slide down my ribs and then…then a kiss. Soft and warm and unmistakable, right in the center of the lowest place on my lower back – a press of lips, lingering, then a hot stroke of a tongue, then both together, sucking a little, concentrating on that spot. And I…can't begin to understand why he's kissing my lower back, or why, _why_ it's carrying these waves of tingling pleasure straight to my cock until I can barely keep my hands where they are…because I want to grab hold of myself and stroke this feeling into madness. I want more, I want to come…it's too soon but I _want_ it…

He pulls back and I catch the familiar sound of a bottle opening. _Should I remind him about stretching…?_ Nope, never mind. He knows…of course. I feel slippery fingers glide down the seam of my ass, spreading lubricant. It sends a shiver through me, a tingling need for that touch to keep going…and I don't know how he senses what I want, but his hand doesn't stop. He moves down between my legs in this long, slippery caress, _fucking Jupiter,_ all the way to my sac and over until he's sliding his wet fingers right to the tip of my cock… _Ohhhh fires of all the hells_ _it feels __**good**__._ Then his hand is removed and his touch slides back again, pressing and then beginning to rub in slow circles over the spot where he'll…he'll enter…

"_Unnngh_…" I don't realize until too late that I was the one who released that soft moan…damn. But I couldn't help it. He just keeps rubbing, around and around, massaging the surface with this endless, slick caress until I'm beginning to forget that I was worried he'd hurt me because this teasing touch is driving me _crazy_ and _why doesn't he just hurry up and get in there already? _

"Does it feel good, Axel?" Fuck, I can't believe _he's_ the one asking _me_ that! And I'm really getting curious about his face, his expression, because his voice sounded soft and kinda like he was trying to be sexy…but there was this breathy sound that makes me want to check and see if he's hard too, now, because he sounds just a little bit desperate… "Tell me if it hurts…" He pants a little, and the circling massage gets firmer, suddenly pressing slowly forward. His fingers continue to rub circles around and around as the first one slips into me so easily I might not have noticed, except now I can feel the rubbing from the inside too…_fuck_.

Another finger joins the first inside me, never relenting in the circling motion, making it hard, _so hard_ to keep from making any embarrassing sounds. Fucking hells, I don't want to _whimper_ like a little bitch, but I might not be able to help it if he doesn't move _in_ more. Because I know where that spot is, I'm keenly aware of just how much further he needs to push in to touch it, _never mind how I know about it_, I just want him to do this rubbing massage thing _right there on that spot_. And _hurry._

But things like "more" and "hurry" and all those begging things…I don't want to say that. I guess it's OK that we're doing this, but…but I don't want to be like that. Not that there's anything wrong with it – I _really_ like it when he says those things – but it's just…pride, I guess. As if I have any claim to that anymore, _haha yeah right._ Still, though. I just…I bite my lip to hold back a grunt almost-successfully and just hope he starts to show his naïveté soon, because if he keeps being this good…I might be in trouble.

I don't know how many fingers he has slowly worked into me, adding more lube all the time, when he finally starts to push deeper. All I know is _closer, yes, a little more…_ and then _gods of Amoi yes, yesss!_ His touch feels _so_ good, better than I imagined, and he does the circle-rubbing thing there too, which I have to remember. I don't think I've tried that on him…and he'd…he'll look so delicious…his reaction if I do this to him…he'll…gods…_gods!_

"R-Roxas…that…_hhnnnn!_" That wasn't a moan. It wasn't. It was…a long grunt.

"I…" He seems choked, still rubbing maddeningly inside me. "I don't know what else I can…to prepare you…Axel. I could…try a toy, maybe? To reach…"

I know what he means. And yeah, really, toys can reach further and I should probably want him to get one and use it, less chance of pain later and all, but…but he'd have to get up to go get one, and he'd have to _stop_, and then I'd have to endure more of this while he used some piece of fucking _plastic_. So… "No, it's OK, Roxas." I clear my throat roughly, trying to get the _gasp_ out of my words. "You can…uh, I mean, I'm ready enough."

"But it's been so long since…um, that is…you're…t-tight." _So long since…the last time you had another Pet rape me? Yeah, I know._ It's not a pleasant thought, but I don't feel quite as bitter about it as I expected.

I make my voice sound confident and consoling…try to give him a little direction. He sounds kinda worried, kinda nervous, and I don't want him to be. "It's fine, Roxas. It won't hurt. Trust me, I'll be all right. OK?" _Though it will hurt, it will, probably…I know. But I think I can handle it so that he's not upset…_ "Just…go ahead."

"You'll t-tell me if I need to stop, right?" His voice is really uncertain now. _Huh. So much for a Blondie's confidence. I guess…he's still just a kid, after all._

"Yeah, Roxas. I'll let you know." I probably won't though, if I can help it. The way he is right now…he'd probably back way off, mortified. He sounds like he'd feel really bad if I admitted that he hurt me…and _that's_ an odd facet to our new reality. I still can't quite get used to it. Being _cared for_ by a Blondie brat and all. Not that I preferred "training" but…I don't know. It _was_ easier to understand.

But now he's adjusting himself, trying to get into the right position, and I try to lift my hips up a bit, too. But I can't really go all the way up on my knees, because I think his legs are still too much shorter, and then he'd have a hell of a time trying to reach – too short on his knees behind me, too tall standing up. That wouldn't work…so I shift a little, bringing my knees up under me, laying over my own bent legs. He should be able to situate himself now…and I can just barely reach down and take hold of myself. There's not really room for him to do it, and he probably can't multitask quite that much anyway.

After a moment of fumbling – I guess he forgot to get his pants open before this – and another moment for more lube, I feel the hot pressure of his erection touching me…ready. I take a deep breath, trying to relax, trying to unclench my jaw and drive away this shuddering, lingering fear, this self-preservation instinct screaming at me, reminding me of the walls of hate I hid behind to protect myself from him…

But he's still pausing there, and I shove the fear aside, wondering what's wrong, and I crane my neck to look back over my shoulder at him. He's kneeling there, eyes squeezed shut, and looks scared shitless.

I pretty much melt, I think.

"Hey…what's the matter, Roxas?" My free hand reaches back for him, brushing over the hand grabbing my hip, and his eyes jolt open and meet mine, tortured. _How strange…_ He seems so _young_ and…oddly inexperienced right now. So childlike…

"What if I…?"

I sigh. "You _won't_ hurt me. I'm really _fine_."

Blond hair flies back and forth as he shakes his head. "What if…what if I'm…bad? If you don't like it…"

_Damn, what the hell?_ There's this little twinge in my chest when he says that, all worried, and sort of a helpless smile on my face, I think. And I really didn't ever want to use Pet lines with him – don't wanna reinforce the whole "I'm the Pet, he's the Blondie" thing – but right now…he needs to hear something that he hasn't heard yet.

"How could I not like having you inside of me? I want it…I want _you_. Can't you tell?" Somehow, _saying _the words…they suddenly feel so much more true than they did a minute ago…when I wasn't sure I wanted this at all. Now…now I really…_do_. I _want_ to know what it feels like…having my lover inside me._ Wait…my lover? That's not…quite true…_

My fingers wrap around his, squeezing gently. "Just…hurry. Hurry up and…take me. I want…I want to feel you." _Ha…never said __**that**__ before…_ It's weird. It is but…it's not as wrong as I expected. It might even be almost…right. _Somehow_.

Like he's hanging on for dear life, his eyes stay locked with mine, and I don't care if my neck hurts at this angle, I keep watching him…as he slowly pushes into me, _oh fucking Jupiter…oh._ It…it doesn't hurt. There's a little burn and the familiar unfamiliar stretching feeling, but it's so different from the pain my body remembers, so much easier…I don't mind at all. And he is so careful, so hesitating, stopping a little short for now…and _that_ more than anything might be the most torture, the tantalizing slowness of it. I almost want to move for him, speed things up…but I have to restrain myself – remember, _he's_ in control this time.

Weak-voiced gasping reaches me – I couldn't hold my head up anymore, all I can see is the sheets, so I'm focused on him through touch and hearing – and he moans and moves in and out a few times, gentle thrusts that make me shiver, _gods_. He struggles to speak, hands clutching involuntarily at my hips, "Axel…_oh…_f-feels…" He breaks off with a whimper.

"Yeah…" Huh…my voice sounds a little weak, too. _Unexpected…_

"D-does it…?"

"Yeah…it feels good, Roxas." And I'm not lying. Really…not lying. _So this is how it felt for…him…_ It's a soothing thought, and I can feel myself relaxing. It won't hurt if it's like this. And…the fear that's been eating at my insides since down in the Salon…it's starting to fade. _This is what I needed to know_.

And then…I stop thinking about that. About…_him_. It's OK now, and now that I'm not agonizing over it…there's Roxas. Roxas moving, Roxas inside me, and all of a sudden the reality sinks in – _This is us having sex too. We might do it like this a lot more someday…but this is also sex with Roxas. He…this is how he makes love._ And now he's moving faster, starting to gain some confidence, starting to follow the instincts that teach him what he should do…and I'm starting to feel _incredible_. My body reads his rhythms and my hand follows his pace easily, stroking my own cock and _hells_, I didn't know it felt this good, both at once – thrusting inside and stroking together, I didn't know…

I like it – doing this with Roxas. And now I realize something – I don't just like fucking a pretty little Blondie into whatever surface is available. I like having sex…_with Roxas_. I don't care who does what, it doesn't matter – I like being with him like this. _That's all._

His angle changes, and a second later I know why. His hands slide up from my hips, along my back and over my shoulders, and now he's practically lying on top of me, still just barely rocking in and out, so slow. I can feel his shirt against my sweaty skin, and it's sticking to me but it's soft, and he's so close, and then…then I feel his face press against my back, a slight sigh escaping him and cooling my skin for a moment as he just…holds me.

"This…this is how it feels for you? Something like this?" His voice is so soft, so melted and gentle…a few minutes ago, wasn't I remembering how young he still is? And now he's anything but childlike. He's almost…a man.

I bury my idiotic smile in the sheets and try to answer loud enough to be heard past the muffling fabric, "Yeah, Roxas…it's good, huh?"

"_Oh, yes_…" He breathes, then I feel his lips, his kisses along my shoulder blade for a minute. "Does it…_nnnh_…for you…this feeling inside, do you feel this, too? When you do this to me…"

My spine feels electrified. _What…feeling does he mean?_ _He couldn't…_ "Uh, which _ahhh_…which feeling, Roxas?"

He's _purring_ now – such a strange, incredible sound – and holding me tighter and thrusting harder, _gods yes_… "Like…like…I don't know! _Special_, like…you're mine. You're mine, _mine_, precious and beautiful…" His voice is deep and hoarse and he just keeps murmuring, rambling, disjointed words and thoughts that I can't stop listening to, _thirsting_ for. "But not like when I knew you were mine before, not like being the center of your world…or…or wanting to be…" _He…he does? I didn't know…_ "Like you're _mine_, adorable, precious, _everything_…and I'll protect you. I'll…I want to…never let you be hurt. I want to make you safe…and happy…to…to be your shield…Axel. _Axel_…"

_Gods of Amoi…he can't be serious._

"Does it feel like this for you…?"

_What the hells do I tell him?_ Because…that's not just any feeling. That feeling, I recognize it. When I was with _him_, when I made love to _him_…that was the way I always felt. That was my love for him. And now… _"Does it feel like this" for me? _When I'm with Roxas, is it…?

"Yes…" _What am I saying?_

"It does?" His voice catches, chokes a little.

"Yes…it…it _can_ feel like that."

He stops thrusting. Hesitates for a moment, watching me I think. Then his voice is just a whisper… "_With me?_"

_I…I can't…I don't know! M-maybe…_ But before I can form an answer, he stops waiting for one. He pulls back suddenly and pushes in again – fast, forceful, _good. Fucking gods…how did he get…good like this? Natural…talent…I guess. _He's driving me crazy, I can't control myself when he's taking me like this – hard now, intense and wild…so good, so fucking wonderful like this, I can't hold out…

And then he grunts and I didn't expect it, but he's coming, I can feel it…coming inside me, _shit_, so hot, so sudden but I don't care, it's the first time this has ever felt good for me, _good_, and I want to feel it. It's…_Roxas._

I feel him until he's done and pulling out, and I don't like that, I don't like losing him inside of me because I'm not done, not _quite _yet, but he's exhausted, collapsing beside me…so I just roll over to face him and stare at him – _gods he looks amazing, so sexy – _and I'm stroking myself fast, my whole body feels tight and agonized with need, focused on _him, _on his face, on the feeling of warm orgasm inside me – _his._

Blue. His eyes…he opens them and stares back, glassily, drifting in pleasure as he gazes at me and I'm _closer, closer_, his eyes on me are taking me almost to the edge…

A smile flickers in those blue depths, and the corner of his pretty mouth curls slightly, and he slowly moves, lifts himself, _touches me_ – a hand pushes me over gently, onto my back. Then he's kneeling, moving down my body, gently stopping my hand and _oh, oh_ replacing my touch with his own.

With his lips.

There's nothing slow about what he does now, nothing hesitant like the first time. Without waiting, _thank the gods_, he pushes his lips down over my cock. Then he's moving swiftly, bobbing his head and sucking, _sucking_, hand tight around the base while the other kneads my sac and _fuck, fuck I don't care if I get teased for weeks, _I can't hold back at _all_. And when I release, shooting into his mouth and feeling him swallow – _swallow_ – around me again and again, I'm not thinking about humiliating him. Not now.

_Roxas…Roxas…ohhhh gods oh fuck oh __**Roxas**__…_

I'm drifting and not really aware right after that, but he must have finally taken off his shirt, and he's the one that pulls silken covers around us both…and when I can think again, there he is. Snuggled close against me, naked as I am, both of us falling asleep with arms wound around each other.

"Roxas…" I don't know why I wanted to whisper that. Habit, maybe…

He looks up, and then he's kissing me. Kissing and kissing and kissing…and then finally pulling away to murmur, "Sorry…I didn't get to kiss you enough."

"O-Oh…" I think I'm grinning like an idiot again.

"Um…" His voice goes quieter, more hesitant, like before. "If…if you liked that…"

I grin again and let my hand rub slow circles on his back. "I liked that, Roxas. Definitely."

His smile is bright and beautiful. "Th-then…um, if we ever do that again…" _Again? _I blink. _Well, damn…_ "…Can we face each other? So…so I can kiss you?"

And all I can do, really…is kiss him. Kiss him and hold him closer and smile, because _he's _smiling, so I can't help it.

"Yeah Roxas. We can."

~o~


	10. Day 37

**Author's Note:** Well...it's Enslaved, guys. ^^; So uh...if you don't particularly wanna find out why Axel gave in to Roxas to save Sora from Xaldin...you might wanna skip this chapter. Actually, if you're underage at all, I'd feel better if you skipped this one. :P

* * *

Day 37

_A glass cage?_

Guards on either side of me – with their sick fucking whips, of course – are leading me into this room. It's dark, but I think there's lush seating, all of it facing the stage – the centerpiece in this large room, glowing with white light and encased, from what I can see, in glass. Unbroken and thick-looking too, raised a bit…but empty. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Roxas – he followed the guards here from his room – as he seats himself gracefully. I'm not sure if there's anyone else in the dark room beyond my sight, but it sure looks like he plans on staying and watching whatever show I'm about to be involved in.

And then I see where I'm being led – stairs leading down to a door under the stage, beneath the level of the floor, kind of like old cellars in the slums. But those are narrow, and this one's wide enough that both guards can lead me down without crowding, down to the door they unlock and shove me through…into a dark-as-pitch little hole of a room. I _think_. The door slams behind me and I can't see anything now, but it _feels_ small and cramped.

I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I have a feeling I'm not gonna like this. The change of scene has me worried. Roxas has already made it clear that he doesn't need to take me anywhere special to have me raped all night long, and that's…well. It's hellish enough that I'm getting pretty damn good at not thinking about anything, just surviving the moment and _not thinking_. I'm doing it right now. Not thinking. Surviving.

…In a dark room under a bright stage with Roxas poised to _watch_ again, which means this will be hell. And the fact that I spat on him last night when he told me to blow the guy raping me?

_I'm fucking dead._

The ceiling above me opens with a quiet _hiss_, flooding my tiny chamber with white light just before the floor hums to life and starts moving up, forcing me through the opening into the light…and onto the glass-encased stage. _Oh clever. No way out then, huh?_

It's true; there isn't. The floor I'm standing on clicks perfectly into place, becoming a part of the stage floor. I'm alone and naked and chained and under the lights and I can't see if there's anyone out there in the dark, all I can do is guess at where Roxas is. And you know what? _What the hell. I'm already probably gonna barely survive this. _ Knowing him, he's already throwing hell at me and can't make it any worse without killing me, and that would be a welcome relief. So fuck it. _Fuck him._

I guess at the direction, glare into the dark, and spit on the floor. _I don't fucking care what you do to me, Blondie trash. I'll either survive or I'll die. Survive, you lose; die, I win. So fuck you._

I must have spent way too much time in his company lately, because even without being able to see him at all, his face appears in my imagination, that cold smirk twisting his features like always. _Someday, you little bitch…just you wait…_

A noise above me interrupts my thoughts and draws my eyes up…to a cage being lowered from somewhere above in the darkness. I have no idea what's in the cage, but… _If it's being lowered on a chain, maybe I can get around whatever-it-is for a second, climb up and…_

The bottom of the cage opens – still well above my own height, damn it – and drops its prisoner about eight feet to the stage. Whoever…_whatever_ it is, it was prepared for the landing…with a reverberating _thud_ the large shape hits the floor. I can see…hair. Dark hair, long and roped hanging around its head…no, _his_ head. Because there's dark skin too, and an absolute mass of muscle that I'm starting to realize has a human shape…only crouched like this, like an animal, I couldn't tell at first. And this is just the damned weirdest thing ever. What the hell is _this_ guy doing here? He's so far from normal Pet fare that it's laughable, but I can't imagine what _else_ Roxas would throw me into a cage for…

Suddenly there's a gravelly low rumbling coming from the…_man?_ Uh…maybe it's not so much a man after all. A _thing_…a thing that sounds like a fucking demon, shit. Growling like…like a fucking deadly predator of some kind. _Holy shit…did he throw me in here to get eaten alive? That's…_

_Fuck, that's not it._ I freeze and start backing up instinctively. Slowly. The thing raised its head. There's nothing but white in those eyes, and he's got fangs like an animal, but as he straightens a bit and gets his feet under him, I see something else. Yes, he's male, and we're here for another good raping after all…or else he gets a boner when he's hungry. _Yeah right_. And all it takes is one glance at this thing's cock, and I'm tense and set to run. I can't run far in here and it might just piss him off, but I don't care. Because that thing looks to be a little bigger than the biggest toy Roxas has had used on me so far, and no amount of lubrication made that experience less painful. _Shit. Shit. I'm fucked, I'm…shit. Survive…just live through this. I haven't died from sex yet, I'm not gonna today…shit!_

He leaps at me, and I sprint to the side.

He misses on the first lunge and I whirl and try to put some distance between me and the big dark animal-man with the monster hard-on, but fuck…turns out he can turn on a dime, even as big as he is. My muscles are screaming, strained, trying to launch me away from him, but I feel hot flesh grab my legs, a crushing tight grip with a raking of pain – claws breaking the skin, tearing into my thighs as he whips me back so hard that I don't have a prayer in any hell of keeping my legs under me. And then I _can't breathe can't_ because my whole upper body hits the cold floor with a bone-shuddering impact that knocks all the air out of me, and I'm sliding along the floor crushed on top of my chained arms and it _fucking hurts_ but I kick and twist as much as I can anyway because _fuck fuck fuck it's going to hurt worse if I can't get out of this somehow…!_

The claws dig in deeper and I can't help freezing because _fuck! Ow!_ My teeth are clenched and I know it's over, there's no getting out of this now and I'm praying, _Dear gods of mercy, gods of war, give me the strength to live through this and bear it like a man, don't let me scream like a spineless child in front of that piece-of-shit, spawn-of-Jupiter Blondie…!_

The stench of unwashed human floods me as the _thing_ drags me fully underneath him, and then the massive, clawed hands release my legs only to grab an arm and my neck and toss me over onto my stomach. The grip on my neck slams my head into the floor with a _crack_ that makes the light in my eyes go dark for a moment, and when it's back there are flashes of color filtering across what I can see – a little of the white floor, a wall of glass opposite, and darkness beyond. Nothing I can focus on…as the hard claws dig at my ass, pulling it apart just seconds before…

"_Aaaaagghhh!"_ My throat strains with the scream I can't begin to stop because _the pain, oh gods the __**pain **_until my lungs are empty and my air gone but I'm still screaming, silent and scrabbling at the floor _anything to get away make it stop, stop stop oh gods stop_ because _nothing_ has ever hurt like this before. He slams into me so hard I can feel my body tear, no preparation, no lubricant, nothing, _shit!_ The fist around my throat tightens, claws starting to puncture here too, but I'm still screaming without air and thrashing to get free, and none of the other pains this brings are enough to stop me because my every instinct is only to _get away from this pain_.

My lungs finally make an effort to draw air in again, gray darkness dimming the white light filling my eyes, but my throat is constricted – _I can't remember why_ – and nothing happens. _Motion…_ Another stab, deep and hard and fast, and I choke and tear at the floor for one moment before the world goes dark.

~o~

A harsh, chemical burn in my nostrils brings me back with a jolt, and for one confused second I'm wondering where I am. Then the pain hits me again.

_Oh gods._

Again and again and _again_ and _again_ the pain is hitting me, ripping me apart, not lessened at all – they didn't leave me unconscious long. There's a lingering ammonia burn in the air, just wafting away now as the overpowering body odor of the thing on top of me takes over again. They must have flooded the stage with the stuff as soon as I blacked out.

My neck nearly snaps with a yank on my hair as I feel a few strands torn out, but nothing – not that or the claws buried in my ribs or the metal cutting into my arms – can distract me from the _agony, the oh gods oh fucking hells pain…_ Hot liquid trickles down my thighs steadily, and I know it's blood, but blood clearly doesn't do a whole lot to lubricate, though at least it's _wet._ But it doesn't ease the pain, the burning sting with every movement…and my attacker isn't stopping or slowing. Just _thrusting_. And it sort of filters into my mind after a few minutes that the ripping sensation in my throat is connected to harsh, strangled sounds I can hear – screams.

"_No! Ahh! Agh! No! S-s-stop! No…more…aghh, ahh, __**stop!**_ _Ahhhhhhno!"_

…_I think that's me. Doesn't sound right but…it's me. It has to be._

I'm still screaming, _fuck_, I wanted to be strong but_ I can't, the pain oh gods the pain it hurts, I can't!_ And then the beast fucking me…_moves_. _Faster_. My whole body shudders and nearly snaps with every thrust, because his hips hit my ass full-force, throwing me forward except he still has me by the _hair_ and there's no leeway, so he's damn near breaking my _neck_ now and it's so damn hard to _breathe _again, and the echoing voice I know is mine chokes again and again, the screaming becoming strangled. _It hurts, it hurts, stop it, oh please, please please please!_

The pounding in my body doesn't stop for one second, but all of a sudden it's a lot wetter, and I realize that that feeling inside is the monster…coming. Shooting me full of his nasty semen…_ugh, fucking…!_ But even as nausea rises in my throat and I gag, almost vomiting on the floor, there's this tingle of hope. _He's done? Maybe it's…over?_

I can't vomit; my choking retch gets stopped at my constricted throat and I'm coughing as the creature pulls out so hard I'm afraid he'll really fuck something up in there. But at the same time, _I think I just survived this…somehow. That was…gods. Horrible. Owwww. Ow. But it's over, and…_

_It's not._

A fist hits my stomach, throwing me over onto my back, and as I fall back with a scream of _pain pain pain_ when my ass slams into the floor…my eyes catch sight of my attacker again.

_Hard as a motherfucking rock. Again._

Released, my throat opens, and I barely get my head turned to the side in time as I puke. The dark beast doesn't even blink, just keeps moving in on me, and I'm gasping for air and just thinking of trying to struggle again when the light above me is blocked by a massive shadow and I feel fists gripping my thighs and claws digging yet more holes into them as my legs are shoved up and my back splinters with renewed agony and I scream as I watch, helpless…as that massive, dark member slams into me again.

And again. And again. Again _again again again ugh, ugh, ugh I feel sick again oh gods it hurts again I can't anymore I can't…!_ New angle…new agony. New spots inside that didn't get hit quite so hard the first time. New power ramming into my stomach, making me want to puke again. I try to claw the man's arms, hurt him back, do anything to slow him down or at _least_ make him let up a little on the pressure he's applying to my legs, because I'm damn near folded in _half_ and now it's my _back_ I think he's going to break. _Damn it, I might survive this, but one way or another he's going to cripple me._ But I can't reach, my own legs are too much in the way and the chains don't let my arms reach very far, and the little damage I manage to inflict on his knuckles and forearms doesn't make him so much as flinch.

He just keeps fucking me. Slamming into me at a damn near unbelievable rate, especially now that there's virtually no resistance to slow him down. I'm not tight at all anymore, not stretched and _torn_ like this, and blood and fluids are oozing out of me with every thrust, but it still hurts, even a gentle brush against the raw, broken flesh would make me scream, and he's being about as gentle as a jackhammer. Wrapped in sandpaper. _Yeah…f-feels like that…_

I'm still screaming…or I thought I was. When I try to pull myself together long enough to sort out sounds, I realize that it's not screaming I can hear now. It's a tight, thin, desperate whimpering, and it's constant, and suddenly the stinging behind my eyes starts to make sense, and _no fucking way. I will not do this. I will __**not. Fucking. Cry.**__ Not for him. I won't. I down-fucking-right __**refuse**__._

But it's hard…it's so hard it's damn near impossible. I have to pull everything together and put my whole concentration into fighting it, filling my mind with _hate hate hate for Roxas_ instead. So I don't see anything else coming. Another harsh yank out is followed without a moment's pause by sticky hot orgasm splattering my body and face. _I feel sick again_.

Before I can breathe or even begin to hope this time, I'm thrown over onto my side, my leg wrenched up at a groin-tearing angle, and _he's inside me again_. And he fucks me _again_, raping me just as hard as the first two times, _dear mother of Amoi, doesn't he ever go soft? Is he made of metal? How can this be…happening…again? How…can I keep…oh gods. Oh…oh gods._

I feel hair rasping the inside of my thigh and realize even his fucking _balls_ are hard, _there is something seriously fucking wrong with this man…thing_, and then I've got no thoughts left. Not through another hard fuck. I can't even _see_ anymore…and it takes me a long time before I realize that's because I lost the battle against my tears, and they're running over my face now, blinding my eyes.

Later – I have no idea how long this time, but it feels like an eternity – he comes again, all over me, just as much as before, and then there are claws and fists tearing my body and beating me. Everywhere that's sticky with his seed is soon bloody too, until I'm covered and I can't even raise my bound arms to ward off the slightest blow anymore.

Hazy…everything's…hazy. There's so much pain now I can't even feel it all anymore. Too much…to focus on. But I feel lifted…motion…and then my face slams into something hard…and invisible. It takes me a minute to realize I've been thrown up against the glass wall, body pinned against it like an insect on display, right before another ripping thrust drives into me again.

Darkness…then the acidic burn in my nostrils again. The pounding sensation deep inside that's been going on for so long now that I almost don't remember anything else. More encroaching gray, then dark, the acidic burn still there, but it doesn't fully drive the darkness away like it used to. It just stays, and the gray darkness stays, and the slamming agony in my lower body somewhere stays, and I don't know what's going on anymore, _what kind of world is this? How did I get here? Have I always been like this?_

A warm trickle down my cheek, over my lips, and a salty taste. _Tears or blood?_ I have no idea. But I'm drifting in and out of this gray, painful world, between here and…somewhere else. _I don't want to keep coming back here. I want to stay there. Anywhere but here._

The darkness is darker for a moment, and somewhere in the darkness I see _his face_, his sweet, soft face, beautiful but…but something's wrong. His precious face is wet with countless tracks of tears, eyes filled with water and weeping over me, and though I hear nothing I know somehow…_I have to keep trying. I can't let his heart break like this. Not for my sake. I have to try._

When I think that, he disappears, and the pain is back and stronger than it was, but I know it's almost over. _They aren't stupid_, some drifting thought from outside of myself seems to say._ They know they can't continue past this. It's almost…over._

More tearing hands in my hair, more slamming against hard surfaces and hard hands, and I'm dropped down to my knees, but held up by my hair, because if that grip let go I'd just fall. I've nothing left, no strength to hold myself up with anymore. My eyes crack open in time to see a filthy cock shoved right in my face, and a little jolt of shock doesn't begin to deter _that thing_ from driving between my lips and pounding into my throat just as hard as it was pounding into my ass. And I feel the bile rising again as I gag, but just before I vomit…he shoots again. _How can there still be…this much?_ The vile-tasting liquid fills my throat and mouth…and then the cock is gone, I'm released, and I drop like a rock to the floor, face bouncing off the shining white surface as semen runs out of my mouth.

I can't even pull myself together enough to spit. _Ironic…spitting got me into this…_

That distant, drifting part of my mind catches sight of a reflection in the glass – a translucent form, like a body, crumpled in a broken-looking heap, glistening wetly. Sweat. Sperm. And blood. Lots of blood. _That's…one hell of a nasty-looking corpse_.

Darkness.

~o~

When the darkness pulls back, I'm in my cell, the place Roxas keeps me when I'm not in his room being trained. But I'm not alone. He's there…I know it before I see him. I don't know if it's scent or just…_sense_. He's there. And I still can't move and I can't even flinch at the stroking finger tracing my features. His voice is smooth and soft and dead.

"That was a wonderful show, Axel. You are beautiful like this. I wish I could use you this way all the time…but I _had_ planned to try to make you last… Well. If you insist on defiance, it might not be so bad to wear you out this way."

_Shit. _Gods of Amoi help me if he gives me an order right now, because I can't…_I can't do that again._ But I still can't submit to him! Even once…_I can't!_

But then his voice is different, almost childishly light, and certainly more pleased-sounding than before. Murmuring…

"It's such _fun_ having a Pet…"

_What. The. Fuck_. My vision clears for a moment, focusing on that boyish face for a heartbeat before he withdraws, and it's just incredible how innocent and evil he looks at the same time. I don't understand at all. _What in the fucking lowest hell is wrong with him?_

_Pain._ Again.

Drifting, darkness creeping back in, all I can guess is, _It must be…Blondies. All crazy. All demons in pretty human skin. Or else…humans…warped somehow. Broken inside. Madness…cruelty…he'll pay…someday_

_Someday, Roxas, I'll hurt you for this._

~o~


	11. Day 203

**Author's Note:** Happy Zemyx Day! Uh...this has no Zemyx in it. ^^; But there's a Zemyx fic in the works, I just ran out of time this time. So...I'll have a random Zemyx celebration of my own, one of these days soon. XD

In the meantime, smut. 8D

* * *

Day 203

"I…can't refuse him. He's my _mentor, _Axel, he's…the one charged with my care until I am of age. And I borrowed Pets from him before. I…I have no right to deny his wish. I…I _can't._"

I'm having trouble breathing, watching tortured blue eyes avoid looking at me. Listening to the words he's speaking. Understanding…but not wanting to.

"It would be suicide to let anyone suspect that we…" I trail off there. I don't know what we _are_, anyway, don't know what to call us, exactly. There's only the things we do. The sex. And countless moments when I feel things that I can't quite name, or suspect that he feels things too…but nothing spoken. Nothing defined. Just the sex. And he knows about that.

"Yes." He still won't look at me. "So…so you see…there's nothing I can say." His voice rasps a little, and a little thought in the back of my mind wonders what it would be like to see a Blondie cry. But I won't make him. I probably _could…_ I could get upset, I could lash out, I could beg him not to do this, and he'd probably break down in tears, not that it would change a damn thing. But I won't. I don't really feel like hurting him, even though it was an all-consuming desire…once.

"Will you be there as well?" I make sure my voice is under control and steady before I ask it.

He flinches a little. "I'm invited as a matter of course. It would be the most expected thing…"

I watch him. Study his face. I don't know if that's a good idea. If I'm going to be participating in a private show with someone else's Pets, I'm not sure Roxas should watch. If he can't control himself, the other Blondies might suspect…and looking at him now, I don't know if Roxas can bear to watch it happen.

Whether or not I can bear it either isn't relevant. I don't have a choice.

"You can find an excuse, can't you? If you're busy with work, you can just send me alone…" Startled blues glance at me, finally, only for a moment before he looks away again. "I don't think you should be there, Roxas. It would be easier for you…"

"No." I stop. His fists tighten in the soft fabric of his slacks, arms held stiffly at his sides. "I won't abandon you to them. I…I…" I watch him swallow a few times, feeling his agony twisting in my gut, sharing in his misery as we face this. _Strange…_ His eyes finally turn back to me, resolution hardening the pain in them. "I can't keep you from this, but I can watch over you. If I'm there, I can stop them if they try to hurt you. I can…protect you. Even just a little." Then the pain sharpens in his eyes, and I think he might cry anyway…but he squeezes them shut abruptly.

"Roxas…" I whisper, not sure what to say. I'm not sure what I'm feeling, either. This is…a surprise, but not an unbelievable one. Even though it feels like an eternity since "training," I've never once forgotten where I am…and _what_ I am, here. Tanagura is this kind of place. My wish means nothing. And Roxas isn't a grown Blondie yet. There are others above him…people he can't deny. I know. It makes me…sad. But… _I should have expected this someday. Neither of us has a choice this time. _

Rather than answer, he just leans forward across the small space between us. His forehead bumps into my sternum, and he leans against me silently as I lay my arms around his shoulders. I just whisper to him, "It's not your fault."

His body shakes once. A shiver…or a sob? I don't know.

We don't move or say anything else for a long, long time.

~o~

With a metal-and-air hiss, the door swishes open, and I follow Roxas into the new chambers. There are two Blondies here already, standing over by the windows chatting, glasses of wine in hand. An attendant stands ready for any commands as they turn to smile coldly at Roxas. They don't look at me.

"Ah, Roxas, my son, come in." Roxas bows slightly at the waist, then steps forward. The attendant moves smoothly at the single command: "Wine." Roxas accepts the glass and turns to greet the two Blondies. I follow at a short distance, because of the black strap Roxas holds.

A leash. Connected to a black collar around my neck. For appearances' sake, but still humiliating. I inhale carefully, keeping my face demure. I had to practice this expression beforehand. It's far from a natural one, to me.

"The Pets are waiting," one Blondie calmly announces. "Shall we?" The other Blondie and Roxas nod, Roxas handing my leash to the attendant as he follows the older men to some extremely cushy-looking seating. The one who spoke, the one who called Roxas his "son," is obviously the Blondie in charge. His rank must be incredibly high – his hair is white. I had no idea Roxas had such a powerful mentor. The other man has long, straight, pale gold hair. I can't decide which of them creeps me out more.

The attendant isn't rough – the occasion doesn't call for it – but he isn't careful like Roxas was either. The collar tightens when he pulls the leash, unrelenting and smooth. I grind my teeth and hope my expression hasn't faltered as I follow him to…a stage. This room has a _private stage,_ like the ones down in the Salon. _Fucking loaded, isn't he? No wonder Roxas can't defy him…_

As I step onto the smooth stage, a door opens and two other Pets are led out. And I guess I should be more shocked, or disgusted, or something like that, because I recognize both of them…but frankly, I don't really give a shit. It just…doesn't matter much who it is. So what if that one with the blue hair – Saïx, if I remember – was the fucker who nailed my virgin ass…whenever that was. Forever ago. _That means one of these Blondies is the hair-fetish, scar-loving dick. Fun. _I'm kinda grateful that Roxas is here now. He won't let me get branded, whatever happens. If he can only control himself…

The other one, the pinky, pretty one, is the slut that sucked me off my first night here. And did a lot of other shit with me the other times Roxas borrowed him after that. I can't even remember how often it was. _Nice to see you again, Princess. I hope I get to fuck __**you**__ this time… No, wait. I owe Scarface here a really __**big**__ thank you for that time. Damn, I hope I get to make you __**both**__ bleed._

I wonder though…because there's a hard light in their eyes. Both of them. They walk like Pets – wanton and on display, disgustingly showy. But their eyes, if anyone cared to look, have a lot more in them than the vapid, empty, lust-hazy look they probably show their masters. Their eyes have cold, evil _intent_ in them. _Fine. But if you wanna fuck me again, you assholes are gonna have to work for it._

Although that…might not be too difficult. Running my eyes over their bare bodies – wearing nothing but thongs, and some decorative jewelry on the pink one – I can tell. They're fit. They're almost my age too, I'd guess, which makes me wonder why they're still working up _here_ rather than in some Midas brothel stocked with ex-Pets, but that's not important. What matters is it's two to one, and though I'm no weakling either, I can't treat this like a fight. There'll be all the hells to pay if Roxas' "tamed" Pet injures the favorites of elites like these guys.

And that's about all the time I get for thinking. Coordinated and smooth, they surround me, one on each side, caging me in. Then there are hands on my body, caressing and exploring, and hips pressing against mine both in front and back. Saïx is behind me, grinding against my ass while the pinky thrusts his erection against my crotch a few times…and smirks.

"So eager now…" It's barely a whisper.

Yeah. I'm up already. I kinda figured I wouldn't be able to get it up for this, at least not as readily as a Pet should. So I asked Roxas for one of those drugs he used to give me. Something not too strong, because I don't need to collapse and give away the fact that I was drugged. Because I shouldn't be. Pets shouldn't need drugs once they're broken.

So he gave me the pill, and I took it, and I could feel it starting to take effect just before we got here. Which is why I'm kinda relieved that the white-haired guy wanted to get started right away, because I was gonna get a boner in another minute just thinking about Roxas. And staring at Roxas…which would be noticed for sure, and then we'd be fucked.

The grinding continues, and now it's a whisper from behind. "My master heard you were a fiery one. He loves that. He never gets tired of watching me fuck them. You'll like being his…the food and the treatment are very, very good."

Pinky hums, leaning toward my neck to suck and nibble above the collar as I tense. "Mmmmm, lucky bastard. I want a Blondie with power like that…"

"Wh-what?" My voice matches theirs – a low whisper, unheard by the watchers.

But Saïx doesn't answer _me_. "Yours is good enough for _you_, Marluxia. Xemnas wouldn't have a _dark_ Pet like you."

I would wonder what the fuck he's talking about…but Pinky's – I mean Marluxia's – hair is right in my face, and I can see the faintest dark roots. _Huh. Not such a pedigree after all._

The fucker growls at Saïx and bites. _Me._ Like _I_ said anything! _Bitch._

I've figured a few things out though. Saïx belongs to the more powerful Blondie – that means the whitey – Xemnas – is the scar-fetish bastard. No idea who the other Blondie is, but at least I know his Pet's name now. _How informative._ Though there are even more things I now _don't_ know…

"What do you mean, _his?_ I don't belong to your master…" I whisper over my shoulder. I get a harder thrust against my bare ass, and my hands grab at a muscled torso to brace myself and keep from getting shoved into Marluxia.

The answer is a low purr. "You will, Pretty. Just do what you're known for…all he needs is to see it once."

_What I'm known for? I __**will**__ be? I'll be…what's the name again? Xemnas? _I feel like there's a rock in my throat, like I can't swallow. My eyes shoot to the side, hidden behind the other Pet's pink hair…and I stare at Roxas. Roxas…who can't deny his mentor anything. Not that he _wouldn't_, he just _can't_. And if he did, and the Blondie fucker was serious about wanting something… _What would happen to Roxas? What would happen to…us?_ Because Roxas wouldn't give me away. I don't know how I know that, I just…know. _He wouldn't. No matter what it cost._

_All I need to do is…what I'm known for. He heard I was…"fiery"? So if I struggle…_ I look at Roxas again, only for a moment. He looks calm and cold, holding his wine glass like that…but I can see past it. I know his _real_ calm, cold look better than anyone, and that's not it. His breathing is shallow too. He's trying so hard not to tense… I can read his unhappiness like a neon sign. I just hope the Blondies don't notice.

And I know what I have to do.

It was a short-lived dream – the thought of paying these shits back for hurting me. Thank fuck for Saïx's comments. Because if I try it…that whitey will want me. But if I'm submissive and obedient and a sniveling, broken dog…he won't. Right? Sounds like he'd lose interest, anyway…

In all these months as a Pet, this might be the hardest choice I've had to make. _Please Roxas…stay calm. Don't slip when you see this…_

My hands are on Marluxia's ribs, and I let them slide down to his hips as I thrust back for the first time…then let a whimpering little moan out. _Fucking hells, all that time in training and then all this time with Roxas, and I've never once played the sexdoll for anyone. And now…_ I lean back against Saïx a little too, letting my head fall back and leaving my throat open and just really really hoping that guy doesn't bite me again. And then I get my fingers under the straps of his thong…and slide it down.

While he's kicking the fabric aside, I reach behind myself and do the same thing to Saïx, and I think I feel his pace hitch a little as bare cock digs deeper now, rubbing the thread of my thong. I can kinda sense confusion from him… _Wondering what I'm doing? Surprised yet, asshole? Well, you will be._ When they're both naked, I moan again and let my body go fluid, making a nice show of slipping down between them, twisting so that my body is open to the audience when I kneel. Making sure I can be seen. Like a good, obedient Pet would have been trained to do.

No thinking. No hesitation. Good Pets don't think – they _want_. So I go for Marluxia's cock like I _want_ it, like a hungry little bitch…kinda just like how he always went for mine, the fucker. And I make a show of licking the guy, all slow and slutty, eyes barely open while my other hand wraps around Saïx's cock and I crush the desperate wish to fucking emasculate him right now. I don't even squeeze too hard. I just stroke him as I go down on Marluxia, swallowing the bastard's hard-on all the way down to his jeweled Pet ring and tracing fingertips lightly over his soft little sac. _No crushing, no no no…_ He's shaved bald down here. _You like him looking younger, or no reminders that he's a near-mongrel? Either way, Blondie…ew._

Above me, I think the two of them are making out now. Oh hey…actually, I can sorta see a reflection in the windows, way over there, behind the Blondies. Yeah…making out. Marluxia's messing with Saïx's nipples, and Saïx is dragging his hands through that pink hair. _That's right…his master has a hair fetish too. _But then…I can't help it. I only meant to glance at the reflection, but…my eyes shift to Roxas. _Damn._ He looks a little worse already. His eyes are a little wide. But I don't think the others will notice…if he can keep from reacting any more than this. _Please Roxas. It's all for nothing if you give us away._

For the sake of looking really greedy, I switch my mouth over to Saïx, and I gotta admit, I'm grateful for the drug again. I don't think I could do this if I wasn't all horny already, and I know being with these two wouldn't make me feel a damn thing. But now I can just focus on the way the drug is making me feel, and ride on those instincts, and pretend pretend _pretend_ that the cock I'm licking and practically _nuzzling_ isn't the nasty, oversized genitals of a complete asshole. Nope. It's just…some cock. Something to play with and get off with like my body wants to. That's all.

Then there's rough hands in my hair, pulling me off and dragging me up to my feet. Marluxia starts licking down my body, going on _his_ knees instead, and slowly making a nice production of taking off my thong while he's at it, dragging it over my erection and making me shudder. And Saïx is still mostly behind me, angled for the Blondies' view, of course, and he tongues my ear and _ow fuck!_ OK, he didn't fucking need to bite that hard!

But before I can complain in a whisper, there's a low growl right in my ear. "This isn't what you're known for, bitch." _Oh yeah? No shit._ I guess that's his way of giving me a warning, like I don't already _know_ what kind of reputation I probably got during training, and like _of course_ I'd want to belong to his damn Blondie anyway. I guess he thinks I _want_ to be scarred and branded like he is. _Motherfucking genius right here. _I almost roll my eyes at that. But I don't, of course. And then Saïx moves down my body like Marluxia did, only behind me.

My legs feel weak all of a sudden as a mouth goes around my cock, Marluxia using his hands and tongue in his typically skillful way, damn it. And now I can feel hands on my ass – Saïx is opening me up and oh great, big surprise, he wants to do the licking thing again. And a bit more than that… _Yeah. I'm definitely the one getting fucked. Shit._

I'd really like to twist back and crash my fist into his face. If not that, I wish I could have followed my original plan and turned this around on him and fucked him bloody like he did to me. The last thing in the whole damn world I wanna do is act like I'm enjoying this, but that's my only option if I don't wanna be taken away from Roxas. And I don't. I mean, I…

"Nnnh, ahh yes…" I moan it and I arch into the hands on my body and the ones probing into me, and I watch Roxas from the corner of my eye as he suddenly lifts his glass to his lips…and doesn't quite sip from it. Just holds it there a moment, then moves it away again. Like he can't hold completely still.

_All I dreamed of was getting away from him. But things are…different now… _It would be stupid to trade what I have now for the life I'd have with another Blondie master. No other Pet in Tanagura – except maybe Sora – has a master who even _considers_ their feelings on _anything_. Who almost lets them be _human_. So there's no debate. I'll do anything to stay with Roxas.

I'll bend forward and spread my legs for Saïx. I'll thrust into Marluxia's mouth and whimper. And I'll drag my hands up my own chest, pinching at my nipples with one and raking the other through my hair – _Here's to your secret fetish, Blondie. You don't want me, not a Pet this eager to please, not me…_ But then my half-open eyes slide sideways again. I was trying to give the other Blondies a nice, slutty look – their Pets both do it regularly – but I can't keep from looking at Roxas. And when I see him, my drugged body can't help throbbing with more heat, because _he's the one I want, just him, just…_ But at the same time I think my heart's starting to break a little, because there's blue, blue agony watching me from that stony face.

Once…I would have loved this sight. I would have savored it, drunk it in and lived off the memory of it. But now…I can't look anymore. I can't watch him in pain.

But even without looking, I can _feel_ it. I wasn't letting myself think about what I'm doing, and I'm still not, because now's not the time to let this bother me. I can shut my heart off for a while, at least. But…not his. _His pain_ hurts inside me, so much worse than my own would. _His_ _pain_ is more real to me than anything else happening to my body, and I almost don't notice what the other Pets are doing because _his pain is hurting me and I can't…can't…_

I'm down on my knees again before I realize that they've moved me, and my mouth is forced open by a cock again before I see whose it is – _Oh wait, no hair. Marluxia's. Great._ And now that I'm paying attention, thank the gods once again for that pill keeping me from going soft at what would have been the worst possible time. I'm still rock-hard, as I should be, and _fuck! Ahhhhh ow!_ My pained voice is muffled by the penis in my mouth, but my groan is easy to hear, I'm sure, because Saïx just rammed into my ass in one long, deep, fast plunge, all the way to the Pet ring. _Ow owwww you piece of shit motherfucking little __**oh**__ fucking Jupiter ow!_

I guess…he's not one to take his time once he's in.

…_Good thing I can't see Roxas right now. _ _I'm…glad._

Saïx starts plowing my ass so hard it almost makes the time he raped me seem _gentle_. Marluxia has me by the collar and leash, holding me up as he fucks my mouth, and there's nothing I can really do for a while. I can barely keep myself on my hands and knees – participating and acting slutty kinda goes out the window while I get fucked from both ends. Then…Saïx's hands on my hips change from hauling me back onto his cock with every thrust, and he's shifting me. I end up half laying down on one hip as he splays his knees wide and straddles one of my thighs, lifting my other leg up…_Ah, I get it. Side angle. For the view. Show the Blondies my dick too, and let them get a better look at my hole getting pounded. _Marluxia kneels, still holing up my upper body, and I've got one arm to prop myself up with, and one…that can't do much else. _Guess this is my chance to perform again._

So I touch my chest and stroke down my stomach and take hold of my cock and start jerking, moaning and arching again as Saïx resumes his thrusting. I'm slick with sweat and my ass only burns a little now. The only problem is Marluxia is trying to choke me, the fucker, and I almost have to wonder if he's doing it on purpose. He's not _actually _choking me, just making it hard to breathe…and my face is probably looking pained. _Maybe that's his Blondie's favorite kink._ Whatever. I can still breathe, and the rest of my body is really hot, riding the drug high and hard now, like I could do anything, like _I fucking want this and I don't care_.

Or so _my body_ feels. But my eyes have a new angle now, and they find Roxas immediately. I can just see him at the edge of my vision. I think…I don't think he's looking at me anymore. Looks like maybe his eyes are fixed somewhere above me…maybe not even seeing anything at all now. I almost tense with worry…but I catch the unsteady rise and fall of his chest, and I know he's still here, still fighting for control. Still trying to watch over me, my brave little Blondie… Wow. I dunno what that feeling was…just now, that tug in my chest, I dunno. But it…hurt. But not like most pain… _So fucking strange._

They're fucking me faster, _so much harder,_ and then Saïx, the fucker, grabs my arm and yanks it back so that he's wrenching my shoulder every damn time he pounds me, and now I can't touch myself. And just… _Fuck it. It's…enough. I wasn't what he wanted to see. Just let them do their thing and don't resist…and it's over…_

Marluxia pulls out first, and one fist in my hair holds me in place while he jerks himself through his orgasm, shooting his fluid on my face. _How very like him. Another Blondie preference, or just Pinky's favorite thing to do?_ I don't really care. Saïx pulls me back against his body, still ramming me so hard I can't seem to feel any other part of my body but my aching ass and my throbbing cock…my limbs feel numb and lifeless, I don't have any strength to control my own body, and he just takes over it and fucks me senseless. I feel a hand in my hair again, wrenching my head back over Saïx's shoulder, and then a hot tongue slides up the side of my face and Marluxia is licking his own fluid off me, moaning like the whore he is. And so what if I'm the same, moaning and crying out and damn near screaming? Not like I can help that…

But now I'm facing the Blondies, and my barely-open eyes only see one person, _I can only see blue, blue and agony._ I can't look away, and neither can he, and his eyes are my world and _I belong to him_, I know it, _nothing else matters._

I can't take it anymore. I can only…close my eyes and grind my teeth and scream, and use every last thought I possess to keep from screaming his name. _Roxas._ Torn apart by the climax, torn deeper than that by the pain of coming in front of other eyes, spread for them to see… And after a few more violent thrusts, Saïx is pulling free and dropping me in Marluxia's arms and shooting his fluid over my chest for a greedy tongue to follow after, lapping it up.

Eyes shut, I can hear the talk that resumes, cold and detached, as we lay there. I guess we're…post-orgasm Pets on display for their masters to enjoy and gaze at while their filthy minds invent the next game.

"…certainly gratifying enough…"

"…try another Pet now? You remember that I recently bought a _female…_"

"Shall we try her with both of them? I'd wager my Pet can impregnate her for you…"

A snort. "My Saïx can take care of that, I should think. But I'm not opposed to letting your toy _try_…"

"Well then," the tone smug and cold, "shall we gamble on it? If we give her to both of them and she becomes pregnant, the offspring goes to the one whose Pet sired it."

"And no loss or victory if neither of them succeed. Very well." The cold voice alters direction and tone. "Roxas, I'd offer stakes in this to your Pet as well, but he looks rather spent."

"Yes…" _Ah…that's him._ "I'd like to let him rest now."

"Of course it is frugal to preserve your only Pet. Would you stay to see my female next? We'll send your Pet back for you."

New hands lift my body suddenly, and I'm laid on a flat surface…probably one of the anti-grav beds. It floats downward, and I hear someone stand.

"I am deeply grateful for the rare opportunity, but I'm afraid I've some preparations to make for my duties tomorrow…" _Good boy, Roxas…good act. Hang onto it…just a little more._

"Ah, well, another time then." That seems to be it. I can imagine Roxas bowing slightly in the pause before steps turn to follow my bed to the door. But then that cold voice calls after us, "And Roxas…" I hear him stop. _Dear gods of Amoi…don't let him demand… _I'd almost swear I can hear the cold smile in that tone… "You've done quite a thorough job of breaking a difficult Pet to your liking. Well done."

"_**Your**__ liking." Yes…thank you, whoever is watching over me right now. Thank you. It worked._

He murmurs a humble thanks, and there's a metal-and-air hiss and we're free of that damned, disgusting room. Not alone yet – there's a spare attendant pushing the anti-grav bed, since a Blondie shouldn't have to – but we're out. _It's over._

~o~

By the time the attendant dumps me in my cell, I've come around. Roxas lets him leave without comment, and then he's here, kneeling beside me, and his voice is small and a little hoarse.

"Can you stand?"

I flinch at the stinging in my ass, but I manage to get to my knees. "Yeah…" I grunt.

Hands meet mine, and Roxas gently helps me to my feet. "If you can walk, then a shower…I can help you, if you need it…" His eyes study the floor, and I only glance at him briefly. I look up, measure the distance to the door…not that I needed to. I already know it.

"I'll be fine…" My voice fucking _hurts_.

He helps me anyway, and I don't mind leaning on him as I limp from my cell to his room, headed for his bathing room. We go slow, and I focus on bending and shifting as little as possible. Every time a stray thought starts to make my eyes sting, I _focus._ Let's see if I can walk _painlessly. _I can try, anyway.

Halfway through his room, he slows to a stop, and I can't ignore his trembling shoulders anymore, pretending I'm just too heavy for him or something. He draws in a ragged breath, and I know this is a fucking terrible idea, but…I look down at his face. I'm not surprised by the tracks of water on his cheeks, but…it breaks my heart, a little. But…_ No. I can't…I can't feel this way. _I can feel relieved that it's over and that he didn't give us away and that I'm still his. _That's all._

At the bathing room door, I stop him. "I'm fine from here, Roxas. Thanks." He doesn't look up, just nods and turns away.

I lean against glass and melt under the steady beat of hot water and I _don't think about anything_. I _won't._

When I finally leave the shower, I wrap one of his massive towels around my waist – I don't think he'll deny me that liberty right now – and return to his room. He's…he's lying on his bed, still fully clothed, on top of the sheets. And…he's crying, I can tell. The slender line of his back is trembling, and _I guess I get to see a Blondie cry after all. _ It…twists something in my stomach that feels…terrible.

_He deserves this. He deserves so much more suffering than this. The things he did to me, the pain and humiliation he caused…his cold smile as he watched me._

All I wanted was to hurt him back. _I guess…in a way, I have._ But now I wish…somehow, I wish…I could take the pain away.

Standing by his bed, I just stare at him. What can I say? What _are_ we, anyway? If I knew what was even _broken_, maybe I could figure out how to _fix_ it…

"The other Pet told me…" My voice is too weak. I clear my throat. "Saïx told me that your mentor had heard that I was a wild one. He said Xemnas wanted me. If…if I'd shown any reluctance, he might have forced you to give me up."

I don't know why I'm trying to explain that to him…but I guess it's worth hearing, because he sits up and turns to me, eyes wide in his red, tear-stained face. His voice is thick with crying too. _Gods._

"Xemnas…wanted to take you from me?" He looks horrified by the idea.

I nod. "Saïx said…Xemnas just wanted to see it once to confirm it before he said anything to you. So I…I couldn't fight back, you see? I couldn't give him any reason to…to want me."

He understands. I can see it slowly sinking in. But the pain in those blue, blue eyes doesn't go away, not at all. And when he looks up at me again, there are fresh tears there.

"B-but!" His voice is so unsteady… "Did you have to…to go so far? To…do all those things…? You…_why?_"

Sighing, I take the last step forward to the bed. My weak legs are complaining, so even though I know this won't be comfortable either, I ease myself down until I'm sitting on his bed. _Ahhh, fuck…ow. OK, just breathe through it…_ "I couldn't just stand there and do nothing, Roxas. It would have been strange…maybe it wouldn't have been resistance, but he might have gotten suspicious… I had to act like an obedient Pet would."

His voice is a miserable whisper. "You did things…I've never seen you act like that before." There's a crack in the words that threatens tears again.

I sigh…again. What else can I do? "It worked, didn't it? You heard him. He's not interested in taking me from you anymore. And…it's a good thing, right? Your mentor praised you. He's impressed that you could break your first Pet so completely." I think I manage to keep the bitterness out of my voice…tucked safe in my heart somewhere. We've never discussed things like this. I've never called myself his _Pet_ before. I wonder if he'll notice…

"It is rare to receive a compliment from Xemnas…" There's a deadness in his admission that makes me stop staring at my hands and look up. He's sitting slightly behind me on the bed, arms around his knees, and…either he's a sulking child or he's…a grieving young man. The line between the two is so blurry…the only thing I can be sure of is the terrible unhappiness in blue, blue that doesn't make me sick like it used to. Blue that makes me…maybe…_yearn_.

"It's over now, Roxas," I answer, trying to comfort him, I guess. "We don't need to think about it anymore…"

I stop as he suddenly punches the mattress, a flash of anger lighting those eyes – the first real anger I think I've ever seen from him. "No!" He chokes. "I can't just…just _forget_. Just pretend it never happened. Pretend that…that I…" He looks up at me, and _oh gods,_ I get lost in his eyes too easily. His uncertainty…_his pain_… "I failed to protect you. I…I wanted to keep you safe, and happy, and…and _mine_…but I was…_powerless_. I _failed_, I…" Blue eyes squeeze shut as his voice cracks again…he's fighting down the tears. _Oh Roxas…_ I wish I knew what to say, what to do… He opens his eyes again, and all at once he's reaching for me, swiftly closing the distance between us, wrapping warm arms around my chest from behind, my chilled skin prickling at the touch. And he kisses the back of my shoulder…the side of my neck…then he's murmuring in my ear.

"I can't stop seeing it…over and over…help me, Axel, make it stop…" I can feel his lips against my ear, _gods_. "_…be mine again…_"

Even as my body leans slightly against him, my hands finding his against my chest, I sigh and shake my head. "No Roxas…it doesn't work that way. I mean…it won't make anything better." I feel the press of his forehead against the crook of my neck as his arms hold me tighter.

"_Why not?_" I can barely hear his whisper.

"Because…" I'm not sure how to explain this. "It just doesn't work that way. We won't forget it by doing this. It will just…just pollute anything we do together." I hesitate. _What else can I even say?_ "We'd both be thinking about it the whole time. It would hurt us more…to embrace right now."

He sniffles, and I feel hot moisture on my neck. And his voice is filled with those tears and with hopelessness. "Then…what? What can we _do?_ I feel like…like you're not _mine_ anymore!"

_Should I resent that? Probably…_ I'm not sure I _do_, though. Something in the way he says it…in the way he _means _it. And I'm not sure how I feel about whatever we have between us, and I'm not sure where this is going to end up, but for now, it feels…safe. Like it's good to be his, this way. If he feels this badly about what happened, if he cares this much and hurts this much because of me, it almost feels like…like I can…

_Like I can trust him_.

Slowly, I shift a bit so that he's not directly behind me, and then I lean back, and he moves to let me lie down. _Ugh, gods…that feels better_. My ass stings at the movement, but then it fades away as I straighten out, lying on my back. I look up at him, kneeling beside me, and he shifts to get closer, watching me with a question in his eyes. For now, though, I just watch him back. Look into his blue, blue eyes, still so sad…and he rests one hand on my chest, and with the other he…touches my face, tracing light caresses over my features. I reach up and touch his hand on my chest, and our fingers fold together as we just…look at each other.

_What should I tell him? That I'm his? But…he wants all of me. _ I know that much. From what he's done in the past and the way his eyes are reaching for me right now – I know he wants everything. _He wants my heart._ But I can't promise him that, not yet…and I don't want to hurt him right now. Not any more than he's already hurting. So I'm careful when I finally speak, breaking the silence.

"Stay with me like this." His fingers are brushing the side of my face, and I turn my head slightly and kiss fingertips as they brush over my lips. He looks uncertain, about to speak, but I continue before he can say anything.

"When you were…when you first bought me. Was I yours, then?"

A crease appears in his forehead as he frowns, looking like he's about to deny it, but then remembering… "You…you belonged to me, but…you acted on your own will." _I defied you. I refused to obey your commands. _ I know that's what he means, too, but I don't blame him for not putting it that way. Neither of us has talked about the past. I imagine he doesn't want to any more than I do…but he needs to understand something right now.

"Yes…" I admit. "But then what about after that? When I started obeying you? Was I yours then?"

Deeper thoughts pool in those eyes as they search mine before he answers. "I thought so, then…but…no. I…I didn't understand it at the time, it was only a feeling. But…your actions were still…your own."

I nod, once. _So he realizes._ "And after that? I held you. Did that make me yours?"

His cheeks darken slightly, yet at the same time there's new moisture in his eyes. His voice is trembling again, too… "I…I wanted it to…I was _sure_, at first, but…but then you explained to Riku about…lovemaking, and…" He meets my eyes again, almost desperate in his search. "There was more. Some part I hadn't reached yet."

I'm whispering now, and I reach up and touch his cheek as well. "Did you reach it when you held me?"

He bites his lip, uncertain. There's a long silence while he thinks. "You…you allowed me…you gave your body to me. It was…" He struggles to find the words. "I don't understand!" His small cry is frustrated as he gives up, blue eyes begging me for help. "What is missing, Axel? Why aren't you _mine?_"

"Shhh," I stroke his face and answer, "it's all right. You had it right. My _body_…is yours." I lock eyes with him, trying to make sure he understands. "Not because you own me. I choose for myself…I always have. My body is yours because I gave it to you. My body is still yours, no matter who takes it by force, because I don't give myself to them. What I did today, I chose to do, for _us_. For myself, and for you. That's why I'm as much yours as I ever was."

A flicker of relief lights his expression a moment, only to be drowned out by doubt and sorrow again. "But…there's more, isn't there? That's why, isn't it?"

My hand tightens around his on my chest, a little. I've avoided thinking about this, but I've known for the last two months that this was what he wanted. _My heart_. I don't even know if he understands what that means, but that doesn't mean he can't want it with a childish stubbornness that I sometimes find so cute, and sometimes exasperating. "You remember what I told you, Roxas…about the feelings in lovemaking…about the heart…" I begin, hesitating over these words. _He's already hurting so much._ "Remember…I can't just give you my heart. Even if I want to…"

"…You have to trust me," he finishes, eyes falling away sadly from my face. He's silent for a moment, and when he speaks again, it's soft and sad. "I know. I remember. I…you'll never trust me now. Not now that I've failed you…"

"No, shhhh," I reach up to his lips, letting my fingers kiss him whisper-lightly. "Don't say that, Roxas. I…it's not about that." _Hell, how do I explain? What am I even saying? _"It was out of your control. And…it's not your power I need to believe in. It's your…feelings." _Oh yeah…that's what it is._ I've always thought better while I was running my mouth. _He_ used to say I had to "talk things out," even if it was just for my own understanding. He was right. He always understood me so well…

"You haven't lost my trust, Roxas." I can actually say this with a little confidence now. _I think I get it, a little_. Now, if only he will too… "If you care about me…"

"I do." His words interrupt, urgent and sincere, and just a little bit world-changing. Life-altering. _Insane. _"I do, I…I don't know how to describe…if I could _show you_, Axel…"

The way he moves closer, leaning over me with half-lidded eyes when he says that…the way sparks of fire suddenly flare in deep blue…I know how he wants to show me. _He'd hold me, so gently, so passionately…_ And I feel heat flare across my skin and my insides squirm a little, wishing for it, _hungering_ just a little. But… _I have to stick to my guns._ Even if it hurts. Because _now_ just really is a bad time.

"Then show me this way," I answer, trying to divert him, rather than reject him outright. I hold onto his arms and use him as leverage to shift myself more fully onto the bed. Then, when I no longer have my legs hanging off the edge of the bed, I tug him slowly down beside me, softly requesting, "Stay beside me tonight. Without sex. Show me sex isn't all you care about. Stay with me, Roxas. I…" _I'm hurt, I feel dirty and sore and sick at myself, I'm lonely, I'm scared…I'm not saying any of that._ "I could use the company."

Somehow, when his blue, blue eyes search mine, I feel like maybe he knows – or guesses, a little bit – the things I can't say. He nods, slowly, and snuggles up close beside me, and I can feel his eyes never wavering from my face.

We stay like that for a long time. I'm exhausted, so I start to doze off after a while. But I can tell he's still awake, still watching me, and somehow…it helps. It feels safe. And when I'm nearing sleep, I feel him move. Then there's a soft kiss on my cheek, and an even softer whisper…

"I'll never let you go."

_I know_. And it's strange. I'm as much his prisoner as ever, and words like those remind me of the cage I'm in, but that _trapped _feeling isn't nearly as agonizing as it once was. It's still there, it's just…faint. Sort of subdued by this other feeling, this sense I get from his tone and the tenderness in his touch. I feel…protected. _Cherished_.

I don't know why he wants me, why he clings to me like this. I don't understand what he's thinking, this Blondie child…but then, this is only the second time we've really talked about what's going on between us, and even though I still don't know what _we are_, it does help. It helps to hear his mind, his thoughts. _Maybe I should try this more often. Talking to him. Maybe we could understand each other better. Maybe we could…be something. Something real._

…_Maybe we could get killed for trying._

Yeah. We're already flirting with death every damn _day_. Dunno why I'd wanna make things worse for us. Dunno why I seem to like playing with fire. But…

_The way he looks at me…the way he wants me…_ I'm curious to know just how far it goes. How deep. Because…I had someone, once, who I threw everything away for, because nothing mattered like he did. And if… _If he'd do something like that…if his feelings were that deep…_

I don't know. But how could I not respond to something like that?

~o~


	12. Days, Months

**Author's Note:** _Holy shit. _Two years later, I finally get back to continuing this story. WAT. So yeah, whew, basically guys, I'm here to try to finish this! :D It's not really a "just blowing off steam" fic anymore, and it _might_ get more plot mixed in with the sex, now that I'm trying to bring the fic to an end. But hopefully I can still stick to having _some_ sex in each chapter. For any painfully obvious style changes between this chapter and the last...you'll have to forgive me. I've tried to match the way I was writing this originally, but it _has_ been two years. XD

Additionally, I'll just add this **warning** now: I am currently in the process of deciding how this fic is going to end, and _I honestly don't know_ if it'll be happy or sad. Originally, it was heading toward a sad ending, which is kinda why I let it stall for two years - I didn't want to write the end. XD But now it could go either way, so just consider yourself advised right now - there's a chance this might not turn out happy. (Or it might. Me and happy endings are way too joined at the hip, after all.) XD

For anyone who stuck around the fandom long enough to see this day - hope it was worth the wait! And for those who didn't know this dusty old thing was _here_ - surprise! And um, be very warned before reading some of the previous chapters. It can be pretty gritty. XD

* * *

Day 247

I open my eyes and blink. It's dark – _dark?_ – and _oh, fuck yes!_ My cock feels _nice._ I can't hold back a moan as I feel my hips lift, thrusting my aching erection into something hot and wet. The hot, wet something slides over my length and _squeezes_, and I blink again and look around, noticing things. Outside the wall of windows, the faintest light of early dawn is breaking over the city of Tanagura – _fuck, it's early. What time…? F-fuck! Nngh…_ A muffled, slurping sound reaches me, and _now_ my sleepy brain catches on.

Roxas isn't beside me in bed – he's between my legs, with his mouth around my shaft, and his saliva is dribbling all over my privates like he's been sucking me off for a while. I grunt, my cock throbbing between his lips, and he looks up. Catches sight of me. My eyes meet his, hazy with arousal, and a little smile flickers in those blue depths. I know that look.

I shake my head and roll my eyes, but I'm smiling too. Then I lift my legs and spread them, feeling the cool air like a shock over the wetness of saliva and precome, running thickly down between my legs, encouraged a little by a caress of Roxas' drenched fingers. He sits up, not quite letting go of my penis – keeping one hand on me, playing with my member lazily as he watches me, shifting. "Good morning," I mumble – my voice is a little thick with sleep.

A touch – _hot. Hard._ A smile, and, "Morning, Axel," as he pushes forward and slides inside me. His chest expands with a deep breath as his body fills me again. My ass opens easily, taking all of him in – the stretch burns a little, as always, even though he was just in there a few hours ago…but it's a _good_ burn. Especially when it's _him_ – his skin and his warmth moving in and out, rubbing inside me. Not a toy, not another man – just _him_.

Sighing, I relax and just _feel him_. He's moving slowly, taking his time with gentle thrusts – all the way in, and all the way out again. It wasn't this soft last night – it's almost never this soft. But right now, I won't tell him to speed up. It's quiet this early in the day, and I'm still sort of sleepy, and we don't usually do this in the morning because he has to leave for work, but today I guess he wants to…and I just want to enjoy him.

"I was watching you sleep," he confesses, a little breathlessly, and I grin.

"Naughty." I clench gently around his cock, softly massaging him inside my body. He moans a little and bites his lip.

"_Ahhhh…Axel…_" Just a whisper, as he goes in _deep_ – slow.

I swallow. It's so…so very deep. He feels…bigger than he used to, these days. Not like I've measured him or anything, but I think he'd been growing. I don't have to bend down as far to kiss him, either. "And that's why you were molesting me before dawn?" I tease.

He slides out and plunges in again, lazily. Hot eyes watch me as precome-sticky fingers fondle my sac, gently playing with my body. "Are you complaining about getting molested by me?"

Tingles of heat radiate through my body as he continues to slowly take me. "Not at all," I breathe, closing my eyes and opening my legs a little wider for him. "It's nice."

"Mmm," he agrees, and then we don't really talk anymore – don't need to, right now. We're connected. What more is there to say?

It's not quite time for the world to wake up. Evil, dirty Tanagura is asleep…the air feels cleaner, almost like _purity_, and this moment feels safer – almost like it should be. Just a moment of intimacy shared between two people. _Almost_…

And then I let go of that thought – the one that's always hovering – I let go, and just let it _be_. It is what it is.

Roxas rolls his hips sensually, letting the pleasure build so, so slowly – like we have all day, even if we don't. _It just feels that way – feels good_. My fluid begins to bead up at my tip, and his playful, pleasuring fingertips collect the droplets and sometimes smear them over my hot flesh, sometimes raise them to his lips where he licks them up, watching me watch him, feeling me take him in. I'm half awake, half asleep, and his pleasure is my pleasure is his pleasure. I don't know where his ends or mine begins – the whole world is warm and wet and tingling around us, and he's inside me, and the tingling keeps getting…_tingly-er_. But he doesn't speed up, doesn't push harder – just keeps deliberately thrusting, so slow it's almost killing me…softer than a whisper.

I don't break. I feel the pleasure just wash over me like a wave – just a shiver of tension before I relax, letting the sensations flood me. My cock pulses in Roxas' hand, spilling my semen over his fingers in warm rivulets. I let my body quiver as I release, and it makes me more aware of how hard he is inside me. And I guess my orgasm brings him over the edge as well…gently. He holds still inside me, feeling the shuddering pressure around his shaft as I come, and then I can feel his penis jerk a little inside me, throb…and splurt his warm seed over and over as he moans, long and low. I watch him – I can't tear myself away from the sight of blue, blue fire…because even with his body loose and yielding through this orgasm, he always watches me with fire in his eyes when he comes.

We don't go back to sleep. We hold each other and talk a little for the next hour, until he has to get up.

~o~

Day 296

He's looking out over the glittering lights of Tanagura, sparkling under the black sky. I don't know why he's doing it – he doesn't usually just stand pensively at the windows – but the sight of his back makes me want him. He's definitely growing – getting taller, his shoulders broadening, his muscles beginning to develop. He feels firmer under my hands than he did at first. He still doesn't quite reach my shoulders, but he's getting there. And I might be in trouble – really, really in trouble – because every little change that brings him closer to adulthood…makes me want him more.

I walk over to him and stand behind him, moving in close. His tufted blond hair is just in front of me…so I bend down and kiss it, winding my arms around his body. He leans back against me, and I catch his scent. I swallow. "Roxas." My voice doesn't _ask_. It's more like a warning. _I'm about to have my way with you – get ready_.

He shifts his ass to brush against my groin. My cock swells instantly. _Huh_…_I'm pretty perfectly trained after all._

Of course, it's completely different from my original _training_…but the physical response is the same in the end. _Ironic._ _One touch and I'm hard_. But…it's okay. Because it's _his_ touch, and only his touch, and that makes all the difference in the world.

I strip him. I'm already naked – just got out of the shower to find him back a little before I expected. I didn't put anything on, so I don't have anything to take off – so the minute I get his pants open, I can push them down his lovely legs and slide my hot shaft into the crevasse of his ass. My hands fondle his chest – his nipples harden quickly into stiff little nubs as I play with them. I enjoy rolling them between my fingers – enough that I almost forget about my cock against his ass. But he won't let me forget. He arches back, grinding against me, _fuck_ _that's good_, and then he bends forward, hands coming up to press against the glass. His back is almost horizontal, now, and he shifts his legs wide apart. I slide my cock back, and I can see everything. His body is wide open and waiting, and his little hole is twitching a bit in anticipation.

_I. Want. In._

"Take me, Axel." He says it simply, no over-the-top moaning lust, no whimpering or pleading or commanding. Just a request – from him to me. "Take me. Do it…a little bit hard."

_Something's wrong._ I know, but it's not the time to press the issue. It's time to prepare his body…and fill him.

The floor is cool under my knees as I get him ready, working him open with my fingers and tongue. I rub and massage his _oh gods so tight_ hole, licking and kissing the gradually loosening flesh, making him wet. Soon I'm slurping as his opening – it's kind of an embarrassing sound, even after all this time and everything we've done…but it's kind of arousing, too. He's breathing hard but steadily, his ribs expanding on each breath as he holds himself in place, waiting for me. Gods…a Blondie, waiting with his ass in the air, open…_for me_. It's not a new thing anymore, but fucking Jupiter, I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

I rub my cockhead around his opening a few times, shuddering at how hot and wet he is…and then I go in. And inside him…_gods_, it's a thousand times better. He relaxes to let me in, yielding…_submitting_ to me as I take him. Again – old news, really, but still so hard to believe sometimes. Then, when my hips are pressed to the soft curve of his adorable little backside, we both shift, getting our footing, getting comfortable, bracing for what's coming next.

"A little bit hard," he reminds me, his hands clenching briefly into fists where they're pressed against the glass. So I lean forward and touch those hands, place my own over them – they used to feel smaller, compared with mine, but they aren't quite as small anymore – and I weave my fingers together with his. He lets me, and then I squeeze his hands, still pressed to cool, smooth glass, and I pull back and thrust forward again, driving my cock into his body good and hard. He's pushed forward slightly, but braces himself, and that's what I want. Make sure he's ready for this, so I don't knock him over. Then I start.

I'm moving pretty forcefully from the beginning – he asked for it, after all. I feel the grip as I thrust in past the tight outer ring – every time it makes me shudder. I speed up, pulling out faster and ramming in harder – I'm not fucking him into the glass, but I'm not holding back either. And the friction around my hard length feels…_gods. Roxas._

"Good…" His voice sounds a little raspy, but he glances back over his shoulder and cracks a weak grin at me. "It's _good_, Axel. _Mmmm…more_."

_Gods, he's so cute._ "Okay," I smile a little back at him, and put some extra power into my next thrust, snapping my hips forward…then doing it again. The hard pace jolts us both every time – his erection is swinging between his legs, untouched, and I can feel the front of my sac tap against his balls every time I thrust into him.

He squirms, clenching around me, and I guess he probably wants to touch himself – he's getting close. I'd help him out, but I want to keep holding his hands, so instead, I change my angle. I nail his prostate, and he gasps, tensing up before letting out a long groan. It's a _good_ sound, and I'm getting close too, so I do it again, again, and again. I pound into his prostate eagerly, loving every tremor running through his body, drinking in every sound, and bending forward a bit more so I can press kisses between his shoulder blades.

"_Yeeess…_" He moans, thrusting his hips back to meet me, harder, _harder, faster_ – "_Unh. Unh. Unh, unh, unh-unh-unh-ah-ah-ah-ahhhhh Axelll!_" Ecstasy tightens his face, his body – and I watch. I can see every inch of him almost-perfectly reflected in the glass. His orgasm explodes, white fluid shooting from his trembling cock over and over, long ribbons of it hitting the glass and beginning to slowly trickle downward. He breathes heavily through it, cock still oozing semen from the tip. It trickles down the underside, begins to drip onto the floor – and when I know he's done, I pull out and take hold of my shaft and pump it hard and fast, and my own orgasm rips through me almost at once.

"Roxas, Roxas, _unnnnn Roxas_…" I can't stop calling his name as I ejaculate over his firm, beautiful ass. Some of my come hits in the middle, running down into his hole…but then I'm not looking at that sight anymore. It's hot and erotic, yes, but…his eyes are watching me in the glass, and I can't help it – I have to look into them as I finish. I stare at the reflection of blue, and he suddenly turns to face me, leaning back against the cold, come-splattered glass. I'm still coming, and some of my release hits his chest and stomach. He just watches me, accepting it, then…raises a hand and trails it through my come, spreading it over his lovely, nude body.

I grab him. _Kiss_ him. Fuck, every time I think I know how sexy he is, he gets sexier. And then I just have to kiss him – because _I need it_, and because a boy like him deserves to be _kissed_.

_He_ _tastes. So. Good._

~o~

Day 304

His cock is in my hand, his own and mine, pressed together. I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, he's kneeling over my lap, and we're thrusting _hard_ against each other, _thrust-thrust-thrust-_ing, tongues tangled together and bodies soaked in sweat, slipping and slick. The ridge around his cockhead rubs over mine and _fuck, shit, _my whole body jerks, _yes!_ His fingers pinch my nipples and _twist, _my free hand grabs a cheek of his ass and _squeezes, _and our rock-hard penises leak precome all over each other, smearing the mess everywhere. My hand is _coated_, and I just keep jerking us both off as Roxas takes the lead with the thrusting – I don't have much leverage like this anyway. And…and _fuck_, there's just…something about the way he moves his hips. I want to come so badly when he thrusts against my cock, inside my body, _damn it_, even if he starts moving his hips when I'm sucking him or just stroking him, gods – he can always bring me to the edge so fast I can barely see it coming.

And I _don't _see this one coming. My balls tighten and my cock shoots fluid before I've quite registered that it's happening, and I'm screaming his name into his mouth as I spill my release over both our groins – _so hot, so good, so…oh. Oh Roxas._

He waits. When I can see again, I look down and…I guess he hasn't come. His penis is flushed and huge and hard, covered in my fluids, and _fuck…I want it._

My hands find his chest – push him onto the bed. I crawl forward…and put my mouth on him. I lap his lovely, soft testicles – getting a little more than a dusting of golden peach fuzz these days – and stroke his shaft with my tongue. I suckle at his leaking slit, milking his precome, and then I've got his whole cock in my mouth and I'm swallowing around him, drinking my own semen off his body. He doesn't last very long. His shaft pulses rapidly in my mouth, and then I'm swallowing spurt after spurt of hot come, straight from his penis. His fingers clutch in my hair, and the slight sting across my scalp encourages me to swallow him deeper – all the way.

I'm swallowing and swallowing, trying to keep up with his orgasm, but…I can't help looking up. Watching his face, his wanton expression – surrendered to pure pleasure. And all of a sudden I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach with one thought – _I want to see this face forever._

I do. I want to see him just like this, always – and more. _I want to see all his expressions, every kind…for my whole life. _

We haven't said the words…but I _know_ this feeling.

Clean and sated and lying beside me, he turns to look into my face, and his blue, blue eyes are dark and serious as he says, "Axel. Riku and Sora are planning to escape from Tanagura. I want us to go with them."

~o~


	13. Day 220

**Author's Note:** I bet the LAST thing you wanted to see after the end of chapter 12 was another of my awesome jumps back in time. I bet the tray of peanut butter fudge I just made. ;)

...Oops! I win. No fudge for you! XD

(Just kidding, y'all gets all the fudge and pronz and Axel and Roxas in LUV. Cuz you deserve it.) *hugs*

* * *

Day 220

I can't stop staring…can't even _blink_. Can't breathe, can't speak – except sometimes I hear a moan that's not his, so it's gotta be mine. _Ancient gods of Amoi. _I've never seen something so…

Roxas is riding me. We made out, stripping each other, and when we were finished, he…he gave me this bold, flirty, _wicked_ little grin and placed one soft little hand on my chest and pushed me gently onto my back…and then he straddled my hips and _fuck. Gods._ I couldn't stop watching, jaw hanging open like a drooling idiot, I bet. He fingered himself for me to see…he made a complete _mess_ with a tube of slick, clear gel…and he rolled his hips, grinding his penis against mine, his soft little peach-fuzzy sac pressed against my balls, and _fuck_ we hadn't even _done it_ yet but I wanted to shoot.

Then he…he sat up, and…his hands on my cock, slipping my oozing head toward his soft, hot little hole, then… _Fuck. Jupiter's fucking…oh!_ That – he did that. Bear down _hard_, from my tip to the base of my shaft – _squeezing _around me the whole way. He started like that and he hasn't stopped or slowed down yet, except once, when I almost came. He stopped and played with my nipples instead for a bit. Then he started riding me again.

"Roxas…_ungh, fuck!_" My balls tighten up suddenly, _shit, no!_ Heat…hot…_shit_… Oh gods. Okay…he stopped when he saw me about to…_ahhh fucking…_ I have to close my eyes, I can't even _look_ at him right now, I'm going to come and I don't _want_ to, he'd have to _stop riding me_ if I came.

Darkness. Deep breaths. Think of something else. _Cold places. The polar ice caps. Fields of frozen wasteland. Glaciers. Okay…good._

I open my eyes again and he's watching me, waiting. Just sitting on my cock, patiently – _Fucking funny…and sexy as hell_. He smiles at me the minute I look at him, and _ungh…wow._ He's so…

His smile gets naughty…and his hands move. He runs them up the fronts of his thighs – _pretty, pretty pale thighs_ – and over his stomach. _Flat. Cutest fucking navel in the world._ Up to his chest, and…_shit._ His lovely little fingers press and rub at the little beige circles on his chest, teasing them, pinching them, making them stand up and stick out and turn a little pink, a little flushed like his beautiful face, watching me…licking his lips…rubbing his hands over his chest more fully, then back to playing with his nipples, and… "Gods be damned, Roxas," I mutter hoarsely, "you…are too fucking lovely."

He licks his lips again, grinning. "I know."

I blink. "Oh yeah?" Arch an eyebrow at him, trying not to think about that bead of precome that just leaked from his shining wet tip and is trickling down the underside of his cock.

He nods…one hand slowly gliding back down his body. "Your cock is throbbing inside me." His trailing fingers brush over his own shaft, drawing little designs along the length until they reach the tip. He fingers his own slit gently, slowly, and I can't look away.

"My…" I clear my throat. _Can't get my voice out._ "My cock is going to do a lot more than _throb_ in you pretty soon."

He tightens his ass around me with a _fucking oh fuck yes _delicious squeeze. "I know." He smiles sweetly, taking hold of himself and stroking, pleasuring his own member as I watch. "I can't wait for you to pump me full of your semen, Axel." Rising up, he slides almost-off me, then sinks back down, and the _friction, _the slippery, sliding _motion_ over my penis feels so…_uuungh!_ "If you're ready this time, I want to make you come, now. I don't think I can restrain…_nnnn_…my orgasm much longer."

Flexing a little, I can't stop trying to move, even just slightly. My hips are pinned by his weight and I can't _thrust_, but if I tense hard and relax, I can feel my cock shifting a tiny bit inside him. "I'm ready…" I swallow, meeting his blue, blue eyes. "Take me."

He does. He lifts up and pushes down again, up again and down, _hard_, and getting harder. Picking up the speed. Sending shocks of burning electric _pleasure_ through my body. He's so good at what he's doing to me. _So good…he's so good. _Hot blue eyes and sweat-coated, flushed skin, _tight, tight_ and moving faster, riding me, every inch of his body on display, beautiful and erotic and irresistible. Head thrown back now, sweat dripping from the ends of darkened gold locks of hair, chest heaving, voice crying, _"Ahhh, Axel, Axel, ah-ah-ahhhh!_" Rock-hard, reddened penis dribbling a constant flow of clear, sticky precome. _So. Fucking. Incredible._

"Roxas!" _Roxas!_ "Ahh, _Roxas!_"

My cock pulses over and over, my fluid spilling into his waiting, willing body. My hips push up on their own, forcing my orgasm deeper into him, and he's clenching, sucking me in, keening beautifully in his pleasure, semen shooting from his straining cock, splattering over my chest and stomach. He leans forward suddenly, planting his free hand on my chest and propping himself up with it as he gasps through the last of his orgasm, seed still dribbling out of him into a little white puddle on my stomach. His shift forward lets my softening cock slide out of his hole, and I feel my own come leaking out of him and running down over my spent shaft.

Then he sinks down onto me, nuzzling his face into my chest, licking at my nipple. _Gods above and terrors below…there's no one like him. Not anywhere. _ I forget everything when we do this. Shitty Tanagura and just…_everything_. He's all I want to think about.

He's already half-asleep on top of me – not surprising, I guess. Must have taken a lot out of him to do that, and after a day of work, too. I'd usually want to just pass out myself, after an orgasm like that, but…well, I spent most of the day lazing around or sleeping, like a lot of my days, and even a bout of wild sex like that can't knock me out right now. If anything, I feel more awake – energized, awake, and wonderfully satisfied.

A soft, sleepy face – I look at him and can't keep from smiling. I feel something warm…deep, deep inside me. I…I _like_ he goes away I miss him, but I'd miss almost anyone when my days are this boring. When he comes back I _want_ him, but who wouldn't, when he's stripping himself bare and coming on to me like a temple servant of Eros, the ancient god of erotic love? And when we have sex, I need him – but a man needs to climax when he fucks, so that's nothing significant either. But this – right now – _this _isn't something automatic. This feeling doesn't come from circumstances or whatever. This is my own feeling, and I feel it for _him_. _I like him_. And I know there are things about him I don't like, and he's done things I still remember all too clearly sometimes, but above and beyond that, I just _like him_. That's all.

Shifting, I slide to the edge of the bed and gather him in my arms, steadying myself before I stand up and carry him toward the bathing room. "Nnnn…" He squirms a little in my grasp. "Where you going? Sleep…"

"Gonna get us washed up, Roxas," I grin, "especially you."

A little wrinkle appears between his eyebrows. "Nooo…too sore. It stings. Just wanna sleep together now. Put me downnnn…"

He was riding my cock like a wild animal in a mating heat just five minutes ago, and now he sounds like a fussy child. _What a bother._ I heft him in my arms, holding him tighter. _But I still like him_.

"Sorry, Roxas. You go to sleep if you want. I'm going to wash you off." I get him into the shower and set him down on a smooth bench, preparing to wash the sweat and semen off his creamy, delightful skin.

Blue eyes crack open, shooting me a displeased look. "_Why?_"

"Well," I shrug, soaping him up, "I'm bored. Been bored all day, looking for something to do. This will keep me occupied for a few minutes."

He scowls at that. "You're not even going to _pretend_ it's because you like my body?"

_Oh, you silly kid. _Have to chuckle at that. "Hey, who said that?" Then I lean closer, winding my arms around him, touching so much wet skin it makes my whole body prickle with delight. "If you think I don't like your body, you haven't been paying attention at _all._" I push my face into his neck and suck gently over that spot right below his ear – the one that makes him shiver.

"Mmm…" He seems a little distracted from the conversation, and that's fine. I keep tracing kisses over his good spots, sucking a few more times just to hear him gasp, and in the meantime I get him rinsed off. He's breathing the steamy air a little heavily, and _yes, this will be fun_ – I slip two wet fingers inside him. "Ahhh, you…_nnh._" I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a protest or encouragement. Doesn't much matter, though.

"I have to wash in here, too. I came inside you." So maybe I can barely keep from grinning like a dirty old fool when I say it. So what? I still have to wash him out. There's no rule against enjoying the process. "Does it hurt?" I ask, just to check. I know it probably stings, but if it hurts worse than that I need to stop.

Water droplets scatter from his hair as he shakes his head. "It's fine…" He sighs, and then he shifts a little and lifts one leg, planting it on the bench and opening himself up for me. I work my fingers in deep, washing out the residue of our earlier activities…and maybe, just a little, watching softened muscles give way around my fingers. His skin here is like velvet right now, _so soft_, and…_damn_. He's clean, I'm clean, but…_ Ugh, fuck it._

I bend lower, moving between his legs now, reaching his opening with my mouth. He whines and curls around me when my tongue glides over his entrance. He tastes…clean. Warm. _Good._ I nudge at yielding flesh, swirling my tongue in a circle and listening to his breathing echo in the shower…then I slip in deeper, pushing my tongue inside him.

It's almost immediate – _He's hard_. His cock lifts up, engorging rapidly, and I keep licking and thrusting my tongue inside him. When he's fully erect, I touch him. I keep my mouth where it is, but let my fingers play over his shaft. He twitches, and his hips jerk a little, pushing him against my hand. I tease him with feather-light strokes, all the way to the tip, and then I spend a few minutes just rubbing circles around and around his sensitive head, my tongue mimicking the motions inside him.

When he starts to leak again, gasping my name a little louder, I move my other hand up as well, and I cup his soft little balls, caressing them with a gentle massage. He doesn't last long once I do that. I don't even have to speed up or add any force – I feel his hole suddenly start a series of spasms, clenching against my lips and tongue, and his tense, drawn up balls release, and I'm watching intently as another orgasm overwhelms him and he ejaculates again.

_While moaning my name._

That was pretty hot, I'll admit, but it was quick, too, and I managed to keep my body _mostly_ unaffected, for now. The idea _was_ to clean up, after all. And he's almost clean, now – it's a work of seconds to rinse his latest orgasm away…even being careful of his over-sensitized penis. Then he's cleaned up, and I'm carrying him back out to the bedroom. _I guess I should let him sleep, now…_

"What are you gonna do now?" He mumbles, then yawns, looking up at me from the bed as I towel his hair off.

I shrug, running the fluffy thing down his body – so familiar these days, but still so lovely. So very…_close_ to me. "I dunno. Nothing, I guess. Stare out the window. Watch you sleep." I pause, considering. "Probably watch you sleep. I already spent enough time staring out the window today."

Blinking at me, he looks thoughtful – and a little more awake. "What would you _like_ to do?"

_What's he asking that for?_ I smirk a little, letting my hands drag the towel down, between his legs – gently. "I think I just _did_ something I _liked_ doing."

I get a snort for that, and a light shove that pushes my hand away. "I meant, what would you be doing if you could? During the day, when I'm gone?"

_Does it…matter? Why are you curious?_ "I don't know…work, I guess. Something productive."

"What kind of work?"

I toss the towel with a shrug and sit down next to him. "I'm not picky…any kind, really. Just…something challenging. I like jobs that are a little hard to complete. You finished them and think, _Yeah. I did that._ It's a good feeling."

Those pretty blues are all full of curiosity now, watching me. "Your…occupation. Before…um, coming here. What was it?"

_By the tower, look at him. Sitting there, nude from head to toe, asking me "What did you do for a living?" _I pause. _Actually, look at me, too. Just as naked, talking about nothing much with a Blondie, like he's…_ Deep breath. _Like he's a friend._ "Um…well I was in jail right before…" _You bought me._ "…but before that? I did a lot of things, I guess. Anything I could figure out how to do and get paid for. It's not easy staying alive in Ceres." _Foreign concept, I know, but it's true._

He's frowning thoughtfully, scooting further up onto the bed and crossing his legs. He plants an elbow on one knee and props his head in his hand. "What was your favorite? What did you like doing?"

I take a deep breath, rolling my eyes to the ceiling and thinking as I also turn a little and get more comfortably settled, facing him. "Oh, let's see…" Remembering, I can't keep back a grin. "I probably shouldn't tell you about that one…"

Of course, he's all ears, instantly. "Which one? What did you do? Tell me!"

"Well, it was pretty illegal, see…"

"I won't tell!" He shakes his head quickly. "There's no way I'd report you for it. They'd…" He stops for a second, realizing.

_They'd take me away, either back to jail or just finish the job and execute me. Yeah._ "Well, there was this gang, see, and they wanted to hit another gang, hard. Wipe them out, if they could. I was working in an explosives factory, just a grunt job pushing carts of materials around. I mean, it was all right – I was paying attention, learning things, but I didn't get to _do_ much. So when I got an offer for a much more exciting job that would pay well, I took it." I start ticking off my crimes on one hand. "I stole fifteen crates of completed product, set them up throughout the gang's base, and pretty much took the whole thing off the map." I smile again, remembering. "That was the brightest, loudest _boom_ I'd ever seen. It was amazing." Then, I feel my face fall. "Lot of people died, though." _Thugs and criminals. Not that it's any excuse, but…the district was safer and quieter for a while after that. Gang wars always mean hell for the neighborhood. Everyone was glad that one was over. Everyone except the friends of the ones who died, I guess._

He's just watching me, silent, as I shake off the memory. _Can't do anything about it now…_ "Did you do things like that often?"

"No," I admit, "not really. Mostly I was just a laborer. In jail I dug ditches. It wasn't that different from what I did out of jail. I did have one good job, though…" He brightens again, looking interested. _I've got a Blondie who wants to hear me ramble. This is fucking nuts._ "I got a job with a shuttleship service, working in the engine rooms. I learned all about the ships' engines, how to build them, fix them, keep them running. Then the owner got into some smuggling deals, and I was more or less along for the ride. The pilot got sick and almost died on one trip, so they grabbed me and gave me a crash course in…not crashing, I guess." I laugh a little at my own joke. Roxas cracks a hesitant grin – that _I think I missed something funny_ look.

"Anyway, I started flying the shuttleships, the owners got in deeper with the smugglers, and eventually it turned out to be this little underground rebellion it was all tied up in, but I didn't care who was in charge, I just liked flying. I learned how to fly just about anything – hover craft, high-altitude transports, even interplanetary craft – and I got to know the engines just as well. Had to disappear pretty quickly when things got too hot and the rebellion got crushed…too bad, really. I was pretty good at flying." Then I chuckle a bit, shaking off the regret. "Couldn't get another job doing it though. My work experience wasn't something I could brag about. If I told anyone who I'd been working for, I'd be in jail rather than hired."

"You liked flying shuttles?" Roxas asks, still watching me. Listening. I just nod. He looks thoughtful. "I wish I was in charge of something like that. I could let you work with some of our spacecraft…"

_Huh. There's a question. _"So…what is it _you_ actually do, Roxas?" I've never really asked.

He looks back up. "Oh…I'm in charge of the communications grid for Area 8." _Sasan? That can't be too big a task…_ "I'm being prepared to take over communications in a subsection of Parthea when I reach maturity, though." _Poor kid…says it like he's trying to convince himself it's an important job._

"So when do you start…you know…ruling the world and stuff?" _Like all Blondies._

Roxas sighs a little. _Interesting._ "Not for a few more years, yet." I bite my tongue to keep from laughing. _Not fazed by the "ruling the world" comment? Crazy Blondie._ "Eventually, I'll take over communications for all of Parthea, which means I'll be involved in any decisions that affect Parthea, and I'll directly handle a lot of interplanetary stuff with offworld parties who have dealings with Tanagura in general and Parthea in particular. I suppose _then_ I'll be able to influence staffing at a shipyard or two…"

Now I _really_ have to bite back a laugh. _Poor little Blondie, trying to think of a way to get me a job…in ten years or more, when there's no way I'll still be his Pet. _The irony of it all…I can't entirely hold back a snicker. _Oh well. It's cute that he's trying._ I lean over suddenly and plant a quick kiss on his lips. "I look forward to the job, Roxas." He blinks up at me – blue, blue surprise. "In the meantime," I continue, taking his hand and tugging him with me as I crawl over to the head of the bed and lie down, "talking like this is nice, too. And if you can find some sort of entertainment for me during the day – something that's not Pet-issued – that would help a lot."

He snuggles down next to me, warm skin against mine. "Why? What's wrong with Pet-issue entertainment?"

I roll my eyes. "Have you ever _looked_ at any of it?" He shakes his head. _Figures._ "Well, it's all sexual. Every bit. Different positions, techniques, usage instructions on the latest toys…and a whole lot of watching people fuck. I'm just not interested."

He looks a little alarmed, suddenly. "You don't like sex?"

I _have_ to laugh at that one, just a little. "Oh, I like sex, Roxas. Just not all day long, every day. Besides, _watching_ sex isn't much fun when you'd rather be _doing _it with someone. Don't you think?"

His face goes from puzzled to deeply contemplative before he answers. _So fucking cute._ "Yes…I think so. I had not realized…we're always meant to just _watch_." _Ah yes – Blondies and Jupiter's rules._ "But ever since _we_…that is," he ducks his head, blushing. "I wouldn't care to just _watch_ anymore."

_He can still blush. Like a shy little virgin…who can ride my cock like a pleasure demon._ I kiss the bridge of his perfect little nose. _Blondies aren't supposed to be this cute, I'm sure of it. _And I'll forget about the things he did when he was _just watching_, like the proper Blondie he was. Just for now. "I agree with you there, Roxas." I pull him closer. "Watching is boring. _Doing…" With you_. "…is nice."

And his smile is beautiful, and it makes me smile, and it's easier to forget about the past. At least for a while.

~o~


	14. Day 339

**Author's Note:** A note about a universe detail - part of this was formulated and written before the new AnK OVAs, and there may be a discrepancy with what those OVAs visually present as interspace travel. I don't know if they got that from the books or just made it up - I haven't read all the books yet. (I do know the big portal gate thingy wasn't in the original 2 episodes from the 90s.) So yes. My vision of the AnK universe doesn't include that portal-thing from the new OVAs, I'm making my own stuff up. Super apologies if it turns out I'm contradicting the BOOKS, because those are the final authority in my mind. :)

Most of that won't even begin to make sense until you've read this chapter. Some of you still won't know what I'm talking about or why, but that's okay. Just enjoy!

Oh and PS - This chapter has no sex in it, WHUT. I know, I feel terrible. XD

* * *

Day 339

_He's late. Why isn't he back yet?_

I know pacing doesn't help, but I'm nervous so fuck it, I'll pace this little cage of a room if I want. Roxas was supposed to be back an hour ago, and my stomach won't settle down – won't stop twisting into knots, worrying that something happened with the transport.

_It's fine. Calm down. We're getting out of here…soon. _

We don't have a choice anymore, after all.

A while ago – _a month and a half? Two months?_ – Riku's mentor began asking when Riku wanted to go to the Pet Market for a new Pet. He felt it was past time for Riku to start expanding his collection – and what Blondie _wouldn't_ want to purchase a few new Pets of his own? Borrowing isn't always convenient, and Pets usually perform in pairs…or groups. _Of course. Group fucking is more interesting to watch, and who cares what the Pets want? It's not like they're __**human**__ or anything._ So of course a fucking loaded Silver like Riku would normally buy a few new boys to play with Sora, when the opportunity came up. Wouldn't want him to get _bored._

So Riku was getting invited to the Pet Market, and he was having a hard time finding excuses to delay the trip. Because as soon as he bought a new Pet…well. A Pet would know things, see things. _We're not stupid, after all – we're people, even if Jupiter chooses to disregard that._ Any Pet Riku bought would expect to be fucking Sora regularly, and Riku…would probably rather kill him than let him touch one mongrelish-brown hair on that boy's head. But it would seem stranger the longer Riku tried to keep them apart, and in the meantime, the new Pet would have access to his rooms. It would be harder to be together with Sora and keep it a secret. And a Pet would have no reason to keep a secret that didn't work to his advantage.

Riku delayed the trip…and made plans. He told Roxas what he was planning shortly after that – and after Roxas first mentioned it to _me_, Riku and Sora paid us a visit in Roxas' room to discuss details. That's when I found out what _Roxas_ had been dealing with…

Well. I knew it would happen eventually. Roxas' mentor had recently brought up the idea of selling me off and getting a younger Pet for Roxas. And when a Blondie like Xemnas has an "idea" – everyone else treats it as a gently-worded _order_. Riku didn't know it had already happened, but he wasn't surprised when Roxas spoke of it. I was…I don't know. I should have known. I _did_ know…but when it happened, it was still a little bit of a shock. Knowing that my next home was just around the corner – some sleazy Midas brothel. They'd buy me and whore my body out to anyone who could pay. _Welcome to Hell for the rest of your short life. Midas brothels are infamous for shortening the lifespans of their whores._ And Roxas wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it.

If either Roxas or Riku tried to keep his Pet when a higher Blondie suggested otherwise, he'd soon be defying Jupiter itself. _That fucking computer will enforce the Pet system forever._ The older Blondies and Jupiter would decide there must be something wrong with the young Blondies' "development." Jupiter would order that they be "re-assessed" – their brains would be scanned and their brain activity mapped. If they found any problematic brain waves or patterns, they'd go in and wipe them out, reprogramming a human being into an obedient, perfect Blondie. It would all happen very fast, before the "problems" could spread throughout the brain.

_My Roxas_ would go back to the cold, cruel, unfeeling monster I first belonged to, and he'd sell me off without a moment's hesitation.

So they decided to escape, to _run away from Eos_ and leave Tanagura, leave the whole planet, in fact, and find somewhere far away from Amoi to hide for the rest of…forever, probably. With us – Sora and me. Their Pets…though we wouldn't be Pets anymore. In all the discussions that have been held in Roxas' room, Riku has been very clear about that – the Pets will be free to choose their futures after that. Sora was just as clear as Riku – he would be Riku's lover from then on.

Roxas didn't speak for us, and no one asked me what I would choose to do with my freedom. They were careful to make sure I _wanted _to escape, but that wasn't a tough question to answer. _**Leave**__ the place where all my choices are made for me and I'm not considered a human and my only option is to fuck the strangers someone else chooses? Yes, I would like to do that. I would rather __**die**__ than live this way, but so far I haven't been given the chance._ I promised to do everything in my power to help us escape. I didn't say anything about what I wanted to do after we're free from Tanagura.

But I could see it in the way that one tendon stood out in the side of Roxas' neck – he wants me to choose what Sora chose. He wants us to be lovers – hidden away, living quiet lives…_together_. I think, true to his usual pattern, he probably started wanting it the minute Riku described what he and Sora were going to do. Before that, I don't know if the idea had ever occurred to him. But he's wonderful at wanting things the minute he learns about them. _Like how he wanted my heart almost as soon as he realized I had one…_

Since then, we've been preparing. Now, it's almost time. Roxas has to arrange a few details today – he and Riku are going to appear to be departing for some Blondie business thing, but we're going to take a different shuttlecraft. _Off world. _It's tricky to arrange interplanetary flights without Jupiter finding out. I'm not sure exactly what Roxas is doing, but I know this is one of the steps in our escape where we could potentially get caught. It's the last one…before the escape itself.

What comes next – what happens once we're free – I don't know yet. When it's just me and a young Blondie… _Or well, I guess Roxas won't have Blondie status anymore. Outside Eos…he'll just be an exceptionally strong, smart young man with beautiful golden hair. Not a future ruler of the world anymore._ _Not if he does this_.

_And then what?_

I hear the door to Roxas' room _swish_ open and I turn quickly, listening to make sure he's alone before I come out of my little cage-like room. _No voices…good._ I step out and see him taking off his heavy Blondie cloak. He looks up at me and…something dark is hovering in his blue, blue eyes. Something troubled.

"Is everything all right?" I slowly approach him, watching his expression carefully. _What's going on?_

"Yes," he nods, and there's resignation and truth in his face. Hope and reassurance, too, but the shadow is still lingering.

"We have what we need? It's all ready?"

"Yes, I made the arrangements. It will work, and I wasn't caught."

_Then why do you look like this? _Worried like this…usually he looks so carefree and confident, _crazy Blondie_. Even through all the planning so far…he never looked like this. _Burdened. Uncertain._

_I want him back the way he usually is._ Funny though – I'm not sure what to _do_, because I've never had to do this before. So I go with instinct. I walk all the way up to him, brush my hands along his pretty, perfect jaw line and back, into that golden Blondie hair, and tip his face up and kiss him. _Deep_. Not hard, not fast, just…_deep_. I feel his hands on my waist as he responds, and something feels _right_, finally. I feel okay again, eyes closed, enjoying him like this. And I feel warm breath against my face as he sighs, and the slight tension in his neck eases and leaks away. I move my tongue in his mouth even slower, pausing a few times before I withdraw, and he follows my lead, lets me do it, and then it's just my lips against his, his lips against mine, held for a forever-long minute. And for that minute, I'm afraid to move – afraid to break this spell, because right now, somehow, I'm _happy_. I don't even remember why I shouldn't be…_I just am._

I move my fingers in his hair and the minute is over, and I'm brushing back strands as I pull away and look at him, blue, _oh gods_ blue eyes opening to look back at me. _Wow._ I don't really know what to say… But he looks better. I'm not sure he's quite himself again, but the shadow…I think it's gone.

"Can you fly a Zeta-class shuttle, Axel?"

I blink at the question, but the answer is easy. "Yeah, I've handled those before. Why?"

"I've had to adjust the plan a bit." He turns, leading me to sit on one of the bed – funny how we always sit on the bed. The large recliners have almost never been used, except for when we fucked on them just because we could. "Looks like the real problem with offworld flights is getting a _manned_ shuttle. I can get us access to an unmanned one, but getting one with a pilot is basically the same as _telling_ Jupiter about it."

I settle down beside him, listening. _Not surprising_. "Okay, so is that the only thing that's changed?"

"Almost," he answers. "Riku and I will still take care of getting us there. We'll be accompanied by Furniture – Riku's mentor's – but Riku will handle them. They'll be incapacitated just before we change course. Then I'll lead us to the shuttleship. I'll override the controls and start the ignition sequence from the dock, while you get to the control room to pilot her through takeoff. Riku and Sora will take over the luggage for all of us. There's just one problem."

I think I can guess. "Orbit patrol?"

He nods. "I can't get clearance without Jupiter. We'll have to get past the satellite, or it will disable the craft with an electromagnetic pulse, we'll be taken in tow…end of story."

_Yeah. _We don't want to think about what would happen to us after that. _End of story. _"Zeta-classes don't come equipped with weapons, do they?"

A shake of his pretty blond head. "They are usually accompanied by an escort for protection, if the flight course takes them into contested territory or something. They have a launch bay…and a small complement of particle bombs. Nothing that can cause any damage, but it confuses a ship's instruments long enough for an escape. It won't confuse the satellite, though. It doesn't need to know exactly where we are – the EMP has a broad enough range that they can still cripple us, then worry about capturing us when the dust clears. Which will be relatively quick inside a planet's orbit, rather than in deep space."

I'm nodding through most of this. I haven't dealt with it firsthand, but I'm familiar with the theory, and Roxas doesn't really need to explain it all – I would have guessed. But it's good to know that he fully understands what we're up against. "So we've got a Zeta shuttle, no crew or pilot, a launch bay and a couple particle bombs…" _Which are useless in orbit, and we should save them for the deep space flight anyway, in case we're waylaid_. "…And whatever other minimal equipment they store on board."

"It'll be a little more than minimal," Roxas corrects. "They keep almost nothing stored on those ships when they're not in use. I've picked one out that is being stocked for use in a few days. By tomorrow, it'll have fuel, the nonperishable rations, and emergency supplies. I've made sure we'll arrive during the mid-shift break, so that dock will be empty. The ship won't be fully stocked for flight until the following day, however." He smiles up at me a little. "If it were going to still be there the following day."

A little answering grin stretches my lips. "Right." _Fuel, food, and probably…some cleaning supplies. Toiletries for the crew. Entertainment screens for the passengers. Standard, useless stuff._ "Okay…let me think…" _Zeta-class shuttle. Those use…_ "We'll have the emergency fuel cell…"

A little frown appears between Roxas' eyebrows. "We might need it…"

"…If there's an emergency, I know." I smile at him to encourage him. "Just means I can't fuck up. We'll have the ignition fuel cell for breaking orbit and getting up to speed once our course is laid in. Then we fly on inertia until we reach our destination, and the second fuel cell is for landing."

"But if we need to change course, to avoid something in our path…"

"I know, I know, Roxas. That's what the emergency cell is for. I'm aware. But we're only going to Daars, right?" _To get outside of fucking Jupiter's control._ "Then we're booked on a passenger ship for the rest of the trip."

"Yes…" He admits reluctantly.

"That's a pretty well-traveled route. We shouldn't run into anything unexpected."

He still looks unsure, but he nods. "All right…if you're sure, then yes, there's the emergency fuel cell. What are you going to do with that?"

"Well…if I have something that makes a spark, I can strap it to the fuel cell and launch them at the satellite. Cell hits the satellite and breaks, spark ignites fuel – _boom._" I shrug. "Homemade explosive. Crude, but it'll get the job done."

"That would work…" Roxas nods. "But…" he winces at me, "I don't think there will be anything on the shuttle that sparks."

_Fuck. He's probably right._ They wouldn't stock anything dangerous in advance and just leave it there… "Hmmm." We both sit silently, thinking. _Maybe something we could bring with us? Something that wouldn't seem suspicious…_ My eyes roam the room, cataloging the everyday, unsuspicious things around me. I stop when I look at the panel made up of concealed drawers. _Oh…well, that would work_.

I get up, leave the bed, and cross the room. Touching the bottom panel, it slides open – most of these drawers are stocked with countless sex toys and erotic paraphernalia, but the bottom drawer holds the things we haven't used since… _In a very long time._ I dig around a minute, _not thinking _about the last time I saw some of these things, and then I pull it out and turn to Roxas, holding up…the electric whip.

Eyebrows slightly raised, he asks, "And that…will work?"

I hold it away from my body and switch it on, letting the electricity crackle along the length for a moment before turning it off again, my skin crawling slightly with disgust at the charged feeling it leaves in the air. "Yeah, that'll work. Just strap it to the fuel cell and turn it on right before launching." _Funny, in a way. A sick way. A good Tanagura-style joke, I guess._

Blue eyes are dark and serious as Roxas nods. "I'll tell Riku to have Sora carry a case of…toys. We'll have one of those in there, where we can get to it quickly."

I nod. _Good_. I drop the nasty thing back in the drawer for now and return to the bed and Roxas. "Anything else?" I ask, just to be sure, though I think that about covers the plan.

"As long as you're sure you'll be okay flying the shuttle for us…"

I grin a little, wrapping an arm around Roxas' shoulders. "No problem. I'll get us there, easy."

"Then…everything is accounted for." He leans against me slightly, resting his head on my chest. "We depart tomorrow."

_And then what? No…worry about this, first. Think about that when the time comes. We'll be on a passenger ship for a week after Daars. I'll think about the future then._ I glance down at him – the Blondie who wants to run away with me. The superhuman kid who wants my love, and…just might love me already. _Just like any ordinary human._

Sometimes, I almost think he is. _Human._ For months now, I've been seeing that side of him more and more. Or maybe…he's just _becoming_ more human in front of my eyes. Either way, it helps – helps me forget the torture and the inhuman monster who watched me, and replace those memories with a _person_. A young man I…care about.

"Do you…" Roxas lifts his head from my chest and looks up at me. "Do you want to have sex tonight?"

There's neither hope or doubt in his face – it's just a simple question. _But Blondies don't ask Pets that question._ I don't say that. I just look down at him and…I guess it just feels _right_, though I never thought it would. And I want to try to trust him with this… _Maybe I'm crazy._

"Can I tell you a story, instead?" I keep my own face neutral – just asking. His head tilts slightly, curious. "It's something I've been…I mean, I just never told you."

"Please, speak." He nods once, not picking at the issue with questions. Just giving me the space to talk. So I guess…talk is what I'm gonna do.

"Before…um, we met…" _This is…a little hard._ "Ah, well you know I was in prison. For murder." My stomach rolls in that slightly-nasty way I've never been able to get over. _Murder_. It's an ugly word; even if I'd do the same thing again without hesitation…it's still hard to call myself a _murderer_.

"That was in your file, yes," he admits in a soft voice, leaning against me again. Which helps. I can look out at the room, and not at his attentive blue eyes.

_Deep breath_. "Okay. Well…the man I killed…it was revenge. There was this gang brawl that started in a bar and spread into the streets. It had nothing to do with me or…or this person I knew who was very special to me." I swallow, seeing his face as clear as day in my mind. I've tried so hard not to remember… "He was…my pairing partner. His, his name was…Demyx."

I glance over at Roxas once, quick, checking his expression. He's still listening, though I do see a little wrinkle appear between his brows when I tell him I was in a pairing. _Keep going. Get it out._

"We were at home, in our room, and I was in the…bathing room," _Nothing like what you're familiar with, just a closet with a shower and a toilet, but you wouldn't know what a Ceres wash closet looks like. _ "…and I heard this loud racket. I rushed out and him at the front door, and this thug was trying to force his way in, and Demyx was trying to stop him. I saw what was happening in the split second before the thug pointed a laser crossbow at Demyx and put a bolt right between his eyes."

_Pretty eyes, like clear skies, skies you don't get in Ceres. Like happiness and hope and mischief and fun. __**His**__ eyes, the ones that saved me. Suddenly open wide and empty, blood all over his split head, no last words, no goodbyes, not even time to scream. Just…gone. _

_**Breathe**__._

"I went nuts. He tried to get his crossbow up again – he fired, but it only nicked my arm." I point to the spot just below my elbow where the little white line still marks my skin. The line I've felt Roxas' fingers playing over, once in a while – the one I always hoped he wouldn't ask about. "It didn't even slow me down…and then I buried a broken bottle in his throat. And smashed his brains out on the wall."

I feel Roxas holding his breath, and I stop. _Wait._ He slowly draws in a ragged lungful of air. _Okay._ "I didn't try to run or deny it for one second. I stayed beside his body until they dragged me away, and that was the last I saw him. He was…more than just a pairing partner to me. He was _everything_. I just didn't care about anything once he was gone."

_Exhale. Inhale. Exhale._ Let the silence just _be_ for a minute. I feel…better than I expected. Lighter. I always thought remembering would bring the nightmare back, but right now it's more like…remembering helped me to put it away. Maybe for good. _I don't know._

"The things you told me about…love? About the heart and making love…?"

"Yeah." I know what he's asking. "I loved him. I gave him my heart."

"Was it different from Sora?"

_That's right…I told him I made love to Sora._ "Yeah. Sora was…just for a short while. Just while we were…copulating. Demyx had my heart all the time, no matter what we were doing. Copulating was just one small way to express our love. It's hard to forget something like that."

He sighs heavily, leaning on me, and I think I hear him whisper, _"I wish I could be Sora…"_

I don't know what else to tell him, how to explain. I know what he wants – what he's wanted this whole time – and I know my feelings are different now. But it's hard enough to explain the difference between fucking and lovemaking, and I'm not sure I can get him to understand anything in between. I don't think he even gets that what we've been _doing_ for the past few months is something more than fucking but less than lovemaking.

Because…I guess, for a long time now, he's been as open as he can be. When we're having sex, or when we're just sitting and talking like this – it's like his heart is _right there_, waiting for me, and all I have to do is reach out and take it, accept his feelings…with my own. _Because you can't accept love like that without giving it back._ He knows the feeling of _surrender_, he just doesn't know what it's like to have that returned. He's never felt _my_ surrender, so he doesn't know how close we are, how painfully close to making love…and I don't know how to tell him, how to explain without just tormenting him further.

_Why? Why can't I just __**love**__ him?_ I look down at his face – eyelids drooping, slowly drifting off to sleep. It was a tough day, I bet. _For me. For __**us**__. Why can't I…?_

_Because you're still a Pet._

_Oh. _

No matter what I feel, what he feels, or what we're like when we're together, this is still a prison to me. The chains are still _there_. I can't surrender my heart to even the gentlest master. I can't love him while he _owns_ me. I've lost everything, but I've still got my pride.

_But tomorrow…_

_Maybe tomorrow._

~o~


	15. Day 340

**Author's Note:** Happy Zemyx Day! ...No Zemyx in this, but have a good one anyway! ;)

And if you like this and want more do me a BIG favor and go to "ChaseCommunityGiving" on Facebook and vote for **No Kill Lehigh Valley** and **The Buddy Fund (DogsInDanger) **by September 19th to help out a great shelter who is a partner of my shelter. You can only vote once, and only for a week, so we need to spread the word - this is for **$100,000** for the animals! :D

* * *

Day 340

Two Blondies. Two Pets. Two Furniture. We make a nice little company, walking calmly down the corridors of Eos…for the last time, _I fucking hope._

We reach the lift that will take us to the correct dock – the one we're not going to arrive at. The Furniture step in and stand aside demurely, leaving space, and then they just drop to the ground. _Thud_. Riku takes his hand away from the keypad in his sleeve, and we all move together, grabbing the luggage and letting the lift close, sending it on its way with the unconscious Furniture.

I glance around – _No one in the hall. Good._ We turn as a group, and Roxas takes the lead. We're walking faster now, hurrying to another lift further down the hall, and it's not far at all, it's really no distance to worry about, but right now, if someone comes and we're seen without Furniture, it could raise suspicion. _Alarm_. We could get caught.

I'm fighting to keep my breathing even – can't do much about my pounding heart. Sora is clutching his little case – the one that holds part of our hope for making it out of here. I thought he'd look terrified, but he doesn't. Little kid looks focused, intent, and very determined. Guess I never gave him enough credit.

Riku looks nervous. I'm guessing he's never knocked out his Furniture before. I don't even think that was possible until recently – some Furniture misbehaved, and Tanagura's Blondies decided it was a good opportunity to add an extra layer of control. _Just in case. Fucking power-hungry, vile…_

Roxas…Roxas is as calm as still water. We get to the new lift and he opens it, waiting for us to get inside before he enters, checking one last time to make sure no one saw us. Then he's in, and the lift is off. I almost shudder under the wave of relief that washes over me, making my skin prickle. _One obstacle cleared. One…and a half more to face._

_One_ being the satellite we have to blow up. The _half_ is the off chance someone may pop up in the docking bay and see us. It's unlikely, but a random misfortune could ruin us just as fast as an EMP from the orbit patrol. We could… _Don't think about that yet. Focus on __**now**__._

"Your bags," I hold my hands out to take them from Roxas, and we all shuffle what we're holding so that everyone has the same weight to carry – and Roxas carries nothing. He needs his hands free once we get to the shuttleship. Then it's _wait. Breathe. _Try not to count the not to fidget. _Just wait._

The door slides open and Roxas leads us out to the terminal, checking first to make sure the hall is empty. "It's the fourth docking bay," he speaks quietly, evenly, and I think we all look at that set of doors in unison, all eyes sharp with matching intensity – _hope. Focus. That's the goal. That's our lives…or everything's over._

Because it's too late to turn back now. It was too late the minute we knocked out the Furniture. Now, we get out and make it to freedom, or we face Jupiter for trying the unthinkable. That means death…or something close enough to be no different. _If they don't kill me they'll wipe my brain so clean there won't be anything left of me – just sex. Then they'll sell me. Roxas…_ Jupiter likes its Blondies, so maybe he'd get another chance…in a few years, with whatever bits of his mind they left him.

I was watching the door get closer, step by swift and controlled step…but my eyes wander to Roxas. He's walking slightly ahead of us, his back straight and his steps sure, every bit of him a tower of Blondie confidence and strength. _Still a short tower, though…_ I feel a tiny smirk tug my lips, in spite of the tension of our situation. Seeing him like this, I feel…_ I don't know._

_Like I can trust him. And…I want this to work._

And a little bit like I want to reach out and touch him – just a little, just…enough. But this isn't the time.

He stops at the access panel and opens the doors – _We made it._ I'm first in – I have to get to the front of the long, sleek capsule-shaped shuttle and handle my end of the launch sequence. Riku and Sora head for the access ladder that goes down under the main deck to the launch bay. Riku's in charge of getting the extra fuel cell in place; Sora carries the whip. Roxas waits on the dock for me to get in place before initiating launch. As I sit down at the controls, I can see his reflection in the dark viewscreen in front of me – through the open doors, way at the back, waiting – and then he turns to the controls and begins tapping buttons, supplying power to the ship and starting the auto-launch sequence.

I punch in the confirmation on the panel and start to program the flight path…and an ear-splitting alarm fills the terminal.

"_Alert! Unauthorized launch in progress. Alert! Unauthorized…"_

_Shit! _"Roxas!" I whip around, trying to yell loud enough for him to hear me, to tell him to get on board, quick – and red light hits my eyes. For one heartbeat, it doesn't register…and then it does, and I'm up and running to the back of the ship. Bright red security fields surround the control area – _and Roxas._ _He's trapped._ Standing there, just looking at me – _Why does he look so calm?_ – as I'm running and running and the ship is starting liftoff, _leaving Roxas, leaving!_ And the doors are shutting, _too fast_, shutting and _shut_, sealing him away from me, and I can barely see him through a slender little strip of a window as he stands in the security field and looks up, because we're already flying, _we're already gone and he's not with me…!_

And I think I'm screaming his name, but all I see are blue, blue eyes that look sad…no, not sad. A little longing, wishing, but no apologies – and he raises his hand and his lips move, almost like, like maybe he says…

_I love you_.

And the terminal cuts off my view and we're free of the dock and I whip back around and run forward again.

Riku's head is poking up from below, and he screams at me, "What happened?"

"Roxas got caught!" I don't stop running.

"_What?_ He didn't override the security clearance code?"

"_What security clearance code?_"

He throws his hands up. "There's a security…_fuck, never mind!_ What are you _doing?_"

"I'm going _back_ for him, what does it _fucking look like I'm doing?_" _Stupid fucking Blondies and their stupid fucking minds, and…fuck!_

"You can't!" I don't really hear, don't respond. _Get to the controls, take over the autopilot, __**turn the fuck around**__!_ "Axel! Axel, you can't!" A hand on my shoulder shakes me and I throw it off. _Roxas!_ "Axel!" The voice is suddenly loud, screaming right in my ear. "Axel, we don't have the fuel to go back! The launch cell won't get us out of Amoi's gravitational field if we have to lift off twice, and if we use the spare, we either get caught by orbit patrol or we have nothing to land with and we crash on Daars! Either way, _we're all dead._"

_No. No. No!_

A stronger-than-human grasp locks my hands where they are and I can't move. "We can't help him now, and we'll only get killed if we try!"

_Roxas._

"_Fuck!"_ I could kill that Blondie right now – because he's right. "Fuck, _fine!_ Get back below, we're already through the stratosphere!" _Two minutes to satellite contact. Gods damn it, Roxas! There's no point._

I don't care anymore, but Riku and Sora…I've got lives to protect. I don't care, but I promised. _But Roxas…_

Sora's voice calls from the hatch Riku's disappeared down. "He's got the fuel cell in position!"

"When I say, turn the whip on and stand back!" I hear Sora relay the command to Riku below, my eyes fixed on the instruments as I activate the defense system and watch for the satellite. _There it is._ We're coming into range, but I have to get a little closer to be sure I hit it. I don't have an auto-lock on the targeting, so I have to do this manually, keep the target in my sights…_ Wait…wait…_ "_Now!_"

"Now, Riku!"

Wait two seconds more – _One. Two, fire!_

_Roxas._ My last hope of saving him…

The fuel cell is on the way, and I turn the ship toward the stars, one eye on the target until…

_A massive burst of light. _The explosion. A minute later, I hear the muffled _boom._ _We hit it. We're free._

_We_ are free.

I keep pushing buttons, shutting off that part of my mind until we break orbit and our course is laid in and the flight path established…and then all the heat and energy and adrenaline seem to just collapse in me – into a tiny ball of something cold. I turn and stare straight at Riku, who is standing there watching me with an arm around Sora.

"I'm going to ask this once," I begin, somehow keeping my voice even, though my hands are shaking, "and I want the truth. _Did. You. Know._"

Grief in his eyes, a shake of his head. "He told me he knew how to override the security. He didn't tell me _how_, but he works with communications so I thought maybe…"

I'm on my feet now, slowly walking forward, not really thinking…_wanting to kill something._ "What will happen to him?" Eyes drop, avoiding me, and I jump forward and grab that silky, rich shirt. _"What will they do to him?"_

"Hey! Get off him!" Little arms suddenly push my chest with surprising force, throwing me back from the Blondie slightly, but I don't take my eyes from him to look at Sora.

The Blondie swallows and speaks quietly. "For helping us escape…there's a thirty percent chance he'll be executed." He glances at me. _I feel…cold._ "Seventy percent chance he'll be re-assessed," he finishes.

_Reprogrammed. Or killed._

I don't say anything, I just turn away. They go off somewhere, I guess. I don't know. I sit in the cockpit and watch the distance between us grow, watch my memories replay those seconds over and over – blue, blue and _I love you_. I understand now. He knew. There was no way around the security, so he did it to set us free.

_And __**my Roxas**__ is going to die._

~o~


	16. Day 342

**Author's Note:** And here we have an unnamed pirate captain, whose identity you may possibly be able to guess. It's not that I'm being all mysterious and shit, it's just that I don't like to face the truth, myself. But the role is almost as old as this fic, and I can't think of someone else for it at this point, so here he is...much to my own chagrin. ^^;

* * *

Day 342

It's funny, really. All those months as a Pet, I must have fucked half of Tanagura. Probably had more men shoot down my throat than I had meals, at the time. But all that time, I don't think I remember cock ever tasting this nasty. _Maybe Xaldin's cock…possibly._

So right now I've got maybe the fourth or fifth cock of the day in my mouth, and all of them have tasted disgusting, but this is the price I've gotta pay, so I'm paying it and I don't care. _ Only one thing matters._

We landed on Daars. I got Riku and Sora and their belongings to the passenger ship – perfectly on time. Riku tried to talk me into coming with them – told me how hopeless it is, _Like I didn't know that, dumbass Blondie_, and how Roxas wanted me to be free. I told him to take care of his lover, and he went all pink and shut up. I thought that word would get to him. _Lover._ It's in his too-pale eyes when he looks at that little mongrel boy with all the worship in the universe.

Sora wasn't so easily shut up. His deep, _almost-Roxas_ blue eyes were serious as he pointed out, "You still have your Pet Ring on. The minute you step into Eos, you'll be captured." _I know that too, kid._ Roxas isn't here to take it off, and nobody else can. I think Riku probably already took Sora's off, while we were on our way here. They disappeared into a nice, private, closet-sized sleep room for a long while. When they reappeared, neither of them could keep from smiling, like some newly-paired couple. _Don't care, don't care, don't care._

I told Sora I'd think of something, and I guess he could see there was no talking me out of it. Kid surprised me a bit, then, by just stepping up and hugging me, his skinny little arms a death grip around my stomach. Then…they left.

I took my ticket and sold it, and then I started prowling the sleazy parts of the spaceport – dirty little bars and sometimes street corners. I found a buyer for the shuttleship – couldn't get the full value – it's stolen, after all – but any ship at all can be used by smugglers, so any ship at all will fetch a few credits.

Then I went looking for my ride home. I wasn't picky. Anything that could get me past orbit patrol and onto Amoi, which my stolen ship wouldn't have been able to do. I needed to get into Tanagura undetected – which meant a ship with stealth shielding, or Jupiter would spot my Pet Ring's signal the minute I entered the city. There were plenty of captains who could manage that, but they all wanted _a lot_ of compensation for the risk. Much more than I had.

Finally, I found a "trader" who was willing to barter. He's really a space pirate, claims his ship has flown around Tanagura for hours on several occasions without being detected once, and he was willing to cut the price in half and take what I had. But there was a catch. _The fucker._

I think he got the sick idea while we were discussing his ship's stealth system. I wasn't stupid enough to ask outright if it would mask a Pet Ring's signal…but I think he got the idea. And he decided that he'd take me there for half price, but only if I made up the difference by playing the sex toy for his whole crew – for the entire flight.

A single damned day has never felt so fucking long, ever.

The man above me grunts hard and his cock pulses and starts pumping another load of ejaculate into my mouth. I wait until he's done and pulls out before I spit the mess on the floor. That's all I have time to do before the next erect cock is shoved in my face, and it's time to start the process all over again.

_This might be quicker if I let them use my ass…fewer cocks to suck, anyway. _But…no. That's not part of the deal. I told the captain I wasn't letting his whole crew fuck me – I need to be able to _walk_ when I get where I'm going, and I happen to know how long it takes to recover from having your ass ripped up in a gangbang. So the deal is, his whole crew gets a taste of what a Tanagura Pet's mouth can do, as often as they want while we're en route, but only the captain gets to fuck me.

I bargained him out of a lot – _a lot _of sex I didn't want to give – but that was a deal-breaker, I guess. Either he gets to fuck me, or no deal. So in a few hours when the shifts change and he gets his break…I guess my mouth will get a rest for a little while, at least. _That'll be nice. My jaw is aching._

And I won't feel filthy about it or hate myself _and I won't fucking cry_ because it's not like I can cheat on someone who isn't _mine_ and might already be dead.

Another grunt, another orgasm – this one pulls out first and shoots his sticky come all over my face, just like the second and third man did. I don't get to complain about the vile mess of semen all over me – I just get to suck another cock. Give another lowlife space pirate a taste of what Tanagura Blondies teach their Pets to do.

_Just close my eyes, suck, and don't think about Roxas. _

_Damn it all._

~o~

The shift changes – one more final shot of come across my face before the doors open and the crew members drag their feet back to work. I swipe a hand down my face, smearing the drying fluids and shaking the mess off my hand. The voice of the captain comes from behind me – "Fucking hells, you looked nicer in the bar." _Great. Just fantastic. _I don't even look up. "Ah well. Looks like my crew's been havin' their fun with you."

"They shouldn't have any complaints," I mutter, maybe a little bitterly.

He snickers, the twisted fucker. "They won't, but _I_ might if I have to fuck you like _this_, yo. Come on."

I think he's forgotten that it was kind of _his idea_ to let his crew use me like a public sex stall for a few hours before he got his "payment." Or he's just stupid. _Don't care_. I follow him out of the room – I don't even ask for some clothes first, because there's no point – through a passage so narrow that two people can't quite walk side by side. He stands aside when we reach a hatch, opening it and gesturing me inside with a little mocking bow. I step in…and I guess this is the captain's quarters. The first room I've seen with a little space to walk around in – not a lot, but some. Plus furnishings, like a _bed_ rather than just bunks, and decorations – though they're mostly weapons. Every size, every variety, many I recognize from distant systems, and some from places so far away that I've never seen anything like it.

"Get cleaned up for me, my pretty ex-Pet," he smirks at my glare, but I don't care enough to argue his assumption. "Shower's in here."

"Shower?" _That _makes me arch an eyebrow. _A private shower on a ship this small?_

"Yeah," he crosses his arms and cocks a hip to the side, "a _shower_. 'Scuse me if I like my bitches _clean_."

About six different things pop into my head to say to that. _"I'd never have guessed." "I meant I'm surprised you __**have**__ your own shower." "You're the asshole who told your crew to ejaculate all over me." "I'm not your bitch." "Fuck off."_ But then I just bite my tongue and head to the shower, because once again, _I don't care_ and this fucker and his attitude and his picky requirements don't matter. _None of this matters. Only __**he**__ matters._

_Don't think about __**him**__ right now._

I let the hot water run over me and wash away the layers of semen. I guess there's not much point, because I'm sure the next round of crewmen will make just as much of a mess, but it's a relief for the moment, at least. I run my hands through my hair, detangling it as dried come gets unstuck, and I don't think about _his_ hands in my hair. I soap my body and don't think about _his_ fancy, soft-smelling shampoo, and I run my hands over my own skin, not thinking about _his touch_. The way his fingers were so hesitant and careful at first, or the way they later grew confident, possessive…and then finally adoring, toward the end of our time together. _Adoring, gentle, pleasuring…_

"Now _that's_ more like what I wanna see." The captain's voice echoes a little in the tiny wash closet, and I stop for just a moment before frowning, ignoring him, and rinsing the last of the soap away. He just leans against the door, and I can feel his eyes roaming over my naked body with unconcealed lust, but I don't acknowledge him. He's not worth the trouble.

"Nice Ring, by the way," he leers, eyes glued to my cock.

I wrap a towel around my waist, plant one hand on the guy's chest, and push him out of the way. I might have to fuck him, but that doesn't mean I have to be nice to him.

"Hey, what's your name?" His voice follows me into the bedroom. I stop and turn around, standing in front of his bed.

I shuck the towel. "That's not part of the deal."

He shrugs, smirking again as he eyes my naked body and steps closer. "So Pets don't even ask for names before they fuck? Interesting."

"I don't care what your name is, pirate. I don't want your cock in my ass, but you're not giving me a choice, so let's just get this over with."

He sighs. "Too bad, Pet. If you'd at least _act_ like you wanted me, we could have a good time for the rest of the trip."

My eyes narrow. "Your crew…"

"Almost all of them already got their turn. They don't need seconds. If you'd play along, it could be just me and you until we land, yo." He palms his crotch to make his meaning clear – as if it wasn't already. "I could show you the time of your life."

I wonder if he has any idea how arrogant that line sounds, spoken to a Pet. _Kinda doubt it. He doesn't seem too sharp. _ "No thanks." Not that I'm looking forward to another long shift of sucking cock, but I'd rather do _that_ than play the whore for this jackass.

He shakes his head with exaggerated disappointment – and unzips his pants. "Too bad, pretty Pet."

~o~

He knows what he's doing, I'll admit. His mouth around my shaft swallows me down like it's nothing, sucking _hard_ and swallowing _deep_ and pumping my erection mercilessly. And I'm holding out like crazy, which I have to say I'm pretty good at doing, but even with my stamina and my dislike for this guy, he's just not letting up. He wants to make me come, I can tell. In spite of the arrangement, it's like he just has to keep trying to make me _want_ him.

My back arches, I can't help it – pushing my hips up, off the bed, into _hot wet sucking thrusting…nngh, gods, coming…_ "C-come…_coming!_" _Fuck._

He rolls my tightened sac in his hand, practically _forcing_ me to explode, semen shooting from my cock in one rapid pulse after another. I feel him humming and swallowing, _self-content little prick_, and then he pulls off me…and a slippery little intrusion starts nudging at my hole.

"What's…that?" I grunt. Not that I have no idea – I'm pretty sure I've seen every toy out there – but I can't see it, so I'm just asking for specifics.

"Oh, it's a little thing I call _the hummer_. There we go…" He settles it inside me, and I know before he does anything else that it's resting right against my prostate, so I kinda figure he's about to…

_Buzzzzz…!_ "Ah! _Nnnh_." Yeah. Switch on the vibrations. Not too high – not high at all, actually. It's just a low little throbbing hum, with a gradual rise and fall in intensity, pulsating inside me. Only a virgin would orgasm from stimulation like this – but it's the kind of thing that starts to drive you crazy, after a while. _I should know._

"Let's see how you like that, bitch," he murmurs, leaning back and just watching me. He pulls his cock out of his pants, too – starts stroking it with a conceited little smirk when he sees me look up. _Fucker. Like you have anything to be so proud of._ Then again, I guess he's a little above average. It's just _me_ who's seen more monster cocks than I care to remember. So I guess I'm tough to impress.

My lack of interest and admiration doesn't deter him, though. He just stares at me, masturbating, fondling his own balls, rubbing circles around the cap of his penis – stroking himself _a lot._ His average prick gets all dark and flushed, jutting up and oozing precome in a steady stream. Then he backs off, taking his hands away from his rock-hard erection and stroking them over his clothed body. He doesn't undress, but I can see he's lean and firmly muscled. His hands play over his body, and sometimes he leans over to fondle _mine_ – caress my chest or stomach, stroke my inner thighs – before he finally goes back to his own cock and starts jerking himself off again.

He takes two more "breaks" to touch me and cool himself down a bit – all while that little pulsing toy is slowly heating my body up, making my cock grow firm again. I'm starting to get really hard now, and he stops jerking off for the fourth time, and this time he's on me. His fingers slide inside me and roll the toy around as he swallows my leaking cock again, and he's slurping up a pretty big mess of my precome.

I guess I have to admit, I didn't expect this. I figured he'd just plow my ass and be done. But… _Fine, whatever. I'm __**not**__ begging you to fuck me, asshole._

With a long pull, the toy comes out. He plays with my ass a little more, spreading me with his fingers. I bite the inside of my lip and _keep silent._ He's been working me up without a break, but he's gotta be pretty close to losing it himself. I don't think he's got the patience to wait if I don't beg for his cock.

Finally, he lets out a deep groan and pushes my legs up. _Can't wait anymore, I guess. _The wet head of his cock pushes into me, and then he thrusts the whole thing in deep. "Aghh!" _Hurts like hell._ …And at the same time, I've felt worse. _Much worse. _ So I just breathe.

Breathe, and relax, and let him fuck me. His cock slides out and pushes in again, _hard_. There's no slow build-up this time. He wants to _come_, and he fucks me into the mattress like he's desperately chasing his orgasm. My fingers twist in the sheets as I keep breathing, letting him do it, letting some fucking space pirate pound his cock into my body like he has any right to me, _asswipe_.

_Doesn't matter what you do – I've been fucked by too many people. __**They**__ didn't change anything; __**you**__ won't change anything. I only belong to one person_.

Moaning and pounding me hard, he grabs my cock and pumps me vigorously. It's not the familiar touch of someone who knows how to make me feel _amazing_ – how to make me melt and scream for him every time – but it's efficient enough, and I feel the shudder of release run through me, and my cock starts splurting my fluids into his hand.

Barely slowing down, he groans at the feeling of my body clenched in orgasm for a moment – then he's thrusting into me wildly again. Only for a minute – then he comes. I feel the throbbing and spurts of hot semen inside me – I can't even guess how many times I've felt it – and he pumps my ass full of his fluid.

_Wait…wait. _I draw in deep breaths, and after a minute, he pulls out of me. As soon as my ass is empty, I scoot out from under him and roll away. Getting up, I find the only thing there is for me to put on – that towel I borrowed before. I wrap it back around my waist and turn to the man lounging on the bed. "Do I get to use your shower again, or am I taking care of everyone's 'seconds' like this?"

A mean, pleased little flicker lights up pale blue eyes as they leer up at me. "No more showers for you, pretty bitch. I kinda like the idea of you sucking my crew off while they watch my come leak out of your stretched little hole. Doesn't hurt to give them a peek at what they can't have." He shrugs, grinning, and reaches out quickly, yanking the towel away. "Helps them remember who's boss around here."

_Fucking sick shit…_ I bite my tongue and follow as he gestures me to come, leading me back to the smelly little room temporarily designated for my "special services." _Just a few more hours and we'll reach Amoi. Just a few more hours. I can do this. I __**will**__ do this._

I'll chase down my little left-behind Blondie and drag his ass out of Tanagura, and he can go fuck himself with his self-sacrifice. If I get killed, I don't care. If it's not…_him_ anymore, I'll still find a way. As long as he's still alive, I'll scrape a path through every hell to get him out. And then I'll bring him back…somehow.

Because I… _Just because._

~o~


	17. A New Day

**Author's Note:** I've been hearing this quite a lot, lately, so let me set y'all straight on something: Reviews are NOT obnoxious, repetitive, annoying, or a bother. Especially not reviews that are kind enough to actually tell me what you specifically LIKED in a chapter. Not sure why so many people seem to think I wouldn't want to hear their feelings about my writing, but believe me - you are quite mistaken. In the years I've been doing this, nothing has ever motivated me more than YOUR FEEDBACK. So don't hold back. :)

And PS: I've also apparently surprised the pants off several people lately by replying. In case y'all didn't know - I ALWAYS reply, and I always have done. The only reviews I don't reply to are the anonymous ones, because I can't, and I really wish I could. So don't be shy! I'm nice, honest! :)

* * *

A New Day

I don't say a word to the driver as he flies the ordinary-looking car up to Eos Tower. I've paid for this already, and I don't owe him anything else. He's just here to drive me – his captain's orders – in a shielded stealth car. For the rest, I'm on my own.

When we flew into Tanagura airspace, I was holding my breath – afraid the shielding wouldn't be enough and the city's sensors would see my Pet Ring and send security after me before I could even get close to Eos. _Thank the gods_, these pirates seem to have found a way to blind Jupiter, just a little. We kept flying, all silent and dark through the city of gaudy, flashing light, and now the pilot is already here, at the Tower, and flying higher and higher around the building as we locate the right window. I already pointed out the room on the where-did-they-get-those interior plans of Eos – now we just match them up.

"This should be it," the driver grunts, and I look through two panes of glass to see the familiar furnishings of that room, the one I lived in for so long – sometimes a torture chamber, sometimes almost _safe_. "This the right one, bitch?"

_Fucker._ I'm not acknowledging his bullshit. "Yeah."

He just grunts again, nodding, and the car drifts sideways, right up next to the glass. A little cutting tool slips out to start drawing a circle on the glass, etching a door into Eos. _Pretty sure that kind of thing doesn't come standard on most cars like this._ I wait. When the door opens, the shielding will be compromised, and I'll have only a few seconds before detection. _And after that, count to fifty. That's how long the car will wait._ My driver may have liked his share of the payment, but that doesn't mean he's getting sentimental about me – not enough to risk his own neck to give me more time to get Roxas.

That glass is cut. His finger hovers over the door release, which will knock the glass inward when it swings open. "Ready, bitch?" I nod once, crouched and ready to jump. "Go get your Blondie, you fucking crazy whore." His fat thumb punches the door lock button and it's open, wind rocks the car and blasts me in the face, and with a _crash_, the cut-out section of the window falls inward and shatters all over a large easy chair.

_We had sex there, once…me in his lap…_

I leap over the chair and hit the floor, pushing to my feet and running forward, toward the bed and that little lump in the middle – _him, it's him_ – and that lump is already sitting up, eyes sharp and scanning the room, finding me, _gods, those eyes, it feels like years since…_

"Roxas, hurry and…!"

_Beep!_ His wrist flicks, light floods the room, and I have one cold, sinking moment to realize that there's no trace of emotion on his beautiful-_horrible_ face…and my seconds keep ticking away to the sound of the alarm as I sprint forward again, because _It's plan B time, fucking Blondie_. I throw my arm out toward him -_not-him_ and shoot the little concealed dart gun strapped to my wrist, and he blinks in bland surprise as the tranquilizer hits him in the shoulder, and then I'm tearing the wristcuffs out of my belt and grabbing his arms, _Seconds left now, hurry!_

_I'll knock you out and tie you up and talk sense into you later. Blondie, Roxas, don't care, you're coming with me because you're __**mine**__!_

_Bam!_ The cuffs are gone and my face hits the floor, arms pinned behind my back by what feels like a polysteel grasp, _Ow! Fuck!_ _Can't see…!_ But I can hear – the powering-up engine as my _last-hope-_driver fucks off at high speed, the _whish_ of the door opening and the stomping chorus of a bunch of security guards' feet as they rush in – and one little "Humph" of disgust from a voice I used to listen to and just…_enjoy._

"Your profile indicated a higher level of intelligence than this, Pet." _No. No…_ The words are flat and impassive – nothing like the voice I used to listen to, sweetly moaning and gasping my name. _Roxas…Roxas._ I feel like someone is choking me, like I can't breathe. _No – he's __**alive**__, damn it! It's only been three days. He can't be completely…_

"_Aaaaghhh!" Pain._ My throat burns as a scream rips itself out of me – stabbing pain shoots through my arm, shoulder, _everywhere!_ I can hear and feel the horrible _crack_ as too much strength and pressure just snap the bone like a twig. And all I can do is _scream…scream._

_Gag._ _Inhale. Shudder, cold, sweating, __**pain**__, choke, __**not**__-crying_.

The pressure is off, and Roxas rises, letting me go – not that I can move – and security guards haul me to my feet, _pain-pain-pain!_ A smooth voice talks over my gasping groans. "I believe my former Pet is overdue for some punishment. Kindly remove him and have him beaten. Thoroughly."

"Roxas…_ahhh!_" A wrench of my arm sends fresh pain tearing through me. _Only…chance…_ "Roxas, _please…!_" _Remember. All the nights I called you by name – this forbidden name._ _Remember…what it __**meant**__. _"Roxas!"

"Lethal or non-lethal beating?" The monotone guard waits for clarification. Roxas is plucking the tranquilizer dart from his shoulder with a disinterested look – _Fucking Blondies. That dose is supposed to knock out a wild korhek. _He hands it to some peon and glances at me again.

_Cold._ His eyes flick away again a moment later – back to the guard, ignoring my existence, like I'm nothing, unimportant… But for that one moment, I see it all. Nothing but ice in those blue, blue eyes. _Just like he was in the beginning._

Like a punch in the throat, a laser blade in my heart. Like _death-cold_, and that's all there is left now. _I threw it all away again, because nothing mattered…because nothing __**matters**__ anymore, now that he's gone._

"Actually, I believe I had an offer on this Pet before his would-be escape. Have my Furniture contact a brothel in Midas called _Tortures_. They can retrieve him after his beating."

Blue, blue ice turns away – _It's over_. The guards start dragging me away, away from _him_, and this time I know I won't be back. Doors slide open. _I'll never see him again._

"Roxas!" I force my raw voice to obey, to call out one more time, and he looks at me again. _Blue…_ "I love you, Roxas!" _If only…__**please!**_

_Not even a flicker._ "Break his other arm, while you're at it."

Doors slide shut, and he's gone.

_Gone._

~o~

_This is Hell. Got to be._

I'm reeling in a fog of pain – not sharp and crackling anymore, but deep and throbbing and _all over my body_. Nausea keeps rising up and fading away again as the pain intensifies with every little shift of my body. Good thing I can't move beyond that, I guess. I'd throw up.

I got the whip until I fainted – _Been a long time since that happened._ Then I got both arms set and fainted again, I guess, because I don't remember anything after that until…_here_. There was a dirty, narrow back hallway, and then this room, the one I'm in now – a dim bedroom, decorated with fake luxury and filled with sex paraphernalia. _So this is "Tortures"? Oh gods…_

_This is going to hurt a lot. Often._

My broken arms are rigged in braces now, held against my body in something a little bit like the binding coats that madmen wear in prison. Unlike those things, though, my bindings are made of sheer silks and false jewels. Multipurpose clothing – I'm dressed like a whore, can't move my broken arms, and the silks also strap me down to this…bed thing. Movable table made to _look _like a bed, anyway.

Aside from that, I'm naked. Looks like this is going to be normal again. _Funny_. During my training, I spent months refusing to get used to it. Now… _I don't fucking care._

Someone comes in. I see shadows approaching me, getting clearer – two men. One is dressed like an orderly, escorting the other man and showing him the…merchandise, I guess. He – _my_ _customer_ – says something to the orderly. He doesn't address me, but I don't care. I'm not listening either way – just drifting in the pain. Trying not to move, and clinging to the way the agony fades just a little when I hold still long enough.

_Pain! Fuck, fuck, ow!_ Hands pull my legs open and the shift makes splintering agony shoot through my arms. I'm gasping, retching, trying not to cry – and then my legs are bound too, spread wide open, and I can't close them. Can't fight this fucker off as he starts playing with my body, using one toy after another on me. Through the pain, I feel a tickle on my face, _What the…oh. Tears._ I can't even try to stop the flow – I can barely hold my nausea in check. I'm sobbing like a child, and _I don't care._

The customer likes that, I guess, because the toys go away all at once, and then he's yanking my legs up higher and a fat little cock gets shoved into my ass. And _oh gods my arms!_ I can't even notice the pain in my ass because _my arms, agh, gods no, hurts!_

He keeps ramming away. I scream and sob. He fucks me harder. I turn my head to the side and throw up.

He stops – _relief_, but too much pain to enjoy it…and then he smacks me in the face with something hard – one of the toys, _fuck, ow!_ Then he leaves, stomping like a pissy little bitch. The door slams, and I hear a moan – me, I guess. The pain starts to fade a little again, and I take deep, slow breaths.

And then my throat catches and my chest tightens and I should hate this, I should fight this down…but _I don't care_, I'm crying and crying and _fuck shame, fuck everything_. Fuck the pain, fuck being a whore, _I don't care, it doesn't matter now._ _**Nothing**__ matters._ Because I can't see the room, the people, the sex toys – all I can see is…

_Blue._ Gods, so blue. _Cold_. Like the eyes of a stranger, a monster…_a Blondie._ Not Roxas. Not _my_ Roxas. And half of me knew, expected…but it doesn't change anything. Doesn't erase the vision of icy blue, the sound of that empty voice.

_This is what you get for falling in love with an inhuman monster._

I know. Still don't care, though. Just like the last time, I'd do it all again in a minute. Fall in love again, throw my life away again – because he was worth it, _he mattered_, though fuck me I don't know why. Untie me now, and I'll go right back and try again – _stupid as fuck, but I would. I love him._

But that's not going to happen. I can't even move – there's no way through this hell. I'll be caged here until I die…_and I'll never see him again._ The Blondie – fucking shell of a human with _his_ name – will grow up and run Tanagura while I die here, but _my Roxas_ is already gone.

_I've really lost him_.

~o~


	18. Day 204

**Author's Note: **This is turning into something of a weekly thing, wot? Shall I say "updates Sundays" and make it official? XD

And now I must crave your indulgence for a little while. I know you're probably more interested in Moving Forward with the plot, but alas, that's a little Not Yet. Chronologically, this chapter immediately follows Chapter 11, Day 203 (where this fic was stopped for two years, lol). Enjoy! :)

* * *

Day 204

I open my eyes and squeeze them shut again right away – the room is too fucking bright. _Must have slept a long-ass time._ I shift, and _fuck, ow!_ My ass stings and my back and arms ache. I bury my nose in the pillow and yawn, and _fucking shit_, even my _jaw_ feels a little sore. _Figures, I guess._ Those assholes are both hung, no surprise there. _They're Pets, after all._

My arms reach out in both directions and find only fabric. _Oh yeah…guess he's at work._ I shield my eyes from the daylight and peek through my fingers anyway, because the bed's a lot bigger than my reach…but he's not in it. I know I shouldn't expect it but… _Fuck. Wish I'd woken up before he had to leave._

Pushing myself up on my arms, I groan and stop, resting on the side of my hip – my ass is stinging even more now, and I'm not so sure I wanna sit on it properly. _Jupiter's damned bracelets…I gotta see if Roxas can get me some medicine for this. It almost feels __**torn**__._

I breathe for a minute, then scoot carefully to the edge of the bed, keeping my weight off my ass. Then – an unexpected shadow, at the edge of my vision… I turn and look, and blink in surprise and sigh in relief at about the same time. Roxas is sitting in the big chair by the window. Or maybe I should say _slumped_. Looks like he _was_ sitting there, but kinda dozed off. His head is leaning against the back of the chair, flopped sideways, and his mouth is open as he breathes, soft and deep. I grin, choking back a snort of laughter – _There's a sight you don't see every day. Fuck me, it would be perfect if he'd snore…_

He doesn't, though – _oh well._ I get up – carefully – and walk over to him, stepping silently…and a little hunched from my sore back. He's really…so pretty, with the sunlight on his face – even with his mouth hanging open. And his golden hair looks even lighter than usual…and it's soft, as always, when I reach out and touch it. Because I just gotta.

Mouth shutting, his face screws up and he grunts, squinting his eyes open and looking at me. "Axel?"

"Hey Sleeping Beauty," I smile.

"Sleeping what?" A look of utter confusion covers his face, and I have to hold back _another _laugh. Guess Blondies don't sit around and listen to Jupiter tell fairy stories when they're little.

"Never mind. Why aren't you at work?"

He sits up, stretching and blinking sleep from his eyes. "I requested permission to be absent. Told them I felt poorly and needed to run myself through a medical check." He glances up at me, blue eyes giving me a look that reaches out to me, wants to touch, wants to offer something pleasant – anything. "How are you? Are you still in pain?"

One hand comes up to rest over mine, still lingering in his hair, and I let my fingers wrap around his in return. _Better be honest. _ "Yeah…kinda. My ass stings like a bitch, and I'm pretty sore, I guess. But it's not as bad as…" _When you let men rape me for training…_ "…Um, I've had worse."

Regret floods those sunlit blue eyes, and he frowns sadly, tugging my hand and pulling me forward. I let him, and I take it a step further – I lower myself in front of him, placing one knee at a time on the seat of his chair, straddling his thighs and lowering myself. Not _quite_ sitting down on his legs.

There's a flicker in his eyes that says he just became very, very aware of how naked I am, and there's a stutter in my heart that just noticed how he's only wearing a soft dressing gown – easily opened and removed with a tug at the ties around his slender waist. I let that feeling linger, though. And I guess he does too, because he pointedly does _not_ look at where my soft cock is just barely resting on top of his leg. Maybe I should be more worried – he _did_ want to have sex last night, and we didn't. But somehow…I'm not so worried. I just told him that my ass still hurts, and somehow…I think he won't want to do anything while I'm in pain. I think…I think I can trust in him for this.

His voice is soft as he looks up at me, and his hands lift and frame my hips, resting there lightly for a while before beginning to move in slow, light caresses. "I think…there is very little chance that we will have to worry about a repeat of last night. My mentor seems to have lost interest in viewing your performances, and he was the one I most frequently borrowed from." His hands move upward and behind, rubbing a little firmer over my lower back, and I lean forward a little to give him better access, because _gods that feels heavenly._ "I will find ways to repay the other favors without involving Pets. That should suffice for the others, and if it does not, I should be able to find an excuse to avoid…sharing you with them. None of them have the same authority over me that Xemnas does."

The words are good to hear – soothing. But his hands are even better, working a slow path up my back. I nod slowly. "I got it. That's…thank you." His fingers press a trail up my spine, and I can't keep back a little moan. "_Unnh_…right there, _mmm_…"

Finally, a little smile enters those beautiful blues again. He presses a little harder, hands exploring the muscles of my back with a firm, _oh-gods-so-nice_ massage. "Does this help with your soreness?"

Planting my forearm on the back of the chair, I lean into his body and groan deeper. "Yeah…_fuck_ yeah. Keep doing that, it feels _amazing_."

He really smiles this time, and starts massaging with a hard, deep pressure. His hands get all the way up to my neck and shoulders, and I'm practically _plastered_ against him just so he can reach…and then he starts downward again. Gods of Amoi, he's good. _Probably because he's fucking strong…but careful. Gentle._ As he inches down my back, he leaves my muscles loose and relaxed, and it feels like Paradise, warm and wonderful. I swallow and breathe deep, inhaling his sweet scent. _Gods…Roxas._

When he starts rubbing the small of my back, I shudder all over. The delicious pressure of his hands feels tantalizing – waves of pleasure radiate through me, somehow finding their way straight to my groin. _Oh wow…when did __**that**__ happen?_ Looks like I'm pretty aroused. My cock is almost completely hard – poking Roxas a little, low in the stomach, though he hasn't said anything yet. He just keeps touching me, pressing his hands in wonderful circles, over and over, and now that I've noticed my erection, every touch feels like a promise of sexual pleasure, and _hells_ my cock stiffens up like a _rock_ in less than a minute.

_Fuck. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours since I got double-teamed by a couple of monster cocks. I shouldn't want this right now._

But I do…and those incredible hands glide down in a smooth press over my ass, squeezing gently, and _fuck_ I arch into it a little and moan, because _ohhh yesss…_

And then _ow!_ I suck in air through my teeth and freeze – _that stung._ "Do you hurt too much…there?" He breathes against my neck.

Gritting my teeth, I hate to admit this, but… "It's pretty painful. I gotta check and make sure they didn't tear me…"

"You're not torn," he murmurs soothingly, kissing my collarbone. "I took the liberty of checking you this morning. You were red and swollen, though." He pulls back, looking up into my eyes. "I procured some medicine. If you will permit me…"

"Sounds like just the thing," I grin weakly. "You're a mind-reader."

Out of the pocket of his robe, he pulls a little vial. "This decreases swelling and accelerates healing," he explains softly, letting the thin liquid drip out over his fingers. I watch until his hand is coated…and moved behind me. Carefully, he brushes his fingertips down my seam…over the rim of my opening. I wince at the touch, but don't pull back. Instead, I raise my hips, opening myself up for him.

The first touch stings, but the medicine goes to work fast, and starts to soothe the burn almost immediately. He circles his fingers around my hole, spreading the liquid and rubbing it gently into the skin. There's a pause as he gets more on his fingers…then one thin finger presses in deeper and gently slides inside me.

"_Nnnh…" _ The ache inside is a little deeper – a little slower to fade. He moves slowly, working just that one finger, pulling out often for more medicine and spreading it around as much and as deeply as he can.

_Gods I want him_.

Bad idea, I know – no one knows better than me, with the lingering pain that the medicine doesn't take care of. _That would hurt like a bitch if he actually fucked me. _ I know, but…gods above and below, the slippery feel of his finger inside me just makes me think of his cock – the length, the girth, the ridge around the head and the way it tugs a little when he pushes in through my opening…_ungh, fuck_. I'm way too hard deal with Roxas fingering me in a non-sexual way. How can anything be non-sexual when my penis is this engorged?

"Roxas…ahhh…"

His finger goes still inside me and his free hand come up to my neck…and pulls me down into a kiss. I feel melted as soon as I taste his tongue. He kisses me deeply, moaning softly into my mouth, and his taste and his lips and tongue clear away the lingering memory of _others_, of being _on display_, and the sick knot in my stomach that those _other kisses _made…unravels. And I kiss him back without thinking, because _I like kissing him_, and I press close to him and my hardened penis rubs against his groin – _hard, like me._ I can feel how firm he is, and it makes me shiver. I hope… _I hope I never have to feel another man's erection again. I only want…this. __**His.**_

"Ah…Axel…" He's practically panting into my mouth, eyes opening to find mine, hazy with desire. "Doesn't it…hurt?"

I grunt. "Don't…really…_nnnh_, care…" Somehow, my hips are moving on their own, grinding and trying to get his finger in a little _deeper._

"Wait…" he whispers, pecking my lips lightly, and then I almost whine – _almost_ – because his finger slips out of me. I look down – and he got a little tube of something, now. Same pocket, but not the vial from before. And the stuff inside is a pale green cream, not a liquid. He does the same thing with it though – puts some on his fingers and moves them behind me…touching my opening.

"This…" He slides one finger back inside, _yess…_ "um, this is for…untrained Pets. That is…" He swallows and pushes in deeper, rotating and grazing my prostate, _gods!_ "When someone wants to watch…certain things…done to a Pet – maybe a new Pet, maybe a borrowed one – when the Pet hasn't learned yet how to enjoy pain…they use this." He takes his fingers out and get more stuff on them, puts two fingers in me this time and spreads it deeper… "This acts on the nerves. We have tablets, too, which operate on the whole body. It, um, prevents the nerves from sensing pain." _Ahh…so that's why. _My hole is already feeling less sore. The sting is fading fast, but it's not numb – I can feel Roxas' fingers inside me, the wet and slippery thrusting in and out, and the more of that stuff he put into me, the less pain I feel. "I will be careful not to add to the damage from last night, so…this," he swallows and meets my eyes with begging blue, "…this should make it possible for us to…"

For some reason, I smile, rocking my hips down onto his fingers. "I could have taken _you_, if you wanted to do it so bad," I tease.

He stays serious, but smiles softly. "Of course. I always enjoy that. But…" He shrugs a little, and _yeah. I know_.

I didn't want to – I wanted _this_. And he wants the same thing.

Nodding, I let my hands do what they've been screaming to do all this time – _touch him_, press gently though the robe, and push the fabric aside, exposing his arousal…and thrusting against him with mine. He's fumbling behind me with the tube, and I stroke his cock a few times before shifting so that he slips between my legs. Then another bit of fumbling – "Hang on…I just want to get some of this…" – and then his slick head is nudging my ring, pushing me open…

Leaning back, I push _down_ – and he's inside me. _So full…feels perfect._ The pain is almost gone, barely a twinge reminds me that I was sore when I woke up, and I can ignore twinges. I can rise up on my knees and thrust down again, feeling his cock penetrate me again. He moans and his head falls back, and I take the lead, setting the pace and fucking myself on his erect penis. Dazed blue watches me, and I watch him back, riding him with a steady, thrumming pace, _loving_ the feeling of his shaft inside my ass. _Gods_, no one else can compare. His sex is so good – _amazing._

_Just a little…_ I let go, just a bit, just…enough. Enough to throw my head back and cry out, clenching around him as he thrusts up into me, hearing our voices filled with moans and sobs of pleasure, the wet sounds of our coupling driving me crazy, making me so hot, _burning…close…ready…!_

"_Roxas! Ohhhhhh…!"_

"Axel, ah-ah-ahhnngh, _Axel_, I'm…!"

_Yes._

I feel it – his orgasm, inside me. His seed pumping into me, filling me, _so hot_, so…_so_ _much._ His cock jolts as it spurts more fluid, and his head was right by my prostate I guess, because the little press against it is the thing that drives me over the edge. My whole body goes rock-solid, shivering as my balls contract and I _come, hard_, shooting onto his stomach, clutching his shoulders and riding the pleasure, the _good, good, ohhhh_ feeling of climaxing – _with him_.

When I can think again, he's kissing me. Holding me close – I've collapsed in his lap – and cradling my face and kissing me. _Damn it, stop acting like a fucking child and…oh fuck it. _ So I'm letting him cuddle me – _so what?_ After last night…well. It's no shame to need a little care, a little…

_Love._

He looks at me, and that's what I see in the deepest reaches of unbelievable blue. And I know that's what he wants in return – _fuck, who wouldn't?_ – and right now I want to answer his feeling, but…something in me shrinks back. _I…I don't think…_

His expression falls, and something nasty twists in my gut. _I'm sorry. I…I can give you a little. I can put myself in your hands – I can trust, a little. But I can't give you __**that**__. Not yet. Not while I can still remember…_

"Roxas…"

A kiss. A chaste, simple kiss that closes my mouth…but still accepts what I was going to say.

"I can wait," he whispers into my ear, arms wrapping around me and hugging me _tight_. And that…yeah. I hug him back, thinking things like _sorry_ and like _I hope one day_ – and that's all we need to say, for now.

That's another memory to replace the bad ones, and maybe someday, if we replace them all, I won't feel this little ache of regret anymore…because I'll be able to answer that feeling with _everything_ – my whole heart.

~o~


	19. Day 175

**Author's Note:** You know, I think the ultimate challenge for me would be to write a multichaptered fic with no sex in it - rated T. My brain melts with panic at the very idea, LOL. XD

* * *

Day 175

I'm on my knees, sucking Roxas' cock. I bob my head over and over the firm, hot length, and he grips the nightstand with one hand and the chair by the window with the other, trying to keep his feet while I try to make his knees buckle. We could easily take this over to the bed, but for some reason, neither of us is moving that way. My knees complain, but I don't give a shit. He's leaking onto my tongue, and the taste makes me so hot for more – fingers slicked and probing inside him, free hand sometimes stroking his shaft, sometimes fondling his downy little sac… _Come on…do it. Spill. I'll drink it all._

Sucking him down faster, I work my tongue around his penis, pleasuring his best spots one after the other. His balls begin to contract, his voice climbs in pitch, and I start thrusting my mouth over him _fast_ – no more fancy playing, just a quick, hard race to orgasm.

"_Axel! Axel! _Ohhhhnnghh…nhh."

His penis throbs deep in my mouth, and his seed is shooting down my throat. I'm swallowing even as he keeps coming – there's just something about the taste of _his_ release. _I like it._

I milk his cock down to the last dribbles, gently suckling at his weeping slit to draw the last of it out. He jerks at the touch, over-sensitized, and I back off. Now I guess we'll move to the bed, and if he's not out cold in a minute then he'll probably want me to fuck him…which I'm more than fine with, because _hells_ my cock is swollen enough to make a bred whore scream.

I get to my feet and – _Ah! What the…?_ Soft little hands grab my hair and all of a sudden there's a tongue in my mouth and a naked Blondie grinding against me wildly, assaulting me with lust, making my body flash white-hot with _want_ and _Ow!_ I jolt back, blinking shock, and _red, red, that's my blood. _He bit me. I feel a trickle running down my chin and there's a little blood on his lips too. My split lip is stinging. My cock is _leaking_. I almost came.

_Fuck, you better be ready for this, you little minx. You asked for it. _ I feel a growl in my throat and I grab him, kissing him madly, bruising force and _lust, pure lust_ saturating this kiss. I shove forward and slam him into the wall, and he gasps and cries out and wraps his legs around my hips, arching to grind his ass against my erect cock, thrusting over and over. He's pinned my erection against my stomach and he's bent almost in half to get his ass against my cock, but I'm slipping between the parted cheeks and holding him up and not thinking about comfort or shit like that because _fuck, yes!_ I thrust back a few times at a furious pace, then have to pause to grab hold of myself and find his entrance. I feel the puckered ring against my tip and just _slam_ forward, impaling him with one breathtakingly deep thrust.

He screams, body tensing. Some part of him bumps something nearby, and there's a shattering sound. _Glass sculpture on the nightstand_. I shift and get a better hold on his sweat-drenched body and _drive_ into him again. I feel like I'm melting inside him – _so hot, so tight, so slick…fuck!_

"Axel, _aaaaanngh more!_"

_Gods in paradise, Jupiter in hell – yes. __**Roxas**__._

Snapping my hips, I ram into him over and over, fucking him deep, holding nothing back – I throw all the power in my body into each thrust, and he screams over and over, nails raking over my back. His cock shoots semen over us both, but I don't-_can't_ stop, have to keep going, have to…_fuck!_

Balance slipping, I have to stop a moment to grab him tighter again, and there's a clattering sound and then a high keening as he writhes – my shaft was rubbing his prostate, I think. I roll my hips a few more times and watch him jolt and spasm and then his cock is pumping ejaculate between us _again_, and he's quivering around my cock, _feels so good_, and I thrust in deep again – _more_. Over and over, just as hard as before, slamming into my orgasm at full speed and emptying myself into his willing body. He squeezes my throbbing shaft over and over, milking my penis greedily as I flood him with my semen. I finish deep inside him and wait before I pull out – wait and gaze at his utterly spent, dazed expression.

Then I draw my cock carefully out of him and watch breathlessly as my come dribbles out of his opening – _so much_. I hear him moan – his hole is twitching, contracting, trying to close up and hold my semen inside, _fuck_. …_What's that?_ My eyes are pulled to the side by a bright, messy splash of red – _Oh shit_. There's a piece of glass embedded in his inner thigh, back toward his ass, along with a few scratches over the surface of normally flawless porcelain skin. I glance to the side and see the shattered sculpture covering the table we just fucked against – I must have dropped him onto the glass a few times. _Shit._

"Roxas. _Roxas_. Arms around my neck." He's drifting, but he obeys. Guess he's too out of it to notice the pain, right now. Still too flooded with adrenaline, like when we were fucking. _Thank the gentle gods for that._ I can get him to the bed, lay him down, and get a look at the damage…_not looking_ at his entrance, all red and puffy and still drenched with my come. _Gods._

It looks like just the one piece got stuck in there. The other scratches look shallow. I hurry to the bathing room for a warm, wet cloth before I try to do anything. Then, checking his half-asleep face, I grasp the piece of glass gently and ease it free.

"Ahh! What…?" He flinches at the pain as blood wells up behind the shard, and I press the cloth over the area, holding it there.

"Shh, relax Roxas. We broke your glass…thing," he glances to the side, a little befuddled, and blinks disinterestedly at the mess, "and you got cut a bit. It's not bad, but it might sting. Hang on."

"Unh." That could be agreement or dismissal or both, not sure. But I go ahead and wipe the blood away, cleaning the shallow scrapes – which have already stopped bleeding – and stopping the flow from the deeper cut. I have him hold the cloth in place as I get another, a dry one, and something to bind it in place with. We _could_ get a medic with a flick of his wrist, and seal the whole thing with a little strip of plastiskin – it would heal in hours. But this cut would be hard to explain, so that's not really an option. He'll probably still heal quickly, though. I've heard Blondies are damn near indestructible.

"There you go. Still hurt?" He shakes his head. "Okay. It might scar a bit, but it shouldn't get infected."

"You know how to treat injuries." It's not a question.

_I grew up in Ceres. What do you expect?_ "Yeah." I don't add to that, just straighten up and survey the glass mess. "Next time you wanna fuck that hard, maybe wait until we're away from anything breakable."

He just looks at me, looks down at my cock, yawns, and stretches himself out – giving me a glorious view of nude, thoroughly fucked Blondie. "Understood. Next time…" his hand slides across the sheet beside him, blue eyes twinkling up at me, _daring_, "…you can pound me into the mattress instead."

A warm tingle runs over my skin – straight to my cock. I watch him warily – _He's not trying to seduce me again, is he? _That hand petting the bed sheets moves, gliding over his own torso – teasing a nipple, tracing downward, grazing over his penis…probing into his loosened hole and drawing out again. _Wet_. In and out again, dragging my semen out and smearing it over his cute little testicles, his rising erection… _Holy shit. _My cock stands up, ready again.

I'm owned by the horniest damned Blondie in Tanagura. _Fucking fine with me._ "I should really…clean this glass up…"

He spreads his thighs wide open and licks his lips, watching me. "Later."

_Right. Later's good._

~o~


	20. Day 109

**Author's Note:** Since y'all have been asking...nope, I am not suffering from writer's block, nor am I stuck on how to progress the plot beyond chapter 17. These flashback chapters are a part of the plan – trust me! ;) The next two chapters after the cliffhanger are actually already written (sorry if saying that makes me a tease), and we will start moving forward again – next week! :D

And, to save you time – this chapter follows chapter 4 in the timeline, but comes a couple weeks before chapter 1. And this fic is officially the most chronologically fucked piece of writing I will ever do. Promise. Hopefully. XD

* * *

Day 109

_What is he playing at? And…why? And what should I do to make him __**suffer**__ for it?_

My eyes narrow as I study my "partner" for the night. Young, slender, brown hair, gray-blue eyes – none of that would normally stand out. But I think I recognize this kid – I've seen that scar before. And if he's the one I'm thinking of, the one I saw in the Salon when I first came here… _This isn't right._ The Pet I saw was performing on a dining stage – a small stage with a counter around it for place settings and food, and comfortable seating around that, affording a nice, up-close view during dinner. He was riding two cocks at once, screaming in ecstasy while half a dozen Blondies looked on, calmly having dinner. The Pet I remember was a wild, unrestrained _whore_.

_This_ Pet is approaching me almost timidly, shy eyes darting away like some kind of fucking _virgin_ – maybe even a little shivering going on. But it's an act – it _has_ to be. Even if I'm wrong about remembering him down in the Salon, I can take one look at his sheer thong and _see_ his rock-hard erection almost bursting out of the flimsy little garment. There's no way he'd be this hard if he was really this afraid. _Well, if he was drugged…but no. He'd have to be dosed out of his __**mind**__. No way he'd still be standing and walking this easily. I've had those fucking drugs, I know what they do._

So all I can think is that he's been ordered to act coy or something, and that leads me back to my watcher, my _master_ – Roxas. _Why would he want this slut to act all virginal? What's he trying to make me do?_

The slut presses himself up against my chest, clinging and close – _disgusting_ – and looks like he can't help himself, because one hand slips down to cup my penis, rubbing me through my thong, and he glances up at me through his lashes – _flirting._ Trying to dare me or tempt me or something. Maybe just showing me how hot he is to fuck. _Like that's going to get me going, you little shit._

I glance over at Roxas, sitting and watching with his usual glass of wine, and there's nothing to clue me in – no hint in that bland expression. No frustration or dissatisfaction either, _damn. Well, let's fix that._

I'm still not to clear on _where_ that displeasure of his comes from, though…can only guess. So I take a shot in the dark. _Will it bother you if I blow him? If I look more into it than when you make me suck __**you**__ off?_ No idea, really – _Let's see._ These days I think every performance is turning into an experiment, trying to find out what bothers him the most.

This whore is kind of handsy already, so I grab his wrists and twist them behind his back, holding them there with one hand as I go down on my knees in front of him. He doesn't resist; we both angle ourselves so that Roxas has the best view. _Trained, broken, obedient._ I squeeze his ass with the other hand and grab his thong with my teeth, dragging it down over his full-blown erection. He whimpers, then moans out loud when I swallow him down. His cock isn't really big enough to challenge me – not with the practice _I've_ had – so I start deep-throating him all the way down to his trimmed little trail of brown hairs. He cries out every time, but when I start pulling his ass open and prodding his hole with my free hand, _that's_ when he gets _loud_.

Slickness leaks over my fingers as I shove them inside – _Shy and virginal my ass. You were already lubed up, bitch. _And stretched, too. I don't finger him for long; there's no need. I let some of the lube trickle out over my hand though, and I make sure Roxas can see his hole stretching open, twitching eagerly for my cock. _Look at that, Roxas. You wanted him to play the virgin – I'm showing you the eager slut he really is. Pissed?_

I sneak a glance as I pull off, licking at the Pet's dripping slit – _Not sure. Maybe a little… _His eyes look just barely narrowed. Just a tiny bit less smugness in that face. _Good. Let's see…_

I drag the moaning whore down and push him onto his back. His dark, wet erection stands straight up in the air, quivering. I'm about to start getting into position to fuck, but he's reaching for me now that his hands are free, and he pulls my thong down and starts stroking my cock with a look of pure lust on his face.

_All right, whore. Fine. You want my cock, I'll give it to you. _I slide forward, straddle his chest, and he's opening his mouth before I even get there, eager for it, whimpering hungrily until I put the head between his lips and _thrust_ down into his mouth. I'm only half-hard, so he doesn't even gag – _for now._ I let him work my cock with his tongue, pumping slowly between his lips as I swell bigger and harder. He looks up at me, rolls his eyes pointedly, and glances behind my hips. I frown at him, but I get the idea.

Pulling out, I turn around and bend over. He grabs my penis again immediately and keeps working me with his mouth and hands. I lower myself toward his groin and take his weeping erection in again, swallowing down to the root. I take his balls in my hand and massage them, and he groans _hard_ around my shaft. I wait, though, and keep sucking him – making sure I get fully hard.

When I am, I pull my hips up and _slam_ down into the Pet's throat – and then do it again. A lot. I fuck his throat good and hard, and he writhes and I can hear him struggling to breathe, but I don't let up until I'm seconds from coming. Then I pull out quick and get off him. He gasps for air, but, like the bitch he is, he's getting off on the abuse. His cock is weeping a steady flow of precome, and the minute I'm out of the way he grabs for himself, desperate to touch and jerk and climax, but I don't let him. I pin his hands down next to his hips and keep him there as he arches and his cock spasms on the brink of shooting…but not quite there.

Leaning over him, I stick my tongue in his mouth. Not really because I want to kiss him, but we both need to cool down a bit before I start fucking him, and we're not allowed to just _stop_, so I've learned that kissing is a good way to take a break without a Blondie yelling at you to keep going. And this close, he can speak a little – through moans, and with our mouths still tangled, but I can understand him. "_Fuck me, ohh __**please**__ fuck me!_ Please, please, hurry up and rape my ass, _nngh_, pound my wet hole so hard I _break…please!_"

_He's a bitch to the core._ Other Pets sometimes actually _tell _me stuff when they can speak low enough that the Blondies can't hear. This guy – he's not even acting aroused. He's got nothing but sex in his head.

_I wonder if he was…reprogrammed._ It's impossible to tell from looking at him. But…_I wonder_.

I don't answer him – no need to. I just pull back and grab his hips, flipping him over onto his stomach, forcing his knees as far apart as I can. Then I spread his ass open and slide my cock along his seam, thrusting in his crevasse as I push the round cheeks together again, pillowing my erection for a few more display thrusts before going further. Then I'm stretching his dripping hole open, settling the head of my cock into the indentation…and easing in, deep and painfully slow, making him wait for every inch of my shaft. Not because it's hard to get in – it's yielding and easy – but just to make him writhe and scream for _more, more, fuck me, hurry!_

A little wrinkle between Roxas' eyebrows tells me he's not pleased. _Perfect_.

I give the whore what he's begging for, now – nailing him as deep as I can, crushing my hips against his ass, then pulling back and doing it again. I start pounding him with a steady, relentless beat, and he falls apart pretty fast, but I've only got half my attention on him now. Most of me is glaring at the Blondie watching us. Master. _Monster_. Watching him coldly follow the motion of my penis plunging into this whore. _Fuck you, Roxas._

Sudden clenching around my shaft warns me, but I don't stop – just grab the whore by his hair and pull him up, up onto his knees as he comes, cock spraying fluid all over his own chest. And I still don't stop, I just change angle and keep fucking him, thrusting up into his hungry hole, nailing his prostate over and over. His body is limp except when it tightens in an uncontrolled spasm, and I have to hold him against my chest with one hand or he'd fall. He throws his head back over my shoulder and screams for more, and I fuck him hard for a few more minutes before he comes again, semen spilling down over his genitals in a sticky white fountain.

His voice is almost gone. All he can go is gasp and wail hoarsely now – and I fuck him some more. I'm having a hard time enjoying this, can't seem to come…and then I look up at Roxas again. His face still shows nothing, but there's something hot in those blue, blue eyes – something like _anger._

_Fuck. __**Yes**__._

I grab the whore's drenched cock and pump him _hard, forcing_ him through another orgasm, and I use his trembling and spasming around my penis – _and the dark look in impossible blue – _to finally get there. My sac tightens and I let go, pumping my seed into the Pet's loose hole. I fill him with it, flood his insides, and then hold myself there while my own fluid dribbles out of him – all for Roxas to see. _Watch, and look unhappy. Yes._

…_Hate you, Blondie._ I drop the spent Pet to the floor and almost fall forward myself. I'm _exhausted._ But I hold on and just sit back, instead. Watching him with a little smirk. _Fuck what you want. Fuck __**you**_.

~o~

After the slut is carted away by some peon, Roxas finally stands. He opens his pants and strides toward me. I haven't moved much; I just sit back on the floor and wait for it. And with how hard his cock is, I'm not surprised when he grabs my hair and forces himself between my lips.

I _am_ surprised when he doesn't let up, though. Normally he lets me pleasure him, just sitting there calmly and orgasming calmly and making me drink his semen with a lazy little smile. This…isn't like that. Two hands fist in my hair and he bends my neck back and just starts _fucking_ my _throat_. Maybe watching me do it to the other Pet gave him the idea. Maybe he's just mad. He sure doesn't _look_ very happy…

But I don't get much chance to observe. He's nowhere near as big as most of the Pets I've sucked off, but he's a Blondie – he's going to outgrow us all one day, and certain parts get an early start. So I have to concentrate right now, because it's hard to breathe with him ramming into my throat at a furious pace.

Hand to breathe…_hard to think_. Can't do anything, just…_hang on_. _Feel_. Keep my jaw relaxed and let him do it. Keep my lips over my teeth as he pumps between them, feel his hot erection covered in my saliva, thrusting, _thrusting_ in and out, _fast, faster._ Feel his soft little sac slapping against my chin. _Don't think_ about licking it, sucking it, rolling the testicles around in my mouth with my tongue when he lets me, _I mean __**makes**__ me_ suck him off. _Don't think_ about touching him, _handling him_, or…_ohhh_, tasting him.

The rapid pounding keeps going, and there's that sweet flavor – I'm beginning to catch it on my tongue. _Fucking let up and let me breathe a damn minute, Blondie! Don't be in such a rush…_ But I can't say that and he wouldn't listen to a _Pet_ anyway, and he keeps fucking my face wildly, and soon, _too_-soon he's coming, spilling his flavor over my tongue in bursts.

I look up at his quiet, controlled expression, and he pulls out and shoots the rest on my face. _Fucker._ I don't care, though. _I see it._ That flicker of frustration I was so hungry to see – _it's there._ And more.

Just before he turns away, I see that other thing. That _something_ that's different and shouldn't be there. That almost-_emotion_ that makes me shiver. I've caught it a few times now, and every time I almost think I know what it is…and then it's gone.

I swallow – _sweetness_ – and watch him turn away, and something in me wants to reach out and grab him and bring him back. Two sexual encounters in one night, two different people…maybe I'm getting them muddled. Because in my mind, it's not some brainwashed bitch I see panting and writhing under me, not some Pet's hole I'm taking with brutal, raping force…

_It's…sweetness. Lovely. Blue and gold._

_No._

I tell myself I'm glad when he's gone. Glad we're finished early. Glad my ass is getting time to recover these days. _Survival_. That's all I need to think about. That's all that matters in filthy-fucking-Eos.

_I tell myself._

~o~


	21. Beginning

**Author's Note: **At last! This chapter follows Chapter 17, "A New Day" – though some time has gone by between the end of that one and the beginning of this. And unfortunately, there won't be any more helpful "day" markers; y'all are just going to have to pick up on hints and guess how much time is passing. (I know, I suck.) XD

Aaand, this chapter comes with a small **warning**: bad shit ahead. Read only if you feel capable of handling some unhappys. (It won't stay like this, but for now, consider Axel's life at an all-time low.) :/

* * *

Beginning

There's another man inside my body tonight. I don't know how many this is – never counted. _Don't care_. I don't even look at them. They bitch about it and hit me, but _fuck them, don't care, don't care._ Everything feels far away and cold, _blue-cold_, and I see and feel and hear but just barely. I'd rather be distant – don't want to let this revolting existence touch me. _Funny…I thought Tanagura was the lowest. Funny._

They like to play with my body, like to make me hard and dripping no matter how much I hate it. They like to make me come, most often on myself, and they like to fuck me raw while my body is still tender from a forced orgasm. A few of them are different – they like to put a cage on my cock and fuck me for hours, somehow enjoying it more when I can't enjoy it at all. Not that I would anyway. I actually wish more of them wanted to cage my cock – I hate coming for them even more than I hate getting fucked.

A long moan from the asshole of the hour…and there it is – the familiar old feeling of getting pumped full of come. Add that to the mess his buddy made in me earlier, and I'm pretty flooded with their sticky fluids now. _Hopefully they're done…_

_Voices._ Not the sound of a door shutting. _That's never a good sign._ Then – hands on me, rubbing my cock, prodding my hole, tugging and testing the stretch. _Fuck._

The fingers spread, and without warning there's a thick cock between them, sliding in deep. I don't know if it's the first or second man – don't even fucking care. He grinds into me hard, rolling his hips while the other guy forces in more fingers, one at a time, _fuck. This is not good._

Suddenly, I'm flipped upward – the table goes vertical, and a second cockhead prods my stretched hole. _Holy…shit…_ I'm dizzy, sick, dizzy – the change in angle throws my weight onto my bindings. _My arms. Fuck!_

I swallow hard as the second guy gets inside me, and the two of them start thrusting in and out of me – slow but deep, building up speed. _Jolting, ow, ohh fuck…! S_oon they're pounding in pretty hard, groaning and tonguing each other over my shoulder as they fuck me roughly. _Please finish soon, oh gods, __**gods**__ my arms!_

Harder thrusting, deeper, churning inside me, wet and pounding and… _Shit!_

I throw up on the shoulder in front of me.

~o~

"Axel, we have a problem." Washed-out blue eyes stare at me impassively as I stand in front of a large, too-tidy desk. I've got a leash on – _Why is it always a fucking leash?_ – the other end held by the orderly who was sent to bring me here. I got to wear a little towel around my hips too, _fun_. Getting lectured by the boss is always a special occasion.

I look over his head, not blinking, but he continues like he wasn't waiting for me to speak. "Obviously, we don't expect you to appear _willing_. Crying and struggling are more than acceptable to our clients. However," he slowly blinks up at me, lip curling a little in disgust, "I really must insist that you stop vomiting on your customers. They have not paid for that type of service, and it is highly off-putting."

_I'd like to strangle you with that showy-ass hair of yours._ I don't say anything.

He sighs – exaggerated, fake. "Would you mind explaining to me why you insist on being so uncooperative?"

"I have two broken arms, Seymour, and they fucking hurt," I deadpan at him.

"_Sir._" The corner of his eye twitches as he corrects me, just a little firmer than his usual soft tones.

I stare for a long moment. "…Sir." _Kiss my ass, __**sir**__._

He clears his throat. "Unfortunately, Axel, I'm growing less inclined to be sympathetic with that excuse. Your arms should have healed considerably in the past few weeks, and the doctor has told me that your arms are probably far less painful than the standard services you perform."

"I've got a low tolerance for pain. _Sir._"

A snort. "I hardly believe that, Axel. The Blondie we bought you from provided us with a detailed outline of your training in Tanagura, as well as a description of your responses. We are hardly doing anything here that you haven't experienced before, and you were quite capable of bearing it in Eos, so I expect no less of you here."

_Tough shit, asshole_. "Too fucking bad," I mutter under my breath. He doesn't even blink, but I figure he probably heard that.

"It's unfortunate for us both, Axel, though you don't seem to comprehend the situation at all." His face goes into its prissy lecture mode – _again_. "As I've explained before, you must grasp two points. One – you are the property of _Tortures_, and I am the owner. You. Will. _Do_. As I say. Two – the nature of this relationship dictates that what is good for one of us is good for the other, and vice versa. If you would do as I wish, you would receive better treatment. As you continue to refuse to cooperate, you are costing me money, and some of that burden is going to fall on you."

_Yeah, yeah, go ahead and beat me. See if I care about you or your fucking whorehouse or anything you try to do to me._

"And so, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lower your rate."

My face must show a flicker of confusion when I look at him, because I have no fucking idea how _that's_ supposed to be a punishment, and I'm waiting for him to add on that he'll also have me whipped or something like that, but he just continues softly, "You are not providing the customers with the full value of their money, so we will alter your situation. They will only be charged for what they are likely to receive." Without another word, he nods to the orderly, and my leash tightens as I'm led away. _Guess they know what to do without being told. _ I follow – don't have much choice – and the orderly takes me in a different direction than the one I came from. _Guess I'll find out what this means soon enough._

~o~

The bar is biting into my stomach, but I can't get my feet under me to stand. I can't really move at all in this tiny little room – _No, not a room. Just a stall. One door out of many on a short hall._

I'm bent forward over the bar and held in place, ass in the air, and all that ever happens to me now is that I hear the door open from time to time, somebody fucks me in the ass, and then the door shuts and someone pushes a button and water sloshes down over me, "washing" me up for the next fuck. My food appears on a tray in front of my face, through a slot in the wall, and I get to stick my face in it like an animal. I'm expected to defecate right here, and then they "wash" me again before I get a customer. Sometimes they don't notice until right before the customer comes, though.

It's revolting – but they don't give a shit if I puke _now._ I've almost stopped doing that, actually. My stomach doesn't have enough in it, most of the time.

I hear the door open and get the usual cursory warning – hands on my ass pulling me open – before there's another cock pounding into me. I think this hallway is right off the main show floor in "Tortures" – so men not willing to pay for a real whore can get a little relief before going back to the show. Dump a load of come in a waiting receptacle – for half the price of a single drink, I'm told. _Disgustingly cheap_.

_I'm gonna die here._

I can't see myself, but I know I don't get enough to eat, and I feel like the bindings around my arms aren't as tight as they used to be – like I'm wasting away in this fuck-closet. I feel like one day, some customer is going to walk in and find my dead body. _Wonder if he'll fuck me anyway, get his two credits out of me before he complains to the manager._

Guess I never thought anything would make Tanagura look like a paradise. _Surprise, surprise._

_I hope death doesn't take too long._

~o~

"Well, Axel, you hardly improved your looks over the past twenty-three days…but nevertheless, we have an opening again – the same role you had before. I would be willing to reinstall you in your old room, if I have your word that you'll be more cooperative this time." Bland, pale eyes look at me, _through me_, and I don't look back. _The desk. Just stare at the desk._

"I won't throw up on customers anymore." My voice sounds flat and quiet, even to me.

Seymour smirks. I don't see it, but I know it. "And you'll endeavor to please the customers who are _generously_ paying for your services?"

"I'll do anything they want, any way they want it," I respond instantly, without blinking. _ I don't care, it doesn't matter…_

"Excellent." He nods again, and again the orderly knows what to do. I limp weakly behind him as he takes me back to the upper level _rooms_. I eat when they feed me, I let them clean me up properly and replace my arm braces with new ones, and I take the medicines they give me – even the ones I know aren't going to help me heal or put on weight. The suppository that's going to tighten my hole back up, the injection that's going to stimulate sperm production – since I'll be expected to ejaculate again, now. I take it all, without a word.

_Death took too damn long._

~o~

My arms are free tonight – all healed up, so they figure the fancy bindings aren't needed anymore. Customers can still bind me if they want, but they prefer cuffs and chains, and they like to be able to see my chest. _Whip my chest. Scratch my chest. Drip melted wax on my chest…_

But not tonight. They released my arms, and my first customer didn't put me in new bindings right away, so I'm not giving him the chance. I sucked him off like I was starving for his cock – _that_ kept him from thinking about doing anything to tie up my hands. I used both of them vigorously on his thick erection – _not thinking about it – _bringing him to a hard orgasm only a short while after he walked in the door. I slipped a pill in his asshole while I was at it too – he might have noticed, but he didn't stop me. Strongest drug they keep in here – he'll be hard for _hours_, no matter how many times I make him come.

Which means he'll be desperate to get off the whole time…and I can work with that. I can control this if he's the one needing release, and I can keep him coming back for more, too hungry to think about taking control or beating me…or tying me up. Because _fuck that. My __**arms**__ are __**free**__. And they're staying that way tonight._

I push this man – this stranger who's paying for my body – down onto the "bed" and crawl on top of him, stripping him and tonguing his whole body, picking up on his good spots quickly, one after the other, and then lavishing them with attention. _Don't think about it._ He's writhing in pleasure by the time I get down to his groin again, swallowing his cock down once, twice, then moving to his balls and sucking them into my mouth, rolling his testicles around with my tongue and moaning _hard_, making him tense with the vibrations, his cock jerking and leaking, precome trickling down onto my face.

He's close – so I stop. Get up. Straddle him, give him the full frontal view, my own cock dark and standing up tall. My arms ache a little, just a slight soreness, as I stretch behind and grab this guy's cock, lifting my hips and rolling my ass against him a few times, letting my lubricated hole slick him up…then shifting the angle and bearing down _hard_, taking him in. _Don't think, don't think, don't._ I'm _tight_, now. I was fucked last night by a decent-sized cock, but during the day, I sleep with a medicinal suppository in – it tightens me back up by nightfall. Maybe not _virgin-tight_, but enough to pleasure even an undersized man. _Enough to make me hurt_. But that doesn't slow me down, not tonight. Pain is like air, anyway – I live in it, breathe it, and don't really notice it anymore. Right now, all I care about is keeping this guy distracted so I can enjoy having my arms free. _No thinking._

His cock spreads me open and I take him all the way in, as deep as he can go, and then I _squeeze_ around him. Little bursts of pressure, like a cock massage, as I start riding him, up and down, up and down, squeezing over and over as I go, working his erection until he explodes. And I milk his orgasm with my ass, giving him a show and _not thinking, no_ as he floods me with come. I play with my nipples and stroke my own cock, but I don't do it long enough to give him ideas. I get off him when he's done and turn around – my arms protest a little when I lean my weight on them, and I can tell they aren't too strong after all those weeks strapped up and immovable. I'll have to focus on what I can do with my legs, tonight.

So I show him my back, shove my ass against his half-hard cock, and grind against him until he's fully erect again. Then I aim his cockhead at my hole again and let him watch as he stretches me – slowly, slowly, parting my ass and sliding in, then out again, his own come leaking down over his shaft like crazy. Then out until only the tip is still inside, then _in, in again hard._ Using my legs to rise up and sink down, over and over. Giving my arms time to rest and get used to motion again. I get my hands on his sac and fondle it, fingertips stroking his shaft whenever I'm lifting off him. _Don't think, just fuck._

He comes again, and I take this burst of fluid on my back and ass, letting him watch his come mark my skin.

I give him a breather to get hard again – while masturbating myself to my first orgasm. I shoot all over myself, letting him see every bit of it, and he's drooling over the sight of my cock pumping semen, balls contracting as I ejaculate across my own chest, _not thinking_. I think I've got him mad with lust enough to give my legs a little break, so I get on my knees and finger my hole for him, and that was a good call, because he takes me upon the offer. This one turns into a long fuck, and after a while he starts remembering that he likes hurting people, and he starts slapping my ass while he thrusts into me, but that's fine. As long as my arms are free.

I rest my head on them and breathe against the skin, tensing and relaxing, remembering the feeling of using them. I roll my wrists and enjoy that sensation, barely even noticing the cock ramming my ass for a while. He keeps fucking me, but I just tune him out for a bit and sneak in a few stretches, flexing and shivering with delight as I move my arms again, finally. Maybe it's nuts, but I even rub my face against them, letting the skin prickle happily at the soothing, soft friction. _All those itches I couldn't scratch…mmm._ This feels _wonderful_.

Fucking, fucking, and more fucking…mind and thoughts silent and far away. It goes on all night long. One position after another, more orgasms than I feel like keeping track of. I end up coated in semen by the end of the night, but somehow, I don't even care. I get a _real shower_ after this, and a _real bed_ to sleep in. And I can _finally_ eat my fucking dinner with my _hands_.

But when I'm clean and fed and resting in my _real_ bed for the night – imprisoned but comfortable, _blissful_ even, because of my arms – I start to _think_. I _remember_. The little locked bunk-room adjacent to my "work" room goes all blurry, and hot tears break free on a blink I shouldn't have blinked, and they run down my face and _I can't stop thinking, oh gods, stop stop stop, it hurts too much!_

_How many days…?_ No idea. I actually…have no idea how many days. I…lost count. _How long since I last saw him?_ All I can guess is…long enough for broken bones to heal.

But not even close to long enough to heal anything else. Not that some things ever will.

No, it won't. _That_ isn't going to change, not ever. But no matter what I'm feeling, I'm alive and I have to keep on living. Nobody's offering me a quick death, I don't have the stamina for a slow one, so all I can do is lock my memories away and _not think about it_ and carry on. Fuck strangers with this filthy body because I have nothing left to cling to, nothing to call my own.

I gave it all away…twice. There's nothing else left.

~o~

The door opens and a new customer walks in. The lock timer indicates he paid for an hour. _Just a quick fuck then. Fine._

I'm naked – as usual – and I just lay back and spread. I don't start by going down on my knees unless the timer says at least two hours. I do take a look at the man, though. He catches my attention – or his clothes do. He's wearing a full _cloak_, with a hood pulled up and everything, and it looks like his face is wrapped in a concealing scarf. He steps closer and he's even wearing shades – sleek, dark things that conceal his eyes. I can't see one damn bit of him – just soft, expensive-looking clothing. _What the fuck do you want with __**me**__, you rich weirdo? Can't get anything out of an hour with your own hand?_

But I don't say anything – don't need to. I only talk when customers insist on it – and this guy doesn't say a word, just walks up to me and _shit! What?_ A powerful hand closes around my throat, pinning me down and tightening, and I panic for a second before I realize I can still breathe, he's not crushing my windpipe, he's just…pressing and holding. _Okay…okay._ Maybe it's just his kink. I've seen a lot of different ones…

A gloved hand lifts my soft penis and plays with it – carefully, almost experimentally, like this man isn't sure what he's doing or what he wants to accomplish. And yet…_fucking hells._ Must be some crazy luck, because the way he rubs me feels _so_ good, nobody's done _that_ to the underside of my glans in fucking forever, and my cock stiffens in his hand, getting hard pretty quick as his fingers continue to rub me into unexpected arousal.

Then…down. Between my legs, leaving me with one hell of a hard, aching erection and…pressing fingers against my puckered opening. I'm already lubed up, as always, so even though he's got gloves on, a little pressure lets the tips of his fingers slide just barely inside. He prods me for a few minutes, not really doing much, and I'm about to try to look up, even if it increases the pressure of my throat…but the touch leaves. And I hear rustling.

_Can't see…_ But I can _feel_. And the blunt pressure of something hot, hard, and oozing against my entrance…doesn't surprise me, I guess, but my skin prickles all over anyway. _Dunno why._

He waits. Pressed against me, not moving for a long moment, until I'm starting to wonder _what in fuck is he doing?_ Then – "Aghhh! Ahhhnn, _fuck!_" I can't hold back the cry as he thrusts in deep and fills me, stretching my body and _ohhh gods he's big. Wow._

…_What is that…scent…?_

The hand around my throat twitches, another hand grabs under my knee and pushes my leg up, and then he pulls back and drives in again, his cock sending heat pulsing through my body. Without even a moment's hesitation or searching, he _nails _my prostate. I scream. My erection shudders and leaks, fluid running down my burning length. He thrusts in again.

Again. Again. _Again._ All hesitation melts away almost as soon as he's inside me, like once he feels me around his cock, instinct just takes over. He pounds into my body, fucking me hard and _so deep_, and all I can do is gasp and hold on, grab the bed, _not good enough_, clutch his arm, _tight_, moan and writhe as he pumps his hips _hard_ and takes me, _takes me_ like no one in this fucking place does.

"Oh…_oh!_ Oh gods, _ohhhh fuck! Ahh-ahhhh, __**yes!**_" My balls contract and I come, come _so hard_, semen splurting from my throbbing cock over and over. And he just keeps _going_, doesn't stop or slow down, and every thrust jolts me to the core and my cock slaps my abdomen, still dribbling fluid, and he drives in _deeper _and nails my prostate _hard_, and hard _again, again, again!_ And it _hurts, too much, too much!_ But I can't stop him and my eyes roll back in my head as my mouth hangs open and his cock rams in and pulls out and does it all again, _so fast_, and I can feel him inside me _so deep, so big_, and it's _good, good oh __**gods**__ it's good! _I feel my cock swell again, _so hard, huge_, and I can't stop gasping and begging for more-_please-_more, _Why is this so __**good?**_ And then a gloved hand closes around me and it's _perfect_, stroking me hard and fast and pressing against the _best_ spots on my shaft, rubbing over my dripping slit until, _"Aaaghh, __**fuck!**__ Ahhhhyes!"_

My whole body shakes through another hard orgasm, my own hot semen covering my chest and stomach – and the gloved hand holding me. And even as I'm coming, I feel him come inside me. _Hot…so…so __**much**__!_ I can feel spurts of his come shoot hard and fast into me, filling, _flooding_ me with his semen, that huge, hard cock pulsing inside me so powerfully I feel shattered. _Owned_. And yet filled, sated, and almost…_content._

_I don't understand. What just happened to me?_

The man pulls his thick, spent penis out of my body, and then lets go of my throat and steps back. I feel weak, boneless and spent, but I lift my head somehow, because I have to see him. He's standing there, sweat staining the fabric that covers him…and another, larger stain around his crotch. _And his cock. _ I look at it and my brain just dies for a minute. It's big, but… _Around the base, and over his emptied balls…darkened with wet come…but still golden. Dark. Golden. Hair._

_Who the __**hells**__ did I just fuck?_

I'm on my feet before I know it, though I didn't think I could stand. My legs wobble but I straighten, not feeling the screaming ache in my ass, my hips, my back – he steps back in surprise, tucking himself back into his pants in a hurry that looks almost embarrassed, but I follow. He's…my height. _Almost_. Maybe just a few inches shorter, not much difference at all. If he'd take his shades off, I think I'd be looking right into his eyes. And something in me wants _oh so agonizingly much_ to look into his eyes.

I step closer, _so close_, and grab his upper arm, and for one moment I catch his scent again – _good. Comforting. Familiar?_ "You…"

He shakes my hold with a sudden jerk of his arm, and then his other hand comes up like a flash and shoves against my chest, throwing me back on the bed. I sit up again immediately, but all I see is the door shutting behind him. I'm on my feet and running, reaching the door and opening it, eyes searching – but he's gone.

And I don't know why…but I feel like crying.

~o~


	22. Middle

**Author's Note: **I think I failed to give y'all a hint about time passing...on probably the biggest time jump. XD So, in the last chapter, between Axel's arms healing and the final scene with the mysterious visitor, think - _months_. Long enough that he has a routine, it's boring, and he's stopped even reacting when people buy him.

My bad, y'all. XD

And for _this_ chapter, let me just say - I hope it brightens your day up a bit. :) (It's looooong!) XD

* * *

Middle

A week passes. Another week. I fuck men every night, and every time the door opens my stomach tightens up…until I see the customer's face. Every night that goes by, I lose a little hope. Though what the fuck I think I'm hoping for in the first place, I don't even know.

…_No. That's wrong. I think I know, but…no. It's not possible, so __**stop**__. _Because when it turns out I'm wrong – _I can't lose that much again._

I know it's the right idea – _just stop, just forget about it_. Wish I could take my own advice, and quit looking up in anticipation at every fucking prick who walks in here to use me.

The door opens again, and I kick myself even as my head is snapping up, _You fucking idiot, not again!_ …But then I freeze. The door _clicks_ shut behind the figure wrapped in a cloak, covered from head to toe – _It's him._

_Whoever __**he**__ is. Don't hope…_

Without thinking, I'm scrambling up, because _I need to get to him, need to see…_ He raises his arm abruptly and points at me, and I stop. He holds the gesture, stepping forward, and I think my heart is going to fucking explode as I watch him approach my table-bed.

He reaches out…and doesn't choke me. He grabs one of my wrists and drags it over to the cuff at the edge of the bed. I let him. He straps me in and repeats with the other wrist, and I really shouldn't fucking let him do that, I don't _want_ to let him. I want to reach out and snatch his shades away, pull that hood off and see his face – but that's not going to be possible, now that I'm bound. But for some reason…I can't stop him. I want to let him have his way. _Where will he lead this, if I give him the chance?_

Both gloved hands are running up the insides of my thighs this time, gently parting my legs as he looks down at me. My cock is already responding – not because of what he's _doing_, but because of who I hope he _is_. He traces feathering touches over my skin, pausing a moment before moving those fingers over my groin, like he's almost afraid to really explore. Like he's never touched it before…or no, more like he can't believe what he's touching and seeing. _And why the fuck do I think I can guess what he's feeling?_

His hands leave my skin, and all I can do is watch, waiting. He opens his pants, breathing a little hard, and pulls out his swollen length. My breath catches. I can't…seem to inhale, all of a sudden. He's a bit too big, I know, and more mature and developed, I guess…but I must be fucking crazy, because I can't even talk sense into my own brain this time. _I just know. He hasn't changed that much. I can still recognize…_

Though if it _is _him, he's been through a hell of a growth spurt in…half a year? Three fourths? _So many months since…_

He holds himself, guides the head of his erection into my body, stretching the ring of my entrance more than before, though _there was no before, this isn't __**him**__, don't be a fool!_ A long, slow thrust and he's fully inside, leaning forward over me and reaching up to…touch my face? And my hair, a little…nervous fingers trailing through the longer-than-they-used-to-be strands. And… _His scent. _It's all around me, now – more than last time. Heady and sweet and familiar. _Too familiar._

I look up at the blank mirror of his shades, reflecting my own hopelessly hope-filled face back at me – but I don't see that. In my mind, in my heart, I see blue, blue…and the doubt is gone. I know it as he moves inside me – not as unsteady as last time. More like he's remembering what to do. And he remembers very well, when he lets go and frees himself to just _do it._ I'm drowning in ecstasy already, arms straining at the cuffs because _I want to touch him, want to hold him, want to bury my face in soft, fluffy gold and inhale, breathe in his scent – the scent that's branded in my mind._ But I can't move or do anything as he takes me. I can only moan, _feeling him_, staring right through the things he hides his face with, and… _Oh fuck. _

I didn't think of it until now, but… _He had his __**mind**__ reprogrammed! They took out all the emotions and made him a soulless __**Blondie**__ again!_ And now he's here. In a brothel in Midas, paying to bed his former Pet – and hiding his identity. _Even. From. Me._ From everyone _else,_ I understand – he couldn't let anyone see him doing this. But why isn't he speaking to me? Why would he come to me for this and try to remain anonymous?

The memory of that last encounter rises up in my mind, brutally clear. _**My Roxas**__ died. There was nothing left in that shell – not even a fragment of the person he had become. So who is this in front of me now? This man taking my body without a word – who __**is**__ this?_

Truth is – I don't know. I feel him thrusting inside me, working us both toward climax, and I don't understand it at all…but I guess it doesn't matter. He might still destroy me, but _he's here_.

My legs are still free, he didn't bind them, and I lift them and wrap them around his waist, grabbing as tightly as I can and pulling him closer, arching up into each thrust and taking him _deeper_, and I hear him suck in a long breath as he falls forward, bracing himself on his hands and losing control, his hips thrusting wildly now, driving into me, making me lose my _mind_…making me come. My cock is practically sandwiched between us, but it's him inside me that makes me lose it, releasing my fluid against his shirt. He slows down, this time, and I feel like he's watching me, watching and waiting…and then surrendering to his own orgasm and filling me with his warm come.

I'm breathing hard, gasping, but I keep my legs locked around his hips, and he lifts his head and looks at me – mirrors over those eyes, hiding the sight I really want to see. Hiding the truth from me – _Are you…? Please, please, please…_

"Roxas." He stiffens with a jolt, but I don't look away or let go. _We always doom ourselves with little words like this._ "Roxas…I love you."

His hands snap to my legs and yank them open, tearing him free from my grasp. Then, with an almost panicked hurry, he retreats to the door – and he's gone.

_What did that mean?_ I still don't know. My heart hurts…but not with despair. Not yet. And I don't regret it one bit. _If he comes back, I'll say it again. I'll say it until he kills me for it…or loves me in return. Like he used to._

~o~

"Axel, I'm assigning you to one of the teams. You'll work with Zexion and Lexaeus three nights a week. Is that understood?"

_Bondage orgies? Wonderful. I fucking hate you, Seymour._ "Yes, Sir."

"Good. Your role will be primarily submissive, unless the client requests you as a second dom. Lexaeus usually handles that aspect. Painkillers are not supplied until afterword, as usual."

_My legs are long, and I'm pretty flexible. I could kick you in the face from here, break your fucking nose…_ "Understood."

"Excellent. You start tomorrow night. Dismissed."

~o~

"_Unless the client requests" huh? Fucking lies._

Lexaeus is more than dominant enough for most people. Still, on the rare occasions someone has wanted another dom, they always seem to request Zexion. I guess the perverts get off on the way that slender young body looks in leather and heels.

My "group" serves two or three customers at once – except that one greedy rich guy who wanted all three of us to himself. And I swear I always get the raw deal. Lexaeus mostly dominates one of us, or the customer, or the customer's bitch. Flogging, raping, wearing us out with toys, shooting huge loads of semen – which seems to be his special selling point. His balls are massive, no wonder he comes like a fountain. Zexion makes a pretty picture in bondage getup – apparently – so he gets decorated and played with a lot. Sucks cock almost constantly.

Me…I'm apparently the favorite fuckhole. Not that customers don't go for Zexion's pale little ass – they do – but they seem to like mine better, overall. He's not very muscled. From what I hear – _while getting fucked by sweaty, grunting clients –_ my ass is firmer and a hell of a lot tighter, and I squeeze like a starving bitch. _Great. Because I always wanted to know that, of course. _

I do have to admit to the squeezing, though. It gets them off faster, which gets them _out of my ass_ faster, and the other two can bitch about it all they want – _cry me a river, I want the pieces of shit out of my fucking body._

_Don't want them. I __**want**__…_

Three nights with "the team" means a week has gone by. Six means two weeks. It's been at least thirteen times…maybe more, I'm losing count. _I shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have told him that. He's pissed, or disgusted, or…something, I don't know. _But it's been a month, at least, and he hasn't been back. Last week…I quit believing in his return. I had a cock in my ass and the man just smelled and _felt_ like a sleaze, and he was pounding away with nasally little grunts and I realized my heart had done that hopeful little skip when _this_ walked in the door – and I gave up.

_I fucked it up. _Time to get used to this place all over again – face the prospect of dying within this brothel's walls. _Again_. Time to stare at the ceiling when morning comes and wonder why I don't even have tears to fight against anymore. Getting broken is almost turning into a routine.

_But if only he'd…just one more time. Just once. Please…_

_You tell yourself that every. Fucking. Time._

_Not now._ I don't need to think about these things right now. Not when I have to concentrate in order to breathe at the right moments.

I'm strapped to the "bed" – can't move an inch. My legs are in the air and some fat old asshole is fucking me up the ass – alongside a pretty good-sized vibrator, which it sounds like he's enjoying. His bitch is passed out on the floor. Zexion's fucking my mouth and sucking Lexaeus off, who gives him a lash once in a while – when he's not lashing _me_.

_Just some good Midas fun, really._

The client makes a piggish little squeal and comes inside me. Zexion unloads in my throat. Lexaeus pumps into his own fist, shooting on Zexion's face and then mine…and then over my chest and stomach, because he's got lots to spare. Zexion goes to start giving the customer a tongue bath and get him worked up for the next round. I squirm in my bindings and wish I could change position.

The door opens, and all of a sudden there's two orderlies unstrapping me.

"…Deepest apologies for the substitution, however, I think you'll be extremely pleased with these two young men…" _Is that…?_ I look up with a frown – _yup, that's Seymour._ _Here._ Apologizing to the client while two of the top-selling young men step forward and offer themselves, posing, on display…bringing the offended spluttering of the customer to a rather abrupt stop. Then a yank on my arms. The orderlies don't even put a leash on me, they just hurry me to my feet and toward the door. Seymour follows us, after pushing his replacements on the customer and making sure the man is satisfied. Then he glares in my direction and jerks his head, snapping at the orderlies, "Bring him."

I have no fucking idea what's going on, but Seymour is in a hell of a mood, so I'm all right with this. _Wish I had a little less come drying on my skin though…_

I'm dragged and prodded back to…_my room? _ The room I still use to service men alone, the other four nights of the week. We all stop abruptly, and Seymour gives me a look that could make hair fall out.

"I don't know _what_ he wants with you or _why_ it has to be _now_ – I don't even know why he's so damnably set on _you_, of all things – but get in there and make him the happiest patron _ever_, understand?" I nod, a little amazed. "He's paid more than this whole place earns in a week, so he can have you for as long as he wants. All your stops are _off_. I don't care if he wants to chop you into pieces – just _make. Him. Happy._"

_What? Shit…_ I can't lie – that's _not_ sounding like fun. Seymour can bitch all he wants. If some fucker tries to cut me up, I'll kill him.

I don't get a chance to answer, though. Seymour rips the door open and the orderlies shove me in. Then _slam!_ I'm back in my own room, stark naked and covered in come, blinking at the figure standing up from the one available chair – the one men sit in when they're watching the toys work hell on me.

_Roxas._

Still robed, every inch, but I _know_, and I don't hesitate. "So you're the one who caused all the fuss." I have to smile softly as I say it, walking toward him – _not afraid._ Although I know he might really be here to kill me – _he paid enough to compensate for the loss of a whore_ – I just step closer. He shifts his weight, like he's not sure what to think of my greeting. I keep walking and don't stop.

Right in front of him, I finally stand still. I look straight ahead into those shades – he's definitely my height now. _This Blondie is closing on maturity, fast._ I swallow to get my throat working properly. _Never thought I'd see you again…_ "Hello, Roxas." He starts to suck in air, but I hold the hidden gaze, the eyes behind the mirrors, and whisper to him, "…_My love._"

His spine straightens up like an iron rod, and with a sudden spin, he turns away from me, striding fast…but only to the far wall. He stops, lays his hand on a table covered in sex toys, and stands there, slightly hunched – _shaking?_

Inhale. _Okay. The Blondie needs a minute_. Exhale. _All right_.

I walk slowly and deliberately over to my little living closet. Open the door. Leave it open. Keep one eye on him keeping one eye on me as I get a wet cloth from the clean-up area and start wiping my body down. I take my time, do it right, and clean all the remnants of other men _off me_ before putting the cloths away, carefully and methodically. _Clothing? …No. _ Whatever he's here to do – kill me or hold me – I'll let him do it without hiding myself from him. I love him, and I'm going to show him that. I've begged the gods for this chance for weeks. It might be the last. _No half-assing this._

He's facing me now – not coming closer, but turned toward me, so I walk toward _him_ again. I stop a few feet away, though. Don't want to freak him out again. If I could just get him to talk…

"You came back." No answer. "I didn't think you would." I watch and wait, but he still says nothing – just watches back, silent, and…I can't get used to how _not-small_ he is now. But it's still him. _I have to know…_ "Roxas…why are you hiding from me?" I keep my voice soft – just asking. And this time, I'll wait as long as it takes.

My heart beats in the silence, counting the seconds at a fast pace. Then, he moves toward me with a shaking half-step…and I guess the first step was the hardest, because now he's quick. Fluid and sure, he crosses the space between us, pulling on the fabric over his lower face. The scarf comes off just as he reaches me, arms going around me, just enough time for the briefest glimpse of a familiar nose, cheeks, jaw, mouth…and then a kiss. Heated lips parting and a desperate tongue seeking mine, and it's everything I loved about his kiss…and never told him. It's the deep, forceful pressure, the soft caress of lips, the sensual rolling of his tongue, the in-out motion that makes me crazy, makes me need _more_.

It's Roxas. Just…_Roxas_.

He doesn't pull back until we're both gasping, clinging to each other tightly…and I love seeing that little chin again, but it's not enough. I pull one arm away and move it to his face, and he holds still and only stiffens a little as I gently lift those shades away and drop them.

_Blue, so blue, so perfect and lovely and __**blue**__._

And now I get it. Now I can _see_. That's not _my Roxas _in there. Not exactly. There's confusion, desperation – a frustrated Blondie who just _doesn't get it_. But at the same time there a raw, deep _need_ overpowering the confusion, a need he can't deny or fight, though it looks like he's been trying. And I think – _I think_ – I see just a little trace of…yearning. Hope. Loneliness. Just a hint…but enough.

_He's not dead. Not completely._

"This is unacceptable." His voice tries to be flat and uncompromising – _Blondie_ – but there's a waver that shouldn't be there.

"Accept it anyway," I murmur, leaning in to place a faint kiss on those sweet, _it's-been-forever_ lips. "I love you."

A little choking sound. Blue, blue torment looks at me. "Your words are irrelevant."

"Are they?" I brush my fingers through gold – that familiar softness, that enticing scent.

"They…are." He frowns deeply. "They…_should_ be. Yet I…"

"You're here. Again," I finish for him.

He nods darkly and pulls away, finally beginning to speak. "I remember owning you. I remember what we did – all the things forbidden by Jupiter. Unforgivable, vile things – yet when you said _that_, somehow everything felt different. I've scanned and re-scanned my memory, and I cannot locate the error. I contemplated submitting myself for another re-assessment…but I cannot. I am still under restriction for my unthinkable actions – should I require re-assessment again, I would be eliminated instead. Jupiter's Blondies are flawless."

He sinks into the chair and I step closer, listening, staying beside him, just touching his shoulder and hearing him out. "I cannot locate the error, but it's there. Some part of my mind thinks of you. Ceaselessly. I cannot silence the thoughts, and they are always filling me with longing for you. I thought to come here and find a filthy whore, a cast-off Pet – I hoped my memories would finally align with reality. But they refuse to do so." Hopeless blue looks up at me. "Even covered in male secretions, you looked so beautiful that my heart burned for you."

I get on my knees in front of him, arms against his legs and hands framing his waist. I just want to hold him, but he's not finished, so I watch and listen…and rub my fingers gently over the firm arch of his hips, remembering and re-learning the slightly larger body.

"It was never my intention to…but, but when I saw you, this _desire_ just…" He flinches away from the words. "And once I had copulated with you, I _needed_…" He buries his head in his hands. "It's wrong!" He cries, frustrated. "Everything feels so wrong, so against my purpose and nature, yet I cannot stop!"

_Blue…_ I reach up and pull one arm down, trying to see his face again. _There it is_. Blue eyes open to me, and I know this is fucked, but I smile. "I love you, Roxas."

A low groan. "Those words…why? When you say that, the error inside me overtakes all my reason. Why can't I stop wanting you? I should not _want_ at all!"

_Maybe because…_ "You loved me. You did, and you waited a long time for my love to answer yours. It doesn't make sense, but part of you still loves me." I touch his face, gently. "Do you remember what I told you about making love?"

His face is a confused mixture of frowning and longing. "I recall several conversations about some meaningless point of contention called 'lovemaking,' yes."

_Never mind the Blondie talk. _"Do you remember how much you wanted to make love with me?"

A pause. "I…had forgotten. Yet now that I struggle with this feeling I have, it seems quite familiar…and, yes. I think I felt this way for quite some time."

_You're still in there, Roxas…still waiting. _"Do you remember the things I said about trusting you before I could do that?"

He nods, shortly. I let my hands slip down and take hold of his, squeezing a little. "Well, I trust you now, Roxas." Blue eyes widen slightly, breath catching. _Yes. It's you_. "I know I shouldn't, because you aren't the same now, and I know you might hurt me or destroy me. But you're _here_. You sacrificed yourself to set me free. And now you've come to me, and I know you still love me. I needed to trust in your feelings, remember?" A shaky, slow nod. "Well, now I do. And I love you. If you still want me…" I squeeze his hands tighter. "Right now, tonight, I'll give myself to you. Completely. We can make love, like you always wanted. Because I am in love with you."

It's like every time I say the word, another crusty chip of _Blondie_ flakes off, and a little more of my living, beautiful _Roxas_ shines through. The face I'm speaking to is almost _his face_ by the time I've said all that, and the kiss he pulls me into with a sudden rush is definitely _his kiss_. I'm on my feet, holding him, and we're both letting go of the things that restrain us – I can feel it. He's breaking free, coming to me, kissing me with all the passion and reverence he used to – and the sweetness of it gives me the strength to put everything else aside and just _surrender_.

Being sold, sickly abused…men, men, and more men. Strangers. Punishing, revolting, unwanted sex. _Not now._ I'm taking all those thoughts and shutting them away. Being with _him_ won't remind me of all that, because I won't let it. I'll fill my mind with just him, no one else, and the things that don't matter will disappear, at least for now.

How I get the strength to do it…I don't know. _Well, maybe I can guess._ Being a Pet…it made me stronger. Not really a _good_ kind of strength, but it was a lot of practice in shutting things out – even things that were as deep and intimate as physically possible. I had to learn how to stay _me_ when my own body wasn't _mine_. It's almost difficult, now, to remember how to be vulnerable during a sexual encounter – but this is _Roxas_. He's already under my skin, deep in my heart, and it feels like the impenetrable shell I stay locked behind just falls away now, broken from the _inside_…because I love him.

Fists are pulling in my hair with a little sting and he breaks the kiss, eyes flicking around blindly for a moment. "I don't understand, I…" Then he looks up. _At me_. And the doubts are just _gone_. His voice is hoarse, desperate. "…_Please._"

_Yes._

I kiss him again, _deep _and _hard_, and he presses his whole body against mine, soft fabric rubbing every inch of my skin. I groan and tug, and he follows me, still kissing. I take us away from the bondage-fucking-table-bed…toward my little closet. The bunk I actually _sleep_ in is too fucking small for us both, but it's _mine_ and that table _isn't_, so I lead him there, step by shuffling, awkward, kiss-clumsy step. And we're leaving a trail of clothing, because my hands are _dying_ to touch his skin, and I'm stripping him as we go. Removing the things that hide him from me. Discovering his body all over again.

He's larger, now. More muscled than I remember – so masculine. And it feels different, taking control with him – he's my size now, not the shorter, slender young Blondie he was at first. But he isn't leading, I can feel it. He responds to my touch, but he doesn't take things further – he's waiting for me to guide this, letting me take control. And I do it – _all instinct_ – before I've even realized it, and I push him down onto _my bed_, though it's hardly a bed compared to the one we always did this in, before. But that doesn't matter, because he's arching up for me as I slide his last undergarment down and off, and he's…so beautiful. Nude and aroused and…waiting for me. Blue, blue desire just _begging_ me to touch…

_Oh gods yes._ My hands explore his body, adoring the new size and strength of him, but _worshiping_ the familiar features. The arch of his clavicles, the little dip of his navel…that tiny little scar on the inside-back of his thigh – the one I gave him by accident that one time when we were being too rough. He shivers under my touch, and when I lean down to kiss and suck the most sensitive spots on his neck, his moans of bliss make me tremble, my skin prickling from my scalp down to my toes. _So lovely…_

"…Love you," I breathe into his ear, and move down. My lips brush over a nipple, and it hardens at once. I close my mouth over the raised peak and suck, flicking my tongue over him, and he gasps, hands burying themselves in my hair. I stroke his chest and arms and move to the other nipple, _not distracted_ by the way his hips are pressing up against my stomach, _not thinking_ about skipping straight down to his temptingly hard shaft. _No._ I'm taking my time, exploring. Loving every inch of him, slowly.

His stomach is firmer than it used to be – abs more defined, stronger. But I nuzzle and kiss him there as softly as I did before, when he was more flat and yielding. My hands run down his legs – thicker, and a little longer. Still not much hair on them, though. _Must be a Blondie thing. Or maybe it's just him_. I lean back, sitting on my heels, and _look_. My hand rests under an ankle… _Heh._ I lift his leg with a little grin and slip his toes into my mouth, twirling my tongue around them one at a time and sucking – watching him keen and fall apart.

I pull off one with a wet _pop_ and purr, "Do you remember the first time I did this?"

Gasping, his whole body flushed and shimmering with sweat, he nods. "I was shocked…"

My grin stretches wider as I nibble a little toe, flicking my tongue underneath. "You asked me 'what in the name of Jupiter' I thought I was doing…" I slide my mouth down over his toes again, tongue slipping between them.

"And…_ahhh!_ …You, you…" He's writhing, grasping my bed sheets, head tossing back and forth…

Another slow, sucking drag as I pull off. "I said I thought I was having sex with you…and then you grabbed yourself and came at the first touch." I lick his toes one at a time.

"D-Don't…make me come this way…now…" He looks at me – blue, blue begging. "I want…together…"

_Yes._ I set his leg down gently and crawl forward, touch his face, kiss him deep and slow. Then I pull back to meet his eyes, whisper against his lips, "Of course, love_._" His throat tightens around a little whimper, nose reddening a bit, blue eyes watering. He's more _him_ every minute… "Don't cry, Roxas." I place a sweet kiss on his lips. "I love you."

There's still confusion in his gaze…but I'm starting to see other things mixed in. Things like _happiness_ and maybe a little like _love_. It feels like I'm still trying to melt the Blondie ice that came between us – but it's working, little by little, and I won't stop until every shred has evaporated in the heat.

So I say it again – "I love you" – as I slide my hand down his body and lightly touch his erection. Feeling warm with fond affection, I watch him react as I gently stroke his manhood, touching him and confirming for myself that I still know his body best, no matter how many others I've encountered since him. He bites his own wrist to stifle a cry, and I have to reach up with my free hand and carefully tug his arm down – "Don't do that." Then I lower my head and kiss the leaking tip of his penis…and the hard ridge, the hot shaft, the veins, the base, all of him. I kiss him everywhere, lapping a tiny bit with my tongue, before I finally open my mouth over him and swallow him down.

I bob my head three times, listening to him moan, before he starts desperately trying to pull me off – without tearing out my hair. "Ahhh, no…Axel, _nnh_ stop, going to…_ungh!_"

Sucking the whole way off, I let him go before he loses it. I know what he _really_ wants, and it's what I want too – so I fumble around on the bed a minute while he pulls himself back together. _Where…? Ah, there it is._ I wasn't really thinking on the way here, but I grabbed one of the bottles of lube anyway – reflex, I guess – and it ended up on the bed with us. Far corner, but I found it, and I think I'm going to need it…

_Oh gods in Paradise, yes._ The moment I start rubbing his entrance with two slick fingers, I can tell. I slide just the tip of one in, and the pressure makes my cock drip in anticipation. It's been…a year? Getting close to a year, I think, since the last time. His body – well, I know he probably hasn't been entered all this time. And I think I can guess that he hasn't touched himself either. _He feels like a virgin again_. I haven't felt him like this since…that first night. When I took him without a word, without mercy, driven by lust and something blind and nameless – a _want_ that turned into so much more.

"Ax…el…_nnh_, more! P-Please!"

He's opening his legs for me, as wide as he can, and _hell-flames_ that's tempting. _You minx…_ I just _know_ some part of him remembers what his begging does to me, and it looks like that part of him is doing the talking right now. But _I_ remember, even if he doesn't, what it feels like to have your ass entered without enough preparation – and that's not a feeling I want to give to him right now. So I'll hang on, no matter how much he begs, and we'll come together when I _know_ he'll feel nothing but pleasure.

"Shhh…" I kiss the inside of his thigh, high, near the base of his weeping length. "I love you."

His whole body quivers, but he relaxes a little more, and I push a second finger inside him – slowly. I massage his insides, over and over, working the tension out of his muscles, not just pushing and pulling to loosen him, but rubbing and caressing. It feels better. _I should know_.

And his opening his so hot around my fingers, and the sight of them pushing into his body makes me salivate, because _gods of Amoi_, I want to enter him. Want to fill his body with my own and feel that…that _completeness_ that I always get just a little taste of, when we have sex. I don't know of any feeling as wonderful as being connected to him, intimate and exposed and _enjoying _it.

It takes…I don't know. A really long time. There are a few times when I have to stop for a while – his balls tighten up and his penis looks moments away from bursting as he struggles to warn me that he's about to come…and I pull my fingers out and give him a minute to cool down. I touch his body where he won't feel it enough to climax from it…because I can't stop touching him. And I kiss him, but not too deep or sensual. _Because there was that time when he came, and all I was doing was kissing him…_ When I start to stretch him again, I keep it slow. I'm so hard my head is spinning, my body _screaming_ to get inside him, but until I'm _absolutely sure…_I won't. _Won't._

Eventually, he's loose. Loose, and so wet with lube that I don't need to get any more from the bottle – I just slide my length against his hole and smear some of the dripping excess over my shaft. And his blue, blue eyes are so familiar now, so like _my Roxas_ when he looks at me, begging silently because he can't put two words together any more.

_My Roxas…my Roxas…_ I can't look away from his eyes, his too-blue _eyes_ as I lean down, laying my body over top of his. I scoot my knees forward, pushing his thighs up, and rest my length between his cheeks. His skin is soft and slick with sweat and pressed against mine, and I nuzzle into his chest – _stronger now, more developed_ – kissing him as I shift my hips into position.

I look up and smile into his face, and he's smiling back, barely a shadow of doubt left – and then I whisper, "I love you," and that last shadow is gone. Pressing forward, I begin to enter him, and _ohhhhh…!_ "I missed you, Roxas…" I breathe softly, "…love you…I…missed you so much."

Between gasps, I can hear him – "Axel…Axel…" He's trembling, but I don't see any pain…and my hands are shaking too, but I take one of his in one of mine and press his fingers to my lips. I'm deep inside him now, as deep as I can go, and I stop there – _Let his body adjust a little more._

And now…I surrender. I look into his eyes again and just…let go. Everything I always held back, no matter how intimate we became – this time, I give it up. And I feel like I just _melt_ into him.

_Not gonna cry. Not. Gonna._ I'm breathing hard, holding him, turning his hand in mine to kiss his palm, drowning in bliss and wonder and _him_. "Can you feel it, Roxas?" I breathe against his palm. "I'm yours. _All_ of me."

His breath catches as he chokes, and his sweet voice murmurs with something like awe, "I can feel you…you're…a part of me." Dazed blues blink at me, a smile stretching his lips. "I don't…understand. But…"

"I know." I lean up and place my lips over his – but he's the one who presses in deeper, and his tongue in my mouth muffles my voice… "I love you."

He tightens around me. _ Oh. _ My hips move on their own – _gently_, thank the gods. And once I start…I really can't stop. All I can do is focus on Roxas and watch him carefully, slowing myself as much as I can. But stopping…_ If he cried out. If he hurt, I think I could…_ But he doesn't, and I can't. So much time, so much practice – my body knows control, _I_ _know control_, but not now. Not anymore. _Roxas. Roxas…_

_Easy. Slow. Be…nngh…gentle._

"You're…making love to me." His voice is a strained half-moan as I move inside him. Legs come up, clasping around my hips, and he arches into my next penetration. Hands sliding up my arms to my shoulders, pulling me closer. A cheek pressed against mine. "_We_…are making love."

"_Yes._" It's all I can force out through a gasp as he pulls me in deeper – with just a little more force.

Fingernails graze my shoulders. "_Finally._"

_That was him. That was __**all**__ him. __**My**__ Roxas._

He waited for this…I know. "Yes…" I just manage to whisper into his ear. _I…I waited for this, too. I __**wanted**__ to trust you, __**wanted**__ to love…and then you sacrificed yourself. For __**me**__. Right then, I was yours. It just took a little eternity to get you back._

"I love you…Axel." My heart stutters, and I look into his eyes again – watery, almost overflowing, but shining with happiness. I have to smile at him, and he smiles back, and the corners of his eyes crinkle a little…and the tears leak out, just a bit.

Feeling wonderful down to the core, I kiss those tears away and say something I've been wishing I could say for ages. "_I love you too, Roxas._"

I think he giggles with disbelief-relief and maybe I do too, but all that fades a little as we make love. I move inside him with a tenderness I thought I'd forgotten so, so long ago, and he accepts me with an open willingness I think I tasted hints of, from time to time, but never like _this_. Now I guess he's letting go too. I don't think he ever held himself back from me, but because I wasn't surrendered…he couldn't. Didn't know how to. And now…it just happens. He just gives himself to me, without thinking, without hesitating – and it feels so perfect I could die.

We hold each other tightly for so, so long. I rock my hips slowly, taking him with an easy pace. Right now, I don't need wild passion. We've done that – it's hot, but it's easy to lose track of the other person in a fiery race to climax. This – this gradual, swelling pleasure, this tingle that rises higher and higher until it's a slow burn all over – this is what we need right now. I know we'll still come…eventually. But I'm in no rush to get there. I just want to hold him, and fill him, and kiss the lips I missed so badly, and wash the whole rotten world away with the love in his blue, blue eyes.

And I do, and there's nothing in me but _him_ and nothing anywhere else but _him_ as I come, orgasm flooding my body with shuddering hot bliss, and spilling myself inside him always felt good, but it never felt like _this_. Sealing us together – an unshakable unity, an unbreakable bond. I can see the awareness of it in his eyes as he watches me. I come, and I moan his name to him, and his hand touches my face – awe and reverence.

Finished, I look at him – just look, for a moment. Just smile. I don't pull out yet, though I can't move inside him anymore – too sensitized. But I shift my weight to one side and free my right arm, sliding my hand down his body and touching his penis – hard, hot, and _throbbing_. I watch his face as I start a gentle up-and-down massage of his member, working my fingers around his shaft as I stroke him. When my hands reaches the base, I slip a thumb over his sac, rubbing just behind his balls with a circular pressure – feeling him clench around me and listening to his enticing cries of pleasure.

It only takes a few minutes of repeating that pattern before he comes. His penis pulses in my hand, spilling his fluid over my fingers and onto his stomach. As he finishes, I ease out of his body, because I really have to, now. He's still breathing heavily as I slide down his body until I'm looking at his penis, still leaking a little bit as his orgasm ends. I hold his still-engorged shaft up to my lips and kiss him softly. He whimpers, and I do it again, moving up his length to kiss his moist tip, pressing my lips over his slit. _Sweet – his sweetness_. I slip my tongue out to collect some of his dribbling seed, moaning as that so-familiar, almost-forgotten taste floods my senses. _No one else has ever tasted like him. Ever._

Surprised, I feel a hand cup under my chin, drawing my face up – _He's looking at me. _Pulling me back on top of him, fingers sliding around to the back of my neck to drag me down into a kiss – a _long, long_ kiss. I lose track of things for a while, with Roxas' tongue moving in my mouth, sensually slow. _Oh…oh yes. __**Roxas**__. My beautiful…Roxas._

~o~

Progress to the door is slow. Most of the way there, we're tangled up in each other's arms, shuffling blindly in the door's general direction – kissing the whole way.

He stayed all night. We didn't make love again, but we stayed in bed, holding each other close and talking. He was _Roxas_ again, almost the way I remembered him, except he would have occasional flashes of Blondie as we talked. Mostly it happened when we talked about something that happened between us before, and his rewritten memory would hit a snag – he'd remember the event, but his first _feeling_ about it would be cold disapproval or something like that. I'm guessing, anyway, because he didn't really voice it – but he'd get that little frown and a cloud in his eyes for a minute before he'd shake his head suddenly, throwing the feeling off and remembering how he felt about the memory _when it happened_.

By early morning, an hour or two before dawn, the Blondie moments were almost gone.

We had to get up – he had work in Tanagura to get back to. He dressed himself carefully as I sat on the bed and watched, because I didn't have anything to put on and I just wanted to look at him. I couldn't help it, either – when his skin was all covered again, except for the scarf around his head and shades over his eyes, I reached out and grabbed his hand and pulled him into a kiss. Then I was going to see him to the door, but he said something about me driving him crazy, and he picked up a towel from my clean-up area and wrapped it around me. Then he kissed me again, and we haven't stopped yet.

My back is pressed to the wall beside the door, now, and his hands are on me – one pressed to the small of my back, one in my hair. I keep shivering when he tilts his head to the side and tongues me deeper, because it's weird and wonderful to be the same height and kissing him. It feels like…_equality._ Like neither of us rules the other – at least, not without an invitation.

We're both just giving ourselves. Surrendering. _Oh gods, Roxas…I don't want you to go._

"I have…mmh…an assigned off-world trip…a week from tomorrow…" He mumbles between kisses, still pressing me into the wall. "It will be at least two weeks long…"

_Ugh._ "So come see me every…_nnnnn_night until then." He pulls back, and I let our mouths separate and smile at him. "Don't worry about paying. You overpaid tonight; I'll explain to the boss. Just come."

"_Oh, yeah, he just wanted to reserve me for the week. For the full night, all week. Sorry Seymour, he didn't want to kill me." Ha. He'll be okay with that. I can just hear him – "I see. That is acceptable then." Fucking __**should**__ be, if he paid enough to bed this whole brothel for the entire week. Seymour, you greedy bitch._

_Shush, thoughts. Roxas is kissing me._

"Will we make love again?" He sounds so hopeful. I grin. _That's him – not knowing even the obvious, simple things._

"Of course, Roxas. We'll make love every night." I bump the tip of my nose into his. "Did you think we could only do it once?"

A little, confused frown. "I think I was assuming that, yes. It just seemed so _special_…"

_Oh gods you're cute._ I peck his lips. "It is, but it's the kind of thing that just gets more and more special the more you do it."

He grins weakly at me. "I don't know if I can handle that. I'm already too happy – I may lose my sanity by the end of the week."

"Good." I wrap my arms around him in a tight hug – cheek pressed to cheek. "That makes two of us."

~o~


	23. End

**Author's Note:** Do not be deceived by the title of this chapter. This story isn't _quite_ over. Hopefully the next update will be on time next Sunday, but I do have Halloween to worry about before then. So we'll see. XD

* * *

End

Seymour pretends to be annoyed about the whole thing, but I think he's mostly relieved. Well, maybe a little annoyed that I'm still alive. I swear he hates me as much as I hate his prissy, revolting ass. He acts like I'm somehow to blame for the fact that he has to find a substitute for me to fill in with Zexion and Lexaeus. Apart from that, though, he agrees to clear my schedule and not sell me to anyone else for the next week. He also "reminds" me in a condescending voice about my "maintenance routines" – which leads me to suspect that, whatever he may say, he really wants to make sure my high-paying "client" is completely satisfied with me. I figure he's proved me right about that when he adds some extra "treatments" to my routine – a drug to shorten my refractory period, and a supply of skin creams to make me more appealing.

I listen and respond obediently and don't give a fuck about him. _Roxas is coming back. No other fucker is going to touch me tonight. Roxas is coming, and he loves me, and we're going to be together. The rest can wait. We have seven nights to share._

~o~

_First Night_

Tortures has barely been open five minutes when my door opens…and my arms are full of Roxas, hugging me tight. He hasn't even taken the coverings from his face yet. I raise a hand to tug the fabric away, and he makes it difficult by pressing his face into my neck.

"Tell me last night wasn't a dream. Tell me again, Axel, I can hardly believe my own memory…"

"Hey now," I smile as I pull him off, just enough to get the coverings off and reveal that too-lovely face, "don't you dare go forgetting that…_Lover._"

I kiss him. He blinks at me. "We're…lovers." He says it like he just realized it. _So cute._

"We are now." For a moment, I'm thinking of picking him up and carrying him to my bed…and then my arms tighten around his larger-than-before frame. _Oh…wait._ I still need to get used to this, I guess. I smile and take his hand, instead, and he follows me like a man walking in a dream. _A man… Still a young man, but so much more a man than a boy, now…_

This time, I undress him slowly. I watch every piece of fabric slip away, revealing him bit by bit – _There. That's the sight I've been dreaming of all day._ My Roxas – nude, beginning to grow aroused, and…smiling at me, eyes full of trust and love.

And just a _hint_ of shyness. Which I think I'm feeling too – _strange._ Then again… _It isn't just sex anymore. We're familiar with that, but this…opening up to each other like this…we're starting from the beginning again. _ I can remember this feeling from a _long_ time ago. He probably doesn't understand it at all. But… _He doesn't look unhappy or afraid. So…_

Before I can do anything, he steps forward and extends a slightly hesitant hand…and lays it against my stomach. I'm not wearing much, because I'm not _given _much to wear, but the whorishly sheer silks do cover a _little_ more than the thong he used to give me. But now…

His hand slides under fabric and just…takes it away. And he's blushing a bit, but his eyes are shining as he touches me and removes my clothing, and I don't mind at all, _absolutely, please, be my guest, Roxas, _because his touch ignites passion in me like I've never felt before. I mean, I have, in a way. I've felt this type of feeling…once. But it's different, at the same time._ It's __**Roxas**__ this time, so the feeling is…different. It's __**for him**__._

I'm naked in front of him, and I _feel naked_ – it's the only time that happens anymore. And we're in each other's arms, and I can't think beyond the warmth of his skin touching me, every inch of me, and you know…I love that he's this big now._ So…fucking wonderful. So nice._

He's still letting me lead, so I guide him to my bed again, and the way I take him this time, it's an endless rise and fall of passion. It's slow and then it's _quick hard hot_ and then _slow, slow_ again, it's a sudden rush of heat and then a long moment to relax in the fire. Bobbing my mouth over him rapidly, taking him to the edge of climax and then dragging off and sliding my tongue up his length in one long, slow lick. Moving my fingers inside him, touching his prostate and then _rubbing_ and _rubbing_ with circling pressure that makes him tense and arch and scream through clenched teeth – then stop. Pull back out gradually and slide back in, but avoid that spot altogether…just watch my fingers disappear into him as he accepts them and opens for me. Kiss the inside of his thigh and watch his face. _Love him_. Enter him with a slow, deep press – wait, then pull back and thrust. Thrust again, thrust harder, build up fast and _pound_ into him a few times, until his balls draw up and he's gasping things like _no_ and _stop stop stop_ – and I stop. He doesn't want to come, yet. I don't want him to, either. So I hold still and just _feel_ him around me, and he breathes deep and feels me inside him, and when he's relaxed a bit, I move again – so slowly I can hardly stand it. Then I do it all over again. Rise and fall, rise and fall, love and passion – _Roxas._

The whole time, I never stop watching him. When I'm just resting inside him – letting the fire fade back down to a deep, warm throbbing – I feel like I'm looking at everything I love about him. His adorable uncertainty – child-like and simple – mixed with unexpected moments of confidence and strength. The way he shows me both sides when we're in bed together – that's what I got addicted to, hooked on sex with my Blondie master. But it wasn't sex that made me love him. It was just the first way I got to know him.

In a perfect world, it would have been different. Flipped around – first things first. Sex would come later, and it would be like _this_ from the beginning – like love. And I know this world isn't perfect – it's closer to the deepest hell most of the time – and that's why things happened this way, but right now, I don't care. Right now, with him like this, I'm okay with how we got here, because this feels perfect enough for me.

~o~

_Second Night_

"Are you sure you're all right? Coming here to see me like this…no one suspects anything?"

He pauses after taking his face coverings off. "I believe so. I always retire for the evening and bid my mentor goodnight before I leave Eos. No one has ever attempted to contact me after work hours before." He contemplatively begins to remove his shirt. I listen, but I'm a little distracted – his voice sounds deeper than I remembered it, and I'm just now getting a chance to really _notice_. It's…sexy. "I suppose there is always the slim chance that someone will screen-call me, and I won't be there. I do have two available alibis in such an event, but neither of them are particularly strong." He shrugs ruefully at me. "Jupiter's Blondies have few reasons to leave her _sheltering_ arms."

_Doesn't sound like you feel too "sheltered" by her. _Not with an ironic tone like that. _Good for you, kid. Me neither._ "I guess there's not much we can do about it then, huh?"

"Not at the moment," he admits, pulling his shirt off and stepping a little closer to me. "I am working on a solution that will be safer for us both…more permanent. But it will have to wait until I get back from Laocon."

I was about to ask him what he's planning but… _Laocon_. That's the off-world trip he mentioned. _Less than a week, now._ He'll have to leave, and without him here keeping me on reserve Seymour will definitely sell me again. _Don't…think about it. Focus on now; deal with later when it comes. _ I shut that thought away, my skin crawling – _knowing_ what's going to happen. Sick to death at the thought.

"Axel." His deeper-beautiful voice draws me back from those thoughts, and he's standing right in front of me, where I'm sitting on the bed. His lips turn up in a little smile, but his eyes are faintly shadowed. "Don't look that way…please?" His hands brush my face tenderly. "Smile for me, Axel? My heart races when you smile…"

Even his _hands_ are bigger than before, brushing back into my hair, and when he asks like that, I can't help it – I just beam into his blue, blue eyes like a lovesick idiot. _Which, I guess, I am._ "How's that?" I tease him. "Racing yet?"

He chuckles and moans a little in the same breath. "Ohh, I think I'm about to die." Then he leans down and kisses me, and as his lips begin to excite me, I hear a little clinking and rustling. When he pulls back, I'm just in time to see him slide his pants down and off…and he's naked, beginning to swell with arousal…and straddling my lap, kneeling over me with a grin. "Let's see if I remember how to do this."

Something about the way he moves when he says it makes me think he's going to remember just fine.

And he does. He kisses me until I'm too hard to think, _aching_ for his touch – and then he gives it. He touches me through the little bits of fabric I'm wearing, and he uncovers my penis…but leaves my other barely-there "clothing" on. And I don't mind at all, because he's pressing our erections together and rocking his hips, making a slightly-awkward mess with a handful of lube, and then…one hand around us both, one hand behind himself. _Fingering himself for me._ I watch until I can't just _watch _anymore, and then I pull him tight against my body and let my fingers slide around and _in_, joining his.

He can't take it anymore, I think. With a blissful moan, he kisses me deeply, and then he's pushing me back, making me lie down while he shifts his body and positions my cock and then…_gods_, he takes me in. I'm lying back, and I can see every inch of him from here as he sinks down on my cock, body tense with strain and pleasure. _Perfect_. I know he's not done growing, but he's developed a lot since I first held him. His youthful figure was perfect too, but now his body looks…sculpted. Like an artist expressing the ideal male form – which I guess shouldn't surprise me, _Jupiter's creations_ and all that, but…_gods of Amoi_, it still makes me shudder and stare.

Until I see his face – flushed and sweaty and open, so expressive, so _filled_ with ecstasy that I forget his body and just watch him, adore him, _feel_ him as he begins to move. And I push my hips up a little to meet him when he bears down hard, and _I knew he'd remember just fine_. He squeezes around me and rises up – _he used to balance with a hand on my stomach, until he learned to control his position with his legs _– and he strokes himself slowly as he sinks down – _I used to do it for him, but he's more coordinated now_ – and he rides me like he was born to do it. Like he _knows_ me.

Like he loves me.

Watching me, eyes lost in eyes, thinking of me, I know, because all I'm thinking about is _him_. He's everything. I'm lost – I surrendered before I was even inside him this time. I gave myself up the first moment he touched me. I love him._ I love him._ And there's no going back.

My fingers are fisting in the sheets because _gods, gods _I can't think, can't even _react_ at first, _fuck, oh fuck, oh __**Roxas**__…_ And he slows down and stops and reaches for me with his other hand – the one he's not stroking himself with – and he picks up my hand and squeezes it. _Touching…yes. _I squeeze back, and let my free hand slide up his thigh as he starts moving again, still clasping my hand and not letting go.

Smiling at me.

"_Nnnh, _Axel, I…really love you…"

"Yeah," I grin weakly at him. "I love you too, Roxas."

His breath catches. "I wish I could hear you say that forever."

_Shadow._ Something flitting around the edges of our happiness. _Go away._ "I'll say it every day, for as long as I live. I love you, Roxas. I mean it." _Don't think about the future. Just love him __**now**_.

"_Mmmm…_" He squeezes my hand and lifts himself again, smiling at me. "_Ahhhh_, ngh…"

I thrust up to meet him as he sinks down again, and… "_Ohhhhh…!_" He feels so good, _so good _ inside, I can't…_can't help it…!_

Up and down, over and over, he's taking me or I'm taking him or we're just melting into each other, _I don't know_ but it feels wonderful and I, I just…_Roxas_. "Roxas!" _Ahhh…_

He holds still as my release floods him, and then he keeps me there, inside his warm, wet body – and he strokes himself harder, chest heaving for air, watching me. I slide my hand over to his sac, rolling it in my palm the way he likes, sending him into his orgasm while I'm still drifting in the haze of afterglow. He shoots his seed _hard_, warm fluid reaching as far as my face – a few drops – and covering my chest. I watch him ejaculate, helpless against the exquisite pleasure, and I just…want to _hug_ him.

But I have to wait, just a minute more – just until he finishes, and I finally slide out of his body, and he lays down beside me, squished close on the narrow bed. _Too heavy to collapse on top of me anymore._ Then I pull him even closer and wrap my arms around him and just _squeeze_, and he hugs me back with slightly weak and trembling arms. I bury my face in his neck, and he draws in deep breaths, face pressed into my hair, and we don't even need to speak or kiss.

Sometimes, a hug says everything.

~o~

_Third Night_

He's different tonight. Not really forceful – his touch isn't rough or painful. But he's…_leading_. I'm gently but firmly pinned to the wall by the door to my little sleeping closet, and he's the one pushing his tongue deeper as his hands explore me. _Looks like he wants to enter me tonight._

_Gods, yes._

Two rough, sudden fucks when I wasn't even sure it was _him_ don't quite measure up to what I _know_ he can do to me. I remember – _The first time he did it…even then, he made me feel his love. _Now that we've both surrendered to that feeling…_I can't wait_.

I lift my arms and smile at him – still kissing me, he smiles back, and his hands slide under my clothing and pull it off, breaking the kiss, but only for a heartbeat. Our mouths find each other again as soon as the fabric is gone. And his blue, blue eyes know what I'm telling him to do, and he doesn't even look nervous about it. His hands frame my face as he whispers against my lips – "_Thank you_." And I lose my heart all over again, because his maturity, his confidence and tenderness…I adore it all.

He takes me to the bed, lays me down…kisses me all over. His lips and tongue roam my neck, suckling and licking and making my whole body quiver. His clothed erection grinds against my bare length, and I at least have to do something about these clothes. I fumble at the front of his pants as his tongue teases my nipples, one at a time, and heat swells through my whole body with a satisfied burn when I feel his naked shaft touch mine. Then it's his hand, instead – reaching down and grasping me and stroking _so slowly_ as he continues to arouse my whole body with his mouth.

My hands are losing coordination, but I manage to unfasten the front of his shirt, one clumsy clasp at a time. His bare chest shines with sweat where the shirt hangs open…and then he slides down, out of my reach, and his lips and tongue gather my leaking fluid from the head of my cock.

"_Ahhhh, Roxas…_" His mouth is on me, engulfing my shaft – and I watch. I _have_ to. I strain my neck to look down my body at him – and he's watching me, too. Blue, blue eyes shining into mine as my cock slides between his lips. _So…amazing…_

A touch to my hand gets my attention – he's putting something in my hands. _Oh – lube._ Then his eyes smile at me as he sweetly holds out his hand, as if asking me to give him some – still bobbing his head slowly over my erection. _Why is that so fucking cute?_ I pop the lid and squirt some lube into his hand, and he takes it and probes my entrance with slick fingers. _Ah…because it's __**him**_.

It's been a few days since I was entered, so I'm tight enough to need a little attention first. He gives it – more than enough. His fingers inside me move so slowly, so easily that I'm starting to worry – _He's not going to make me come like this, is he? _He could – even with just his fingers. He knows how to touch me. He could make me come without entering me. _Don't, Roxas. I want you…inside._

_I need to tell him that. _The realization stops me for a minute – _Damn it, don't do that._ I need to remember – this is _Roxas_, and he's my _lover_ now. I don't need to keep anything back. I can speak my thoughts to him. I can tell him what I really want. _Gotta remember – no holding back._

"Roxas…"

"_Hmm?_" The vibrations of his hum make my shaft throb.

_No holding back._ "Take me, Roxas…please." Blue eyes looking into mine… "I'm prepared enough. I…want you inside me. Fill me up. Make me yours…again." And I know I'm smiling as I say it, even though there's desperation in me too – _needing _him, and needing him _now_.

"_Hnngh!_" My hips lift off the bed on their own as he pulls off me with a long suck, his fingers sliding out at the same time. He shifts onto his knees, pushing under my thighs, and I reach down and grab my legs for him, pulling them up as far as I can. It's a very…_open_ position, and my face heats up as I do it, but I don't back away. I'm willing to be open with him.

Blue, blue eyes are staring at my face as he places himself in position and just…_leans_ in until his cock breaches the initial resistance and slides inside of me. I feel his thick girth stretch me open – _slight sting_ – and as he finishes filling me, he's lowered himself on top of me, pinning me under skin and rumpled clothing. Then he just grins, pecks my lips, and murmurs, "_Mine._"

"Yeah," I breathe, relaxing as the pain fades, brushing the tip of my tongue over his upper lip – inviting more kisses.

He gives them. He kisses me again and again as he starts to make love to me. His thrusts are somewhere between forceful and slow, and I just give myself to him – penetrated body and soul…_surrendered_. For the…fourth time? _Funny…it always feels like the first time. _But at the same moment… _It always feels familiar._

Vague thoughts on the edge of my awareness – because I'm mostly occupied with _him_. The way he exhales soft pants of air through parted lips – still brushing mine, even when he pulls back – or the way he pushes his hips forward to drive his cock into me. The sweat running down his face and off the tips of those blond strands, or the way his muscles stand out in his tensed arms – _gorgeous_. He's so close to me, _part of me_, and whenever his hips thrust forward, he goes all the way in. I feel the soft weight of his sac on my ass with every deep thrust.

When he speeds up, it's sudden. _He was like that the first time too, a little awkward and, aaaagh! Oh!_ Suddenly he's pounding into me with all his strength – and he's definitely stronger than before. My cock shudders and leaks, but then he stops, and I feel throb after throb as he comes, ejaculating inside me with a long moan of my name. "_Aaaaaahhhh-Axel!_"

_Gorgeous. So gorgeous._

When I can't feel the spurts of fluid inside me anymore, I slip a hand down between our bodies, palming my own erection and rubbing over the taut shaft. He opens his eyes to smile at me, and as if to say, _Oh no you don't – my job_…he takes my hand away and wraps his own around me, pumping my cock gently – but it's only gentle at first. After a few moments, he's stroking me _hard_. His hips grind against me and his still-swollen cock moves inside me, rubbing over my prostate, _fuck! _"Ah, ah, _ahh, ahh, Roxas!_"

I let go – heat and pleasure and _yes yes_ and _Roxas._ Roxas touching me, Roxas inside, Roxas catching my fluid in his hand with a soft moan, tender eyes, _heat_. And afterglow – intimate, warm, heavenly. Holding each other close. Sharing something very…_private_. Sharing love.

_And I can't lose this one – I know it now. I've survived a heartbreak on pure stubbornness for the last time. I won't survive another one. I can't. Lose. Roxas. Ever again._

~o~

_Fourth Night_

He walks in the door and stops dead, staring – and I grin at that, because that's just the reaction I was hoping to get. I'm waiting on my bed, stark naked, legs spread, fondling my cock…which stiffens up visibly the minute he comes into the room. "Hi," I breathe, and I let my face and voice reveal my desire for him – as open and bare as my body.

He had his face coverings half off, and he finishes the job with a shaky hand – the other hand involuntarily creeping over to his groin and clutching at the front of his pants. _That's kinda cute and hot at the same time…_ Big, strong Blondie grabbing himself like he almost came in his pants…

"Axel…damn it, I nearly climaxed from that." His chest heaves with the words, and I blink at him, surprised. "I hope you prepared yourself for the results of such a display, because now I need to have you…_immediately._"

As he gasps out that warning, he's stripping. Not too rushed or clumsy – not too slow or leisurely either. Just very firmly and intentionally removing his clothes, one piece at a time, without taking his burning blue eyes off me. And I grin again, lean back a little, and slip my fingers down over my balls to my hole. "I'm more than ready for you, love," I murmur to him, even though he can clearly see it without me saying anything. My fingers easily slip inside and I spread my opening for him, lube dripping onto the sheets. _Funny – he used to order stuff like this. I used to hate it with a passion. Now…_ Now, I love it, and it's because of _him_. Because of that look, the way his whole face melts with excruciating desire. Because when I do things like this now, I get to see how much he needs me – I get to see how much he's _mine_.

"_Ohhhhhh, Axel…_" He sighs, trembling, and strips the last of his clothing away. Pants gone, I can see his penis – already flushed and erect, ready to take me. _Just what I wanted. _ His whole body is tense with urgency as he strides toward me – _so beautiful, so strong and perfect and __**mine**__._ And I swallow and roll over onto my stomach, pushing up on my knees and opening my body for him.

"Take me, Roxas. As hard as you want…" His weight makes the bed shift, his warm hands caress and spread my ass open, and then I feel his cock, pressure, _thrust…!_ "Nnnn-_ahhh!_" _Yes. Fuck yes. __**Roxas**__._

His thick length pushes inside me _hard_, insistently driving deeper on every thrust – within half a dozen, his hips press against my ass and he's as deep as he can go. _Feels so…full. Yes._ I feel _right_ again – like I only feel when he's here. Everything inside me unravels and lets go – just like last night. One time blending into another, and I just wish like _fuck_ that we didn't have those lousy daytimes coming between us all the time and taking him away from me. But that's just a fleeting thought right now, because he doesn't wait, doesn't take his time at all – I wasn't lying or exaggerating one bit, I'm _ready_, and he can feel it as soon as he's inside me, and he responds to my welcome by giving himself to me – _passionately._

"Aaaangh, ah-ah-_ah! Roxas!_ Oh…oh fuck, fuck, oh…_yes_. _Roxas_…more! M-more! _Ahh, more!_" He groans – and gives me what I need. _Hot, hard, thrusting, __**pounding, nnngh**__!_ Wild, ravenous passion – and _himself. Roxas. _It's fast and hard and makes my whole body tight with thrumming heat, but it's not _fucking._ We don't _fuck_ anymore – we make love, and that's what this is. Unrestrained, furious _love_. I feel it in every forceful thrust – he's giving himself to me, trusting me to accept how much he needs me. And I do, because I'm the same, _I need him,_ and he knows, and he _gives_, and we climb higher together.

And it isn't long – I don't think – before we climax. _Together._ I lose it all at once, and even as my cock pulses rapidly, ejaculating hard, he cries out and drives in and I feel his fluid spurting inside me. _So good…I can't believe it._ And his arms are around me and his lips are marking the nape of my neck as we both melt in the heat of orgasm, still throbbing with it, slower now. Still pulsating together, spilling the last drops of our release and moaning softly with satisfaction.

His softening penis slips out of me, but he doesn't let go, and I just stay in place for a minute, letting him hold me – even though my arms and legs tremble a little with the strain, the need to relax. Skin slips against mine – we're both soaked with sweat – and I hear him whispering, "Axel, Axel…" And somehow, that sounds more perfect than it ever has. My name on his lips, when we're both utterly spent – it's perfect.

~o~

_Fifth Night_

We're a _mess_ tonight.

We were kissing and undressing each other, and then he climbed in my lap – like he did a few times when he was still head and shoulders shorter than me – and before I knew it he had me inside him and we were still kissing, lips and tongues tangled up in irresistible pleasure. And I can vaguely remember a time when I worried that he'd find out how weak I am to his kisses, but tonight I found out that I'm not the only one. Because we never stopped kissing, and he rode my cock desperately, his hot shaft sliding along my lower abdomen, and he came three times before I finally climaxed inside him. And it _couldn't_ have been the position. It wasn't that different from what we'd done before. I'm damn near certain it was the kissing, because he just wouldn't let my mouth _go_ the whole time, and he never really went soft, either. He'd climax, releasing his semen between our bodies, but at most it would only slow him down for a minute. His hot shaft stayed hard, and one orgasm followed another – and the kissing went on and on and wonderfully on.

Both our chests are coated with his semen, now, and my come is leaking down his inner thighs, and his lips are swollen and red from so much kissing, and mine probably are too, and he looks ready to pass out – and messier than I've seen him in _ages_.

I wonder if I can get him cleaned up. Wiping him down might not be enough this time.

All I have is a shower stall, and those things are always tiny, but mine must be the compact version. I can barely lift my arms to wash my hair when I stand inside it – I bumped my elbows a lot before I got used to the cramped space. Roxas has probably never used something so meager. _Oh well. The water is hot, at least._

I wrap my arms around him and stand, stumbling a little as he gets his legs under himself – _Still can't get used to how tall he is. Gotta remember I can't carry him around anymore._ I hear him snort with amusement as his legs almost buckle – his face is pressed into my neck, and I chuckle slightly too, because it tickles. "Come on, hot stuff," I laugh, readjusting my grip to give him a little support, "work with me here. Let's get you cleaned up."

Shuffling and scooting around, I get him into the shower stall and turn it on. I figure I can reach in and help him wash up, and then…

"Ack!" A surprisingly strong arm shoots out and snakes around my waist, yanking me into the stall and crushing me against warm, soaked skin. And – _I should have seen this coming_ – Roxas' mouth latches onto mine again. "_Mmmmf! _Woks…annngh, Woksaths-_ngh_…" His tongue in my mouth makes it difficult for me to explain to him that there's no room. Not that he isn't aware – we're pressed against each other in full-body contact, and there's almost no choice in the matter as Roxas slides the stall door closed with a free hand. _Guess he doesn't care._ Hot water streams down our bodies as we make out – _again_ – and, well…_fuck it_. If he still wants more, that's what I want too.

After a bit, he pulls back – sort of. We manage about an inch of space between our bodies – my back pressed against one wall and his against the other. I look down – _Huh. We don't really have an inch between us in some places._

His cock stands up between our bodies – swollen, hard, and pressed against mine. _Same height…wow. How did I not __**immediately**__ think about doing it this way? It's perfect, now_. My erection rests against his, and I don't think we could separate our cocks if we tried. On the other hand, we _do_ have enough room to rub up and down…grind against each other…_thrust._

Which he does. _Slowly._

Hot blue eyes glance at me through wet lashes, through steam and streaming hot water, and I abandon any effort to maintain that one inch of space between us. His arms wind around me as mine reach for him, even in this cramped space where we can barely _move_ our arms, and he rolls his hips against mine again, and the movement makes my whole body slide against his. And just like that, I give in. I let the thrusting of his hips dictate how I grind against him in return, and my body heaves in time with his.

I think our lips are getting a little tender – anyway, _mine_ are. So I'm glad he lets the kissing slow down a bit, until we're just pressing our mouths together softly, barely moving. The complete _opposite_ is happening with our hips – he speeds up his thrusts, I grind harder, and down _there_ we're basically humping each other like wild beasts…while kissing with the leisurely softness of hundred-year lovers watching the sun set. The tension isn't _all_ below the waist, though – his hands squeeze impulsively at my hips and back, and my fist clenches occasionally in a mess of soaking-wet golden hair. As I feel my climax rushing toward me, I can't keep from moaning into his mouth, and he pants loudly into mine, sometimes whimpering a little…like he used to when he was smaller.

_So…cute…_

When I come, he comes. When my cock shudders and shoots my fluids over both our stomachs, his does the same – though with noticeably less fluid. _Surprised…he has any left…nnnn… _"Roxas…" My lips whisper against his, and he's humming in pleasure, holding me so tight. I feel…dizzy…

Door open, spinning room…Roxas catching me. _Funny. _I all but carried _him_ into the shower stall, and he has to help me out, supporting me as I stumble to the bed. "…all right, Axel?"

"Yeah…" I shake my head once, the cooler air of the room hitting me with a shock and taking some of the haze away. "Yeah…think I just…got overheated in there or something…"

I catch the sound of a fond little chuckle. "Sorry about that."

"S'fine." _Note to self – superhuman Blondies can handle things you can't. Watch your limits._ "I'm…" Deep breath. "Feeling better now."

I'm also lying on my cot – _When did I get here?_ – with Roxas sitting beside me and looking me over carefully. _Naked Roxas._ _Mmmm_. "I need to develop more self-control, particularly when it comes to you," Roxas smiles wryly, gently running a towel over my arms.

Grinning, I shake my head. "Nah…don't worry about it." I wink at him. "This is the honeymoon, baby. Worry about self-control _after_ this."

Round blue eyes blink at me. "Honey…moon? What's a honeymoon?"

I have to laugh out loud as I see that confused little wrinkle appear between his eyebrows again. Reaching up to grab him around the waist, I drag him down on top of me and roll to the side. We end up a little tangled, but he's lying next to me, and that's what I wanted. "Jupiter doesn't explain honeymoons to you Blondies?"

"Is that different from the usual moons? Or is it a moon from another planet…?"

I snort with more laughter now, and I just have to kiss him once, quick. "A honeymoon has nothing to do with planetary satellites, Roxas. It's just the time when love is craziest." The wrinkle of confusion deepens, and I try to pull together a decent explanation for him. "It's some old word from the past, I think, and it refers to the time right after two people are paired, when they're always making love and acting foolish and being happy together. Newly-paired get to be as passionate as they want, see. It's the honeymoon. Being sensible can wait until later."

He looks…worried? "So…making love and being happy will…end soon?"

"Oh! No, I don't mean that," I deny quickly. "Making love and being happy lasts forever." _Or…as long as we're together, at least._ "It's just usually crazier right after pairing, and calling it the honeymoon just means we're allowed to be as crazy as we want." I give him a grin and a one-shouldered shrug. "So we can make love beyond the point of exhaustion without caring if it's the smartest thing to do. It's the honeymoon. Go for it."

He grins, and by the gods, I love that expression on him. Then he gets a softer kind of happiness in those blue, blue eyes, and…wow. I don't know, I might love this expression even more. "So does that mean… You said this is our honeymoon? Are we…paired, then?"

My heart stutters. _Gods of Amoi._ "Well…" My voice is a soft murmur, and I reach out with one hand to trace fingers over his face. "We can't pair officially…we can't tell anyone. But I consider myself permanently taken. So…I guess we're as paired as we can be."

He kisses my fingertips with his kiss-bruised lips. "I also consider myself…permanently taken."

_A Tanagura Blondie and a whore, huh? _I drag him down into another kiss – the softest of the night so far. _"Permanent"…_

_No. It doesn't matter. Don't think about that. Permanent means __**permanent**__, it means __**forever**__, no matter what happens to us or who else I have to fuck – it won't change the fact that I'm his. Even if I die, I'll die…__**his**__._

~o~

_Sixth Night_

Within about five minutes of Roxas' arrival – before we've even gotten naked – I have to stop, watching him narrowly, and ask, "Are you all right?" Because I've noticed he isn't…moving well. He feels stiff, in my arms, and if something I did is still hurting him…

"Yes, yes I'm fine, it's all right Axel, don't worry about it…"

He tries to drag me back to his delicious, tempting lips…and I let him, for a moment, but when I go to take his shirt off, he tenses up as I push his arms back, and, _That does it. No lying to me, Roxas. _ "All right – what's wrong? Tell me."

He sighs. "As I said, it truly is nothing. I'm just aching a bit tonight."

_I knew it._ "Roxas, you have to _tell_ me if I push your body too far, I don't want you suffering because I…"

"Oh, no!" He stops me quickly. "No, it isn't because of our…lovemaking." _Little pink flush to his cheeks. Cute…_ "It happens from time to time. Even before we began this. It's been happening for the past few months. My muscles just ache, for some reason. I don't know why; I didn't do anything unusual."

_He's been shooting up like a weed, too._ "Oh, it's probably just growing pains then."

A blank look, blinking eyes. "Growing pains? You mean to say, pain associated with growth?"

I sigh. I know that blank look. "Really? I mean, I can see Jupiter not explaining growing pains to the Blondies – she's not much of a mother – but doesn't your mentor at least tell you things like this?"

That little confused wrinkle is back between his eyebrows. _So cute…_ "My mentor and I do not discuss personal matters. He guides me in my tasks and in…things required of me, as a Blondie. I cannot imagine asking him why I feel sore."

_I give up_. I lean forward and kiss that little wrinkle in his brow and smile. "All right. Well, growing pains happen when you're going through a growth spurt, which you _clearly_ are. It's just your body trying to adjust and having trouble keeping up." I grin and shrug. "And now I feel like your mother," _which feels strange to say to a young man as tall as me_, "so lie down and let me do something as your _lover_, okay?"

He does, but not before looking into my eyes and kissing me – once, slowly. He always does that…when I say that word.

I have to search for a bit, but I find it. Massage oil. I do actually have some of that, along with all the other sex toys and junk. I don't think I've ever had a customer use it, though. All they need is lube – of which I have tons, of every kind imaginable and then some. But that won't work for this, so I dig until I find the oil.

Roxas undresses while I search – stiffly, I notice – and when I return he's lying in my bed. _What a view._ I still can't get over it. "Roll onto your stomach?" I prompt him, pouring out the oil into my hands. I think I should start with the back. Keep my cock as well-behaved as possible, for as long as I can.

A little at a time, I rub the oil into his skin, massaging his muscles as I move from his shoulders down his back. I move to his legs and work there for a long time – I remember growing pains, and it was always the worst in my legs. He makes soft little grunts – discomfort at first…then relief. Pleasure. He seems to be getting used to it as I work over his arms – relaxing and letting me handle his body. His…_gods_-so-beautiful arms.

And maybe no one I know has ever reported a sore ass from growing pains, but I massage him there too – because I can, and because he moans deliciously as I caress and rub the firm curves of his _so-tempting_ ass.

Clearing my throat, I say, "You can roll over, now." And he does, and I'm not surprised to see his cock is a little swollen. No, not surprised…but I have to pause and stare a minute anyway. Just looking at his thickening length lying on his stomach. _Waiting._

_Oh, this is __**definitely**__ going to be one of __**those**__ massages._

Getting more oil on my hands, I start at the top again. I watch him watching me through lowered eyelids as I rub his shoulders, down over his clavicles and to his chest. My hands linger there for a while, pressing slow circles over his muscles – showing a man's shape, now…more defined. But still my Roxas' chest – still sensitive in the same places. He still moans and tenses in pleasure when my oiled fingers slide over his stiff, peaked nipples. His chest rises and falls a little faster, expanding with deep breaths. I slide my hands down his stomach and notice that his cock isn't just half-hard anymore – he's standing up tall, fully erect, quivering for attention.

I don't touch him, though – not yet. I massage his abs, the fronts of his thighs…and I stare at the sight of him, glistening with oil all over, fluid dripping from his penis. Nude and beautiful and eager. "How's your soreness?" I whisper hoarsely, my hands straying a _little_ closer to his cock.

"Almost…gone…" he pants, hips jerking a little as if to encourage my touch.

"Where does it still hurt?"

His eyes crack open and stare at me, one eyebrow arched, and rather than answer, he lifts an arm and takes my wrist, guiding my hand to wrap around his shaft. "_This_…" he moans, "is _aching_."

"Mmmmm." I let myself follow his lead, and I stroke his cock slowly a few times. "Let me fix that for you…"

He has no objections – no response, even, except a deep, aroused groan as I tighten my grip and stroke him harder. His cock is hot in my hand – and as hard as I've ever touched. I watch breathlessly as the oil makes my hand slide easily over his hard shaft. I pump him firmly, letting my other hand tease the tender skin behind his sac. He starts gasping and moaning almost nonstop, and I start adding pressure behind his balls…then rolling my hand up in time with my strokes, massaging his swollen testicles, working him toward orgasm faster and faster.

The moment I hear his voice break with a cry of pleasure, I seal my lips over his slit, catching his semen in my mouth as he ejaculates. _He always tastes…so good._ I swallow, releasing him as he comes down from his climax, and I can't keep from touching myself another moment. I grab my aching cock, and it only takes a moment before I come too, shooting into my hand.

Not the wildest or most erotic night by most people's standards – one orgasm each, using only hands – but it feels wonderful to me. And _he_ won't be stiff and sore anymore – even better.

But the best thing of all comes next – because once he's recovered and I've washed my hands and wiped away the traces of seed that managed to get on his skin…there's talking. Hours of talking as we get sleepier and sleepier, and I love every minute of it.

_Tomorrow is the last night._

~o~

_Seventh Night_

I told myself I wouldn't think about this too much. About tomorrow – and what happens to me while he's away on his trip. I told myself I'd just live in the moment for as long as I could. I thought I'd be fine, tonight.

I forgot about _him_.

He's _not_ fine, not fine at _all_, and I wasn't quite prepared for what his distress would do to me.

From the moment he walks in the door, I know tonight isn't going to be blissful lovemaking or contented talking. Blue, blue misery looks right into my soul, and I know it. And his arms hold me too tight, and his kiss is too desperate and fierce, and his tears are staining his cheeks – _tears._ I've only seen tears in his eyes once, I think.

"You know it won't change anything, Roxas." I don't wait for him to say anything – I know what's wrong. "No matter who touches me, I'll always be only yours. All of me."

"I know, but still…!" _Yeah. I know too._ He swallows. "I'm going to get you away from here, Axel. I'm going to save you. Not…not before tomorrow, but…" Burning, determined eyes lock with mine. "I will not leave you to this life forever."

_You can't argue with him right now._ I know. _Okay._ "When you come back," I begin carefully, "I'll help you plan. But Roxas…" I lift both hands to his face. "Don't think for a moment that I'll accept an escape that takes me away from _you_. I'd rather be a slave than be free and never see you again. I hope you learned that…after last time."

Blue eyes darken… "I always put you in such terrible places so that I can have you. My love only brings you misery and pain…"

"_Your…love…saves…me._" I stress every word, refusing to let him avoid my eyes. "Your love makes me happy and content. There is no other light for me. I don't want a world without you. _Believe this_. I will never accept a free life if you aren't in it."

I know he gets it now – he nods, understanding in the depths of blue. After all, he tried to just set me free once already. I think that makes it easier for him to accept that this time, it has to be both of us or nothing at all.

"While I'm…away…" He swallows.

"I'll think of you constantly, Roxas. I'll wait for your return." That's all I can offer, and he knows it. Nothing is going to stop the men from buying me. Even if Roxas could afford it, Seymour won't sell a whore's time to someone who isn't using it. _Or maybe he'd take Roxas' money and promise I'll remain untouched, but he'd still sell me to the first man who showed up, as long as Roxas isn't here to stop him._

"We will be together again soon, Axel." _It's a promise. I know._ "Remember that I love you."

I smile weakly. "How could I forget? I love you too, Roxas."

For a long time, we just hold each other silently. Eventually, we make love – we show each other the depth of our feelings. We give ourselves away again. It isn't the same carefree kind of bliss…but it's reassuring. It's _good_. It will get me through two weeks without him.

I'm sure it will.

~o~

Nine days since I saw him. Nine nights since we touched. Nine nights to _forget_ and _never think about_ because I hated it, hated it so much, couldn't have prepared myself for something so repulsive…and all I can do is survive.

And in the middle of the tenth day, an orderly wakes me up by walking into my room and clipping a leash on me and hauling me out of bed. "What the fuck is going on?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes and following him. He doesn't say a word, the little bitch. _Oh fine, don't bother treating me like a __**human being**__ or anything, shithead._

The orderly takes me to Seymour's office. Seymour stands as we come in, giving me his usual look – hatred that stares right through me. The next thing I know, the orderly is putting me into a jumpsuit of some kind while Seymour talks in his bland, toneless way.

"I have wonderful news for you, Axel. I'm sure this will delight you, considering the disdain you consistently show for this establishment." The orderly zips the suit up the back and I flinch and glare at him – he caught my hair in the zipper. "You have been sold."

"_What?_" I whip my head around and stare at him, eyes peeled wide.

He shrugs. "I think I stated the fact clearly enough. You are to be shipped to your buyer immediately. He is off-world – quite a distance in fact. I wonder how he even learned about you." An exaggerated sigh. "I suppose I'll never know…nor care."

The doors _swish _open and two attendants enter – _not_ the usual brothel attendants. "These guards from the shipping docks are taking you to be put in cryogenic stasis for the flight. Hopefully being asleep will marginally improve your behavior during travel, but may I give you one final reminder before you depart – _kindly_ behave yourself when you wake up and meet your new owner. I am not interested in handling any more complaints about you. That is all."

_Fight. Run. I have to…_ The guards step up, and my whole body stops listening to me. _Whip._ One of them has an electric whip…the other has a stun gun. Before I can blink, they've put a stun tagger on the back of my jumpsuit – so I can't even run and hope this guy has shit aim, because the gun will hit me even if he fires at the ground.

They lead me out of Tortures and into a car, and _this can't be happening, what can I do? I have to get away… But even if I run, what then? I can't go back to Tortures, and that's where Roxas will look for me! What can I do? Where can I go?_

We arrive at the spaceport and they begin leading me toward the "special luggage" area – _Brilliant. Pack me up in a box. I have to get away before they put me under. I'll never escape from some other planet!_ The noise and crowds of the spaceport wash over me. Part of me sees and hears nothing, part of me is sucking it all in desperately, searching and searching for an escape…

Something on the viewscreens pokes at the back of my mind. Screens all around, big ones, and something is important…

_Around that corner, maybe I can sprint away and get lost in the crowd before they can react…_

"…Breaking news of an attack by a local rebel faction on Laocon…"

…_What? Laocon…_ I look up as my guards keep me walking.

"The faction that had been targeting political figures due to the unrest over recent trade agreements has struck again. Early this morning, a government building was bombed, the entire area obliterated, with casualties in the hundreds. Among them was a visiting member of Planet Amoi's elite. The Blondie Roxas was killed along with…"

_No._

"…Causing an interplanetary incident. Laocon has officially apologized to Jupiter, however, there are sure to be further ramifications from this attack…"

_No._

"…Laocon's failure to provide sufficient security for Tanagura's visiting dignitaries has caused other planets to question…"

_Roxas._

I heard the name wrong. I had to have…

_No._

His face flashes before me on a million enormous screens – a cold, calm blankness in blue, blue eyes staring from all around me, a caption flashing underneath, _"Blondie Killed In Vicious Attack."_

_Dead?_

A shove almost knocks me off my feet – I had stopped walking. I hear some gruff voice order…something. I stare into pixely blue…

_He can't be dead._

_He can't be, he can't be, oh gods of Amoi, don't do this to me, don't take him away from me again, no, no…no!_

Powerful hands clamp down on my arms and hold me tight, but I'm thrashing in the grip and…screaming? Not screaming…whispering in a panic. Being dragged to the cryo chamber…being sold. _Roxas is dead._

I hear the stun gun discharge, and everything goes black.

~o~


	24. Life

**Author's Note:** Welcome to the _final chapter!_ 8D Yes, this fic is DONE, I have no more incomplete stories posted, and well...I hope you guys liked it, thank you so much for reading, and enjoy the last chapter! 8D

Oh and PS: I had QUITE a few of you guessing that Riku and Sora were going to turn up and be involved here. Well, sorry to disappoint, but they are not involved. Even if Roxas knew where Riku was now - which he doesn't, but that's an even longer explanation - contacting him would be a traceable link that could give Riku and Sora away to Jupiter. So no, Riku didn't help, and I'm sorry to say that their part is quite over. There will be no additional chapters/epilogues/spinoffs dealing with them. Sorry! XD

Ahem...um, but aside from that, enjoy! :D

* * *

Life

_Cold…dark…noises…a voice. _Garbled sound…_speech?_ Nothing familiar. _Doesn't even sound like words…it just somehow sounds like a voice._ I try to move and…everything feels impossibly heavy. I'm not sure anything happens, but then there's a dull _thud_, like my arm hit something and stopped. I blink and try to look at it, and there's nothing to see…only blackness.

The garbled noise happens again – tones that sound bland, bored, but still nothing even close to words. Then a shuffling sound that fades away, and the noise is gone. I try to move again, and then _fuck, fuck_ I stop, freeze, hold as still as possible. Every fucking inch of my body feels like it's asleep, and the sharp prickles of "waking up" are starting to tingle all through me. I _hate_ this feeling…

But I'm still cold, and I feel myself shivering, and the tingling gets worse, and all I can do is gasp and blink blindly and try not to move too much as the prickling gets more and more and more intense, until I think I'm going to scream to make it _stop_…and then it's fading.

_Roxas is dead._

Spaceport…view screens…news flash…stun gun.

_Pain._

I hear a deep, soul-deep, agonized moan… _Oh. That's me._ And I don't care. _Please just let me die now, I can't…_

"Hold still and breathe deeply. You are experiencing the side effects of cryostasis. Give yourself a few minutes to come out of it, Axel."

_No._

I'm hearing things. Someone is torturing me with some new, cruel joke. Maybe this new master – _That's right, I was sold…so I should be arriving with whomever bought me_ – maybe he wants to make sure I'm shattered, maybe he likes his toys completely broken…

"You've been in stasis for almost a month, so your vision might be blurry for a while. You should see light and colors in a few minutes though. Here…" Fumbling. A dull _clang_, like something dropped. "_Cursed_…_! _ …Um, here's a blanket. For the cold. It's heated."

Blissfully warm fabric touches my hands. _I'm dreaming_. I know it, now. I let the blanket fall through my grasp and land on my chest, and I ignore the lingering prickles and the heaviness in my limbs and force myself up into a sitting position. I still can't see, but I reach in the direction of the voice, following the hands that hold the blanket, and I grasp forearms and pull the speaker close.

_That…scent._

I'm either dreaming or I'm dead, I'm absolutely sure now, because _he's dead, so if he's here, this is the afterlife, or…_ I try to speak and my voice rasps and does nothing, and I have to cough loudly to clear my throat a little. "R…Roxas?"

Dream or death or whatever, it's still too good to be true.

I think I see a flicker of light – or is that shadow? – and then the voice is close, so close, warm breath against my lips. "You're safe. I'm here. We're free. It's over, Axel."

A kiss. _His kiss._ Soft, comforting…yet strong and deep. My whole body shudders as I groan, grasping his forearms way too tight but I can't stop, can't let go, _won't_. I whisper roughly against his lips, because I can't pull back, "Roxas…Roxas…you…I saw the report, you're…dead, you're dead, I can't…"

"Shh…" A firmer kiss silences me, and then he breaks away. I don't let him go far, though. I keep a death grip on his arms. "I'm not dead, Axel…and I'm sorry you saw the report. I hadn't intended that, damn it. It was half the reason for the cryogenic sleep – to spare you the pain and worry. I guess I've caused you to suffer again." There's strained grief in the words.

_This can't be happening._ I could swear I just heard Roxas telling me he's not dead. And it sounds _so like him_, his voice, his cadences, his scent… _Is this…real? Can I…believe this?_ "I don't…understand…"

Fumbling hands reach for the blanket and try to pull it around me, but I still have his arms. "Let go a little, Axel. Don't worry, I'll still be here. I just want you to get warmed up. I'll explain." I let go of _one_ arm and feel for the blanket, blindly tugging until it's wrapped around my shoulders. Shadows are flitting before my open eyes now, and the movement lets me feel around a bit. I seem to be sitting in some narrow bed with low walls…_ Oh right. Cryo-tube._ It's not comfortable, but the warm blanket helps, and I still can't see enough to get up.

There a shuffling, a change in the shadows, and then Roxas is closer, his arms are around me, and though my mind is still swimming in a fog of disbelief, I relax into his arms. _If I'm dead, this is lovely._ He starts talking, and I could listen to him for eternity. I thought I'd never hear his voice again.

"As I said, you've been in cryostasis for almost a month. It was a very long journey, and I wanted to make sure you wouldn't hear the news in the meantime. I also wanted you to cooperate, and I couldn't send a message to tell you where you were going. The entire thing had to be completely silent, or the risk of failure compounded exponentially." He squeezes me tighter. I feel breathless, like I might be believing this…like I might actually be free. With him. _Oh gods._ "I knew you wouldn't go quietly to a new master. I tried to get you off Amoi before the news would reach the planet. I guess I failed on that one."

"It…doesn't matter now." _If this is real…nothing else matters. _ "Um, wh-where are we?" _A month in stasis? I've been out for a month?_

"We're on Planet 574285C in the Hinterlands of the Zeta sector."

My brain blanks out for a minute. _Woah._ I blink rapidly…and I think I see a few blue dots. "We're…_where?_"

"We're about as far as physically possible from Amoi…and Jupiter. The locals have a name for this place, but I can't even begin to reproduce the sounds. None of the languages here were built for vocal chords like ours. On the last transport I used that had someone I could verbally talk to, the crew called this planet 'Pisswaste Blobdump' – if I recall."

A feel myself choke on a short laugh. "I don't…think they meant that as the name of the planet, Roxas…"

"Ah." He pauses. "Well, regardless of that – here we are. The world is small, low-level technology, and humanoids are only about twenty percent of the population. I believe we are the only _humans_ among them. Our food supplies will have to be imported on the regular transports, because nothing local is safe for us to eat, and apparently when we go outside, we'll have to wear these vest-like things that mark us as citizens – _not food_." I stare at the shifting shapes and lights, jaw a little slack. _Wow._ Roxas' voice drops, after a pause. "I'm…sorry it couldn't be better than this. Life is going to be…difficult, here. I wanted to make it more pleasant for you, and maybe someday we can move back into somewhat more civilized space…"

All at once, it hits me. _This is real. He's alive, here, and holding me. We're actually free. _I guess it's the fact that we're living in a shithole that makes it real to me. If this was a dream, or the afterlife, things would be beautiful and easy. Palaces and delicacies and such shit. Roxas, nude, on a giant, soft bed. Things like that. But here – the cold, the dark, my vision slowly making shapes out of colored lights, the ridiculously backwater planet – _This is actually real. He's alive._

I turn in his arms and _hold him_. And I'm shaking and crushing him against my body at an awkward angle, and I feel hot rivulets run down my cheeks when I blink, but _gods_ I'm happy. "I love you, Roxas. I love you so much."

There's an answering sob in his voice as his arms wrap around me, too. "I love you too, Axel. It's been…so long…"

For a long time, that's all. We won't make a habit of crying like this – but it's relief and just…too much emotion I guess. I let the tears fall, just for a while, and his scent fills me as I bury my face in his shoulder.

When we're finally getting ourselves back under control, I pull back and realize that I can see fuzzy shapes now – dark and dim, but the light is getting though more. I can see something a little bit light-colored where his hair should be, and I reach for it and _I was right, it's his hair._ So I run my fingers through it. I can't really see his face, yet, but I'll take whatever I can get, a bit at a time.

"So…what _happened?_" I force my rough voice to ask. "The report said…an explosion, and…"

"Yes." He sighs. "I found out about the tensions on Laocon upon my arrival. There had been attacks before, and I thought I could use the situation to my advantage. I spent every night infiltrating communications, locating encrypted messages and decoding them – until I found the rebel faction's comm frequencies." He snorts a little. "If Laocon had Blondies, they wouldn't have problems with rebels. It wasn't too hard to listen in…at least for me." I nod. _That's right…he can do things I don't even know about. Blondies aren't normal, after all._ "So I found out about the coming attack, and I put myself into the line of fire, so to speak. I was in the building that day…but I slipped out secretly just before the blast. I left evidence of a Blondie's remains, too – DNA traces. There wouldn't be bodies to find in the wreckage."

"Wow…"

"Then…I disappeared. I'd been in contact with some…underworld traders. Hijacked their communications as well – they were quite surprised to hear from me on their own secret frequency. They got me off-world that same day – and then tried to kill me to protect their secrets. I had to, ah…show them what they were dealing with." _Somehow…I think that went badly for them. _ I smile. "Then it was one transport after another to get here. I've been traveling for almost as long as you have. I got here a few days ago and secured this house for us, got things settled with local government…and then you were delivered today."

There's happiness in his voice at the end, and it matches mine. I blink some more, looking around, and I think I can see a little more. Distance is still pretty fuzzy, but I can see the capsule I'm sitting in, and I can tell that the room is small, and it looks foreign and plain and functional. I squint, and really – it's not bad. Not for _me,_ anyway. I lived in worse, in Ceres. Roxas, though…this might represent unimaginable squalor to him. _I can't believe he wants to live in __**this**__…just to be with me._

Leaning down and feeling my way, I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head in his lap. I feel so peaceful, suddenly. A feeling of unreality still hovers around me, but it's true – he's here, and I'm here, and Jupiter won't find him, and no one owns me now. No one will fuck me against my will ever again.

My voice is soft as I relax in his lap. "You sure you're okay with this place? It's not going to be what you're used to…"

His voice sounds a little bemused. "I think that's a point in its _favor_, Axel."

I snort once. "I mean the living conditions. Not having nice food, comforts, people to do things for you. It's going to be hard."

A light touch brushes up my back. "That is hardly a consideration at this point. I knew what I would have to give up, before we even planned that first escape with Riku and Sora. Riku and I both knew it. We decided that other things were more important. And I chose this planet, knowing what life would be like. I won't mind, as long as I'm with you."

At that…I can't say anything. I just sigh, nuzzling a little closer to him, and we don't speak for a while. It's been so long since we had time together to just…_be_ together, silent and happy.

After a long time, I take a deep breath and pull back. Rubbing my eyes, I push myself up. "Well, here I am. Delivered and de-frosted…good as – _ungh!_ Um, good as new." I almost tripped, getting out of the capsule. My legs feel like they aren't sure how to hold me up, but at least my vision is much better. Things further than ten feet or so are blurred, but I can see almost perfectly up close. There's just a little bit of a hazy halo around light sources. My legs and back are stiff and sore, but I can at least stand and start stretching – still holding the blanket around my shoulders, because I'm still a little chilly.

"I hope the house is sufficient for you…I know the planet leaves a lot to be desired, but…"

I snort. "Roxas." Turning, I see him sitting on a chair close to the empty capsule. "If you think I'm going to complain about being able to live free with the man I love, you're crazy." As I speak, I step around the container between us and lift his hands from his lap. "I'm just…" _…Huh?_

Instead of the soft skin of his hands, I'm holding fabric. Not gloves. Strange, uneven fabric that closes his fingers up so I can't find them. "What's this?" I look closer, squinting to be sure – his hands are each wrapped in a mass of bandages. "Roxas…what happened to your hands?"

He draws them back. "They'll…heal. They are nearly healed already…"

Something catches my attention. The way he speaks without quite looking at me. The way his eyes _don't_ find mine. And now that I can _see him_ for the first time, I finally notice a little detail I hadn't caught before. I lean closer and narrow my eyes, just to be certain – and I was right. On his temples, close to his eyes, there are two fresh-looking scars. Like vertical cuts were made there – _intentional_.

And he isn't holding himself right. And he isn't looking at me.

Blinking hard to make sure all the haze is clear, I lower myself to my knees in front of him, take his chin in my hand, and turn him toward me. He resists a little, at first, but then he lets me do it – a flicker of sorrow wrinkling his brow.

_His eyes are empty._

Blue, blue like I remember – but unfocused. "Roxas…" I breathe in horror, "what happened to you?"

Sighing heavily, he answers, voice quiet and reluctant. "It was in order to keep from leaving a trail. Jupiter records our full DNA code, as well as hand prints and retinal patterns. And…any world with a D-grade technology level or higher takes a record of anyone arriving and departing. I didn't have to worry about DNA – spaceports don't take blood samples, after all – but my fingerprints, my hand print, or a retinal scan at any spaceport would have gone on file. Jupiter could have found it. And if I left a trail…"

"We wouldn't be free." My stomach feels leaden. I think I know what he's going to tell me…

"Yes. It's fine out here…the last three stops before this planet were G-grade technology or below. But getting here was the problem. So…I had to erase the evidence. The ship's medic on the transport that took me off Amoi…well, he _acted_ as the group medic, anyway. He burned my hands for me, and…removed my retinas." _Oh gods…_ "The skin is growing back, and my fingerprints will return. But…I can't re-grow my retinas." He blinks, and tears shimmer in his blinded eyes. "I hope you will not mind…I may be a burden on you for a while, until I learn to deal with this…"

With one sudden movement, I pull him in tight for a crushing hug. "Don't say that, Roxas, don't. I'll take care of you, I don't mind at all…"

"I'm…defective now…"

"No!" I cut him off before he can start that thought. "Shut up, don't say that. I love you, I'll _always_ love you, don't even start with shit like that…" _Damn it_, I feel tears in my eyes, _again_. But… _I can't believe he did that…it must have been so painful. He's given up so much…for me. For us._ I pull back just far enough to kiss him – fiercely, deeply. A promise that I love him, that a little blindness won't change that. Ever.

When I let him go for a breath of air, there are tears on his cheeks. "Thank you, Axel." Then he smiles sadly at me. "I have only one regret – that I will never be able to see your face again."

"You won't need to see it, Roxas." I brush his hair back, gently – avoiding the scars, which look like they might still be a little tender. "You'll have all the rest of me, forever."

The pain fades from his smile. "That's all I wanted." Then his bandaged hands slide carefully up to find my face – which must be difficult, since I'm sure he can't feel much with them – and when he has his hands placed on my cheeks, he leans forward carefully. I let him do it – carefully, hesitantly find my lips…and kiss me. Just a soft little kiss…then he presses his forehead to mine. "I have my memories, after all. I'll always remember how beautiful you are. Your many wonderful expressions…your smile, most of all. I can almost see it now…"

When he says that, I grin. _Can't help it._ "So, see it." I kiss him, still grinning, and I can feel his lips spread in a happy smile, too.

"You're right," he laughs breathily as we part, "I can see it. You are so, so beautiful, Axel."

"So are you," I whisper. "Beautiful and perfect…and I love you."

It takes a while for us – before we're done kissing and holding each other and all that. When we do finally stop, he starts to "show" me around the little house, and eventually I get my first look outside, at the planet we now call home. He doesn't know the house well, yet, so I keep a tight hold on his arm and become his eyes…but mostly, I just want to keep touching him. I don't want to let go. I'm a sap, I know, but fuck it – things are finally looking up, so I'm going to damn well suck up every moment of this. And I'm going to go on drinking everything in, for as long as I'm alive, because I'm in love with Roxas – the big Blondie who once owned me, _crazy_ – and all of a sudden I have everything I want. I have _him_.

And as long as I live, I'll love him…and we'll be fine. We'll be just fine.

~o~

The End

~o~


End file.
